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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this message is patronising or off in some way

164 replies

Sweetsugarr · 05/10/2023 13:47

I’m just wondering what others think as I don’t really like the tone of it but not sure if I’m over thinking it. It’s from someone who I’ve been seeing but I’ve been busy recently, single mum, work and my daughters just started school so not had as much time. What do you think? Also he knows I can’t have come to his this morning as I already told him I work Thursdays. Thank you

To think this message is patronising or off in some way
OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 05/10/2023 15:09

BloodyHellKen · 05/10/2023 14:20

OP, did the Fonz write that?

🤣🤣🤣 I don't think this one's quite as clever as the fonz tbh

Nowtbettertodo · 05/10/2023 15:09

'Chick' 🤮🤮

Cuttysark4321 · 05/10/2023 15:11

Man child

Bloomingmagnolia · 05/10/2023 15:11

Chuck him back in the swamp for the simple fact he unable to string a comprehensible sentence together. The use of “chick” is patronising, and he sounds very needy.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 05/10/2023 15:18

Sweetsugarr · 05/10/2023 15:02

He does saying that a lot. Either that or miss or missy

Where's he from? In some places it's just a friendly way of addressing a woman and isn't sexual or demeaning. Women say it to each other too.

The message is crap even aside from that, but he might not mean "chick" the way people think he does.

thecatsthecats · 05/10/2023 15:20

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 05/10/2023 13:49

I'm actually struggling to make sense of what that says or means to be honest with you. It's really poorly written.

Indeed.

I may not be a grammar pedant, but my vagina is.

ScrambledSmegs · 05/10/2023 15:21

SurprisedWithAHorse · 05/10/2023 14:53

That can be regional, and have a different context.

Not in the context of the original message, clearly. Also see use of 'miss' and 'missy' to an adult woman, as per OP's further posts.

It's infantilising and shows him for who he is.

BardRelic · 05/10/2023 15:21

Bin. He's manipulative and whiny.

VWdieselnightmare · 05/10/2023 15:22

Why on earth would a woman who can write like you want anything to do with a man who communicates with you like that?

oksothisisusnow · 05/10/2023 15:24

Hes trying to manipulate you for not prioritising you. I hate all of the jovial chick and a man can know these things. I think he's also probably trying so hard to not come across as emotional that he's not making sense.

Whatever happened to a direct conversation?

Jennalong · 05/10/2023 15:28

I think it translates to , he wants you around his for an hour 3 minutes then the day is yours.

Stigsmother · 05/10/2023 15:28

Miss? Missy?
Nope

newnamethanks · 05/10/2023 15:29

You mean,selfish woman not putting him first in everything. Bin him, he's only just beginning. You'll feel worse and worse if you keep him.

Itsagreatdaytosavelives · 05/10/2023 15:31

youve dodged a bullet. hes a wanker. hes telling you hes a wanker. block and thank your lucky stars you caught on, early on!

MrsKeats · 05/10/2023 15:35

I wouldn't date anyone who couldn't use punctuation.
Or that called me chick 🙄

Grumpy101 · 05/10/2023 15:38

You selfish woman, he is clearly a horny man in need of a shag and you're not stopping everything to go give him a blowjob. Poor poor man.

It's very patronising and needy. The grammar alone makes me sick, nevermind that he calls you "chick" ewww.

willWillSmithsmith · 05/10/2023 15:38

The writing style would be a huge turn off for me anyway. I’d read that and think eugh no thanks.

JumalanTerve · 05/10/2023 15:44

It took a few reads before I could understand it!

Mountaineer0009 · 05/10/2023 15:45

it does seem like he thinks your not intrested and that even if you were to be intrested then it seems like they are saying youll only be half intrested etc.
at least thats my basic understanding.

nowahousewife · 05/10/2023 15:47

The guy seems pretty illiterate so I’m struggling to understand what he is actually sayIng and as for calling you chick …. Words fail.

He sounds pretty immature and self centred; think you’ve dodged a bullet there!

Ignore and move on.

RandomNutter · 05/10/2023 15:48

I read that as him binning you off.
Not a sad loss, op.

wibdib · 05/10/2023 15:51

Hmm. Wonder how often he’d be happy to miss work or be late, just to call in on you at your request of a morning?

agree with what so many others have said - both the writing style and the sentiment are severely lacking, so would be tempted to ditch unless he had something very special going on! He just doesn’t seem worth the effort.

BardRelic · 05/10/2023 15:56

Punctuated version: Ah, don’t worry about it, chick. I know you don’t want to meet up. A man can feel these things. I mean you would make an effort, for a start, as much as I like you. It’s like you could come here this morning, but you wouldn’t, I feel.

Translation: I know you don't want to meet up - at this point, he's starting to push boundaries. If the OP is too busy, that's her boundary to draw. He doesn't like this and is trying to guilt her into making out she doesn't want this, rather than that she simply has other things going on.

A man can feel these things - trying to make out he's sensitive. I mean he isn't, but it will help his case if he appears so.

I mean you would make an effort, for a start. That's just more manipulative BS. He's clearly implying that the OP isn't making an effort, rather than acknowledging that she has other stuff going on. (There are different ways of punctuating these bits which give slightly different meanings but frankly, I cba to work all that out.)

You could come here this morning - he wants sex. He's not really bothered what it is, any sex will do. PIV is preferable but he'd take a hand job or a blow job.

TL:DR - wah, pay me attention.

Namerequired · 05/10/2023 15:57

Lamelie · 05/10/2023 13:51

The writing style would put me off. And I suspect you too, as you write well.
Is he seriously suggesting you go over for a shag on a weekday morning when you work?
Is he off of the inbetweeners?
🤮 but also Flowers

This! He’s trying to goad you into showing you want to be with him by going over for a morning shag 🤢

ginasevern · 05/10/2023 15:59

Christ, does he always call you chick?

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