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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think friend is a bit unreasonable to invite me and her other good friend when me and her don’t know each other?

115 replies

WishyWishes · 06/10/2023 10:26

Its my friends birthday soon and she invited me to have a weekend away with her which was great, I was keen. However she has just mentioned she has also invited her other good friend and asked me how I feel about it, I’ve been honest and said it is a bit uncomfortable but to be honest deep down I’m really quite unhappy/upset. Her other good friend I do know of as she works in the same company but I’ve never worked in the department they both have previously (hence their friendship). Would you be happy going on a weekend away with your best friend and their other best friend that you don’t really know? I feel like 4 people would have worked out better. I imagine it’s going to be quite awkward her in the middle and us 2. AIBU?

OP posts:
ProudMummyOfFour · 06/10/2023 10:29

I feel like YAB a bit U. I understand the discomfort, but couldn't you use this as an opportunity to get to know her other friend?

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 06/10/2023 10:30

Yes I think YABU.

You're an adult, your friend has more than one friend, and you have social skills.

Perhaps change your frame of thinking so that you could get to know the new person and maybe make a new friend too.

I’d be ok with going away for a weekend with a good friend plus her other friend (who I don’t know) as I have faith in my friend that she won’t forget I exist in the other person’s company, and I have faith in my own social skills.

pinksheetss · 06/10/2023 10:30

YABU

It's her birthday, and unless you actively dislike the person I don't see any reason you can't all go and have a good time

Greendoor12 · 06/10/2023 10:31

Wouldn’t give it a second thought - it’s your friends birthday and could be really fun!

OhYetAnotherBrickInTheWall · 06/10/2023 10:32

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest - more the merrier. Plus it’s her birthday; she can invite who she likes.

KohlaParasaurus · 06/10/2023 10:33

I'd be really looking forward to that, although I accept that plenty of people would resent or dread it.

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 06/10/2023 10:33

I wouldn't be happy with this, and to be honest I'd probably stay at home and leave them to it.

Blackbyrd · 06/10/2023 10:33

I'd all three meet up for a coffee before you commit emotionally and financially to a weekend away, and see how you think you'd all get on. Check out their attitude towards you and so on.

PinkRoses1245 · 06/10/2023 10:33

YABU, it's her birthday. It wouldn't even cross my mind to be bothered about it.

TedMullins · 06/10/2023 10:34

It wouldn’t bother me. I’m a “more the merrier” type, so I wouldn’t be annoyed, but I do see the point that an entire weekend is quite intense for the first time you’ve met someone. That said I went on holiday with an old housemate and her friend that I hadn’t met before and ended up getting on better with the friend!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 06/10/2023 10:34

If that's how she wants to celebrate her birthday, then surely as a good friend, you will be happy to go along with it. You might make a new friend yourself?

I do think your friend should have made it clear from the outset, but it's no big deal really. You're all adults and I'm sure you'll be nice to each other!!

CirceIsMyHomegirl · 06/10/2023 10:36

It's not up to you, and it's not all about you.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 06/10/2023 10:36

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 06/10/2023 10:33

I wouldn't be happy with this, and to be honest I'd probably stay at home and leave them to it.

Can I ask why?

I would understand if you strongly disliked the other friend, but it sounds like the OP just doesn't really know her that well. Wouldn't you just be open-minded and give it a go?

5128gap · 06/10/2023 10:40

I'd be fine with it. I'm easy going and optimistic so I'd be approaching it with the attitude that I might get to meet another nice woman. Given its someone my friend likes so much I'd err on the side of thinking she'd add to the experience rather than be a problem. If I was proved wrong, well, not the end of the world.
If I was a person who didn't much like spending time with new people and I couldn't get past it for my friends birthday, I'd explain that to my friend and drop out.
Unless she had reason to anticipate you wouldn't like it (she knows you're uncomfortable, or whatever) then I don't think its U of her to have done this, no.

Jillybloop393 · 06/10/2023 10:40

Yabu. Sorry - but she's torn, she wants to spend her birthday with both her friends, but by not going you're making it awkward for her. Give it a go - there's every chance you'll have a great time. Embrace the opportunity to maybe add another great friend to your own circle. Have fun!

SamW98 · 06/10/2023 10:43

I voted YABU.

I’ve been away for weekends before with people who haven’t met previously and we’ve ended up as good friends.

It’s your friends birthday and she can invite whoever she wants to be there. It’s about her wishes not yours and I think by not going you’re spoiling her birthday plans.

Ladyj84 · 06/10/2023 10:46

Erm find it odd that she can't invite who she wants your not the only friend and it's not rocket science to make a new friend yourself lol

TheYearOfSmallThings · 06/10/2023 10:48

I'd be fine with that, unless I had reason to believe we wouldn't get on well. Actually I would prefer it because conversation flows better with more people and I tend to have more fun.

ManateeFair · 06/10/2023 11:09

YABVU.

Thinking 'I'd rather it was just us two' or feeling a little bit apprehensive/nervous about meeting someone new is normal. But 'unhappy/upset' is a very over-the-top reaction. You sound really possessive over your friend. And your idea of your friend being caught in the middle... in the middle of what, exactly?! You're friends, not a married couple.

It's your friend's birthday and it's not unreasonable of her to want to spend it with more than one mate. Why should you be more important than the other friend?

Jericha · 06/10/2023 11:11

For a birthday, hen do or similar I'd be fine with it, even if I would prefer it to just be us. I'd only voice that if it wasn't for a specific occasion.

Original poster
WishyWishes · 06/10/2023 11:14

Tbh I think it would be better with more of us who didn’t know each other than just one other

OP posts:
MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 06/10/2023 11:16

So you're annoyed your friend has invited who she wants on her birthday weekend? How rude of her to not let you decide!

AlltheFs · 06/10/2023 11:16

I’d be fine with it as long as it didn’t involve sharing a room and the activities likely to be done suited the dynamic so one person wouldn’t get left out.

ilovemydogmore · 06/10/2023 11:19

I find it really strange when I see threads like this - to me this would be exciting, an opportunity to make another great friend, as obviously your friend sees great qualities in them and wants the company of both of you.

Women always turn this into some sort of strange competition, work themselves up and imagine they will be sat like a third wheel, and then turn up miserable and have a bad time instead of embracing it and trying to have fun and connect with them.

RaisedByHedgehogs · 06/10/2023 11:52

It’s totally okay for her to invite who she wants. It’s also totally okay for you to feel uncomfortable about it. But you can’t take that feeling with you if you go. So either go, and embrace the situation, or say no thank you.