to think friend is a bit unreasonable to invite me and her other good friend when me and her don’t know each other?

[WishyWishes]

Its my friends birthday soon and she invited me to have a weekend away with her which was great, I was keen. However she has just mentioned she has also invited her other good friend and asked me how I feel about it, I’ve been honest and said it is a bit uncomfortable but to be honest deep down I’m really quite unhappy/upset. Her other good friend I do know of as she works in the same company but I’ve never worked in the department they both have previously (hence their friendship). Would you be happy going on a weekend away with your best friend and their other best friend that you don’t really know? I feel like 4 people would have worked out better. I imagine it’s going to be quite awkward her in the middle and us 2. AIBU?

Wouldn't bother me at all - I like meeting my friends friends - I've met some great people this way, I guess we are all different but to me it sounds like fun.

And since it is your friend's birthday, she is not unreasonable to want to spend it with two good friends, regardless of the fact that they haven't met yet.

Wouldn't bother me at all. A chance for me to make a new friend.

You're acting like a 2 year old.

I wouldn't mind at all - I figure if she likes both of us we will like each other, and presumably she's considered whether or not you'd get on or wouldn't have suggested it! Nice opportunity to make a new friend.

It’s her birthday, it seems fine to me

It’s just a weekend - you are all adults so you are obviously going to make an effort with each other right?

I can see it might not be your ideal but it’s not something you can complain about

In all honesty, I’d be delighted - a trio is my ideal number when going away with friends, I think on one can be quite stressful and intense even with a close friend! For me, a trio means there’s more space to listen and contribute, it feels far more relaxed and comfortable.

God I'd hate this. I am not a more the merrier type. I'd suck it up for one evening but not for a weekend away

People saying "use it as an opportunity go get to know the other person", I can choose who I want to get to know and wouldn't like someone being chosen for me

I’m quite a reserved, socially awkward person but I think I would still go, dread it, but end up having a good time. That’s how things have usually gone like this for me. Presumably this woman is a decent person, you might end up making a new friend.

I prefer a bigger group, I find one on one a bit intense and too much pressure, even if it's someone I know well. I appreciate some people are the opposite but on this occasion, as long as you all have your own room I'd just try and look at it as an opportunity to make a new friend

I'd be upset, though I'd still go. A friend did this to me many years ago; we had planned a few days away, and I was really pleased that she wanted to spend time with me, as it was a relatively new friendship. Then she invited another friend, and the dynamic was totally different. Although I enjoyed the trip overall, it was difficult - it always seemed to be the two of them wanting one thing and me something else - not in a big deal way, but just in terms of where we'd go or what we'd do or how we'd do it. Whereas if it had just been two of us, we'd have compromised more in the middle on things. It was awkward, and I always ended up feeling left out, and since it was costing me money to go on the trip, I was disappointed.

Of course it might turn out totally the other way, and all three of you enjoy each other's company hugely. But I understand the disappointment. In my case, it was disappointment to find out that I wasn't enough, and that my friend clearly wasn't looking forward to a trip with just the two of us as much as I was if she wanted someone else to come.

It would never occur to me that I got any say in who someone else invited to their birthday trip!

I'd assume that my friend's friend was most likely going to be a nice person (after all, my friends generally have good taste in friends), and go along and enjoy myself. It's always lovely to make a new friend.

I’ve always been a bit insecure in friendships, so I do understand your discomfort at the prospect of this, but as time’s gone on I’ve learned to readjust my mindset with this kind of thing and therefore hope to make a new acquaintance or friend via another friend who could enhance my life even just for a short time. Also - and this is meant really kindly - by remembering that it’s not always about me i.e sometimes it’s healthy to put other people’s feelings first.

I hope you enjoy yourself, if you go.

My current best friend and business partner is someone who was introduced to me by my other best friend.

I’m doing this soon. I’m just flattered to be included in my friend’s list of good friends. I don’t know the others but they are all her friends so the onus is on me to be friendly and open to them!

YABU. It wouldn’t even cross my mind that this could be an issue for some. Maybe I need to do more reflecting there, but I can’t imagine any of my friends being upset by this.

A night out, fine.
A whole weekend, no thanks.

It would bother me if I had to share my bedroom, but I don't like sharing rooms with anyone who is not a close family member anyway.

I don't think it would even occur to me that it could have been just the 2 of us unless expressly specified? Like you go to spend weekend at friends, there might be more guests there too? It's normal?

It's only a weekend, that's as good a way as any to meet new possible friends?

It's her birthday! She wants to spend it with 2 people she cares about and one of them is you! Isn't that lovely?

I understand the feeling apprehensive about spending a prolonged period of time with a new person in case of awkwardness etc, but I'd be willing to push through that for the sake of my friend. Being upset seems a big overreaction and quite self-centered.

I'm very shy BTW. Autistic and lacking in social skills in a big way.

Are you seriously upset because your friend has invited 2 people she cares about to her birthday weekend.

On her birthday weekend, you don’t like the guest list? It doesn’t suit you?

This.

except that it's not a blind date, that person is not "chosen for you", it's someone your friend wants to see and spend time with, and thinks the group will work.

It wouldn't bother me at all. If I liked my friend a lot, I'd trust that I'd probably like someone she liked,too.

This is me too. I'd back out of the weekend as wouldn't want to spend my time & money making small talk with someone i don't really know (or want to get to know).

YABU. 3 is generally a better conversion dynamic than 2. And it's only for a weekend

Sure. I went away on a holiday with a good friend, an acquaintance and two women I'd never met before! It was fine.