To think that 14 year olds don’t need educated on sex positions?

[fourelementary]

My dd doesn’t want to go to school this afternoon as she is embarrassed to go to her sex education lesson. I spoke to her about how it was good that young people were being taught about sex and she went into more detail about why she is uncomfortable.
Last week they discussed sexual positions and different ways to have sex including anal. She was mortified and said she doesn’t mind knowing about sex (we’ve always been honest about the birds and the bees from a young age anyway) but she finds this awkward and far too much information about which she has absolutely no interest currently.

I am no prude, but was quite shocked at the detail being discussed and agree with her it’s unnecessary for this age group.

I think parents should be allowed to see and hear exactly what is being said and taught in these classes. These are legally children below the age of consent and how do we know they are being taught appropriately? We have all seen some of the shite that is being allowed to happen in schools.

I'd argue that including anal in educational lessons risks "normalising" it further.

It needs to be clear its not mainstream for most heterosexual couples. It's not. It carries a serious risk of permanent damage, transmission of STDs. I don't know a single straight female who finds it remotely a tempting prospect. When this has been discussed among friends, the few who had caved to pressure from a partner to try it had found it awful - painful, not remotely stimulating and a decision they regretted. The rest of had simply never agreed to it.

I agree that it normalises it and I also agree parents should know EXACTLY what is being taught. What’s the rationale for not sharing that info?

I've been reading some of comments and have to say this is a really interesting discussion.

I come from the generation who were taught safe sec at school. We were shown explicit pictures of STDs (back then STIs) and made to put condoms on a plastic instrument.

I think the porn industry has become even more embedded in our young people's lives. And, as someone who never watched porn as a teen (and doesn't now as an adult), would probably be described as a prude. Even I agree that the topics been discussed are really important. Girls and boys need to know that sex can be fun and enjoyable BUT there are risks. They need to know that boundaries surrounding sex are ok to have and that they should be respected.

Just to add, not so long ago, here on MN there was a series of posts from a woman whose partner was using her back door without piror consent (literally in the middle of vaginal sex) and it was becoming an every time occurrence. She said she doesn't enjoy anal and she worried her vagina wasn't good enough anymore. I don't mean to be graphic with that story, but it's just one instance of why young people need to know that it's not as 'normal' as porn makes it seem and that your boundaries should be discussed and respected.

Actually perhaps it's not such a bad idea. The kids will be so horrified by Mrs Jones telling them about sex positions they won't want to even think about sex for the next 5 years.

Only hitch they may need therapy before they can have a sex life.

@Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 I believe you can ask for a copy of the curriculum and lesson plans for sex education if you want to see it.

I'm assuming since her takeaway from the previous lesson was the technical aspects of sex, that the course is basically a how to manual and has little or nothing to do with the topics of respect and consent.

I agree with your post, @Speedweed

And if the stats are correct, and so many girls and young women in younger generations are having anal sex that they do not enjoy, and/or become injured as a result of engaging in it, then whatever message is being imparted about risk and consent and mutuality is falling on deaf male ears, and girls are not feeling at all empowered in relationships with young men, despite all the sex ed they are receiving.

Also agree with @thirdfiddle

So what they should actually be taught is not to rape and not to coerce pr pressure or shame abgirl or woman unto sex in any position?

The actual technical details of various positions are irrelevant.

The only important topic to focus on is the issue of entitlement, the moral turpitude of pornography and why viewing it, making it, and distributing it is wrong, how it hurts those who engage in it or with it, and the fact that no girl or woman owes anyone sex.

This is a message that is being lost on an entire generation of young men. Educators and parents are failing an entire generation of women and girls.

Forty years ago at my private girls school, we were taught a lot about contraception, but very little else besides abstinence. I thought men and women had sex doggie style, as I had seen dogs and horses. Nothing about the mechanics of sex were taught, let alone homosexuality.

If the other teens are all getting sucked into the porn nexus, then the rational conclusion is that sex education is a complete failure.

But clearly a central aspect of sex education is being lost, if so many think porn is ok?

I was ready to agree with you OP until I read the first page of replies, checked whether you had relied ( not so far on page 11) and I agree that it is a good idea - sadly 😕.

I think they need to teach it personally. Look, at 14 some of them are or soon will be having sex. It's same as teaching kids about periods, you do it beforehand so they know what to expect so when it happens they're less scared, more prepared, more chance of a better experience.

If teens are wanting to have sex, they're going to look it up, and what they might see is very unrealistic/unsafe porn. Or not know what to expect and get taken advantage of when their partner tells them they've watched this and this is how they did it. Teaching them about normal sex, positions, the dangers and how to keep safe, keeping consent as the focus, it helps prepare them so they go in prewarned and forearmed. They know how to protect themselves, they know when the other person says 'everyone does anal with no lube' and 'first time always hurts' that it's bullshit and will hopefully kick their asses to the kerb. They know its not the done thing to choke someone. It's knowledge that protects them even if they find it uncomfortable.

Anal sex is a form of sex and it's been covered in a sex education class

Why is this so hard to understand?

Why the outcry?

The thinking is to try and provide advice if they decide to try it in the future

@qwerty123454 do you think the same about all sexual practices? If not where do you draw the line?

This is literally a thread where people are defending teaching 14 year olds to have anal sex. And if it's not happening, then why are people so angry when parents object and ask that it not be done? Why are parents who don't want their children taught to have anal sex at school being called homophobic, transphobic, racist bigots? If it's "not happening" then why can there be no rules or laws against it?

For me, this is the crux of it. When parents ask what is being taught, they're being told they don't know better than educators, many of whom are childless, and they need to shut up and mind their own business. If this curriculum is good and wholesome and purely scientific, then why does it need to be hidden from parents? Why are parents who object to it called transphobic, homophobic bigots and "cancelled"?

If there is nothing untoward about what these people want to teach children, why does it need to be a secret? One of the first things I taught my son is that if someone tells you to keep a secret from me or Dad, it's because they are afraid of how we will react when we find out. They have bad intentions and you must tell us right away, no matter how much they threaten you. We went to the doctor when he was little and when they had to examine his penis, I was asked to stand and watch and the doctor clearly said, "No one is allowed to touch you here without your permission. I am just looking so I can be sure you're healthy, and your mom is right here making sure it's ok." At no point did that doctor feel the need to explain to my six year old how to have anal sex, or show him pictures of blow jobs.

This is just madness.

Erm .. probably because your son is 6 not 14 and it was a GP appointment and not a sex ed class? Like I'm really not sure how you think they relate. Some 14 yos do have sex, many more will be having sex within the next couple of years. Your 6 yo doesn't need to know yet, but he will when he's approaching sexual activity.

14yos having sex cannot consent. What is occurring is rape surely? In which case it equates quite well to a 6 year old at the GP being reminded how to stay safe.

Telling teenagers that something exists and associated risks is not the same as teaching them how to do it. Just as teaching them about reproduction and STIs isn't teaching them how to have sex, or teaching them about how car engines work isn't reaching them to be a mechanic.

You really need to understand the difference between being taught about something and being taught how to do it.

I was taught about the rise to power of the Nazi party in 1930s Germany at school. It wasn't a 'how to' session about the best way to become a fascist dictator.

When parents ask what is being taught, they're being told they don't know better than educators, many of whom are childless, and they need to shut up and mind their own business.

Who’s telling them to shut up? I’m able to access the materials both my children’s schools are using for sex ed and can speak to their teachers if I’m unhappy. Are schools not making materials available when asked?

I have a suspicion that the "being told to shut up and mind their own business" is entirely fictional.