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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this message is patronising or off in some way

164 replies

Sweetsugarr · 05/10/2023 13:47

I’m just wondering what others think as I don’t really like the tone of it but not sure if I’m over thinking it. It’s from someone who I’ve been seeing but I’ve been busy recently, single mum, work and my daughters just started school so not had as much time. What do you think? Also he knows I can’t have come to his this morning as I already told him I work Thursdays. Thank you

To think this message is patronising or off in some way
OP posts:
Mistressanne · 05/10/2023 16:00

Is chick a Yorkshire thing?
That’s the only place I’ve heard it used regularly.

Arewethebadguys · 05/10/2023 16:00

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 05/10/2023 13:56

Well I think it is borderline illiterate, so it would be a no from me, quite apart from the whining and passive aggressiveness. Also 'chick'? Bleugh.

Same. Think my vagina just closed up

MissandeiofNaath · 05/10/2023 16:07

Chick. Ugh.

I can't understand it either.

reesewithoutaspoon · 05/10/2023 16:09

I get the sense what he actually wants is for you to beg and grovel and tell him, "No you're the most important thing and I will do better in the future and jump when you call"
but he's dressing it up as poor me, i 'm feeling neglected and you need to put me first
My reply would be
"Glad you could sense that I was losing interest, saves an awkward conversation. good luck in the future, no hard feelings "

1month · 05/10/2023 16:11

It’s not patronising but he is telling you how he feels.

He thinks you don’t make enough effort to spend time with him and obviously we can’t say whether this is fair or not.

Either he can’t grasp how busy you are or you’re wasting his time.

I actually stopped dating because too many men didn’t understand how little time I had as a single parent.

He says about you not seeing him this morning.
What happened there?

Mamma2017 · 05/10/2023 16:14

Ewwwwwwwwww 🤮

Citrusandginger · 05/10/2023 16:15

I did like you. But now you've shown me who you are.

Ta ra chuck.

MsRosley · 05/10/2023 16:20

He wants a shag and you to bin off work to give him one.

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 05/10/2023 16:26

Negging.

He knows you're working. Do NOT try to 'make it up to him', just dump his arse.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/10/2023 16:39

Well that's a manipulative little attempt at guilting, isn't it?

He sounds like a complete arsewipe, I'dd be throwing him back in the sea.

Side point - referring to you as chick, miss or missy. I do not find this affectionate or endearing. Bit of a red flag really, there's an implication that you're completely interchangeable with every other woman, who he will also address as chick, miss or missy. And it's so much easier not to use another woman's name by mistake when texting, if you never use the actual name - so you might not be the only chick/miss/missy he currently has on the go.

MyBigFatCapybara · 05/10/2023 16:41

AnotherCountryMummy · 05/10/2023 14:28

My vagina slammed shut at "chick" and then cemented over reading the rest of it.

Yep, same here

Passepartoute · 05/10/2023 16:47

Dump him, tell him to use the time now freed up on learning about sentence construction and the use of full stops.

Atticustheaardvark · 05/10/2023 16:48

Lamelie · 05/10/2023 13:51

The writing style would put me off. And I suspect you too, as you write well.
Is he seriously suggesting you go over for a shag on a weekday morning when you work?
Is he off of the inbetweeners?
🤮 but also Flowers

Oh this, this and more this! ^^

The writing style makes him sound about 15 (and a bit of a narcissistic oompa loompa)

piscofrisco · 05/10/2023 16:51

I wouldn't meet him on the basis that he's illiterate and used the word 'chick'

SalviaDivinorum · 05/10/2023 16:53

I, too, wouldn't want to spend any of my valuable time with a person who expresses themselves like that.

RichardArmitagesWife · 05/10/2023 16:53

"Glad you could sense that I was losing interest, saves an awkward conversation. good luck in the future, no hard feelings "

@reesewithoutaspoon nailed it. Bin the illiterate, manipulative idiot.

Hummingbird233 · 05/10/2023 16:54

Yeah the "chick" is a real turn off. And personally I can't understand much of what he says due to his poor grammar. So it's a hard no from me.

Redpaisley · 05/10/2023 16:56

Sounds like he is trying to guilt trip you. Manipulative

GrilledPineapple · 05/10/2023 17:01

Not really an off message exactly, but I think if this is the way he responds to the demands on your time then he’s not especially sensitive to the rest of your life (not a good sign), and doesn’t sound like he’ll be there for life’s ups and downs. There must be someone better out there!

Middleagedmeangirls · 05/10/2023 17:05

It's not patronising but it's illiterate and rude.

ImMrsNesbitt · 05/10/2023 17:08

Is English not his first language because that text is gibberish?

How desperate are you for a man that you'd find his attitude acceptable?

sammyjoanne · 05/10/2023 17:14

Sweetsugarr · 05/10/2023 15:02

He does saying that a lot. Either that or miss or missy

Wow, id hate miss or missy, it sounds like something an old man would say.

rantinglunatic · 05/10/2023 17:17

Sweetsugarr · 05/10/2023 15:02

He does saying that a lot. Either that or miss or missy

😂😂😂😂 Don't know why this made me laugh so much. You cannot see this 'man' again.

Hernameisdeborah · 05/10/2023 17:20

So even though you've already told him you work Thursdays, he's still moaning that you're not spending time with him. Either his comprehension is not great, or he thinks you should put him before earning a living. Either way, you're right about the message being "off", he sounds hugely needy. Red flags everywhere.

Yokaiwatch · 05/10/2023 17:32

The language he uses makes him sound illiterate but he means if you wanted to see him you would make time for him. Do you want to see him?

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