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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS's school trip was offered on a 'first come first serve' basis and is now being drawn at random from a hat

315 replies

Worriedaandconfused · 03/10/2023 11:50

AIBU to think the school should honour the first come first serve basis they initially stated for allocating places on the school trip?

They have, due to a 'huge response' of requested places, decided to draw names at random on Friday.

After promising my child a place and ensuring I handed the form in promptly to the teacher (in fairness, it sounds like a lot of other parents did, too), I'm now going to have to explain to my 4 year old he's unlikely to have a place.

How do your own DC's schools handle situations like this where there's limited places and lots of interest?

OP posts:
pollymere · 05/10/2023 12:30

I think they should've probably just offered it to Y2, then any spaces left could've been offered to Y1 rather than disappointing two thirds of KS1.

Mumof2teens79 · 05/10/2023 12:33

I have never experienced a "limited" trip for a 4yr old. Primary school everyone could go unless they didn't want to.

At secondary they have limited numbers and have had to restrict. And have switched from first come first served to random allocation (presumably because everyone got in on day 1) and I have been able to explain that to me kids as they are older.

Mumof2teens79 · 05/10/2023 12:36

Worriedaandconfused · 03/10/2023 14:26

@whatnot929, this wouldn’t be the the benefit of all of those families, but children who qualify for pupil premium only had to hand the slip in - no payment was required.

Fortunately for us, we are in a position to pay the costs at a moments notice and won’t apologise for that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you in England? Schools (state schools at least) are not allowed to restrict trips based on payment as far as I know. Schools should have a charging policy and while they rely on most people paying they aren't allowed to exclude someone because they can't pay...pupil premium or not

T1Dmama · 05/10/2023 12:42

threatmatrix · 04/10/2023 23:46

Did you read it properly? She said he had a place.

That’s not been said at all

T1Dmama · 05/10/2023 12:44

@Mumof2teens79 my daughters school says that although payments are voluntary they don’t have the funds so if people don’t pay the trip will be cancelled.

SiousieSoo · 05/10/2023 12:50

Worriedaandconfused · 05/10/2023 10:27

@MrsRaspberry, I would assume the payments will be returned to the children to don't get chosen. The letter does say payment is non-refundable but assume that's for the parents that change this mind or whose children are unwell on the day and can't make it.

@AllstarFacilier, I think it's quite different when the children are old enough to know it's their own behaviour that's resulted in them not having/attending trips. The children in my son's class are 4 and 5 so slightly different set of circumstances.

@BookSuperWorm, I completely understand that names at random is the fairest way to decide on names at this point, but think that's how it should have been organised from the start so parents know where they stand. It's annoying, as others have pointed out, that they've changed the goal post after the fact.

Then there's the element of R/KS1 parents having an extended deadline to hand in forms whereas KS2 children are still only being offered places for their theatre visit on a FCFS basis.

@Spinet, a few people have suggested on the thread that, at 4, he won't remember the trips even happening so wanted to address that. Only 10 children from each class will be going so the others will presumably will have their normal day as over 2/3 of the class will still be there. As they are in reception, it's usually lots of play-based/explorative activities anyway.

I literally do not understand how people hand wring about non events like this...Honestly get a grip, this is so pathetic in the scheme of things that relate to life and school. A four year old not going on a trip triggering an emotional and lengthy debate is just woeful behaviour.

T1Dmama · 05/10/2023 12:58

the school have said, to make it fair, 10 places will be made available to each class (R, Y1, Y2) for the name draw. I just assume that his chances are slim, especially if the children are going to be 'cherry picked'.

@Worriedaandconfused I would send in an email. Next year they should ensure the ones that didn’t go this year have priority next year… so Atleast by the end of infants they’ve all had a choice to go

Original poster
Worriedaandconfused · 05/10/2023 13:05

@SiousieSoo, wow! This is a massive overreaction on your part. Why do people on this site constantly name call when they and act so childish when they ready something they don't agree with? Have an opinion but please learn how to express it politely. Manners really do cost nothing. I sincerely hope you're not like this is real life. 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedaandconfused · 05/10/2023 13:11

@T1Dmama, I was thinking the same as @pollymere's suggestion; offer it to Y2 and open out to other years if palaces aren't filled. I will suggest this to the school (not now as I think it might just look like I'm making a fuss to ensure my son's place) so hopefully future year groups don't have the same issues!

OP posts:
Mumof2teens79 · 05/10/2023 13:12

T1Dmama · 05/10/2023 12:44

@Mumof2teens79 my daughters school says that although payments are voluntary they don’t have the funds so if people don’t pay the trip will be cancelled.

Yes they always say that...its never happened in my experience because almost all pay, but its still not a condition of being one of the ones allowed to go

SiousieSoo · 05/10/2023 13:15

Worriedaandconfused · 05/10/2023 13:05

@SiousieSoo, wow! This is a massive overreaction on your part. Why do people on this site constantly name call when they and act so childish when they ready something they don't agree with? Have an opinion but please learn how to express it politely. Manners really do cost nothing. I sincerely hope you're not like this is real life. 🙈

Talk of emails to the school, impassioned debates about how upsetting it is for a four year old not to go on the trip, and an over indulged sense of outrage about how unfair this is... I literally cannot understand how people function like this rather than just a shrug of the shoulders and 'that is the way the cookie crumbles'. To me this is a woeful way for a parent to react to something so mindnumbingly trivial.

Mumof2teens79 · 05/10/2023 13:17

First come FS isn't really fair on certain families either. It's just a bad system.

There may be families where parents work late, work shifts, are away (with work/at a funeral even) and haven't had chance to fill in the slip.

One of my kids would lose every letter.....

Often the teachers don't necessarily them out on the same day. Or kids could easily be ill.

Original poster
Worriedaandconfused · 05/10/2023 13:33

@SiousieSoo, I cannot see how a functioning adult can be so judgmental to someone about something so 'trivial'. It's bizarre how triggered you are but a harmless discussion. A woeful attitude to have, you might say? 🤔

And, just to clarify, I got the message from school, felt a TINY bit peeved and decided to vent on MN. It's really not as deep as your making it seem to be. We all vent about things that really aren't much of a big deal, normally in person, where the conversation is acknowledged and discussed and then we move on. Only I've posted on here which has opened a wider discussion for people to share their own thoughts and opinions.

And contacting the school with constructive suggestions isn't a bad thing and just way to hopefully improve children's experience within school. It isn't fair that some kids will inevitably miss out. Obviously it's not going to cause long lasting psychological damage but it's disappointing for them (which I do not view to be trivial or irrelevant). It just so happens that this situation was VERY easily preventable should the school have organised it better.

OP posts:
Imisssleep2 · 05/10/2023 14:23

Out of a hat is more fair tbh but what kind of school offers up a trip that can not include everyone?

toobusymummy · 05/10/2023 14:35

Oh my gosh, I'm reading this thinking it was a secondary school trip, not a 4 year olds trip! If they've had that big of a response, they should organised either a bigger trip or a second trip so everyone gets to go. With regard to who should get to go, if it said on the letter 'first come first served' then they should honour that, what lesson is it for the children that the people 'in charge' can change the rules when it suits them? Now I know its only 4 year olds but they do remember that kind of thing!

SiousieSoo · 05/10/2023 14:59

Worriedaandconfused · 05/10/2023 13:33

@SiousieSoo, I cannot see how a functioning adult can be so judgmental to someone about something so 'trivial'. It's bizarre how triggered you are but a harmless discussion. A woeful attitude to have, you might say? 🤔

And, just to clarify, I got the message from school, felt a TINY bit peeved and decided to vent on MN. It's really not as deep as your making it seem to be. We all vent about things that really aren't much of a big deal, normally in person, where the conversation is acknowledged and discussed and then we move on. Only I've posted on here which has opened a wider discussion for people to share their own thoughts and opinions.

And contacting the school with constructive suggestions isn't a bad thing and just way to hopefully improve children's experience within school. It isn't fair that some kids will inevitably miss out. Obviously it's not going to cause long lasting psychological damage but it's disappointing for them (which I do not view to be trivial or irrelevant). It just so happens that this situation was VERY easily preventable should the school have organised it better.

You are the one who started a bizarre thread about a four year old not being able to attend the theatre, which he will forget about in precisely five minutes. You go ahead with your email to the school full of your 'constructive suggestions'. I am sure that they will love it.

YourNameGoesHere · 05/10/2023 16:42

OP did you get any response from the school yet or acknowledgement that how they've handled this is less than ideal given the age of the children involved.

Also ignore SiousieSoo honestly some people like to feel superior about absolutely everything. If she found it that ridiculous she would have simply ignored the thread.

Original poster
Worriedaandconfused · 05/10/2023 16:50

@SiousieSoo, oh, I must have forgotten that you know my child personally and know how he'll react to situations and what he will and won't remember...

And while we're on the subject, you've been super judgemental of the fact that I've bought this up as it's so irrelevant in your opinion - not that many of the comments on here seem to agree. But if it is so trivial, then why are you so upset about it? Really? Why are you going out of your way to criticise me about something you deem pointless? How about you take your own advice- YOU shouldn't care so much and definitely shouldn't write to anyone else to suggest they behave any differently than they are and, as you say, get a grip. 🙃

OP posts:
Kco0815 · 05/10/2023 16:55

Shit of the school to offer a trip with such limited places at this age.

But first come first served doesn't work if so many parents hand the form in on the first day that it is already more than the number of places. I expect that's what happened and now they need a new plan. Can't be helped, next time don't promise your child anything unless it's already guaranteed.

Daisyislazy · 05/10/2023 17:25

It's a bit rubbish but I'm not sure there is a lot you can do about, it sounds as if the school haven't really thought it through

cakewench · 05/10/2023 17:49

wow. The school is crazy for organising a trip this way. If they were allocated a limited number of tickets, they should have just picked a year group or whatever and gone with that rather than this. I don't think you'd be out of line to give feedback on this, and I work in a school office 😆

SiousieSoo · 05/10/2023 18:34

Worriedaandconfused · 05/10/2023 16:50

@SiousieSoo, oh, I must have forgotten that you know my child personally and know how he'll react to situations and what he will and won't remember...

And while we're on the subject, you've been super judgemental of the fact that I've bought this up as it's so irrelevant in your opinion - not that many of the comments on here seem to agree. But if it is so trivial, then why are you so upset about it? Really? Why are you going out of your way to criticise me about something you deem pointless? How about you take your own advice- YOU shouldn't care so much and definitely shouldn't write to anyone else to suggest they behave any differently than they are and, as you say, get a grip. 🙃

I do not know your child but I do know about the memory retention capacity of a four year old child - negligible - and therefore it wont matter in a week's time and it is such a non issue. I don't know why I am commenting I just felt like it. Having teenagers I have been through the primary school years, and I just know that this is something that I could never get excited about. I find it bizarre that you do and hence I am posting, as I am permitted to do.

Do you question everyone who comments or only those who disagree with you?

Original poster
Worriedaandconfused · 05/10/2023 19:08

@SiousieSoo, obviously you have no idea about the memory retention of a 4 year old if you honestly think they're capable for only remembering things from 5 minutes ago. The point is pretty negligible too, since there will be three classess of 20 children all feeling disappointed and left out, even if it's just the day of the trip. I suppose you're missing that point entirely, which is odd because you're about the only one.

And I just find it completely flabbergasting that you can criticise and judge me for commenting about the actions of the school, which will inevitably leave lots of children sad, and yet you're quite happy to criticise and complain yourself about that happening. Really it's mind boggling.

I'm not sure how you've managed to accretion 'excitiment' from me or anyone else that's commented. I didn't say you couldn't post... but you seem to somehow imply that it's wrong that I've responded to your criticisms. Again, mind boggling. So bizarre of you to keep complaining that I'm doing something, only to go and do it yourself in the next sentence. Please lead by example if you're going to be this judgeysnd critical of strangers or just disagree politely without adding all of the name calling and antagonism.

OP posts:
Craycraycatbaby · 05/10/2023 19:16

I find it more unreasonable that the school are doing a trip where the whole class can't go 🤷‍♀️

Daisyislazy · 05/10/2023 19:20

@Worriedaandconfused Ignore her