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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This mum just blocked my toddler from approaching hers

413 replies

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 14:17

was in town today walking through M&S , with my 3 yr old.
We had just bought toys in the previous shop so he was out of pram and walking with his new toys in his hands and was excited about them.
Walking parallel to us was also a mum with toddler (around two)
My son approached him from the side and started walking directly next to him showing him his toys whilst they were both walking , the child smiled in response and didn't appear to seem at unease, however the mum swiftly stopped and put her arm out in front of my son blocked him between her arm and a Column so that he couldn't go any further and then she said ' excuse me ' as if for him to back away.
He turned to face me and I swooped him up and said ' he's only a toddler'
To which she didn't respond, she carried on walking and I changed direction.
I was left feeling quite sad for my son
I just wanted other mum's opinions on this . Was I in the wrong for letting my child approach hers , I guess everyone is entitled to their personal space. However I never anticipated that reaction it just seemed like a mean thing to do , and I'm always very welcoming to other kids that approach us

OP posts:
margotrose · 04/10/2023 15:31

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 15:30

She could had have easily accidentally struck him with how quick she was to do it to. As he was still moving , her arm was close to his face.

Show quote history

Maybe you shouldn't let your toddler approach strangers in shops, then other parents wouldn't be forced to intervene.

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 15:32

This is one of those threads where MN is entirely different to RL.

In RL when you go to public places you can expect some interaction with other people.
In RL when toddlers meet each other, their carers don't put a physical bar between them, nor whip them away with no explanation ("bless them, but we've got to be at the dentist in 5 mins...must dash").

I think if I was out walking with my toddler and really didn't want them to interact with anyone I would put them in a pushchair or carry them.

Of course there could be a very valid reason this person put her arm between your son and her child, but I would think it a bit odd.

Kitcaterpillar · 04/10/2023 15:32

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 15:30

She could had have easily accidentally struck him with how quick she was to do it to. As he was still moving , her arm was close to his face.

Show quote history

You're being ridiculous.

loislovesstewie · 04/10/2023 15:33

Today I am having a really awful day, I would probably be a bit short with others if I was out and about. Maybe this mum is just having a really tough day and just wants to get home and SCREAM! She's not a monster, we don't know what else is going on, just let it go.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:33

Op, you have to keep in mind that while many on here are decent, there are a significant number who are mean as hell, hardened toward children, and think being hateful to a child is something to be applauded. It instead exposes a lack of class and a lack of perception. They don’t even realize how awful they make themselves look. That’s how obtuse they are.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:33

loislovesstewie · 04/10/2023 15:29

Where does racism come into it? What have I missed?

I think (I hope!) the poster is being sarcastic 😂

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/10/2023 15:34

So many reasons why she might have done this - she was in a hurry, her kid might be going through a difficult hitting or snatching phase, her kid might have chicken pox or Covid or something and she thinks it’s fine to take him to the shops, but didn’t want anyone too near (illogical but could happen)

margotrose · 04/10/2023 15:34

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:33

Op, you have to keep in mind that while many on here are decent, there are a significant number who are mean as hell, hardened toward children, and think being hateful to a child is something to be applauded. It instead exposes a lack of class and a lack of perception. They don’t even realize how awful they make themselves look. That’s how obtuse they are.

Are you always this dramatic, or is today a special occasion?

ClinkyWotsit · 04/10/2023 15:35

Maybe she was pissed off generally about life, her DH had just text her to say he’d be home late, she’d been awake with a contrary 2 year old since 5:30am, and she’d really just had enough of her own child that day let alone turning round to find another random one tagging along, and really just wanted to scream “gah, will everyone just sod off!”?

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:35

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 15:32

This is one of those threads where MN is entirely different to RL.

In RL when you go to public places you can expect some interaction with other people.
In RL when toddlers meet each other, their carers don't put a physical bar between them, nor whip them away with no explanation ("bless them, but we've got to be at the dentist in 5 mins...must dash").

I think if I was out walking with my toddler and really didn't want them to interact with anyone I would put them in a pushchair or carry them.

Of course there could be a very valid reason this person put her arm between your son and her child, but I would think it a bit odd.

as most of us don't live in Walnut Grove or PeppaLand, I would respectfully disagree.

In real life, people get on with whatever they are doing, only the very bored or the very old and lonely try to have interactions with randoms.

Mistressanne · 04/10/2023 15:38

It's like Little Britain with Catherine Tate on MN today.
Oh Annabel don't let that feral toddler touch you, run while Mummy blocks him.

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 15:38

In real life, people get on with whatever they are doing, only the very bored or the very old and lonely try to have interactions with randoms.

And toddlers.

Interesting though. I don't regard myself as bored, very old or lonely but I do talk to randoms (people in a queue, people who are serving me in a shop, waiting at a bus stop, I even say hello to people when I walk round my village).

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 04/10/2023 15:42

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:22

Only a classless person is mean and aggressively hostile to a little child. Aggressively and immediately blocking a toddler with her arm so that he doesn’t get close to her child, sounds like a racist behavior. If she touched him while blocking him and pinning him between her arm and the column that could be considered assault. How a person reacts in the spur of the moment shows the character, or lack of one.

Racist? Assault? I think you need to go and have a little lie down.

Frabbits · 04/10/2023 15:44

I wouldn't just let my kid wander up to a stranger in a shop. At a playpark or soft play it's a bit different, but not in a shop so that was rude from the get go.

The woman doesn't owe OP an explanation either. Maybe 9 times out of 10 she'd be nicer to the kid, maybe not, but whatever.

PinkRoses1245 · 04/10/2023 15:44

AutumnFroglets · 04/10/2023 14:20

Perhaps she is aware that her toddler would make a toy grab and when prised out of his chubby little toddler hands he would go into full blown meltdown?

In other words life isn't always about you.

This. And so many reasons. Don't give it another thought.

FacebookGroupDrama · 04/10/2023 15:46

"Swooped him up" is a bit dramatic OP.

As PP have said, it's unusual but there is likely to be a reason you will never know about. Forget it and move on.

Oh and "he was excited" immediately makes me think this means he was waving them about annoyingly, but that's probably just me 😂

onwardsup4 · 04/10/2023 15:47

Canisaysomething · 04/10/2023 14:58

You don’t know the reason so don’t sweat it.

Just this. Could have been any number of reasons that were to do with her and her child not personal against yours. The poster wondering why she couldn't give a smile and scurry off, eh ?

ThreeRingCircus · 04/10/2023 15:47

You're being precious OP.

OK, perhaps she didn't react perfectly when put on the spot but really it's a non-issue. There have been a myriad of legitimate reasons already mentioned why she may have not wanted your child approaching hers.

The fact that you say you're sad about it and have posted on here when in reality this is no big deal suggests to me that you're really overthinking this. She clearly had something going on, she didn't want an approach, it's about her and not a slight on your child.

Hufflepods · 04/10/2023 15:47

@Toastiesforever If another toddler stopped to talk to my toddler id be chuffed to bits, and really how rushed can you be in that situation because let me tell you with a toddler your getting nowhere fast.

Do you really think once you have a child you can't have anywhere to be or any timings to keep to?? Not everyone with a toddler is mooching around a shop trying to fill their day.

ChristmasCrumpet · 04/10/2023 15:51

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 14:54

I think it was more so her removing my child from her environment rather than continuing on with her child.

Show quote history

It's still really unclear how she did this from your description.

Your child was walking next to her child. She then somehow went in front of both, in order to block your child only, between her arm and a column?

What?

Pressthespacebar · 04/10/2023 15:54

Maybe her child hits others and she didn’t want to risk it? My 3 yr old has adhd and learning delays(diagnosed)and I have to be hyper vigilant around other kids especially those smaller than him, 9 times out of ten he will give them a whack or push them over without any warning.

User767463 · 04/10/2023 15:54

Many reasons I've kept my toddler away from other ones:

Befriending a strange kid is pointless. It wastes time on the shopping trip, you will never see them again, you get forced into awkward small talk and that kid could be full of germs.

My kid has a virus I know could be contagious and I don't want them infecting others. This has already been the case with covid, HFW, rotavirus, slapped cheek and post chicken-pox vaccine rash.

If the other kid has a toy, I don't want to get roped into an argument because she wants the same.

I have a virus I know could be contagious so I don't want to get friendly with any strangers and their kids. Was the case with covid.

I need the loo or in a rush or just not in the mood to walk two toddlers play with each other in the shop

NumberTheory · 04/10/2023 15:55

I think the other mum was a bit curt in the way she made her boundaries known, but not wrong about wanting to move on without your DC distracting her DC. There are all sorts of situations I can think of where it wouldn’t be welcome.

But I also don’t think it’s wrong of you to have let your DC approach. And it’s a great skill to have - the confidence to approach people. You just have to realise that if you do that, some of the time you’re going to get knocked back.

So when that happens, be breezy with DC about it, point out that the person knocking you back just wants different things ant the moment and that’s okay. And get on with your day. Sometimes it will be obvious in advance that an approach wouldn’t be welcome and helping your DC spot that is also an important skill to develop.

Hmindr68 · 04/10/2023 15:58

The clutching is gold standard

Original poster
Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 15:58

"t's still really unclear how she did this from your description.

Your child was walking next to her child. She then somehow went in front of both, in order to block your child only, between her arm and a column?

What?"

In response to this - she stepped out behind her child, to be next to mine and then stretch her arm across him and touch the column opposite

OP posts: