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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This mum just blocked my toddler from approaching hers

413 replies

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 14:17

was in town today walking through M&S , with my 3 yr old.
We had just bought toys in the previous shop so he was out of pram and walking with his new toys in his hands and was excited about them.
Walking parallel to us was also a mum with toddler (around two)
My son approached him from the side and started walking directly next to him showing him his toys whilst they were both walking , the child smiled in response and didn't appear to seem at unease, however the mum swiftly stopped and put her arm out in front of my son blocked him between her arm and a Column so that he couldn't go any further and then she said ' excuse me ' as if for him to back away.
He turned to face me and I swooped him up and said ' he's only a toddler'
To which she didn't respond, she carried on walking and I changed direction.
I was left feeling quite sad for my son
I just wanted other mum's opinions on this . Was I in the wrong for letting my child approach hers , I guess everyone is entitled to their personal space. However I never anticipated that reaction it just seemed like a mean thing to do , and I'm always very welcoming to other kids that approach us

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 06/10/2023 05:07

I presume whatever she was thinking was probably all over in abut 3 seconds and she probably moved on in quicker than it took you to hit 'send' on your OP

If you over think reactions like this with your child you are going to be in for a VERY LONG RIDE

connie26 · 06/10/2023 05:12

I think it's very sad and I would feel the same way as you. As others have said though, could be a genuine reason, so just forget about it.

Ffion21 · 06/10/2023 05:42

It’s really weird. However it isn’t personal, she doesn’t knew you or your kid so don’t over think it. The reason would have been unrelated to you -
maybe her son isn’t that well and she didn’t want to compromise your son for example but she wouldn’t say that out loud as her own son shouldn’t be outdoors say.

Loads of reasons but agree it’s weird behaviour.

Marchitectmummy · 06/10/2023 06:29

Goodness of course you are being unreasonable, and your responses to anyone who thinks you are shows exactly the issue.

The mother felt the need to stop your child approaching hers. It does not
matter why she felt the need that is not your business.

You need to keep your child with you, not 2ms away, but with you if you can't hold hands teach it to hold your pram.

Mistressanne · 06/10/2023 06:53

Marchitectmummy · 06/10/2023 06:29

Goodness of course you are being unreasonable, and your responses to anyone who thinks you are shows exactly the issue.

The mother felt the need to stop your child approaching hers. It does not
matter why she felt the need that is not your business.

You need to keep your child with you, not 2ms away, but with you if you can't hold hands teach it to hold your pram.

‘It?’

HotButteryCrumpet · 06/10/2023 07:16

As the mum of an immunocompromised micro preemie, I can absolutely see this being me. In fact, at the hospital once, a toddler tried peering into my very young baby’s pram and her mum thought she was being super cute. I had to turn the pram around to “block” this toddler. Don’t think the other mum was impressed but the difference is I explained that my son is immunocompromised. Other parents can take it or leave it. Sorry to say, I see children people, as walking petri dishes. What I’m trying to say is, sometimes there is more going on than what meets the eye.

CherryMaDeara · 06/10/2023 07:23

Is this in M&S or out on the street afterwards?

Maybe she was worried he would walk onto the road and so blocked him off?

raven0007 · 06/10/2023 08:07

My toddler has ADHD & ASD. I often have to step in between interactions because they can turn violent in a second and go from smiling to strangling. I’m their parent and I know their signs whereas a stranger looking on would not.

LorraineBainMcFly · 06/10/2023 08:14

Ticktockk · 05/10/2023 19:35

I struggle to see any other explanation than she was helpfully stopping your child from escaping from you. You just said you were a couple of meters behind trying to catch up, with your pram.
I think I’d have done the same!

This, rather than all the dramatic SHE HATES KIDS!

Middleagedmeangirls · 06/10/2023 08:25

Why are you making this about you and your child? You know nothing of this woman or her child or their circumstances. She might just be an absolute bitch who enjoys hurting the feelings of unknown children (in which case, narrow escape!) but it's much more likely she had reasons which made sense to her for stopping this interaction. Either way it's a total non event.

use it as a learning opportunity for DC and yourself. Not everyone is friendly or even polite. . That's their issue not yours. Accept it and move on.

Switcher · 06/10/2023 08:28

There are the same proportion of weirdos in the parent population as there are in the rest of the population? I wouldn't have given it a second thought tbh - you don't need the internet to validate your views.

Switcher · 06/10/2023 08:31

WandaWonder · 06/10/2023 05:07

I presume whatever she was thinking was probably all over in abut 3 seconds and she probably moved on in quicker than it took you to hit 'send' on your OP

If you over think reactions like this with your child you are going to be in for a VERY LONG RIDE

@WandaWonder 100%!! I often wonder how people who agonise about the world like this actually get through their day!

Sunnydays60 · 06/10/2023 08:31

These posts get added to Facebook and invariably the comments on there are much kinder. Correct me if I'm wrong but the question was - should I have blocked my child from approaching another? The vibe on this thread seems to be that you should indeed make sure your child never approaches another in the street? So I guess that's OPs answer. Seems sad but there we are.

ittakes2 · 06/10/2023 08:50

I don’t think you did anything wrong or she did anything wrong. She was likely busy - her child also could have an infectious disease that she was trying to avoid passing onto your child. She might be going on holiday anc worried your child had an infectious disease - it really doesn’t matter why she was ok doing what she did.

BatteryPoweredMammy · 06/10/2023 08:54

GalaApples · 04/10/2023 14:38

YANBU. She was rude, and whatever her reasons it would not have hurt her to briefly explain her reasons. It is so sad that many people are inconsiderate of other people's feelings, and just don't bother.

And People Pleaser of the Year award goes to…..

RUDE?? Rude is interrupting a complete stranger for no good reason and then expecting them to apologise unreservedly when they don’t want to join in with your nonsense.

BBQchickensalad · 06/10/2023 09:03

Sunnydays60 · 06/10/2023 08:31

These posts get added to Facebook and invariably the comments on there are much kinder. Correct me if I'm wrong but the question was - should I have blocked my child from approaching another? The vibe on this thread seems to be that you should indeed make sure your child never approaches another in the street? So I guess that's OPs answer. Seems sad but there we are.

My take would be that a child can be friendly and try to approach another but they have to learn that not everyone is wanting to be approached or engage with them. In that case they need to accept it, not take it personally, turn around and get on with their day.

Too much for a toddler to comprehend but something they need to learn over the years.

BBQchickensalad · 06/10/2023 09:07

BatteryPoweredMammy · 06/10/2023 08:54

And People Pleaser of the Year award goes to…..

RUDE?? Rude is interrupting a complete stranger for no good reason and then expecting them to apologise unreservedly when they don’t want to join in with your nonsense.

Show quote history

Totally agree. I don't owe an explanation of what might be personal information to anyone.

I once walked past someone in the street. They passed me and called out my name behind me. I realised they knew me, I had no recollection of who they were. It was a week later it dawned on me and I looked them up. Yes, they were living in that area. Maybe I should have turned around to see who they were and say hi but it was the day before the second anniversary of my husband's death. I couldn't cope with being asked how the family was or how he was, so just kept walking. Maybe it seemed rude but it was just something I had to do in the moment to keep myself together.

PettyMare · 06/10/2023 09:18

Perhaps this is the other perspective. Busy supermarket, your very small child is wandering away from you, 2 meters so far. Kindly stranger aware of how quickly a child can get lost in a shop, blocks his path to give you time to notice how far he has wandered and give you time to catch up with him and take his hand. In return you're miffed that she didn't stop and let her child play!

Catza · 06/10/2023 10:01

I think I would be miffed too. It's perfectly OK for her to go on with her day and not want another child interacting with hers but it is not OK to conduct oneself in this manner towards the child. The other day a two year old was following my dog. I could see the dog was becoming distressed but I am also an adult who understands the little boy just wanted a cuddle with her and has no concept of dogs having feelings and preferences. All it took was a smile and a gentle "that's enough now, darling" and redirecting him to his grandparents.

cntn23 · 06/10/2023 10:03

🙄🙄

Some of the replies here. I think she was rude. What’s wrong with happily saying hello to a small child who’s clearly excited and just continuing on, kids have to learn they can’t have everything they want so if her child was going to kick off what’s it matter? You’d never leave the house if that was the case!

Don’t worry about it. People are just weird. I’ve been going through the worst times of my life and still manage to smile and be polite to people. YANBU blocking your child was well over the top and quite stupid.

Hmm1234 · 06/10/2023 10:10

I understand this and it’s happened to us on both ends before but it could be that her own child would start pestering her for new toys or wouldn’t want to give them back to your child ‘nicely’ don’t take it to heart

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/10/2023 10:25

cntn23 · 06/10/2023 10:03

🙄🙄

Some of the replies here. I think she was rude. What’s wrong with happily saying hello to a small child who’s clearly excited and just continuing on, kids have to learn they can’t have everything they want so if her child was going to kick off what’s it matter? You’d never leave the house if that was the case!

Don’t worry about it. People are just weird. I’ve been going through the worst times of my life and still manage to smile and be polite to people. YANBU blocking your child was well over the top and quite stupid.

Because kids having to learn they can't have (or do) everything they want also applies to OP's kid, does it not?

If I thought my kid would kick off in M&S and there was an easy way to prevent it, especially if I was in a rush or was already having a bad day, I would absolutely do it.

cntn23 · 06/10/2023 10:33

"Because kids having to learn they can't have (or do) everything they want also applies to OP's kid, does it not?

If I thought my kid would kick off in M&S and there was an easy way to prevent it, especially if I was in a rush or was already having a bad day, I would absolutely do it."
*
*
What? Of course it applies but her child was literally being friendly. And as OP is was all in a matter of seconds. So what's the issue?

Yes you can prevent things as I would in certain situations, say avoiding a sweet or toy aisle best I could. Bit that doesn't mean you need to potentially upset someone else or be rude in the OP situation.

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/10/2023 10:39

cntn23 · 06/10/2023 10:33

"Because kids having to learn they can't have (or do) everything they want also applies to OP's kid, does it not?

If I thought my kid would kick off in M&S and there was an easy way to prevent it, especially if I was in a rush or was already having a bad day, I would absolutely do it."
*
*
What? Of course it applies but her child was literally being friendly. And as OP is was all in a matter of seconds. So what's the issue?

Yes you can prevent things as I would in certain situations, say avoiding a sweet or toy aisle best I could. Bit that doesn't mean you need to potentially upset someone else or be rude in the OP situation.

Well, exactly. It was just a few seconds and we are all just guessing why the other mum did what she did, none of us actually have any idea.

Maybe she was just rude, who knows but maybe it was also what I said above or even the fact that her child is going through a hitting or a biting stage so she didn't want OP's kid getting too close. OP was a few feet away which is probably why she did the arm thing.

It just isn't something I would've thought about much. Not everyone wants or has time to interact with my kid, fair enough. It's not something I'd take personally.

Blades2 · 06/10/2023 10:58

My children are teens now. But when they were toddlers, especially my eldest, who is autistic, she hated other little children, and it would cause a massive meltdown when kids tried to interact with her. I’d do anything to avoid that , especially in a shop.
Also, mums mental health might be bad, mine has been for years and I’ll be quite honest, the last thing I would have wanted to or needed to, was interact with another small child and their mum.