My 5 year old injured a child

[Soworriedtoday]

Posting for traffic. Name changed. Feeling sick.

My 5 year has injured another child at school. Other child has required urgent hospital treatment and is requiring ongoing treatment.

I don't know who the other child is and I imagine that the last thing the parents want is anything to do with us.

I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? My child "lashed out". We are a caring family, lots of opportunities, not exposed to anything like violence or substance, travel around the world.

What do I do? Will anything happen to my child?

Gosh OP you're getting quite a kicking from some while you sound shocked and concerned.

I think the only thing that is clear at this stage is that you need to know more. A lot more. You need a meeting with school.

And remember that no, this does not mean your DC is at the beginning of a life of crime. Once you know more you can work out what kind of response/intervention is required.

It's an awful situation, but you'll get through.

I think you (and a few others on here) are overthinking this. Have a meeting with the school and get the full details, talk to your DS for his side of the story.

When I was 7 I hit an older child in the face with a rock (from a sling shot). I didn’t grow up to be a criminal 😉

@Soworriedtoday The school must investigate this accident in terms of an injury to a child and health and safety. If your DC had been violent they WOULD have been excluded. Your Dc hasn’t been, so from that, it’s hard to draw the conclusion that your DC was violent. It’s difficult to apportion blame at this stage too.

I would leave the school to investigate but you can ask them what happened. Other dc should have been asked for their observations. An adult might have seen what happened. The school
meeds to piece it together.

I can see this has shocked you but I think you might need to consider how you parent for a bit. Your DC took part in play of some description that’s injured a child but we don’t know if it was of his free will or if he was coerced. Whatever it was, he didn’t see anything wrong in the play. He didn’t have antennae about staying with his own age group. Talking about issues and reasoning with Dc doesn’t always equip them for the scenario he found himself in. What was his reaction afterwards? You are upset, but what about him? I think learning when to walk away is now very important. Make it clear what he needs to do and don’t explain in great detail.

The other issue for the school is why an older child is playing with a younger one. Was the other dc KS2? I’m assuming yours is Y1 or even YR? Many schools separate KS2 from KS1. They immediately stop any rough play. Football is not desirable with 5 year olds and 9 year olds mixing for example. Size and ability matter. So you do need to find out what happened and why Dc of very different age groups were playing. It is highly likely to be an accident. I’m not sure how anyone knows it’s your DCs fault and you don’t know what happened because the school hasn’t been clear. Ask for facts and agree a play strategy. Don’t rush to apportion blame.

The school should talk to Dc as part of the investigation. They need to know if it was rough play, equipment at fault, coercion, lack of supervision etc.

If there were any concerns, you would have been told. Even at 5 years old, the staff would have called/ spoken to you and would certainly have said something to the child, even if it's missing 5 minutes of break time or similar.
I understand the stress and guilt you are feeling but you need to be careful not to make this into something it's not.

This sounds like an accident, don't beat yourself up. It's also highly likely it was initiated by the older child (or at least should have been stopped by the older child) School won't tell you who it is, you will only find out if another child or parent knows, or if the child parents confront you. If you do find out I would buy an age appropriate toy and do a apology card.

Make sure your child is ok it will have been scary seeing another child hurt like that.

Excellent advice here

When I was about 9, me and my school friend were playing in the street together (it was the 90s) and I was pulling her along on her rollerblades and she fell and actually broke her arm. I remember her falling and then rolling home holding her arm and then later being told that she actually had broken her arm, I felt sick with worry about being told off but it was a genuine accident (she confirmed it) and apart from her having a cast for a while nothing came of it - as in I didn't get in trouble! Sometimes accidents happen - depending on the circumstances of course! But still if your child has caused harm, intentionally or not then it's natural to feel bad. Aged 5 I can't imagine it was intentional thought.

Omg the angst.

Hes 5! He has no history of aggression and the school seem unperturbed.

Yes, issue the apology, if only to teach about empathy.

Then let it go!

But the OP doesn't know any details yet, so I don't know how she should know at this stage what to do about it.

I feel very sorry for any children you may have, that when you are told one of them has been invoved in an incident where another child got quite severely hurt (eg broken arm?), you would immediately give your own DC "consequences"

So far the school does not appear to be doing anything, so that suggests to me that it was purely accidental, or at least not a clear cut case as to what actually happened.

Or do you give your children "consequences" after innocent accidents too
@JoinInBetty?

@fairybaby

Have you ever actually met a 5 year old?

there's some really awful things being said about the OP's child/her parenting.

No one knows what happened, but a 5 year old lashing out when an older child is teasing/taunting/getting the better of a 5 year old is neither surprising nor a sign of anything, other than being smaller, 5 & frustrated/scared.

if I was the OP I'd have been/would be far more forceful about finding out what actually happened.

At home I'd be getting DS's full recount of what happened (realising their recall & view isn't always reliable at 5)

& take it from there, I wouldn't be getting them to write a card or what have you to say sorry until I was certain he had something to be sorry about.

My son was hit in the head by another child with a golf club at a holiday club. Everyone was rightly horrified but the investigation showed that my son stood behind the boys left shoulder as he had been told to do. Unfortunately the boy was left handed and swung the golf club into my son.

@Soworriedtoday

if you don't know any more, why are you assuming it was violent play?

not just active or rough play where a child got, probably accidentally, hurt?

it seems like you're massive, massively over reacting to this situation.

How serious is the injury that a 5 year old can inflict by lashing out?? I guess it depends on what he lashed out with and where it hit . I presume that you will have been called into school to discuss this matter as there may be more background that you don’t know of . If it is appropriate you can ask head teacher about speaking to the parent or meeting with them . As for your child there will have to be some sort of consequence obviously but it’s also important to find out both sides of the story

Having seen this now , basically they were being boys and fighting . Sadly it’s ended in one of them getting hurt . Violent play doesn’t necessary come from anywhere children just do it sometimes

You are getting some really harsh replies here which I think are unfair. You have apologised to the school and have sent apologies to the parents. As long as you speak to your child and get the full picture, explain it wasn’t a good thing to do etc, I don’t think there’s more you can do. My son hit a girl once when he was 5 with a skipping rope. I told him it was not a nice thing to do, made him apologise to the child infront of me and nothing happened again. The parent slagged me off, threatened me and regularly shouted abuse at me. My son has now passed his GCSEs and is in college. Your child will be fine!

If the other child was much older then he bears some responsibility for playing a violent game with your son.
If it is out of character then perhaps it was not his fault.
Were they sword fighting with sticks or similar?
Your 5 year old would likely copy the behaviour of an older child. It is school's responsibility to supervise play.
I would leave it. Accidents happen.

Take it this is going to be a drip feed. What did your child actually do to cause such severe injury?You seemed more concerned about your own child and don’t show any sympathy towards the other child.

sorry not to read the whole thing, but if your child pushed the other one and they fell awkwardly and broke their arm, its not something awful that you child did although the outcome for the other child, is very sad. These things do happen so I don't get the vibe that your DC attacked the other child with a blunt instrument coming from other posters.

Lots of things can be accidental. If an older bigger child was ‘rough housing’ with your boy I can well understand that your son would ‘rough house’ back. Was your son being pushed? Did they fall on play equipment?

The old child could have fallen and broken an arm, easily done, and this would require several hospital visits but it’s a relatively minor thing.

I also wonder what was happening in the school playground that allowed an older bigger child to play in such a way with a five year old?

I wouldn’t be too defensive, but ask for a meeting to find out exactly what happened. It all sounds a bit odd actually. And I wonder if the school is hiding something?

Hope it all ends well, am sure it will be explained eventually.

My son recently had to get 10 stitches in his forehead because another child injured him. They were mucking about at school and were both at fault. The other mother was apologetic but it was just one of those things, not intentionally violent, just stupid. There were no consequences from school and I didn't expect any.

There's no point in worrying until you've spoken to school, but I'd be willing to be this was something similar if school hasn't issued any sanctions. Hopefully the children learn from it and are more careful in future.

Why haven’t you punished your child? A time out won’t cut it. I would be furious if I was the other parent.

Why come on with half a story??! The fact that you are unwilling to elaborate means you know your child is to blame.

Hav you had the opportunity to find out any more t?

I hate it when people excuse rough behaviour as "boys being boys". They are taught, from nursery upwards, to keep their hands to themselves.

It's ok being a "gentle" parent, but kids also require firm boundaries. One of mine was very physical, so he did rugby and karate from being tiny, that taught him how to control himself and he learned that rough and tumble was for sports clubs, not for school.