Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 5 year old injured a child

384 replies

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:28

Posting for traffic. Name changed. Feeling sick.

My 5 year has injured another child at school. Other child has required urgent hospital treatment and is requiring ongoing treatment.

I don't know who the other child is and I imagine that the last thing the parents want is anything to do with us.

I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? My child "lashed out". We are a caring family, lots of opportunities, not exposed to anything like violence or substance, travel around the world.

What do I do? Will anything happen to my child?

OP posts:
Buttons232 · 05/10/2023 21:56

As a parent of three kids and someone who works every day with school children all I’ll say is that kids are violent to each other at times. It has very little to do with background, how many foreign holidays they’ve been on or how caring their parents are. It’s more about learning their limits, developing coping and social skills and learning what is and isn’t acceptable. No 5 year old on the planet has all of that nailed. This sounds like it was an unfortunate and unlucky accident OP. As a one off event, yeah it’s horrifying but I’d try not to write your kid off as a future psychopath. They’re all learning xxx

Resentful2023 · 05/10/2023 21:57

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 10:57

I am not being evasive. I have not had any more information from school.

My child has not been punished.

I know that the 2 children were playing, that's all.

I am shocked that my child was playing violently. I don't want this to happen again clearly, it could have been worse.

Your kid may not have been playing violently by choice. They could have got themselves into a game they didn't know how to get out of or manage, especially with an older kid. My son hated the fighting games in school but used to tell me that the others would start them with him and once he was in them the only way to escape them was to fight his way out.

MyDogsPaws · 05/10/2023 22:04

I was badly hurt playing a game with another child when I was in primary school and ended up needing stitches on my face which has left a permanent scar. I don’t think there was anything malicious about the other child just carelessness and poor judgement which is to be expected from small children! Hopefully this isn’t going to be as bad as you think OP.

Tonkerbea · 05/10/2023 22:05

Buttons232 · 05/10/2023 21:56

As a parent of three kids and someone who works every day with school children all I’ll say is that kids are violent to each other at times. It has very little to do with background, how many foreign holidays they’ve been on or how caring their parents are. It’s more about learning their limits, developing coping and social skills and learning what is and isn’t acceptable. No 5 year old on the planet has all of that nailed. This sounds like it was an unfortunate and unlucky accident OP. As a one off event, yeah it’s horrifying but I’d try not to write your kid off as a future psychopath. They’re all learning xxx

I feel this needs copying and pasting on most threads about children's behaviour on here!

Wise words OP, hope you can be reassured by them.

Hangonaminutethere · 05/10/2023 22:12

Sirzy · 04/10/2023 09:45

When you talk to school drop the air of “we are better than everyone” which comes from your comment about home.

talk to school find out what happened and what can be done all around to avoid anything happening again. Incidents so severe at this age are rare so don’t try to play it down

Agree completely with the first part of your post @Sirzy
what OP is saying is they’re middle class and have a decent amount of money. So HOW could her son have done this??!!
As if “opportunities” and “traveling the world” have anything to do with behaviour at the age of five (or beyond). It’s classist, snobbish, and enraging.

Mikimoto · 05/10/2023 22:55

Resentful2023 · 05/10/2023 21:57

Your kid may not have been playing violently by choice. They could have got themselves into a game they didn't know how to get out of or manage, especially with an older kid. My son hated the fighting games in school but used to tell me that the others would start them with him and once he was in them the only way to escape them was to fight his way out.

Show quote history

What the hell are "fighting games", and why did you let them continue, with your son involved?!!

TizerorFizz · 05/10/2023 23:01

I think we’ve moved on from those judgements. Parents can be shocked but many parents haven’t really equipped Dc for school. Plus Dc are young at 5 and don’t make the best judgements. The big issue here is why a 5 year old was playing with a much older child. Even in small schools, ks1 and 2 should be separated at play time with vigilant playground staff.
@Soworriedtoday Have you had a meeting with the school yet?

Resentful2023 · 05/10/2023 23:03

Mikimoto · 05/10/2023 22:55

What the hell are "fighting games", and why did you let them continue, with your son involved?!!

Show quote history

Calm down, it was 5 year old rough play, not the hunger games. I helped him understand how to manage the situation differently which he did.

Delphinium20 · 05/10/2023 23:05

A group of boys sent some awful images to my daughter when they were all 10 yrs. old, including feces and porn. The school dealt with it really well and told me the parents of all the boys were spoken to, plus they called in IT to fix some issues online. Only one set of parents - foster parents - called me to apologize. They were lovely and gave me explanations of how they were teaching the boy to learn from his mistake. The other parents - 2 were very wealthy and influential in community - silence. I still despise them. Please, reach out and apologize.

BernadetteBigStick · 05/10/2023 23:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

T1Dmama · 05/10/2023 23:29

Don’t beat yourself up. My brother pushed someone off a slide at preschool and they broke an arm… he was provoked because they were hogging the slide and wouldn’t go down and he was 3 or 4 and got frustrated ….. my mum cried all the way home !! My brother has never been involved in fights since, is a really gentle guy and has lots of friends, a beautiful wife and 2 lovely children….

I suspect that the older child was encouraging the violent play, maybe teasing your son, gooding him ‘go on hit me, hit me’ kind of stuff … or they were just chasing around the playground and the other kid tripped or your son just nudged him and he fell…. It’s even possible the other kid was being mean to your son, bullying him, and your son just gave him a shove….
‘I’d get your son to write him a little get well soon card and write in it that he’s sorry he got injured and that the play got too rough. And ask school to pass it onto whoever the child is! Then just ask your son to play with kids his own age.
hope you’re ok @Soworriedtoday

T1Dmama · 05/10/2023 23:31

It’s also very possible that your son was playing with the kid when he injured himself but wasn’t actually responsible at all…. My DD’s school had tyres that kids played on. A little girl slipped on them and broke her wrist…. It’s easily done.

Worriedmotheroftwo · 05/10/2023 23:38

OP I'm so sorry. I experienced something similar at nursery and I know how you feel - it is horrendous. You need to establish the facts so I think a meeting with the school is ideal. Take a pen and paper and write everything down.

Ignore those who say it didn't come out of nowhere. My son's did. I was completely blindsided one random day.

What has your son said about it?

BettyBunMaker · 05/10/2023 23:44

If your child wasn't punished the school obviously don't think he was at fault.

NCtooPersonal · 06/10/2023 00:13

You should be supporting your child.

The other child was much bigger. Maybe your child used the minimum force he felt needed in self defence and misjudged it. Maybe he didn’t misjudge. A big child can cause much pain to a small child without big movements, noise or crashes.

Its easy for everyone else to blame your child rather than the hurt child or their own failures. But it’s most unreasonable for you to be doing the same.

Original poster
Soworriedtoday · 06/10/2023 06:41

Thank you to everyone who has commented. I am over the initial shock. I am still very sorry for the other child because no one should get hurt. However I have now spoken to my own child and the school.

My child is a normal sized 5 year old. My child does not know the name of the other child. I have found out through school that other child is 9 years old, but nothing more in terms of name etc.

On the day of the incident, my child was upset in the playground about something unrelated and got teary. A group of 9 year olds surrounded my child. There was a lot of name calling and taunting.

My child got more and more upset. The ring leader got in his face and my child lashed out, and injured the other child. I'm not excusing my child's behaviour but I now have some context.

School has investigated. I was informed. School is not punishing my child. School have asked me not to carry out punishment at home about something which happened at school. They have a great pastoral care and my child is spending some class time (not lunch time) with the person who does role play and talks about emotions.

I am teaching my child to walk away from situations like this, but in this case my child was surrounded by a group. I can only imagine how threatened my child must have felt.

OP posts:
BBQchickensalad · 06/10/2023 06:47

Honestly sounds like it might be a well earned lesson for the 9 year old.

Buttons232 · 06/10/2023 06:49

OP this isn’t your child’s fault. It seems like there was a (big) failure on the school’s part to intervene and keep all of those children safe. By the sounds of it they’re aware of that failure and someone, somewhere is likely shitting themselves somewhat! You need to stop questioning your child’s involvement because something has gone quite wrong there, I think. In the wrong circumstances all kids are capable of acting like that xxx

HelpMeGetThrough · 06/10/2023 07:18

School have asked me not to carry out punishment at home about something which happened at school.

Regardless of whether anything at home is required and based on what you've said happened, the 9 year old had it coming, so I wouldn't, I'd be telling the school that I'll be the judge of what happens at home and not them.

JerryGiraffe · 06/10/2023 07:29

OP I'm sorry this has happened and that you have received so many bitchy and self-righteous comments!
My son get a hospital treatable injury form a child in school aged 5. No history of aggression there either, and they were friends. Another child had pushed that child (playing and laughing) so he decided to involve mine and pushed him. Unfortunately mine fell forward and headbutted a concrete pillar. Cue a&e visit.
Find out what happened and why, then you have a starting point.
Make it clear to the school that you want to work with them to resolve issues
Be prepared ro apologise, it doesn't change what happened but it would have made me feel better at the time.
School might also need to consider whether the children were adequately supervised that the incident happened ed in the first place, and maybe the other child's history. They might have form for inciting incidents?
Good luck

Leftlegwest · 06/10/2023 07:32

This is concerning about the behaviour of the other children. It doesn't seem typical to me for a group of 9 year olds to surround and taunt a 5 year old.

Is your child year R or year 1?

Puffinsandcreeks · 06/10/2023 07:38

From your update OP it sounds like the other children were completely provoking your DS who acted in self defence.

We do not promote violence in this household at all and gentle parent, but I have no issues telling my child to whack another child if they are bullying them, surrounding them and getting in their face.
I wouldn't take any further action based on what has been said.

HelpWhatIf · 06/10/2023 07:55

Oh OP I bet your child was so scared! Well deserved to the 9 year old… how awful. Please do not contact their parents to apologise as your child did NOTHING except act in self defence!!

TizerorFizz · 06/10/2023 08:06

FFS! Gentle parenting but a Dc can whack someone? It’s utter rubbish!

Please teach children to find an adult and walk away. Recognise and leave a boiling up situation if they possibly can. I would say that the op’s child couldn’t do this and certainly isn’t to blame at 5. However if a Dc is upset, find an adult. The school doesn’t have to share which Dc were involved. They should be dealing with them via their bullying snd behaviour policy too. As a parent, I’d leave it there.

My big issue is why a school has 9 year olds with access to 5 year olds. The school is partly to blame by allowing older Dc to be around young ones. Even we were separated in the 60s! It’s too trusting and clearly the older Dc should have their own space.

Mesoavocado · 06/10/2023 08:32

Sounds like your school is being more reasonable than ours. My child is often picked on and provoked and I always get the call with no context. And context is important especially in this case

try not to worry too much about ongoing issues and support your child which sounds like you are doing

Swipe left for the next trending thread