Anyone in HR? I’ve f’d up big time

[Fundamentallyfurked]

So about 2 years ago, my good friend helped me get a job. It was a job that I was qualified for and had the necessary skills and qualifications but she coached me through the interview. She was one of the hiring managers (although she said at decision making she didn’t advocate for me as she didn’t want it to appear dodgy when it clearly was). She didn’t declare conflict of interest and coached me through key skills to hit. she knew it was coming up and was having trouble filling the position so told me to apply.

Prior to this she always moaned about her direct reports, how bad they were, how much she covered for them when they f’d up which apparently was often. They’d complained about her management style, said she was too harsh but she was just trying to help them. Fast forward, I was offered the job and started and things were fine, for a while and then she started to ask me to do things, inform on them, feedback anything they said about her to get them in trouble, disclosing how she was trying to manage someone out, mocking her direct reports mental health, disclosing really personal things about them. I said I didn’t feel comfortable trying to get my colleagues in trouble but glossed over what anyone said about her. Things started to decline from there, just an incremental change. My feedback on my work got harsher but I took it in stride and tried to work harder, even got recognised by the head of department for it. Things got worse in a 360 feedback I gave some, very light constructive feedback and then I started to get shut down in meetings, she started to take credit for my work. But personally things were ok. I then put in a request for my work hrs to be amended due to caring responsibilities that I have (parent with dementia) I discussed it at interview and with her personally and she said it was ok. BUT then things drastically changed. She told me in a meeting she no longer wished to talk to me personally but would be professional.
since then she’s actively tried to ruin my life and is now trying any trick in the book to manage me out. End of year downgraded my rating by force, put me on a PIP, is hyper critical, has been slagging me off left right and centre to any snr management that will listen, fabricated feedback (hidden behind the person being too afraid to say anything about me and the others wanting to remain anonymous. One told me in confidence that she tried to get her to make allegations about me. I’m unequivocally being set up to fail. She has bullied several people out of the team and often reduces people to tears but she has a vendetta against me. When things started to go wrong, I tried to talk to her and smooth things over and find out what I’d done, but frankly it was nonsense, that I didn’t show integrity getting the job, I reminded her it was her idea which she denied. She said my carer responsibility wasn’t her problem and I’m not the only one in the world with problems and to stop being so entitled. I reminded her that in the interview I asked her and the department head about it and they said it was absolutely fine and others do the same thing, she also denied that.

I can’t do anything right now, I had help getting the job. And I know I know never mix business with pleasure, and I shouldn’t have but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would turn to this.

ive even had malicious allegations to social services about my child, it was an anonymous ‘concerned former friend’.

i desperately need another job but when I find one, can I share what she’s done? I’m not the first person she has done this to (perhaps not to this extent) and I won’t be the last. She’s being rewarded with promotions whilst taking the ideas of others and actively punishing them. Can I share she got me the job, and explain the whole situation to the HR partner for our area? If I secure a new job can there possibly be any blow back on me? References just include the time you’ve worked there form HR right? I know for her it would be gross misconduct but what about me if I’ve already handed in my notice?

i apologise this is so long, and if you’ve read to the bottom. Thank you for your time

Why do you have to wait? Just disclose your concerns now.
You are looking to leave regardless.
Will your colleagues be willing to share their experiences too if there was an investigation.

You need to stand up for yourself

wow- she sounds like a piece of work.

First of all, don’t worry about how you were hired- she can’t use this against you without implicating herself. Also, there is nothing wrong with being coached on what they’d like to hear.

I’m not an HR professional, but I’d suggest that you speak to HR and explain everything you’ve said here. But get evidence sorted first.

what evidence do you have? Anything you have in writing would be very useful.

Log these incidents. Do you have witnesses? Can any former employees back you up?

Why are people not raising a group grievance? There must be a lot of evidence against her

You need to record everything and tbh I wouldn't wait but take your concerns with any evidence you have to someone high in the firm...with someone else too .maybe hr

Can you record any meetings you have on your phone? You just need something to verify your version of events.

Don’t tell her. Just record it.

Because I’m worried I’ll be sacked in gross misconduct before I’ve had the chance to secure another role. I’ve not been able to secure anything this far.

tbh I don’t know, and given the anonymous feedback about me from people I thought were at least work mates, I don’t feel comfortable asking them just in case they’ll go behind me back against me. I have a new line a manger now After her promotion and she’s turned them against me too, but they are too spineless to stand up to her. The tone of the department is you don’t want to her on xyz’s wrong side or she’ll make your life hell.

ive also really suffered mentally with this. Started having panic attacks and extreme anxiety. This has been held against me too

You should raise a grievance against her.

Are you in a union? Hardly anyone on Mumsnet is for some reason, but you could do with some professional advice.

That in my company is gross misconduct

I actually am, but the substance of my grievance is that I knew her outside of work before and she’s turned on me. Fed me interview questions which are confidential documents and didn’t declare conflict of interest. This doesn’t make me look good so I’m too scared to say

I think it would be in any company to be honest.

You can't just go recording colleagues without their knowledge.

But you don't have to say any of that and she won't either for obvious reasons.

All of the things she told me about other people is verbal, but it’s some real confidential things I’d have no other way of knowing.

the performance improvement plan was a total surprise sprung on me, feedback with held and somethings drummed up, some grossly exaggerated but some due to mental health that got worse and worse with how I was being treated

texts and interview questions I’ve got on my phone so I have that for proof

Well it sounds like you have little option but to leave. May as well take her with you.

you can’t stay in this workplace- it’s damaging your health.

If you give HR the whole story- including the fact she shared confidential interview questions, then she is fooked. They might keep you on.

Do you have anything in writing that is evidence of bullying?

But that’s the backbone of the grievance becasue shes so snr she’s legitimised all of the PIP things, so it’s hearsay or plausible deniability and I’ll look like the flailing employee just flinging shit,that’s how she’ll make it look. Plus she will come after my harder.

the only hard witness I have is that other member of snr management who felt she had a vendetta

Speak to an employment lawyer- it’s workplace bullying.

They will be able to advise on your strategy.

But if you do nothing, you’re going to get sacked or you health will be severely impacted.

your only option is to fight this.

No she’s too clever it’s all verbal, except the shit that looks like I’m terrible at my job, except last year when I was actually really bloody good!

but would it have blow back on me? Could it be on my reference in any way? We’re a really tightly regulated industry. I honestly feel she’s trying to ruin my life, I can’t let her. I will leave but she needs to be exposed, she can’t be in a position of power to exploit it. But I don’t want to risk exposing her if it could ruin my life in the long term too?

They can advise on the law and that’s if the company follows its processes. I’d been really fucking naive with my new manager (I’m kicking myself) the team doesn’t document 1:1s so there’s no paper trail of any poor performance or any concern about performance being raise, which sounds ok, but there’s no trail of it not being raised which would add meat to the bones of a grievance. I’ve made sure there is now, and I can’t do right from wrong. Everything is nitpicked. You talked to fast in this meeting, your voice was horse so it was difficult to listen to etc (I had a cold) etc

Fear, that’s why, fear

Any way you can get her to say these things and be secretly recording?

Yes, it could be on your reference. References can contain anything truthful. Some companies only confirm dates worked, but that’s not common - even ones that will only officially send dates worked will usually have a call to pass on further thoughts/opinions.

Would you have got the job without her? Did she coach you through, or have you fabricated things to get the position or show experience they needed but you didn’t have?

Don't record her in any way.

Ignore the part where she coached you for the job. She can't reveal that without incriminating herself so its bye the bye.

Use the process to your advantage. A PIP is create a watertight paper trail to prove you aren't doing your bit to improve performance - but it works both ways - if you ensure a clear written record that you have done what's asked of you, its difficult to manage you out without paying you off.

Ignore the part where she coached you for the job. She can't reveal that without incriminating herself so its bye the bye.

1. Ask for written assurance that the expectations on the PIP meet the required standards for your job role - not some bare minimum, a decent level.

1. Go through the PIP line by line, with HR, get clarification in writing of anything vague, subjective or not specific enough for you to prove/evidence

1. Avoid having verbal feedback or progress meetings. If you are coerced into them, take very detailed notes, and circulate them immediately afterwards. Specifically request in the email that they either reply stating their agreement in full with the notes, or making comments as to anything you have missed.

1. Keep your head down. Don't piss anyone off, don't get dragged into office politics or other issues. Just focus on your job and doing it well, log all feedback, document clearly how you've delivered as asked, on time. Request immediate feedback in writing from any stake holders after core deliverables.

1. Check company data/privacy policies around what you can and can't do, but ideally print your emails & team chats to/from her where anything unreasonable is said, and evidence of how you've met expectations in terms of your performance. If you can't print, check if you can save files on a password protected portable drive. You don't want all your evidence on a cloud based server where your access to it could suddenly be cut.

People this can only do this where they succeed. Remove her ability to control the outcome and she will slink off with her tail between her legs.

I think you are mixing up two things. She invited you to apply because she thought you had the potential and the skills to do a good job. She also probably likes to have people in her pocket and on her side. She mentored and coached you. You haven’t done anything wrong…she has, by being on the panel. Don’t mention it- if it comes out, it is her bad.

Your grievance is about the way she has behaved since- that’s what you need to focus on. Write a list ignoring the above issue- date it and briefly summarise it. Write it as a list, not only will you have your evidence, but it will help you get your thoughts in order. Be really clear about what you are bringing a grievance for- focus it around the evidence. See if you can get anything in writing from anywhere. Contradictory instructions from this meeting, briefing etc. If you can’t find evidence for everything, you may have to let some things go.

Once you have got this together, decide how strong your case is- then decide what to do.

Your union will probably have some kind of helpline you can call for advice. I would definitely echo others re: raising a grievance. I don't think you need to mention how you got the job. You can say that you knew each other personally and she disclosed personal information about others to you, while shaking you for info. When you became uncomfortable with this she turned on you and began this vendetta.

Is your performance monitored in any objective way I.e billable hours, sales numbers etc that can show that your performance hasn't actually declined, yet she has put you on a PIP etc? Have you documented the decline of your mental health with your GP?

No paperwork, no evidence of feedback etc works in your favour too.

shes so snr she’s legitimised all of the PIP things

How? Is it a properly documented pip with clear expectations, objectives and timeframes and have you met the requirements? If its not clearly documented, you can challenge it.

The burden of proof is on the employer to show they took reasonable steps to support you to improve, they need the papertrail to be precise and thorough every bit as much as you do.

In your shoes clearly you need to leave but use the process to secure yourself a payoff and a clear reference.

All I’ve ever known in my industry has it been dates worked and it’s always been HR.

would I have got the job without her? My partner was actually equally supportive in crafting examples for competency interviews, he interviews exceedingly well. All my examples were genuine but it would be a lie to deny that seeing the questions they were going to ask before hand and making sure I had examples for them ready wasn’t a huge advantage. It was, likewise hearing what they wanted.

is it gross misconduct for me to have had this help? I know it was for her to do it.