Anyone in HR? I’ve f’d up big time

[Fundamentallyfurked]

So about 2 years ago, my good friend helped me get a job. It was a job that I was qualified for and had the necessary skills and qualifications but she coached me through the interview. She was one of the hiring managers (although she said at decision making she didn’t advocate for me as she didn’t want it to appear dodgy when it clearly was). She didn’t declare conflict of interest and coached me through key skills to hit. she knew it was coming up and was having trouble filling the position so told me to apply.

Prior to this she always moaned about her direct reports, how bad they were, how much she covered for them when they f’d up which apparently was often. They’d complained about her management style, said she was too harsh but she was just trying to help them. Fast forward, I was offered the job and started and things were fine, for a while and then she started to ask me to do things, inform on them, feedback anything they said about her to get them in trouble, disclosing how she was trying to manage someone out, mocking her direct reports mental health, disclosing really personal things about them. I said I didn’t feel comfortable trying to get my colleagues in trouble but glossed over what anyone said about her. Things started to decline from there, just an incremental change. My feedback on my work got harsher but I took it in stride and tried to work harder, even got recognised by the head of department for it. Things got worse in a 360 feedback I gave some, very light constructive feedback and then I started to get shut down in meetings, she started to take credit for my work. But personally things were ok. I then put in a request for my work hrs to be amended due to caring responsibilities that I have (parent with dementia) I discussed it at interview and with her personally and she said it was ok. BUT then things drastically changed. She told me in a meeting she no longer wished to talk to me personally but would be professional.
since then she’s actively tried to ruin my life and is now trying any trick in the book to manage me out. End of year downgraded my rating by force, put me on a PIP, is hyper critical, has been slagging me off left right and centre to any snr management that will listen, fabricated feedback (hidden behind the person being too afraid to say anything about me and the others wanting to remain anonymous. One told me in confidence that she tried to get her to make allegations about me. I’m unequivocally being set up to fail. She has bullied several people out of the team and often reduces people to tears but she has a vendetta against me. When things started to go wrong, I tried to talk to her and smooth things over and find out what I’d done, but frankly it was nonsense, that I didn’t show integrity getting the job, I reminded her it was her idea which she denied. She said my carer responsibility wasn’t her problem and I’m not the only one in the world with problems and to stop being so entitled. I reminded her that in the interview I asked her and the department head about it and they said it was absolutely fine and others do the same thing, she also denied that.

I can’t do anything right now, I had help getting the job. And I know I know never mix business with pleasure, and I shouldn’t have but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would turn to this.

ive even had malicious allegations to social services about my child, it was an anonymous ‘concerned former friend’.

i desperately need another job but when I find one, can I share what she’s done? I’m not the first person she has done this to (perhaps not to this extent) and I won’t be the last. She’s being rewarded with promotions whilst taking the ideas of others and actively punishing them. Can I share she got me the job, and explain the whole situation to the HR partner for our area? If I secure a new job can there possibly be any blow back on me? References just include the time you’ve worked there form HR right? I know for her it would be gross misconduct but what about me if I’ve already handed in my notice?

i apologise this is so long, and if you’ve read to the bottom. Thank you for your time

It is now, but prior to the PIP 0 concerns were highlighted about my ability to do the role.

it is a properly documented PIP yes, and things are spelled out but a lot of the success criteria is wishy washy, but the role is wishy washy. So it’s like less feedback on reports, deliver excellent seminar, positive feedback from senior leaders, participating in conferences- all of which I’ve done before but I was told post pip it wasn’t to a high enough standard.
i attend a conference last week, engaged had a really good conversation with a stakeholder, good stuff came out of it but the feedback i had was- you could tell I was nervous and that needs improvement. So I feel like I could deliver a viral Ted talk and it still wouldn’t be good enough

ive also really suffered mentally with this. Started having panic attacks and extreme anxiety. This has been held against me too

I'm not bloody surprised, your nerves must be shattered!

I had a bad experience with the last company I worked with and after management shifting people around I moved from one bad manager to one that actively tried to push me out the door. I came home one lunch time and had my first ever panic attack. They became regular after that as my mental health suffered and I watched my manager trying to

what stopped you being a turncoat to the person who helped you get the role ?

You could put in a bullying complaint against her, raise objections that the PIP is being rated based on opinion rather than fact, and ask for factual measures as you don't think her assessment is objective on the basis of bullying (which is why you've raised the complaint).

There's nothing really they can do then. They might start offering to pay you off.

Sadly no concrete numbers it’s all wishy washy but that’s the nature of the beast and part of the problem.

yes, GP signed me off work, prescribed me some medication and I’ve been having cbt

Sorry?

it means helping your boss, via reports on the other employees, basically a spook or spy

Sorry posted too soon
Basically, no job is worth making you feel like that. No job is worth it. You go there to work not to be upset and anxious. It isn't right

I don't have any he experience so I really can't help but wanted you to know that you are worth more than this position and you will find something else. Have confidence in yourself that you've done nothing wrong and this is just the way she is. And if it wasn't you it be some other bugger. She's nasty and it's a shame she had to turn on you as a friend

Btw the social services thing - I'd blow my fuccking lid. How dare she

Thing is my line manager now agrees, funny they didn’t ever mention it before, just when the snr management team got together.

i just don’t think it will get me anywhere. It’s he said she said and she’s been there longer and I’ve got no evidence. No other team In the business would want me as they’d think I’m shit. My only really choice is to leave. But if I do, she should be exposed for basically bringing me on board to have me in her pocket and then trying to ruin me when I objected

Find a new job, don't disclose anything there's no reason you're just ready for a new challenge 💐

I agree with @TheLightProgramme that you can make a case you’re being managed out through unclear and unexpected PIP. Are you on a bonus structure? Is your pay and promotion prospects potentially compromised by being put on a PIP? I would make the case that your performance year one was strong and you’ve been blindsided by the PIP, feedback not given in a timely manner, being overlooked in meetings, lack of clarity on improvement targets, etc. And insist on documented notes of the meeting, and an agreed follow up action (next meeting, forum for bilateral feedback.)

Secondly, I’d then reference the pastoral issue - her denying that at interview you’d mentioned caring responsibilities, say you feel you are being contradicted when another person witnessed the conversation.

And finally, be prepared at a future meeting to say that you feel your options are narrowed with little opportunity to reach agreed targets, and that you feel unsupported to succeed. If you are due (for example) a Q4 bonus, would leaving mean you lose out? It is worth setting out the obstacles.

Great that you are in a union. I’d avoid reference to the interview process, but I would, if it felt opportune to say you knew her personally before you started, and indeed she encouraged you to apply, so are taken aback by the negativity you are now experiencing. You may be able to negotiate an exit settlement; if you can’t continue your role due to the prevailing fear of failure, and your cards are marked, go hard for securing ‘an orderly exit’ with a positive reference.

(not a lawyer)

I saw how she was tearing them down when they were trying their best and doing anything to basically be seen and be recognised. It’s peoples lives, she’d have used what i said to do what she’s done to me, and I can’t do that to someone. It obvious no one likes her, but everyone is too afraid to say ‘just in case’

prior to joining, I thought she was this big softie that had a lot of useless people around her taking advantage and she’d been dealt a tough hand but was doing her best, but feedback wise, she’s brutal, so brutal it’s degrading. One person has a thick accent and no formal academic education beyond a levels but has worked themselves up, she mocked them for that calling them a chav and mimicked how they talk. And now, because of my nerves I’ve withdrawn and our last 1:1 before she booted me, she did the same to me and literally laughed at me for how I talk. I was trying my best, and I was crushed. It made me not want to be heard again, this has now been used against me.

I actually did record two verbal meetings so I could write word for word what had been said after the meeting ended. I didn't tell them I was doing it as I knew I'd be told no. However my mind was so fucked in that place I needed the recording to replay it myself after and make sure I was writing truthfully what happened.

The other person has left now, she left assumed their role.

yes I’ll be financially punished by this, pay rise and bonus like you’ve said.

i don’t think I’d get a positive reference the way things are if it was a personal reference. The only card I have against her truly is trh gross misconduct on her behalf

with that context i can understand your points, seems it could be debated that she is quite the toxic manager

No but I sort of want to, she’s ruined my life, literally and she’s been rewarded for it and she’ll do it to someone else. The only thing I’ve got concrete evidence for is her gross misconduct in helping me get the role

Forget about how you got the job. It won’t help your case at all.

Concentrate on the current situation.

she is, I wish I’d seen it before I joined, I’d have saved myself the pain and my mental health In tatters and social services snooping around my life

she sounds so toxic, what a bully. You’d be doing your company a favour by standing up for yourself. She has just as much to lose as you , it’s just awkward she’s in the more powerful position. I’d have to fight!

there is no way out of where I am in the current situation other than to leave. That is certain but how I got the role is the only evidence of her conduct and gross misconduct, which does deserve to be exposed in light of how she acted. Who knows if she’s done it before

So the card in your back pocket if/when the time comes is that you had a great first year and the subjective (unexpected) feedback and wishy washy improvements you were set makes it extremely difficult for you to succeed. And it leaves you feeling that the company is not providing adequate support for you to regain your status as a valuable team member, leaving you wondering if you are being managed out.

but then it would depend on how the other managers veiw her conduct in helping you for the role,

Get another job and you certainly don't talk about this there. You'd be painting a target at your forehead. Move on, fast.

From a HR point of view she’s leaked confidential documents that’s gross misconduct. It would be how HR see it, hiring your mate and not disclosing it and then all the other things she’s said suddenly have more weight or else she’ll lie her way out of it and paint me as the struggling person flinging shit

If I leave it will be obvious why- I don’t really need a card in my pocket for that. She’ll paint me as shit and glad to see the back of me and that will be it. I meant more exposing what she’s done so she doesn’t do it to anyone else