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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People are unclean nowadays!!!!!!!!!

210 replies

hellinahandcart700 · 04/10/2023 14:01

I have started a new job where I have to see and help people into work. I have been amazed by the amount of filthy, dirty people out there! These people are not disabled in any way and I get to know a lot about them and their circumstances. They smell of sweat, their hands and clothes are dirty (very dirty fingernails is common) and women's soles of the feet are literally brown! They are very unkempt and just don't seem to have any desire to be clean and fresh. Greasy hair is also common. Now I might get slated by some people but honestly, what has happened to people? I was taught to bathe twice a week making sure to wash everywhere, all the creases etc. Other days you have a good wash at the sink 2 or 3 times a day, washing under arms, face, genitals and feet! Do i say anything to them or could I be sued? How do you help people into work like this?

OP posts:
Desecratedcoconut · 04/10/2023 14:24

Mrsjayy · 04/10/2023 14:22

I am imagine slip on shoes and dangling off their feet or the Op just added it for drama !

I was thinking, chiropodist?

Thisisme23 · 04/10/2023 14:24

If these people are long term unemployed it wouldn't be too much of a leap to guess a high number of them may suffer with low self esteem or other mental health issues - probably have no money for new clothes/haircuts or even the cost of hot water to bathe or shower as regularly as they may like.

Surely you've had some kind of training to give you an idea what to expect to find with the long term unemployed??

Who on earth these days has a "basin wash"!!!! sounds like something out of the 70's surely most people just have a quick shower? How old are you OP? And how long have you been working with potentially vulnerable people?

AvocadotoastORahouse · 04/10/2023 14:26

VeridicalVagabond · 04/10/2023 14:08

Get a new job, you're not suited to working with vulnerable, struggling people.

This.

You're so judgemental, this is not the job for you.

Also where are you calling from? The 1950s? Showering twice a week? 🤢🤮 Most people who can afford it will shower every day. Maybe some of your clients are struggling to be able to afford the utility bills so are getting by as best they can. But anyway, even just 3 minutes will get you cleaner than a skin wash for heavens sake. Sink washes are for when the boiler breaks down.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 14:26

women's soles of the feet are literally brown!
where the heck do you work to see their feet?

yes, some people are filthy. That's not new, but that's not everyone and that's not "nowadays".

We take 1 or 2 showers a day in my house, so clearly we all have different standards.

sadaboutmycat · 04/10/2023 14:27

CacenCaws · 04/10/2023 14:09

Other days you have a good wash at the sink 2 or 3 times a day, washing under arms, face, genitals and feet!
You might as well have had a quick shower in the time it takes to do this?

Maybe Op is referring to times before showers when they grew up? I did t live in a house with a shower till 1987 when I was 25.

HerRoyalStressHead · 04/10/2023 14:27

These people could be depressed. Depression makes you less likely to take care of yourself. They may also be unable to afford to take care of themselves due to not having a job and the cost of living rising.
Before judging take a step back and think. Use your brain. There's many many reasons people may be unkempt and not up to your standards.

LolaSmiles · 04/10/2023 14:28

With that level of judgement I suspect you're probably not well suited to supporting people in difficult situations.

I can't work out if this is a made up scenario to encourage people to pile on about the undeserving poor/people on benefits or not. It seems amazing that someone with such a judgemental outlook would want a front line, client facing role working with service users who are likely to have challenging circumstances.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 04/10/2023 14:28

Ooh let's have a thread to slag off all those nasty smelly poor people
yay
g'wan op
say this sort of shit in work
g'wan
see how long you last

BCCoach · 04/10/2023 14:29

godmama · 04/10/2023 14:23

It’s probably a cultural norm in cold countries like the UK. You should see the scorn and vituperation heaped upon people who admit to showering twice daily! Even those of us used to doing so from a repository (not mains water) and who are very low water users overall, by not leaving the shower to run while lathering up shampoo and getting in and out of there in a couple of minutes.

Ah yeah, that'll be why Swedes and Finns are notoriously filthy. 🙄

dothehokeycokey · 04/10/2023 14:29

I have a close family member who has been v unwell mentally for the last two years.

Trying to get them to actually wash and brush their hair and teeth is a job in itself and that's someone who has family support.

Some people literally have nobody supporting them at home and if said family member didn't they would be in an even worse state than they already are.

We have tried to encourage them to clean abit and actually hoover/tidy do dishes etc but they just won't even try and if we try to do so to help it causes a real issue for family member mentally so it's so easy to say people are dirty and have no dignity but when they're dignity and self respect is on the floor they don't really give a shit to be honest.

A lot of the time their priority is getting through the day each day in a shit cycle and just getting up is a huge task in itself.

Obviously not everyone is like it however more and more people are suffering with bad mental health in this country and any sort of help be it practical or emotional is non existent trust me I've been trying to engage help for years.

There's a whole group of humans that have fallen through a massive gap here and there's nothing to pick them up.

Maybe you could get to know your service users abit more and find out if there's any type of help you could find for them.

They go to the job centre because they have to show willing even though mentally there's no way they could be employed in their current state of mind

If they don't go they get sanctioned and lose what little money they have to live.

Maybe you need to research some more for your role and remember we all come in and we all go out the same.

hellinahandcart700 · 04/10/2023 14:32

VeridicalVagabond · 04/10/2023 14:08

Get a new job, you're not suited to working with vulnerable, struggling people.

Honestly, they are not vulnerable or struggling. They manage to go out drinking every weekend!

OP posts:
Shopper727 · 04/10/2023 14:33

Ooft who sink washes 2/3 times per day? I work and no time to strip down in the ladies for a quick sink wash

how bizarre and judgemental op you have no real idea about these people or their mental health or finances, even if you did you show little care or empathy.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 04/10/2023 14:33

<hands op an even bigger Spoon>

horseyhorsey17 · 04/10/2023 14:33

Only bathing twice a week and then a couple of sink washes - was this post brought to us from the 1940s?

Hobnobswantshernameback · 04/10/2023 14:33

What is it you want from this thread OP?

Singleandproud · 04/10/2023 14:34

People using your service are unlikely to be people that have had an easy life where they have been taught to adequately look after themselves.

You can't rule out disabilities, trauma or mental health issues as they may not have been diagnosed. Many of these can lead to poor personal hygiene.

With the decline of church attendance I suppose some standards will have slipped whereas yesteryear people would have scrubbed up at least once a week and used a nail brush etc but most don't do that now. I don't think washing hands at school is as much a thing now as it was for me even in the 90s despite covid, just using sanitizer instead of a proper scrub.

Fast fashion has changed things as well I think, my grandparents weren't rich but were always dressed smartly, my grandad always wore suit type outfits out of the house even if it was old and a bit shabby. People perhaps were more interested in keeping up appearances as it was less accepted to wear leisure clothes out or to something as official as the job centre etc.

The job centre is also only second to the Housing Office for the most depressing places I have visited, they truly are awful places to be whether a service user or otherwise.

justteanbiscuits · 04/10/2023 14:34

You have a full strip wash 2 or 3 times a day?!

LolaSmiles · 04/10/2023 14:34

<hands op an even bigger Spoon>
I agree.
How long before it's has 7 children, a big house, flat screen TV, and a brand new car. Oh and they probably smoke 50 a day too.

jenpil · 04/10/2023 14:34

I understand where they're coming from. I've experienced depression like that, although I've never been unemployed.

Have a heart.

They are mentally depressed as well as economically depressed and life is a struggle.

They have no get up and go, nor wherewithal to have a bath or shower.

It's too much effort for them. (Yes, really.)

And then this becomes the norm.

They haven't got a job, so have no reason to keep clean each day.

And they don't care to keep that clean, as all their 'care' has gone out of the window, and their mental energy has been spent elsewhere. Probably on despondency and the grind of life.

VeridicalVagabond · 04/10/2023 14:35

hellinahandcart700 · 04/10/2023 14:32

Honestly, they are not vulnerable or struggling. They manage to go out drinking every weekend!

Those two things are not mutually exclusive. You can be depressed, vulnerable and struggling and still go to the pub.

HelpWhatIf · 04/10/2023 14:35

Wow. OP, you need a new job. Preferably one with no people in it because I would become suicidal if you were one of my support workers.

LargeglassofRosePlease · 04/10/2023 14:36

VeridicalVagabond · 04/10/2023 14:08

Get a new job, you're not suited to working with vulnerable, struggling people.

Yeah this. If I was on my knees with mental health illness ( as I sometimes am) and you turned up with this inward opinion of me on how I outwardly appear, I would be devastated if I knew.

Please. Change jobs.

hellinahandcart700 · 04/10/2023 14:36

dothehokeycokey · 04/10/2023 14:29

I have a close family member who has been v unwell mentally for the last two years.

Trying to get them to actually wash and brush their hair and teeth is a job in itself and that's someone who has family support.

Some people literally have nobody supporting them at home and if said family member didn't they would be in an even worse state than they already are.

We have tried to encourage them to clean abit and actually hoover/tidy do dishes etc but they just won't even try and if we try to do so to help it causes a real issue for family member mentally so it's so easy to say people are dirty and have no dignity but when they're dignity and self respect is on the floor they don't really give a shit to be honest.

A lot of the time their priority is getting through the day each day in a shit cycle and just getting up is a huge task in itself.

Obviously not everyone is like it however more and more people are suffering with bad mental health in this country and any sort of help be it practical or emotional is non existent trust me I've been trying to engage help for years.

There's a whole group of humans that have fallen through a massive gap here and there's nothing to pick them up.

Maybe you could get to know your service users abit more and find out if there's any type of help you could find for them.

They go to the job centre because they have to show willing even though mentally there's no way they could be employed in their current state of mind

If they don't go they get sanctioned and lose what little money they have to live.

Maybe you need to research some more for your role and remember we all come in and we all go out the same.

I have enormous sympathy for the mentally and physically unwell as I have been there myself but it is clear to see the difference.

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 04/10/2023 14:36

you have a good wash at the sink 2 or 3 times a day, washing under arms, face, genitals and feet!

No, you don't need to wash your whole self 3 times a day. Seek help, this is not normal.

Hummingbird233 · 04/10/2023 14:37

How do you wash your genitals at the sink? My sink is higher than my vagina. I can't work it out!

I shower and wash my hair every other day - daily if I'm on my period or exercised. I don't smell or look unclean.