to think friend is a bit unreasonable to invite me and her other good friend when me and her don’t know each other?

[WishyWishes]

Its my friends birthday soon and she invited me to have a weekend away with her which was great, I was keen. However she has just mentioned she has also invited her other good friend and asked me how I feel about it, I’ve been honest and said it is a bit uncomfortable but to be honest deep down I’m really quite unhappy/upset. Her other good friend I do know of as she works in the same company but I’ve never worked in the department they both have previously (hence their friendship). Would you be happy going on a weekend away with your best friend and their other best friend that you don’t really know? I feel like 4 people would have worked out better. I imagine it’s going to be quite awkward her in the middle and us 2. AIBU?

But it's not a group situation where you'd expect to know everyone, I meant, NOT know everyone. A group situation would be easier.

I think people don't understand that some of us do find this sort of social situation difficult. Not that I don't want to do it, or meet people at times, but a weekend away with a friend would be something I'd look forward to but still find it quite intense - adding a new person to that would up the stress. It isn't something people choose, and people saying to just chill or relax doesn't help - try to imagine the perspective of someone who finds social interaction more difficult, even if you want it. There are still times and places where you want new people, and times where it can be difficult.

And a trip away, when you might already be feeling insecure or nervous, might be even more difficult with the threes-a-crowd potential dynamic. (As I said earlier, that's exactly what happened when I went travelling for a few days on a long awaited trip with a friend who then invited someone along).

It is her birthday so she gets to decide who goes. Sounds a bit like your jealous that she has another bestie.

I have two best friends and they both met through me. We have the best relationship and three definitely isn’t a crowd. They met on my hen weekend nearly 20 years ago and hit it off. Go with an open mind, you may have the best time and make a lovely new friend!

This. It would never have crossed my mind to worry about it. I’ve always tried to mix friend groups and introduce people to each other and find it odd that others don’t. Such a negative way to look at things.

Are you 12? Why would the other friend be in the middle? Why not all get along. You sound jealous.

What’s the point in this thread? Anyone who regularly reads these boards can pre empt the replies. “They can invite who they like “ 😩😩

I get why you might feel like this might be a bit awkward and not the weekend you originally envisaged but it will be fine. I've been to evenings where my friend invited her other friends who were total strangers and I was a bit worried how it would work but we all had a great time. Just be sociable. And relax your idea of what you though it would be and open yourself up to what it could be instead.

Why?

I enjoy meeting new people, so it wouldn’t bother me. Although I wouldn’t want to share a room (but then again, I don’t like sharing a room with ANYONE so that’s a red herring)

I suppose that how I'd feel would depend on how the initial invitation went. If it was intended to be just me and my friend, and weeks later I was asked if she could bring someone else, I'd probably be disappointed. My vision of the weekend would have changed considerably. But if the birthday friends said from the off, or a day or so later, that she was thinking of doing this, I'd just swallow it and hope we all got on.

It would also probably depend on who's paying and how much, if I'm honest. If it was an expensive weekend that is stretched myself to afford, I'd be a bit more put out that it wasn't going to be what I'd booked for.

I'd probably also think that I was maybe being a bit selfish to mind, but they would probably be my honest feelings.
To be honest, I'm quite an introvert though, and know that in this circumstance, I'd be the one who'd be the third wheel. And that's never fun.

I don’t think I’d feel comfortable it this, it not being a jealousy thing but 3s a crowed springs to me.
This kinda happened to me my friend had a party but asked me to come early to help her set up and have a drink I was looking forward to having some time with her, when I got their her other close friend was already there and they’d done everything, I actually felt really put out partically as I don’t live in the same town so I have travelling and had to leave early. I stood there like a spare part with them having their private chats until others arrived.

@saraclara has explained it well.
If I'm paying my own money for a weekend away, I don't think it's unreasonable to know the makeup of the party before committing. I may well still go, but I feel it's up to me to make that decision. And just because it's someone's birthday doesn't give them carte blanche to do what they like.

Well it is her birthday, so she's invited her closest friends. It might be a chance to gain a friend? You could arrange to meet up beforehand, to see if you actually get on, if you do then book it.

I think I understand where you are coming from. I had a situation like this pre kids and uni days. A “friend” of mine invited her other friend. We ended up falling out and she ended up spending the day with her other friend so I explored the city on my own. I was a bit pissed at the time but got over it. It was the last time I went on a holiday with her though unless it was in a bigger group.
When there’s 3 there’s always the danger of one person being left out.

YABU
If you dont want to go, then dont go. But its your friends birthday and she can invite whoever she likes. Iv been on multiple hen do's with people I dont know and still had the best time. I made an effort to get on with people and chat to everyone! If you dont get on with people then maybe its you who's the problem