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AIBU?

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Original poster

My 5 year old injured a child

384 replies

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:28

Posting for traffic. Name changed. Feeling sick.

My 5 year has injured another child at school. Other child has required urgent hospital treatment and is requiring ongoing treatment.

I don't know who the other child is and I imagine that the last thing the parents want is anything to do with us.

I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? My child "lashed out". We are a caring family, lots of opportunities, not exposed to anything like violence or substance, travel around the world.

What do I do? Will anything happen to my child?

OP posts:
Ilefttownonsaturday · 04/10/2023 13:36

Can everyone just be a little mindful of the Op, she's obviously shocked by her child's behaviour. She has stated so several times that she's concerned and can only give us information which the school has shared with her. If there's a pile on, she won't return for a second round of questions.

mcmooberry · 04/10/2023 13:38

Awful situation to be in and I have every sympathy for you, I doubt as the other child was so much older that the parents would blame your child however I agree that to apologise would be the right course of action. I don't think your child needs to be made to feel like public enemy number one, however hopefully a good lesson for all on the consequences of violent behaviour.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 04/10/2023 13:42

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 11:03

I am in shock, trust me. We are gentle parents, lots of positive reinforcement.

i'll wait to hear back from school.

Show quote history

I hear you, and I also heard what you said in your first post which other people have picked up on negatively…I’ve taken it to mean that your child has not been exposed to trauma in their life, which can be a common cause of a child lashing out at another.

I hope you get support from the school

wutheringkites · 04/10/2023 13:42

But what did he actually do? Was it a case of misjudgement like pushing past someone on some play equipment and knocking them off or a deliberate act like hitting them in the head with a hard object?

Also, the most physically violent kids I've come across tend to have 'gentle patents' because they haven't experienced any form discipline around violent or dangerous behaviours. Just an observation.

caringcarer · 04/10/2023 13:42

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 10:59

All school have said is "much older child". My DC is a normal 5 year old, not big or tall. Not sure why they would be playing together in the first place.

I have requested meeting with school.

You can't change the past, the injury has happened but going forward all you can do is explain to your child that he hurt the other child and he had to go to hospital. In future he needs to be very careful not to hit out or shout a lot as that could provoke others and to play nicely. I don't see what more you can do. Possibly ask your child to write an apology card to the other child.

BeardyButton · 04/10/2023 13:44

Don’t be ridiculous

BeardyButton · 04/10/2023 13:45

BeardyButton · 04/10/2023 13:44

Don’t be ridiculous

Meant to the suggestion that there should be a five day exclusion.

Maray1967 · 04/10/2023 13:46

ididntwanttodoit · 04/10/2023 11:10

Very sorry to hear this has happened, OP. If it was rough play with an older child, like you say, then the older child must bear part of the responsibility. Young children can lose the rag momentarily if they are feel they are under threat themselves. Why don't you pass a message through the school saying how sorry and upset you are over the incident, and ask if parents would like to meet. Then the ball is in their court.

Yes, this is my view. If the older child started it, then the fact that something happened and he was injured does not excuse his part in it. This time he came off worse, but it could have been the other way round and you could have been the parents with a child in hospital. It doesn’t sound like your child chased him around the playground and hit him unprovoked with a stone. That would be a very different situation.

You will need to make sure your child knows to avoid getting involved in rough play. This isn’t easy - I have two who both ignored this. Fortunately nothing happened and the school banned it and clamped down hard on it. But if the other boy started it and yours joined in I would expect the school to acknowledge that. You need to engage with the school to try to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

Rosscameasdoody · 04/10/2023 13:46

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/10/2023 09:30

if the other child was so badly injured I struggle to believe this came out of nowhere

Nothing like starting off the thread with a judgemental comment. Without knowing the full circumstances, we don’t know what happened. Lashing out could mean anything and there could have been provocation.

Autumnleaves89 · 04/10/2023 13:46

What difference does it make that you “travel around the world” 😳 your response is absolutely baffling. Are you saying it couldn’t possibly be your kids fault as you have a few quid in the bank?

momonpurpose · 04/10/2023 13:48

anon0007 · 04/10/2023 09:42

Agree

Show quote history

Another agree

MariePaperRoses · 04/10/2023 13:50

Were they wrestling?

Original poster
Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 13:51

School did not say anything the day the incident occurred. My DC also didn't say anything.

I've been informed only this morning in a 10 mins conversation. I spoke to my own DC only briefly as it was register time.

I only know this much:

other child is much older
injury required hospital visit and repeat visits
my child has not been punished

I am shocked and sad that a child has been injured. I feel guilty that my own child has been involved with this.

I have requested a meeting with school to find out more.

My child has never hurt anyone before, very caring with pets.

OP posts:
BramblyHedge · 04/10/2023 13:58

This isn't a class thing. I'd say we are middle class, professional, not negative influences, all the opportunities etc etc...I still have a teenager who has SEN and MH issues and lashes out and can be quite hard to deal with. Maybe your five year old has some underlying issues you don't yet know about which are nothing to do with your parenting or background.

inloveandmarried · 04/10/2023 13:59

I've been where you are.

Reception aged child unattended. My child was undiagnosed autistic with significant sensory issues and it really wasn't their fault. But, sadly another child was hurt.

You haven't done anything wrong, neither has your child. At this young age they should be supervised.

If you are allowed to know which child was hurt (we weren't) then send an open card via the head of school with a friendly message.

I'd would be asking for a debriefing meeting with the supervising teacher and the head. You need to know what happened and how they can prevent this happening again.

For us this issue was one of many that lead to diagnosis.

Nothing will happen to your child, but I'd be insisting he's better supported in school to make healthy choices.

rainbowunicorn · 04/10/2023 14:02

CowboyJoanna · 04/10/2023 12:12

Get off your high horse. Stop "not my son"-ing.
Your child is a bully.
Buck your ideas up, be a parent, and discipline before he ends up in prison.

dont be so fucking ridiculous

habibtiii · 04/10/2023 14:02

Ignore the nasty comments. People are being unnecessarily cruel. You must be worried sick, I would be - both about the other and about my child (you can be both at the same time!).

Of course someone could be seriously injured in a weird accident. It happens all the time. Wait until you have more information. It sounds like it wasn't intentional and just an accident, possibly exacerbated by some external factor outside your child's control. These things happen. Maybe the parents will be livid, maybe they will be understanding. All you can do is the right thing - apologise profusely and maybe send a gift.

Andnowtowhatcomesnext · 04/10/2023 14:08

OP. He’s 5. His brain is nowhere near full development. Another 20 years of development to come. Please don’t worry about this too much until you know what happened. Five year olds are still pretty egocentric and reactive. It’s a useful life lesson. It’s awful that a child got seriously hurt and lessons need to be learned (not just your child I’m sure), but this is one incident when usually he is gentle.

Your first step is to take a breath, pause and find out as much as you can from school and then your son. Try not to interrogate him and try not to get cross so that you can really get to the bottom of it. Then you’ll have an idea about what he needs to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

If you are like me you’ll be imagining visiting him in prison when he’s older. My brain is great at worst case scenario thinking. Don’t let your brain hijack you. Your son needs you to be calm and kind, work out as best you can what happened and then have a good think about best next steps.

MatchingPendants · 04/10/2023 14:08

I don't really know what the point of posting is.

An incident has happened, the school will investigate.

Obviously talk to yourself child tonight after school, ask him what happened. Remind him to not play roughly.

The other parents will be dealing with their injured child.

You have a meeting with the school. Wait for the outcome. There's nothing more you can do. If he's been very aggressive, you deal with it. It could be that the child has landed awkwardly.

Wait and see.

Ggttl · 04/10/2023 14:12

The parents of the other child will probably blame your child and once you get over the shock, you will probably blame their child. That is what most parents do. The reality is probably somewhere in the middle. Tell your son that he should avoid fighting and hope that it is a one off.

MatchingPendants · 04/10/2023 14:14

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/10/2023 09:30

if the other child was so badly injured I struggle to believe this came out of nowhere

A bad injury could be a broken arm and doesn't mean it's been caused through aggression.

My friends child broke her arm when playing with other kids. They were all being a bit rough, pushing etc but there was no malice. My friends child landed awkwardly resulting in a break. It could have been any of them, it just happened to be my friends child. Yes they shouldn't push but kids often do.

6 years later, they're all best of friends and have grown out of pushing and shoving.

OP, just wait and see what the school say.

xILikeJamx · 04/10/2023 14:15

Why do you keep calling your child violent? It appears nobody has even suggested violence to you.

The summary I've taken is the kids were playing, there was an accident, another kid got hurt. It happens

Playingintheshadow · 04/10/2023 14:18

Wait until you know more. I think the school have been very remiss in giving you so little information. In my experience, a lot of these things are nowhere near as bad as they're made to sound. This doesn't mean you have a child delinquent on your hands! These things happen.

As for the nasty brigade taking potshots at you in your distress, they should be ashamed of themselves! They are the modern day equivalent of the French women who sat knitting enjoying the guillotining during the Revolution 🙄

ArabellaScott · 04/10/2023 14:22

rainbowunicorn · 04/10/2023 14:02

dont be so fucking ridiculous

Show quote history

Prison?!

He's fucken 5!!! 😂

Mrsttcno1 · 04/10/2023 14:23

Your child may not have been punished by the school yet, but be prepared that is very likely to come depending on how long it has been since the incident, and it should come because there has to be a consequence.

We had a very similar situation with my god son, when he was 6 he was involved in a similar situation with another boy in his school, not the same class but same key stage. My godson ended up in hospital with a broken collar bone, the school basically did nothing at all for a week (while my god son was off school, they didn’t bother the parents for a week), the school then got in touch to ask about what action his parents would like to be taken. The school made the other child apologise and missed breaks etc for awhile, he also had to attend sessions on appropriate playing etc . The school asked if the parents wanted the child moved completely, in our case they said no but it could be different for yours. It could be upsetting for the injured child to have to see yours each day at school.