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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This mum just blocked my toddler from approaching hers

413 replies

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 14:17

was in town today walking through M&S , with my 3 yr old.
We had just bought toys in the previous shop so he was out of pram and walking with his new toys in his hands and was excited about them.
Walking parallel to us was also a mum with toddler (around two)
My son approached him from the side and started walking directly next to him showing him his toys whilst they were both walking , the child smiled in response and didn't appear to seem at unease, however the mum swiftly stopped and put her arm out in front of my son blocked him between her arm and a Column so that he couldn't go any further and then she said ' excuse me ' as if for him to back away.
He turned to face me and I swooped him up and said ' he's only a toddler'
To which she didn't respond, she carried on walking and I changed direction.
I was left feeling quite sad for my son
I just wanted other mum's opinions on this . Was I in the wrong for letting my child approach hers , I guess everyone is entitled to their personal space. However I never anticipated that reaction it just seemed like a mean thing to do , and I'm always very welcoming to other kids that approach us

OP posts:
Morechocmorechoc · 04/10/2023 16:28

I would have stopped the interaction too. Mine has health issues and I don't want random kids near or touching. You don't know their situation. Keep your kid to yourself and not going up to strangers. It's a very important lesson to learn for safety if nothing else.

inamarina · 04/10/2023 16:31

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 04/10/2023 16:24

Odd, in RL I tend to go to the shops to buy food. Not to set up playdates, get into conversation with strangers or be told I'm Scrooge because I don't think everyone's snotty nosed, bacteria filled child who never heard the word 'no' is so adorable my child has an obligation to interact with him or her. I never knew the shops were filled with attention starved, bored women hunting for toddlers and their parents to guilt-trip into becoming friends with their overstimulated children. Are you sure you're not confusing 'shop' with 'playground'?

Show quote history

Nobody’s suggesting setting up playdates in shops.

snotty nosed, bacteria filled child who never heard the word 'no'

Wow, you get all that from the OP? Or do you see all children this way?

Illbebythesea · 04/10/2023 16:33

@MoreThanEnoughSoFar You ok? Rough day?

Lorieandrews · 04/10/2023 16:33

Wait. What? I would just imagine he might have a strip because he’d want the toys.

I don’t think this is about you or your toddler at all?!? Shrug

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:35

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 04/10/2023 16:24

Odd, in RL I tend to go to the shops to buy food. Not to set up playdates, get into conversation with strangers or be told I'm Scrooge because I don't think everyone's snotty nosed, bacteria filled child who never heard the word 'no' is so adorable my child has an obligation to interact with him or her. I never knew the shops were filled with attention starved, bored women hunting for toddlers and their parents to guilt-trip into becoming friends with their overstimulated children. Are you sure you're not confusing 'shop' with 'playground'?

Show quote history

It's a while since I had a toddler.
I'm not saying I went to shops in order to arrange playdates or meet other toddlers, or that if my toddler deigned to smile at another child that I felt the parent of that child had an obligation to interact with mine.

I'm saying that if I was out with my child and they interacted with another one then that would not be an unexpected situation. If that makes me an attention-starved, bored women then I'll take it.

Your statement doesn't really relate to what the OP says in her first post.

Tangofantastic · 04/10/2023 16:37

All this. I went through a period of having to keep my child isolated for health reasons and having another toddler come up close to him was a huge no for me, I got fed up endlessly having to explain this to strangers so I just would avoid them, by avoiding child focused places like a softplay etc. as a single mum I had to sometimes take him shopping and generally in M&S or tesco, there was a much smaller chance of a kid coming over right beside him to play / touch/ show off a toy than a softplay so I’d take him there and hope to get shopping done and hole
asap. Please don’t take it personally, she obviously had a good reason to not want your toddler next to her one and maybe was all out of emotional energy explaining why. 💞

inamarina · 04/10/2023 16:37

jays · 04/10/2023 16:27

It was rude. Don’t listen to all the bollocks on here saying it wasn’t. It was. She could have had a million reasons but all it would have taken was a little eye contact with you and a ‘sorry he’s tantrum prone/not well/about to have a melt down, whatever. I was rude and honestly, don’t let folk on here gaslight you into thinking it wasn’t. So many folk all against gaslighting yet they do it on here to OP’s on a daily basis. It was rude.

Agree.

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:38

Morechocmorechoc · 04/10/2023 16:28

I would have stopped the interaction too. Mine has health issues and I don't want random kids near or touching. You don't know their situation. Keep your kid to yourself and not going up to strangers. It's a very important lesson to learn for safety if nothing else.

Do you just bar the way and walk off, or do you mention that your child can't be near other children as you walk away, or just lie and say "sorry, I'm in a hurry" (I can see that you probably don't want to be talking about your child's health all the time to strangers).

Hufflepods · 04/10/2023 16:38

It’s interesting that the only commends OP has responded to is about the logistics of where everyone was and where the arm was.

Considering OP’s DS was behind them in curious at to how long she would have let her child trail after the mother and son if the mother hasn’t stopped him?

Boomboom22 · 04/10/2023 16:39

Surely you see that showing off your new toys will be a bit of an issue for other kids? Do you approach people to show them the lovely dress you just bought? Unlikely. Different in a playground but then you wouldn't take your own toys there.

Mulhollandmagoo · 04/10/2023 16:39

jays · 04/10/2023 16:27

It was rude. Don’t listen to all the bollocks on here saying it wasn’t. It was. She could have had a million reasons but all it would have taken was a little eye contact with you and a ‘sorry he’s tantrum prone/not well/about to have a melt down, whatever. I was rude and honestly, don’t let folk on here gaslight you into thinking it wasn’t. So many folk all against gaslighting yet they do it on here to OP’s on a daily basis. It was rude.

Completely agree, I do see how another child showing off their new toys would set another child off into a tantrum, but she could have asked nicely. There will have been a reason for doing so, but she didn't need to be rude.

margotrose · 04/10/2023 16:39

She could have smiled briefly, said they were in a hurry, then OP probably wouldn’t end up feeling awkward.

She could have, but she didn't have to.

OP wouldn't have felt awkward if she hadn't allowed her toddler to randomly approach another in the first place.

margotrose · 04/10/2023 16:40

Mulhollandmagoo · 04/10/2023 16:39

Completely agree, I do see how another child showing off their new toys would set another child off into a tantrum, but she could have asked nicely. There will have been a reason for doing so, but she didn't need to be rude.

Show quote history

Saying "Excuse me" and moving your child away isn't being rude.

Hufflepods · 04/10/2023 16:40

@CharlotteBog Do you just bar the way and walk off, or do you mention that your child can't be near other children as you walk away, or just lie and say "sorry, I'm in a hurry" (I can see that you probably don't want to be talking about your child's health all the time to strangers).

Why is just not wanting to engage with a random child following you as lesser reason? Why should someone have to lie about being in a hurry?

DaughterNo2 · 04/10/2023 16:41

AutumnFroglets · 04/10/2023 14:20

Perhaps she is aware that her toddler would make a toy grab and when prised out of his chubby little toddler hands he would go into full blown meltdown?

In other words life isn't always about you.

This! Completely agree

CatamaranViper · 04/10/2023 16:41

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:38

Do you just bar the way and walk off, or do you mention that your child can't be near other children as you walk away, or just lie and say "sorry, I'm in a hurry" (I can see that you probably don't want to be talking about your child's health all the time to strangers).

Show quote history

Oh yes because other random people are always happy to just accept what you say and move on with their day.

If the lady had gone into an explanation, OP may well have been the sort of person who holds you up longer asking questions or explaining how they know all about being in rush cos this one time dadadadadada.

Illbebythesea · 04/10/2023 16:43

@Hufflepods it’s not a lesser reason, just makes you a bit of a dick that’s all! 😄

jays · 04/10/2023 16:43

Exactly, takes 2 seconds for a conspiratorial ‘he’s needing a poop’ or whatever head nod! We’ve all done it!!

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:43

Hufflepods · 04/10/2023 16:40

@CharlotteBog Do you just bar the way and walk off, or do you mention that your child can't be near other children as you walk away, or just lie and say "sorry, I'm in a hurry" (I can see that you probably don't want to be talking about your child's health all the time to strangers).

Why is just not wanting to engage with a random child following you as lesser reason? Why should someone have to lie about being in a hurry?

Because shops are FULL of random people. We generally talk to them if we wish to communicate something

I'm not saying she should lie about being in a hurry, but that it's easy to say "I'm in a hurry" rather than explain about your child's health conditions.

PuddlesPityParty · 04/10/2023 16:44

OP you’re responses are really quite dramatic. It likely wasn’t anything to do with you or your child and it’s really not worth thinking anything more of it - sorry but all I can think is get over yourself!!!

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:44

Meh....this is getting ridiculous.
I'm not even the OP.
Apparently I am bored and lonely with all my talking to random people in public.

Furryrug · 04/10/2023 16:44

There will probably be many occasions in life where a stranger does something that we perceive ,rightly or wrongly, to be weird/rude/ odd/ funny/offensive etc . This is one of them.

CornishClott · 04/10/2023 16:45

Maybe there were reasons but there are ways of going about things without being rude

melj1213 · 04/10/2023 16:45

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 15:58

"t's still really unclear how she did this from your description.

Your child was walking next to her child. She then somehow went in front of both, in order to block your child only, between her arm and a column?

What?"

In response to this - she stepped out behind her child, to be next to mine and then stretch her arm across him and touch the column opposite

And where were you OP?

You let your child follow another random child and their parent - they were trying to walk away because they didn't want to engage for whatever reason (sick/tired/busy/heading off a tantrum/any number of reasons that are none of your business) and your child was following them so the parent had no choice but to actively stop your child from following by physically creating a barrier and was close enough to them that he nearly made contact with the woman when she stopped.

You should have stepped in much earlier, why weren't you there? If you were close enough to grab your child then you were also uncomfortably close behind the woman and she may have felt intimidated by you being so close and not speaking to her; if you weren't close enough to grab your child then you weren't close enough to keep them under control, what if they had darted off out of a door or in front of a trolley?

Either way the parent at fault is not the one who just wanted to get on with her shopping without someone annoying them.

margotrose · 04/10/2023 16:45

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:43

Because shops are FULL of random people. We generally talk to them if we wish to communicate something

I'm not saying she should lie about being in a hurry, but that it's easy to say "I'm in a hurry" rather than explain about your child's health conditions.

Show quote history

It's even easier to just say "excuse me" and get on with your day.

Why do so many people think random strangers owe them any kind of conversation or explanation for their behaviour?

If OP's 3yo hadn't wandered over to them uninvited in the first place, none of this would have happened anyway.