To step on MIL's toes?

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

Not my MIL - my younger daughter's MIL.

I have 6 grandchildren. Both my daughters have three children.

I offer to buy their children's shoes as my own mother did for her grandchildren. She would put a set amount of money in a jar every week. I also do this - it's the shoe fund. 😬 (I'm aware it's bonkers.)

My younger daughter's MIL has told me that it is her tradition to buy her grandchildren's first pair of shoes. She took my daughter's oldest child to Clark's and had photos taken of her with the first pair of shoes. All good.

My younger daughter's twins have been walking since August and yesterday my daughter hinted at going to our usual shop for shoes as they are (obviously) wanting them for outside use for home and nursery. They have soft soled shoes (fabric) at the moment.

I said that her MIL could be upset if I go to the shoe shop for their first pair. But her MIL hasn't mentioned buying them at all. She had made a point of buying the older child's shoes so I'm thinking that she'll be upset if we buy some shoes which my daughter says they need. (Current shoes are on the small side now.)

She doesn't want to hint to MIL and appear cheeky. So she wants me to go with them this weekend and choose shoes.

There's enough money in the fund but don't know whether to fib and say that back to school shoes/trainers have wiped me out.

Or I don't know whether to message MIL (11 grandchildren) and hint/ask? We do normally message each other regularly.

@shams05
🥰

If your daughter really has such a great relationship with her MIL, this will not (nor should it ever) jeopardise that.

Execpt at the moment no-one has even given heer the option or is aware she knows the twins need or want shoes.

She might have noticed they're walking (usually opposite directions).

She bought shoes for their older sister before she could walk properly.

@Mumof2teens79

I'd just text MIL and say the twins need their first pair of shoes - would she like to get them or should you?

I really really get the sensitivity of these things in a lot of families. I mean, it's all very well saying "Buy the shoes" but people get so pissy over random shit like this. I would text the MIL and say it's time for the kiddies to get their first pair of shoes, you know it's a bit of a tradition for her so you don't want to tread on toes, but if she is too busy you're happy to go get them.

End of day the mother needs to decide that her kids need shoes and just go and get them and it's your turn to go with her. Blimey otherwise if we're waiting for MIL the kids will be walking bare footed until they're an adult.

Aye - we're always procrastinating and beating around that bush. 🙄

Huh?

That's what I was thinking twins £££ buy a pair each.

Could you and MIL combine your traditions on this occasion and go together - might be useful if money is the issue

Someone asked why we (daughter and I) can't communicate?

Why do you need to be involved at all? Daughter and her husband can sort out whose shoe tradition is more important. You've asked you sure and daughter said yes. I'd imagine as adults they've thought this through and will live with the consequences of their actions

Just what l was going to say. Be nice as they are twins they can remember both their grandma s buying their first shoes together. Be a lovely nemory for them. If you all get on talk to the woman.
My late mum bought my two nearly all their shoes,it was a massive help and my DD still has a tiny pair of Clarks's sandals she treasures to remember her grandma.

I'd let your daughter buy her own shoes. Who could be bothered with all this nonsense!

youre overthinking this!

Has the other MIL got form for being difficult? It sounds a bit like you're all trying to not "set her off"

Just buy the shoes and invite her along.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche

dish wash blobs, laundry blobs etc.
Made me laugh...

Don't feel bad for helping out, it's a lovely thing to do, I've a few friends that have the "you pick, I'll pay" thing going on with their DD/GC and it's really appreciated.

Again. Why can't your SiL ask his mother? Or doesn't your DD speak to him?

First shoes = babies / toddlers they really aren't going to notice or care who buys their shoes.

I'm 'bothered' because I don't want to upset anyone.

Why are you bothering?

Yes @Nanny0gg
my daughter does speak to her wonderful partner. He perhaps doesn't know whether his mother can afford two pairs of shoes this week - so too polite to ask.

Nothing to add.
Just wanted to say I wish you were my MIL.
You sound so lovely. (Mine is horrible and wouldn't give my DC a push off the side).

Offer to combine traditions? "MIL, shall we combine traditions and take the money out of the shoe fund to get the first shoes all together, or would you like to get them yourself? Or I can just get them if you'd prefer." Lots of options and no suggestion that not paying means not doing her tradition.

Hi X.
Thought I'd send you this really cute picture of the twins, their walking has come on so well, can't believe they'll be needing wellies for nursery soon, all that fun puddle splashing. I know you have a tradition of buying your DGC first shoes so wanted to check if you would count wellies as first shoes or if your happy for me to get them a pair each as I know X is keen to get footwear sorted before the winter
See you soon

He perhaps doesn't know whether his mother can afford two pairs of shoes this week - so too polite to ask.

With winter fast approaching and the twins walking more their feet are going to continue to get a soaking and their little toes will be hanging out the end of their cloth shoes, so someone's going to have to broach the subject.

Fifth'd

@Hankunamatata perfect