Teacher said My child….

[Millymollymaisy]

So background of this is my son is sen and because of this he has access to a fidget spinner and a time out card to manage his day.

He became upset before bed last night and told me a teaching assistant had come up to him at school saying why did he have it and that he wasn’t allowed to use it. My son despite being under 8 is really good at expressing what he needs and informed her why he was using it ( he was feeling sad and frustrated and this calmed him)

This provision was agreed by the senco in writing and put into place last year. When I heard this I emailed in to remind them about the agreement and that any staff should know about his needs even at the minimum level

the teacher responded via email praising how fantastic the teaching assistant was ( I never questioned her abilities just relayed what was said to me ) and then proceeded to tell me he was told to put it away as ‘ he was using it to hit other children ‘

now and no I don’t think my child has sunshine radiating from him but I know him and he’s never ever done this to any child ever either inside or outside of school and I challenged this .

long story short I asked senco to step in and get to the bottom of it. Two children were spoken too about it and one confirmed my son hadn’t touched him and the other child said he had no clue what they were talking about. They then emailed me to say that my son ‘ was jabbing forward’ at some peers ( the same that confirmed the above)

i asked them if this actually took place that my son was taking a object and hitting children with it whether he’s sen or not it wouldn’t be okay and as a parent should I have not been called to be told so I could help facilitate it not happening again? I received no response to that

second of all the teacher put in writing alongside a lecture on the safe usage of a fidget tool that the reason he was told to put his managing aid away was ‘ because he was using it to hit other children ‘ I’m sorry but jabbing forward and hitting are very very different ( jabbing is still not okay but no physical contact was made )

when I asked my son this he obviously was upset and denied hitting anyone and he was telling the truth.

I really feel the teacher over stepped her mark in informing me of something that is serious but wasn’t actually true

was I unreasonable in the fact I emailed back the senco and copied the same teacher in quoting both of their feedbacks where it clearly shows my son never hit anyone and as a teacher they should be careful and clear when making allegations about any child including mine ?

The threads about adult diagnoses of autism and ADHD are horrendous.

Can confirm.

But they did not email you first did they ? You emailed to ask why they removed it and they told you because he was hitting other kids . Ok he was not hitting they removed before such incident happens as precaution but you shouldn't make a deal out of it. If I were you I would have a discussion with my kid how to use it safely without disturbing the class

In my fourth grade class in 1965 there was a little boy, obviously SEN. We were 9. He should’ve been in a special school or at least a special class but in our very small town there just weren’t any. There weren’t any specialised teachers either, that I can recall.
Our teacher had no patience for him. She actually picked on him - often. He irritated her. He got on her nerves. She had 0 empathy.
I remember one time a group of boys ganged up on him during recess, and afterwards, as I got to the classroom, I watched our teacher drag him to the principal’s (head teacher) office by his ear. His actual ear.
His name was Jeffrey and I think about him sometimes. That was 58 years ago.
I think your son is lucky to have you. I don’t think Jeffrey had anyone.

OP the staff are not lying. They have no reason to. Accept your son was behaving inappropriately with the item and move on. I've been a teacher for 22 years and if a child is misbehaving with a piece of equipment, then it needs to be removed or staff need to take some action.

Being a teacher for 22 years has obviously made you less empathetic towards children with SEND….who’s IEP states they need to use a fidget spinner to regulate. Do you usually ignore IEP’s /EHCP’s.
Staff at my DS’s secondary school (yr 7) couldn’t even be bothered to read his one-page profile. Their excuse….’we teach 200 children a week - how are we supposed to read the one page profiles and remember that for your child?’

The fidget spinner isn’t just a ‘piece of equipment’ - it’s an aid to support his SEND. If the staff feel that it’s being used incorrectly/dangerously, they should be supporting the OP’s DS more effectively so that he doesn’t feel so dysregulated.

Feel like I’m going against the majority of teachers on here but I do think the teacher has communicated badly and should apologise. I wonder if she relayed what the TA said, then investigated a bit further and found that the situation was wrong so rather than say sorry, we had to investigate and it appears to be a misunderstanding, we will ensure it doesn’t happen again“, they’re trying to make our that it’s still your sons fault? I wouldn’t continue to argue this with a parent - find it odd that the teacher wouldn’t just say it was a misunderstanding!

Of course he knew why! Just because a kid has SEN it doesnt mean they cant be naughty!
Op how have you punished your son for assaulting the other children

It was confirmed by the other children and Staff that the fidget spinner did not touch any other child!

And asking how the OP has punished her child who was dysregulated and using their SEND support aid…..crazy thing to ask!

Nobody was ‘assaulted’.

Brandished items don't have to touch others to threaten or be a safeguarding issue. They just have to come close or threaten amidst unpredictable behaviour

A child repeatedly did this to my daughter and it led to anxiety and distress.

Other kids have rights too especially kids who are anxious and less confident than average kids. Kids don't fall into black and white areas of Sen or robust. There are grey areas.

It's hard to convey ourselves on here but I do have sympathy for the boy as I have said. But I think splitting hairs between hit and endangering/jabbing is missing the point

The mum is right to complain about the lie.

The decision to take the spinner away was correct

And this is why teachers are leaving the profession. Instead of being able to teach and do their job they are responding to nit picking parents.
have you ever considered how much time your wasting with the emails - did he make contact or didn’t he?
That is time taken away from planning great lessons or giving by your child written feedback.
All you are teaching your child is that momma will kick up a grand old fuss
SUMO

OP, let me ask you a very fair question - what does an adequate resolution to this look like to you?

Apology?
Sanction?
Disciplinary?
Sacking?

If it's options 2-4 I hate to tell you think but yabvu, please consider that this back and forth over email of the minutae of a minor incident (in which your son it seems is not totally blameless!) Is taking up valuable time of a lot of the school staff.

In your shoes I'd draw a line and back off.

This thread is a crystallised example of the impossible task facing teachers.

I read posts like this and wonder why there are any teachers left! 🙄
If you really think teachers have got time to make stuff up and lie etc then you are so clueless it’s laughable. If you have so much time on your hands to be so bothered by a non event then maybe you could volunteer in your child’s class. Then you might actually see how difficult it is dealing with the many incidents that happen each day!

Oh my days what a drama over nothing. OP it doesn't sound like the teachers/assistant have lied maliciously at all. It sounds as if they simply mis-remembered or mis-saw the incident or that the kids are not being entirely truthful/fully remembering. Either way it's splitting hairs and deflecting from the real issue which is that your DS wasn't using his sensory-aid appropriately and was distracting other kids and likely making them feel unsafe with it. This is why I personally wouldn't allow a kid to have anything that makes a noise or hard enough to hit with. I would've thought a piece of play putty/stretchy toy ought to do the job just as well and would be far less disruptive. Please don't make this teacher's job any harder than it already is by being pedantic. Work with them to find a solution that is fair for all

I think it’s important you’ve made the point. They know you will be on to it next time, so they’ll be more aware in future. Find a way now to move on in a positive way and put it all behind you. You don’t want them thinking you’ll bear a grudge as that won’t help future interactions.

I was about to come on and say this exact thing. My first port of call is blutac. Which is not distracting to anyone in the class but gives an individual a sensory feel. I actually lock it away because some of my kids will take a bit if they see it!

Fidget spinners are banned at our school. Blutac and worm noodles do the job and if I see them being distracted during a lesson I will remind the child it’s as well as and not instead of. Fidget spinners are surely distracting for everyone? Unless it’s one of those little ones?

This.

They shouldn't have said he hit another child if he didn't and no contact was made.

If he was jabbing with it and using it in a way that could cause an injury to another child then it's fine for them to intervene.

It shouldn't have to get to a point where a child is injured before something is done. What the intervention would look like would depend on the situation. There's a range of fidget aids available and if a spinner isn't being used appropriately there are other other options.

I’m afraid I’m with the teachers on here. What a massive over reaction and waste of school resources. The time it takes dealing with this sort of stuff is driving teachers away. Your son was behaving inappropriately with his aids, whatever that looks like. Just have a chat with him about how he uses them and move on.

The last thing any teacher wants is any sort of problem in their class, never mind physical violence.
Why on earth would they make this up?!

What a horrendous waste of the teacher’s valuable time.

Please try not to take things personally.

Have I punished my son for assaulting other children ? Are you not able to read ? He didn’t touch a single hair on the head of anyone else . No contact was made .

There wasn’t any violence . However his teacher wrote in a email he had hit other children. Once senco became involved he hasn’t actually hit anyone .

removing his aid in the moment is fine . I get that . Writing to a parent that this was because he hit other children when he didn’t is not okay

Thanks , yes I’m looking into alternatives.

Your child was threatening another child with it. That's not the purpose of being allowed it. YABU.
It was very appropriate to remove it.