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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This mum just blocked my toddler from approaching hers

413 replies

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 14:17

was in town today walking through M&S , with my 3 yr old.
We had just bought toys in the previous shop so he was out of pram and walking with his new toys in his hands and was excited about them.
Walking parallel to us was also a mum with toddler (around two)
My son approached him from the side and started walking directly next to him showing him his toys whilst they were both walking , the child smiled in response and didn't appear to seem at unease, however the mum swiftly stopped and put her arm out in front of my son blocked him between her arm and a Column so that he couldn't go any further and then she said ' excuse me ' as if for him to back away.
He turned to face me and I swooped him up and said ' he's only a toddler'
To which she didn't respond, she carried on walking and I changed direction.
I was left feeling quite sad for my son
I just wanted other mum's opinions on this . Was I in the wrong for letting my child approach hers , I guess everyone is entitled to their personal space. However I never anticipated that reaction it just seemed like a mean thing to do , and I'm always very welcoming to other kids that approach us

OP posts:
Lostcotter · 04/10/2023 15:14

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:14

no they are not. Toys are communal, it's bad form not to respect that.

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Ah okay!

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/10/2023 15:14

@Mariposista

she probably did have somewhere to be yeah.

lemmein · 04/10/2023 15:15

MamaToABeautifulBoy · 04/10/2023 15:07

MN isn’t the place to come for sensible responses. The woman behaved strangely. I can understand why you’re upset. If she was offsetting a tantrum, she only needed so say! People can be v odd.

True, posters love to bash parents on here for fuck all - weirdos!

You didn't do anything wrong OP but I'd be inclined to think she was probably stressed and trying to avoid a meltdown for your little boys new toys. Shopping with toddlers is not fun, as I'm sure you're aware Grin

queenMab99 · 04/10/2023 15:15

The natural thing to do, if she didn't want her child to interact with yours for any reason, would be to move her child away, or hurry him along, not to block your child. In any case I wouldn't worry about it, she was rude and thoughtless, but no harm done.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:15

Toastiesforever · 04/10/2023 15:14

Honestly...I find it weird as fuck.

If another toddler stopped to talk to my toddler id be chuffed to bits, and really how rushed can you be in that situation because let me tell you with a toddler your getting nowhere fast.

Feel sorry for the other womans child tbh.

I find it weird as fuck to stop and start interacting with complete strangers in the street. I leave you alone, you leave me alone and everybody is happy.
There are toddlers group if you feel like being sociable.

HappyPurrrsday · 04/10/2023 15:16

Could be that she was just a bitch but when my DD was 2 she would go from cordial to deciding she was angry another kid was in her space so grabbing and biting them in two seconds flat

I might have guided her away from another kid at that age. Though I’d have told another parent she can be a bit of a demon

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:17

Lostcotter · 04/10/2023 15:14

Ah okay!

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if the owner is happy to share the toy, it's not too horrendous, but nothing worst than a child who takes his own toy, drops it everywhere, but start having a tantrum when another child grabs it.

Toastiesforever · 04/10/2023 15:17

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:15

I find it weird as fuck to stop and start interacting with complete strangers in the street. I leave you alone, you leave me alone and everybody is happy.
There are toddlers group if you feel like being sociable.

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It was 2 toddlers. So maybe you try and explain these rules to them...

CurlewKate · 04/10/2023 15:18

He might have had chicken pox?

Fladdermus · 04/10/2023 15:19

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:15

I find it weird as fuck to stop and start interacting with complete strangers in the street. I leave you alone, you leave me alone and everybody is happy.
There are toddlers group if you feel like being sociable.

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Same. I can barely tolerate my own kids, why on earth would I want to interact with a random stranger's in the street?

Fireisland · 04/10/2023 15:21

Er she was walking through M&S, not a bloody soft play! You have no idea what was going on in her day, quite possibly she was in a hurry and didn't need her child getting distracted by toys. Take your kid to the park to make friends next time

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 04/10/2023 15:21

I hate other toddlers coming up to us when we are out. Park, soft play - fine, play is expected there. M&S, car park, library - no. I actually admire the woman for removing your child from her environment, I wish I’d had done that with the toddler following us around at the library. She was taking stuff out of the buggy, trying to take my daughter’s books, trying to take her water cup, wanting to use the machine all while mum sat on the side thinking it’s cute as she read the older one a story. Other people’s kids are annoying and she didn’t need any further reason than that.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:22

Only a classless person is mean and aggressively hostile to a little child. Aggressively and immediately blocking a toddler with her arm so that he doesn’t get close to her child, sounds like a racist behavior. If she touched him while blocking him and pinning him between her arm and the column that could be considered assault. How a person reacts in the spur of the moment shows the character, or lack of one.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:22

Toastiesforever · 04/10/2023 15:17

It was 2 toddlers. So maybe you try and explain these rules to them...

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It's the mum and the poster who are making a massive drama out of it. The toddlers likely barely even noticed anything, and had forgotten the "incident" 6 seconds after it happened.

myjohnnywasasaint · 04/10/2023 15:24

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:22

Only a classless person is mean and aggressively hostile to a little child. Aggressively and immediately blocking a toddler with her arm so that he doesn’t get close to her child, sounds like a racist behavior. If she touched him while blocking him and pinning him between her arm and the column that could be considered assault. How a person reacts in the spur of the moment shows the character, or lack of one.

Don't be ridiculous, lots of posters have given plenty of good examples of why the other mum may have wanted to keep a distance between the kids.

VeridicalVagabond · 04/10/2023 15:24

Mariposista · 04/10/2023 14:48

I'd have been tempted to say 'got somewhere to be have you?' dripping with sarcasm.
obviously wouldn't have actually lowered myself to that level in front of the kiddies. What a twat. Your boy sounds lively and friendly.

Yeah I bet you would aye.

Only the fear of upsetting the children stopping you from dripping your sarcasm all over the floor is it, not the fear of being rightly told to go fuck yourself and mind your business by a stranger?

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:27

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:22

Only a classless person is mean and aggressively hostile to a little child. Aggressively and immediately blocking a toddler with her arm so that he doesn’t get close to her child, sounds like a racist behavior. If she touched him while blocking him and pinning him between her arm and the column that could be considered assault. How a person reacts in the spur of the moment shows the character, or lack of one.

you forgot misogynistic, sexist, discriminative, and let's be honest, hateful.

I would press charges against any witness who did not call the armed police immediately when seeing this horrendous, violent and life-changing attack.

Love and prayer for the child, let's hope he doesn't suffer from PTSD.

margotrose · 04/10/2023 15:27

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:22

Only a classless person is mean and aggressively hostile to a little child. Aggressively and immediately blocking a toddler with her arm so that he doesn’t get close to her child, sounds like a racist behavior. If she touched him while blocking him and pinning him between her arm and the column that could be considered assault. How a person reacts in the spur of the moment shows the character, or lack of one.

She wasn't mean or aggressively hostile Hmm don't be so dramatic.

Strangers don't owe you interaction or explanations for their behaviour. She moved a random (probably annoying) toddler out of her way and carried on with her day - good for her.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:27

myjohnnywasasaint · 04/10/2023 15:24

Don't be ridiculous, lots of posters have given plenty of good examples of why the other mum may have wanted to keep a distance between the kids.

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That doesn’t excuse being mean to a little 3 year old child. No need to stick arm out and act hostile. Class is ultimately kindness and it certainly wasn’t kind what this obnoxious woman did. She did not act kindly toward this child and that is the issue. Plenty of ways to gently handle these situations.

yogpot · 04/10/2023 15:27

I would have removed my toddler from this situation (because he is having a stage where everything belongs to HIM and he would grab the toy, not give it back until it was prised from him, and then he would cry and it would just be all around awful).

However, I wouldn’t have blocked yours and I would have said something to your child along the lines of ‘oh it’s so very kind of you to show xxx your toy, he hasn’t learned to share yet I’m afraid but thank you’ and whisked my little gremlin away. So I think she was a bit forceful but she may have just been focused on de-escalating what could have been a meltdown scenario for her child.

user1471447924 · 04/10/2023 15:29

Ah well. Never mind. 🙄

loislovesstewie · 04/10/2023 15:29

Where does racism come into it? What have I missed?

randomsabreuse · 04/10/2023 15:30

Toastiesforever · 04/10/2023 15:14

Honestly...I find it weird as fuck.

If another toddler stopped to talk to my toddler id be chuffed to bits, and really how rushed can you be in that situation because let me tell you with a toddler your getting nowhere fast.

Feel sorry for the other womans child tbh.

School/nursery run for other child, parking due up.

Shopping with toddlers is -one of the circles of hell- not something I enjoy. I want it done and over before they decide the need something and lose their mind if they can't have it .

Original poster
Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 15:30

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:22

Only a classless person is mean and aggressively hostile to a little child. Aggressively and immediately blocking a toddler with her arm so that he doesn’t get close to her child, sounds like a racist behavior. If she touched him while blocking him and pinning him between her arm and the column that could be considered assault. How a person reacts in the spur of the moment shows the character, or lack of one.

She could had have easily accidentally struck him with how quick she was to do it to. As he was still moving , her arm was close to his face.

OP posts:
Toenailz · 04/10/2023 15:31

I think you're being precious OP, as only people with children can be about their offspring (not that that's shared by all parents at all, mind you, as evidenced here on this thread by some posters with actual self awareness).

I can forgive a toddler not reading social situations, adults are the real problem I find.

Which I suspect is exactly what happened here. You missed some important social cues and body language signs from mum, before she blocked your child from following alongside them. Eg. avoiding eye contact, grimaced or 'forced' smile' with lips pursed, eyebrow flash whilst force smiling, turning body slightly away, speeding up slighty, even just obvious and blatent ignoring, is a very important sign. You missed one.

I remember once shopping in asda. Was looking at the sweetie aisle, was very close to the shelf of the items I was choosing from. A child climbed in between me and the shelf (there was barely any space, I was quite aghast at his efforts to get between us). He wasn't even quickly grabbing a sweetie. I looked behind me to the mother who was just stood there like some sort of empty husk, I gave her a look but genuinely she just was blank in the eyes and didn't even seem to realise the rude behaviour of her son. There wasn't even a sense of entitlement in her expression, just pure stupidy looking back.

Sometimes parents aren't with it (and I don't blame them). I suspect this was you in this case, that or the entitlement that people should want to interact with your son no matter what they're doing.

She doesn't owe you an explanation of what she was doing, if she was busy and in a hurry, if her child doesn't play well with others, if he's ill - nothing. It's none of your business - she's a stranger out shopping.