To think that 14 year olds don’t need educated on sex positions?

[fourelementary]

My dd doesn’t want to go to school this afternoon as she is embarrassed to go to her sex education lesson. I spoke to her about how it was good that young people were being taught about sex and she went into more detail about why she is uncomfortable.
Last week they discussed sexual positions and different ways to have sex including anal. She was mortified and said she doesn’t mind knowing about sex (we’ve always been honest about the birds and the bees from a young age anyway) but she finds this awkward and far too much information about which she has absolutely no interest currently.

I am no prude, but was quite shocked at the detail being discussed and agree with her it’s unnecessary for this age group.

No, but the dictionary does....

The sex Ed I had at school was single sex. Never had single sex classes normally (except for PE which I also agree with for different reasons). My DC would have been 100% happier in a single sex class with a female teacher. If the idea is to actually impart information to the kids then a starting point should be for it to be in a context where they are least uncomfortable.

You don’t get to define what the word pornography means.

No, the law does and it doesn’t include materials intended to educate children.

For those who oppose this stuff being taught at 14 - at what age do you think we should teach children about the dangers of the acts they are seeing in porn videos? 16? 18? Never?

At 14:-

• All of them will already know that anal sex exists.
• The majority of the girls are likely to come under pressure to do it in the fairly near future.
• The majority of them will have already seen an unrealistic and quite possibly violent video of it being done.
• They are also likely to have seen a scene that involved choking or slapping - and be under the impression that this is what 'sex' involves, so they don't recognise it as violence until the force used is really severe.
• A lot will have even seen things like double and triple anal scenes - videos containing these are all over mainstream porn sites these days.

Edited to add - I'm as horrified by the above as everyone else, but this is the world children are growing up in. They are being groomed by porn to accept dangerous practices as a normal part of sex. If we don't educate them otherwise, what chance do they have?

Do you think sex ed consists of porn films???

This is my understanding as well.

So as I say I'd be asking questions of the school - hopefully it's more an informational way topic is being approached but sadly I don't think you can just assume it is as many posters seem to be.

I think there's a middle way on this, as many have suggested.

To be honest, I'd be horrified if my daughter was taught that anal was somehow "equivalent" to vaginal sex, which is the risk in a mixed sex class with gay boys or where the emphasis is on preventing pregnancy.

In a heterosexual relationship, it would be extremely unusual if anal sex was the "main" type of sex. And very likely dangerous, tbh. As a young woman, I was having sex with my now husband most nights - I'd probably have very serious issues if that was a high proportion of anal. The female body is far more vulnerable to prolapse than the male one. Therefore it shouldn't be taught as "the same". Tbh, I have tried it, and it was absolutely horrible - I am entitled to believe that this is true for me of all
Anal sex in my body and that I don't want it, not just that I haven't had the "right" kind of anal sex, as another poster suggested (if I had been told "it's not supposed to be painful, you just need to do it right" as a teen, I'd be very vulnerable, frankly and I don't believe this is true for all women).

I don't think the standard "sex positive" charity is likely to cater for this, tbh. They are
More likely to see it as dangerously heteronormative to suggest that PIV with appropriate contraception should be the focus for an intimate heterosexual relationship. Which, in my view, is what heterosexual teenage boys need to be told.

There’s been a lot of third party suppliers of pshe materials for school which are extremely dubious and have not been produced by people from an education or child safeguarding background. Ask to see your child’s school’s.

Of course I ask to see what the school is using for sex ed and so far it’s all be fine in my view. If that changes I’ll make a decision for my child taking account of their views, but my bar on what’s ok isn’t purely based on what’s being taught, but the tone and messages being given.

This is a genuine concern. Any education materials need to be aimed at protecting children and teaching them how to keep themselves safe, not a "how to" guide to extreme/niche sexual acts.

Teaching about anal sex is not teaching about sex positions. If they were showing them pictures of revere cowgirl or similar then you might have a point.

That's the type of stuff that should be taught alongside (i didn't know re prolapse). But it will be happening, so there cannot be informed consent without this type of info.

Anal sex can lead to rectal prolapse and life long faecal incontinence. Kids really need to understand this. Rectal surgery rarely cures the incontinence issues.

YA NBU where is it ok to force the fourteen year old child who feels uncomfortable into a conversation about bum sex when they don’t want to talk about it.
I bet it’s far from serious education, with very little being taken on board!

In theory yes, education is good but you’ll ever stop children who want to have sex from
doing so, I don’t think being told it’ll damage you will stop them. I just can’t see it personally.

14 year olds shouldn’t be watching porn either but you can bet they will be. Everything covered in the lesson will be forgotten about once the gigging stops. I guess we will find out in five years whether being told this information helps huh.

Last week they discussed sexual positions and different ways to have sex including anal.

This is from the OP she isn't confusing them at all - and it does sound worrying but again context is needed so OP needs to talk directly to the school and find out what is going and and why and make them aware her DD isn't happy in the lessons.

I hope they are teaching that anal sex can cause horrendous infections in women (think PID) if the man doesn’t clean his genitals thoroughly or wear a condom and remove, before PIV sex!

And vaginal sex can lead to pregnancy which also results in life long complications (and less tongue in cheek, pregnancy has all sorts of health risks on its own). I agree kids need to be warned though but it cuts both ways. There is nothing inherently better or worse about any one format of sex.

😂😂😂

So hang on, the best time to teach young people about sex is when they're already over the age of consent?

To prevent it being a dangerous practice. Teenagers have anal sex. Whether you think it's disgusting or not, people have anal sex. And it can be really quite enjoyable when done properly.

I'm sorry that something has happened in your life that makes you think educating young people on safe sex makes them a groomer. It is a very sad thing for you to leap to.

@DonnaBanana

You see, I just don't believe this is true. Having regular (several times a week) safe PiV sex with contraception (on which you can double up if you are concerned) is not a big pregnancy risk. Having anal sex of a similar frequency is quite a big prolapse risk for many women

I'm nigh on 50, and our sex education classes (or what passed for sex education) were certainly not split sexes. All in it together.

Except for the 20 minutes when the Tampax sales lady came and gave everyone information on what to expect when we started our periods. 3 years after I started mine!

God yeah, the tampax lady! Painful.

Educational material is NOT pornography. That's the kind of thing Bible Belt Americans come out with. The kind who think kids should be taught sex is only for marriage and babies and girls shouldn't enjoy it or they are deviants...

I didn't find out until my TWENTIES that foreplay was essential for women because they self lubricate and this makes sex easier and more pleasurable. Foreplay was just something I thought was "extra" to sex, something optional for a bit of fun, before then. And "it hurts because that's what it's supposed to do". There's plenty of anecdotal evidence out there that this is the norm for lots a women in fact.

Also, some women do enjoy anal. Some women do enjoy so called "deviant" acts like BDSM. Acting like they are completely dirty and unspeakable means that they don't have the language to talk about it when they don't want it. They are made to feel even more ashamed about it happening and more likely not to speak about it.

Or, as a PP mentioned, "anal sex doesn't count so its not losing your virginity/it's not wrong because its not PIV" etc

It's about equipping people, boys and girls, with the right language and knowledge to say "this isn't OK. I don't like it."