Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think friend is a bit unreasonable to invite me and her other good friend when me and her don’t know each other?

115 replies

WishyWishes · 06/10/2023 10:26

Its my friends birthday soon and she invited me to have a weekend away with her which was great, I was keen. However she has just mentioned she has also invited her other good friend and asked me how I feel about it, I’ve been honest and said it is a bit uncomfortable but to be honest deep down I’m really quite unhappy/upset. Her other good friend I do know of as she works in the same company but I’ve never worked in the department they both have previously (hence their friendship). Would you be happy going on a weekend away with your best friend and their other best friend that you don’t really know? I feel like 4 people would have worked out better. I imagine it’s going to be quite awkward her in the middle and us 2. AIBU?

OP posts:
PyramusandThisbe · 06/10/2023 14:47

No point asking this on Mn, which is overpopulated by total misanthropes who regard a knock on the door or a wedding invitation as an assault on their human rights.

I think in your shoes, I'd primarily asking why she didn't tell you upfront that she was planning the weekend to be for the three of you -- it sounds as if she implied it was just you and her, and then, after you'd agreed to go, only then told you her other friend was going too?

I personally wouldn't have a problem with it in the slightest, unless (a) I had serious reservations about my 'best friend's taste in friends and (b) I was sharing a room.

'Best friend' on Mn apparently often means 'someone I've grown up around but don't in fact appear to like very much'.

Do you trust that your best friend isn't likely to have another friend who's a total asshole?

SamW98 · 06/10/2023 14:52

3 of us were booked to go to a music weekend event how one broke her arm a few weeks before and couldn’t attend. We advertised on the event Fb page to sell her place and a friend of a friend who neither of us had ever met messaged asking if she could come.

That was in 2018 and she’s honestly now one of my best friends. We got on like a house on fire and have been away together several times since.

You never know, this other woman could be a new friend to you and you’ll wish you met her too we. Or else at worst it’s one weekend out of your life.

CrashBangWallow · 06/10/2023 14:52

How on earth does anyone make new friends if they refuse things like this? If you had had problems with her in the last I could sort of understand it but would still tell you to suck it up for her birthday.

Jesswebster01 · 06/10/2023 20:57

Just go and get on with it it will be a nice time doesn't have to be awkward it's her birthday she wants you both there

Oysterbabe · 06/10/2023 21:07

I genuinely wouldn't give a shit about this. It wouldn't cross my mind to care that another person was joining in.

Penguinsmum · 06/10/2023 21:09

I would think it would be a super fun weekend away. And a nice hopefully new friend to meet.

WiddlinDiddlin · 06/10/2023 21:32

I'd be pleased that a friend of mine thought I would get on with another friend of theirs (and my friends know me well enough that this is what they'd be thinking and they would not invite me if the other person was someone they knew I'd not like/wouldn't like me...).

It's one weekend, she's not told you you're going to live with this person in an arranged marriage for all eternity, and presumably there are things to do on this weekend away, not just all sit together gazing into infinity, so I really can't see the need for drama over it.

Alika · 06/10/2023 21:36

I'm surprised anyone is saying YABU, sounds like the perfect recipe for a very awkward weekend!
I wouldn't like it either, but would just make an excuse as to why I couldn't go.

CharlotteRumpling · 06/10/2023 21:37

Why would it be awkward? Awkward would be lying and behaving like a 5 year old.

Alika · 06/10/2023 21:42

CharlotteRumpling · 06/10/2023 21:37

Why would it be awkward? Awkward would be lying and behaving like a 5 year old.

Because everyone is different and we don't all react the same in certain situations?
I think behaving like a 5 year old would be knowing my ND would leave me feeling like an outsider and struggling as it has in similar situations, yet doing it anyway knowing the result won't change, so I'll stick with telling a white lie to avoid upset and drama.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/10/2023 21:44

YABVU. Find this attitude completely baffling.

People don't have ownership of other people and friends are allowed to have other friends. And it shouldn't be beyond the wit of an adult with basic social fluency to be open minded enough to at least try to enjoy the company of someone who a friend holds dear.

I see this sort of weird proprietorial approach to friendship cropping up all the time on here and I find it profoundly depressing.

How do people go through life seeking to control other people's social contact like this?

CharlotteRumpling · 06/10/2023 21:44

Presumably the OP isn't ND. Personally I think it's hard enough to make friends these days offline without this pointless drama.

Alika · 06/10/2023 21:47

CharlotteRumpling · 06/10/2023 21:44

Presumably the OP isn't ND. Personally I think it's hard enough to make friends these days offline without this pointless drama.

Maybe not, but I can see her point of view. I don't want to hold friends back from doing what they want or restrict them, so "DP is working and I don't have childcare" leaves them free to do what they want and not feel bad for something that isn't their fault.
I don't see anything wrong with it if OP simply isn't comfortable with the idea, feels like the truth in her situation would create bad feeling and possibly damage the friendship.

mindthegap22 · 06/10/2023 21:52

Sounds fun! You might really like her and have a blast!

rookiemere · 06/10/2023 21:54

YANBU.

Of course friend is entitled to invite whoever she wants, but when OP is giving her own time and money to attend, logistics should have been discussed at the start.

Sure extra person may turn out to be lovely, but it's not what OP signed up for.

NoNoHellaNoNoHellaNoNo · 06/10/2023 21:55

YABU. More the merrier.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/10/2023 21:57

rookiemere · 06/10/2023 21:54

YANBU.

Of course friend is entitled to invite whoever she wants, but when OP is giving her own time and money to attend, logistics should have been discussed at the start.

Sure extra person may turn out to be lovely, but it's not what OP signed up for.

What... so if you have friends you're obliged to see them one at a time unless you specifically clear it with them ahead of time?

Surely the whole point of a birthday celebration is that you do what you want?

This sounds exhausting. How do people socialise at all when they're so precious about it?

ActDottie · 06/10/2023 22:08

I’d be excited to be finally meeting her and see it as an opportunity to meet someone new too :) so yes YABU!

2Rebecca · 06/10/2023 22:15

3 is an awkward number for a holiday unless the 3 people had planned it together. If I had arranged a weekend with a friend I wouldn't invite someone I know and she doesn't. That's thoughtless and selfish.

Natty13 · 06/10/2023 22:30

It wouldn't occur to me that my best friend would have such poor social skills she couldn't have a good time with another friend of mine whom she didn't know. Don't be such a drip and make an effort for your friend.

2Rebecca · 06/10/2023 22:38

It's just really selfish at a time when money is tight for many people for someone to arrange a weekend and then try and change it after the other person says they'll go by inviting another person only they know. It isn't nice, thoughtful behaviour. it's quite narcissistic

80sMum · 06/10/2023 22:39

I would be reticent to go even if it was just the best friend and me. I definitely wouldn't want to go if one of her other friends was going. I would probably go though, as I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

SheSaidHummingbird · 06/10/2023 22:44

Potential to make a great friend who is also your colleague. Numbers work for time alone if needed.

Loubelle70 · 06/10/2023 23:01

Im quite sociable, so id say more the merrier. Make the effort and give your friends friend a chance

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/10/2023 23:05

2Rebecca · 06/10/2023 22:38

It's just really selfish at a time when money is tight for many people for someone to arrange a weekend and then try and change it after the other person says they'll go by inviting another person only they know. It isn't nice, thoughtful behaviour. it's quite narcissistic

It's narcissistic to invite more than one friend out???

I must be living on another planet. I can't imagine how people can function with this worldview.

Swipe left for the next trending thread