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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People are unclean nowadays!!!!!!!!!

210 replies

hellinahandcart700 · 04/10/2023 14:01

I have started a new job where I have to see and help people into work. I have been amazed by the amount of filthy, dirty people out there! These people are not disabled in any way and I get to know a lot about them and their circumstances. They smell of sweat, their hands and clothes are dirty (very dirty fingernails is common) and women's soles of the feet are literally brown! They are very unkempt and just don't seem to have any desire to be clean and fresh. Greasy hair is also common. Now I might get slated by some people but honestly, what has happened to people? I was taught to bathe twice a week making sure to wash everywhere, all the creases etc. Other days you have a good wash at the sink 2 or 3 times a day, washing under arms, face, genitals and feet! Do i say anything to them or could I be sued? How do you help people into work like this?

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 04/10/2023 14:06

To be fair I would say bathing only twice a week was pretty grim but I suppose everyone has different standards

CacenCaws · 04/10/2023 14:07

Have you not had any training to do your job? you need to ask your supervisor what is appropriate for you to say

VeridicalVagabond · 04/10/2023 14:08

Get a new job, you're not suited to working with vulnerable, struggling people.

MobilityCat · 04/10/2023 14:08

3 people think that you're being unreasonable, but don't explain why. I think that cleanliness at work is important, as when you're clean you function better. From what you have described I cannot imagine what their homes are like.

LampLamp · 04/10/2023 14:08

You need a new career direction.

CacenCaws · 04/10/2023 14:09

Other days you have a good wash at the sink 2 or 3 times a day, washing under arms, face, genitals and feet!
You might as well have had a quick shower in the time it takes to do this?

madamreign · 04/10/2023 14:09

This is the Job Center, right?

It's been a long time since I was on the dole but why on earth would anybody make an effort, for that weekly humiliation?

RedToothBrush · 04/10/2023 14:11

Has it occurred to you that they can't afford to be having a shower on a daily or even twice weekly basis? Or their living conditions leave a lot to be desired?

Instead you rock up going 'disgusting people, I'm too good for this and they need to have some standards'.

I'm extremely 'hmmm' about this.

Andnowtowhatcomesnext · 04/10/2023 14:11

Looneytune253 · Today 14:06

To be fair I would say bathing only twice a week was pretty grim but I suppose everyone has different standards

The OP then washes at the sink three times a day.

JaceLancs · 04/10/2023 14:13

I had an appointment with a health professional recently and I struggled to deal with it due to their poor hygiene ie BO that was so bad I had to try and surreptitiously hold my breath when they did things that involved closer proximity
It was a 45 minute appointment so not a quick in and out
I did wonder whether I should do something eg report it to their line manager but the person themselves was lovely so I didn’t

MintJulia · 04/10/2023 14:13

If people are living in a house of multiple occupancy, they may be 10 people to a shower, with very little hot water and no working washing machine.

Before you get too judgmental, find out where the local Salvation Army is and whether they can help those who have a job interview to have a hot shower and a haircut first. Perhaps provide soap, shampoo and some clean clothes too.

Practical suggestions are better than criticism and will earn you much more respect. It will also increase your success rate.

Mrsjayy · 04/10/2023 14:13

I mean what qualifications do you have for this job surely you understand some people living in poverty are vulnerable and struggle with life, it's probably best you look for something else because it's not for you is it?

HoneyBadgerMom · 04/10/2023 14:14

So these are people who are literally barefoot, and you're surprised they struggle with hygiene? You sound really snotty and insensitive. Why on earth would you take a job helping people if you have such contempt for people who are struggling?

Thisweeksname · 04/10/2023 14:14

YANBU - I remember when I was unemployed after uni and I had to go the job centre. Some of the sights and smells I encountered were awful 😣 Some people are just grim and they probably don’t want to get into work, lazy and smelly. You could always tell the people who actually wanted a job from the people who were just dossers.

CinnamonBear · 04/10/2023 14:15

A cost of living crisis, sky high utility prices and being out of work and you can't figure out why some of these people aren't prioritising their hygiene? Ok.

Thisweeksname · 04/10/2023 14:16

It’s not always about poverty, sometimes same smelly people have big tvs and iPhones.

AutumnFroglets · 04/10/2023 14:16

Since you have ruled out hidden disabilities as well as the obvious ones, have you asked about their living conditions ie access to hot water, soap availability etc?

Flickersy · 04/10/2023 14:17

I was taught to bathe twice a week making sure to wash everywhere, all the creases etc. Other days you have a good wash at the sink 2 or 3 times a day

What kind of weird household did you grow up in that you were forced to have a sink wash three times a day? Just have a daily shower and you'll be fine.

LookingForPurpose · 04/10/2023 14:18

Honest a god, get off your high horse.

I'm 43. I've got 3 degrees and can produce really nice cakes, food, paintings, diy, the lot. I can turn my hand to anything and enjoy growing my own food and bedding rabbits.

But I'm also bipolar. I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse and I have CPTSD. Two weeks ago I was showering very happily every single morning and washing my hair and brushing my teeth and being a typical person with a busy day going on about life. Then something changed and I plunged into a depression so bad and so suddenly that I was hearing voices and was convinced my DH had turned against me and was about to leave me. I was positive there was a man outside my bedroom door all night. I wanted to die. I sat on the couch crying my eyes out every day for a week wishing I was dead. I didn't shower or brush my teeth or even change my pyjamas. My DH (God bless him) had to take 3 days off work and put up with me accusing him off all sorts while I smelled like a bin and was going through2-3 loo rolls a day and trying to remember where I put my secret emergency cutting kit last time I was manic.

Thankfully I've come out of it as of yesterday and I'm already a ashamed and embarrassed ( even though it's not my fault) and if I faced judgement from somebody like you then that would probably finish me off. You need a new direction in life.

Desecratedcoconut · 04/10/2023 14:19

I have no idea what the state of cleanliness is with other people, really. I suppose if you are nose up to strangers and seeing the soles of their feet then you are in a better position to chart it than I am. Does this decline coincide with the increased cost of living, particularly fuel - or does it predate it?

BeggyMitchell · 04/10/2023 14:20

How on earth do you get to see the soles of their feet!?

Mrsjayy · 04/10/2023 14:21

Thisweeksname · 04/10/2023 14:16

It’s not always about poverty, sometimes same smelly people have big tvs and iPhones.

Oh yes here we go big tvs and an iPhone!

Mrsjayy · 04/10/2023 14:22

BeggyMitchell · 04/10/2023 14:20

How on earth do you get to see the soles of their feet!?

I am imagine slip on shoes and dangling off their feet or the Op just added it for drama !

godmama · 04/10/2023 14:23

It’s probably a cultural norm in cold countries like the UK. You should see the scorn and vituperation heaped upon people who admit to showering twice daily! Even those of us used to doing so from a repository (not mains water) and who are very low water users overall, by not leaving the shower to run while lathering up shampoo and getting in and out of there in a couple of minutes.

Sartre · 04/10/2023 14:24

I’m a uni lecturer so I smell a lot of funky smells and see a lot of greasy hair, it’s very common. I doubt it’s a money thing, more a can’t be arsed showering thing.