To think that 14 year olds don’t need educated on sex positions?

[fourelementary]

My dd doesn’t want to go to school this afternoon as she is embarrassed to go to her sex education lesson. I spoke to her about how it was good that young people were being taught about sex and she went into more detail about why she is uncomfortable.
Last week they discussed sexual positions and different ways to have sex including anal. She was mortified and said she doesn’t mind knowing about sex (we’ve always been honest about the birds and the bees from a young age anyway) but she finds this awkward and far too much information about which she has absolutely no interest currently.

I am no prude, but was quite shocked at the detail being discussed and agree with her it’s unnecessary for this age group.

How I had access to porn/sexual content as a teenager:

Accidentally found it on my Dad's computer
Weird pop ups
Erotic novels to a degree
Chat rooms which were supposedly innocent
From friends talking. Blue Waffle, 2 Girls 1 Cup, 5 Red Starburst were all things we knew about. Even if only one person had ever actually SEEN 2 Girls, we all knew what it was about. The same for other content. Kids talk. This was before smartphones were everywhere. Where we could have searched it on the phone of the kid who's mom was less cautious...

You are naive to think not letting your child watch porn directly means they don't access it in some way.

I'm not keeping them ignorant by protecting them from watching porn!! They are children! So to not keep them ignorant, is to expose them to it? Thats the enlighten thing to do is it? There is actually a name for that.
My youngest is already her own best advocate at protecting herself from these things. She literally says "I just want to be a kid" and she has removed herself from being put in the position of seeing something she doesn't want to. She tells me when somebody had said something she deems inappropriate. I don't ask her. She feels strongly that she doesn't need to know yet. She hasn't even had her first kiss yet. Why are people determined that she and others like her, need to know about bloody chocking and anal? Leave the children alone.

Go on then, since you’re so superior to those of us living in the real world of teenage behaviours, how are you protecting your child from porn on their friends and classmates phones?

My DDs first experience of porn was someone flashing their phone in her face on the school bus. How does a “vaguely competent parent” prevent that exactly?

It really is worrying.

So many people seem very naive to what teens are encountering thanks to smart phones and such easy access to date and WiFi.

Equipping children with the confident and boundaries to say no is exactly what sex education does.

You’re persisting in the wilfully ignorant belief that sex education in schools is the equivalent of setting kids up with a pornhub account and telling them to get on with it. It’s so far off the mark it would be funny if not for the fact that this kind of attitude is so harmful to children.

The study I linked upthread showed that the average age for first seeing porn is 12. And the kind of porn widely available online isn’t consent-focused, naice porn. It's violent and dangerous. The violence is presented as a normal part of sex, and a child has no way of knowing any different unless they are told.

If we leave it to age 16 or 18 to inform kids about the realities of safe sex, or teach them about the dangers of copying the acts they see, it will be too late for them.

Also

None of us are advocating teaching children that choking is normal?

The only person mentioning it is mentioning it in hysterical "but think of the children" ways.

I haven't seen stats for that but have seen stats suggestion young people are having less sex than ever and others that suggest all the population is.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings/

In Ops shoes I would speak to the school and ask them to explain the content of the sex Ed lessons and how the lessons are being taught.

Im all for most sex Ed and think it is important for children to know about sex. However I have seen a few approaches to sex Ed that are supposed to be progressive but I have just found concerning. So I’d be willing to ask for more info.

Thing is though if your DD is saying she is uncomfortable and she wants to be withdrawn then I think there is consent issue too. If she doesn’t want to engage with that discussion she should have a right to say no. I would agree to let her withdraw if she wants to but would tell her she would need to engage with other sex Ed that I find to replace that misses in school (eg I’d buy a book for her to read or otherwise talk through some sex related knowledge with her).

You’re not though, what you’re doing is making children more vulnerable to abusers. Knowledge is power, its up to you it you want to deprive your child of the tools that could help them identify an abuser, but you rightly cannot make that decision for other children. A common age for children to report sexual abuse is when they start having sex education, as thats where they discover that it is wrong and it is abuse.

Porn tells children that choking is a pretty routine part of sex that women love. And they will be seeing videos depicting that from a fairly young age. Choking isn't a niche thing you'd have to seek out, far from it.

Whereas, I think children should be taught that choking is not a part of sex. That choking is extremely dangerous, that it can easily kill people when it goes wrong, that it's not a practice to be engaged in.

Children that don't get taught a counter-message are vulnerable to being actually killed or killing someone. Just ask on MN how many women have experienced choking from a new partner with no preamble or discussion - porn is fuelling really dangerous behaviour changes.

I don’t think you need explicit sex education to protect from abuse/exploitation what you need is agency and empowerment. I tell my children they can walk out if any lesson where they feel the content is not appropriate and can ask the school to phone me if that’s an issue. Teach them to say no in the face of pressure from teachers and friends to “be cool with it”, and I think you’ve taught a far more valuable lesson.

Other kids will show them. You have absolutely no control whatsoever over that. I do not understand why anyone would think it sensible to let them sit and stew with that information, rather than engaging in an open conversation. It's gross (to me), but it's not going anywhere. So they really need to know about it, and be prepared. To ignore it is negligence imo.

Given that safe asphyxiation doesn't exist, it'd be a pretty short lesson.....

If an MP was campaigning for that, they are an idiot. Compressing airways is never safe, and there is no technique that is guaranteed not to cause harm.

No-one on this thread is advocating for children to be taught how to do dangerous or risky sex acts, or shown porn depicting such acts.

Normalising unhealthy and abusive practices is not that.

Raising awareness that any sexual practice is abusive without clear, informed, enthusiastic consent empowers young people to think about where their own sexual boundaries lie, before they need to try and enforce those boundaries.

In the porn-soaked world we live in anal and choking aren’t even considered extreme any more, kids can come across this stuff with two clicks of a mouse. Any education that informs and supports healthy boundaries is a very good thing.

Your continued use of the word ‘sodomy’ suggests you have a strong agenda here, probably a homophobic one and likely religiously motivated so I’m aware you have an angle here that doesn’t belong in schools.

If a parent considers that sex education is inappropriate for their child and / or the child has expressed a boundary about being uncomfortable learning in that environment, the parent has the right to remove the child from that class and I would encourage a parent to do so if they think it would benefit their child (bearing in mind it is then their responsibility to educate their child safely). That doesn’t mean sex education shouldn’t be taking place in schools at all.

I don’t think anyone has remotely advocated pressuring children to accept anything as ‘just another position’ - this is a bogeyman of your own invention. Sex education should always be about consent, safety, boundaries and security. That means teaching children they don’t ever have to do anything sexual if they don’t want to, that it is always wrong to pressure another person in to any kind of sexual act, and that if they are having sex of any kind, there are ways to do it as safely as possible and they should know that those are.

You clearly know virtually nothing about how sex education is handled in schools. If you have a school age child you can arrange a meeting with their school to discuss how sex education is taught to see if that allays your concerns.

Yes, indeed. Teach. I wonder where one could do that.....

taught by a teacher of the only sex who can physically ‘do’ the sodomising

Never heard of pegging?

Sodomy actually means any non-procreative sexual act - oral sex, anal sex and bestiality. However, sodomy laws were historically not enforced against heterosexual couples, only homosexual ones.

Using the word sodomy does betray a certain agenda/worldview, I have to say.