Anyone in HR? I’ve f’d up big time

[Fundamentallyfurked]

So about 2 years ago, my good friend helped me get a job. It was a job that I was qualified for and had the necessary skills and qualifications but she coached me through the interview. She was one of the hiring managers (although she said at decision making she didn’t advocate for me as she didn’t want it to appear dodgy when it clearly was). She didn’t declare conflict of interest and coached me through key skills to hit. she knew it was coming up and was having trouble filling the position so told me to apply.

Prior to this she always moaned about her direct reports, how bad they were, how much she covered for them when they f’d up which apparently was often. They’d complained about her management style, said she was too harsh but she was just trying to help them. Fast forward, I was offered the job and started and things were fine, for a while and then she started to ask me to do things, inform on them, feedback anything they said about her to get them in trouble, disclosing how she was trying to manage someone out, mocking her direct reports mental health, disclosing really personal things about them. I said I didn’t feel comfortable trying to get my colleagues in trouble but glossed over what anyone said about her. Things started to decline from there, just an incremental change. My feedback on my work got harsher but I took it in stride and tried to work harder, even got recognised by the head of department for it. Things got worse in a 360 feedback I gave some, very light constructive feedback and then I started to get shut down in meetings, she started to take credit for my work. But personally things were ok. I then put in a request for my work hrs to be amended due to caring responsibilities that I have (parent with dementia) I discussed it at interview and with her personally and she said it was ok. BUT then things drastically changed. She told me in a meeting she no longer wished to talk to me personally but would be professional.
since then she’s actively tried to ruin my life and is now trying any trick in the book to manage me out. End of year downgraded my rating by force, put me on a PIP, is hyper critical, has been slagging me off left right and centre to any snr management that will listen, fabricated feedback (hidden behind the person being too afraid to say anything about me and the others wanting to remain anonymous. One told me in confidence that she tried to get her to make allegations about me. I’m unequivocally being set up to fail. She has bullied several people out of the team and often reduces people to tears but she has a vendetta against me. When things started to go wrong, I tried to talk to her and smooth things over and find out what I’d done, but frankly it was nonsense, that I didn’t show integrity getting the job, I reminded her it was her idea which she denied. She said my carer responsibility wasn’t her problem and I’m not the only one in the world with problems and to stop being so entitled. I reminded her that in the interview I asked her and the department head about it and they said it was absolutely fine and others do the same thing, she also denied that.

I can’t do anything right now, I had help getting the job. And I know I know never mix business with pleasure, and I shouldn’t have but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would turn to this.

ive even had malicious allegations to social services about my child, it was an anonymous ‘concerned former friend’.

i desperately need another job but when I find one, can I share what she’s done? I’m not the first person she has done this to (perhaps not to this extent) and I won’t be the last. She’s being rewarded with promotions whilst taking the ideas of others and actively punishing them. Can I share she got me the job, and explain the whole situation to the HR partner for our area? If I secure a new job can there possibly be any blow back on me? References just include the time you’ve worked there form HR right? I know for her it would be gross misconduct but what about me if I’ve already handed in my notice?

i apologise this is so long, and if you’ve read to the bottom. Thank you for your time

I have worked in HR. Good you have left that awful co.
Plus I had a parent who had dementia, and passed away.
An employer cannot give a bad ref, they can refuse to give you one. Do you have to ask her for a ref, can't you request one from another manager. People can be wicked sometimes, believe me! Don't worry things turn out for the best. How long did you work there.? As the years go by, put long term temp assignment, that way they won't ask you for a ref!! Good luck, and it is not the end of the world. If you feel she is trying to ruin you, go the legal route, and get a solicitors letter drawn up!

I’m still there :( every day is hell.

I’m wondering if she’s doing this in time for two years. As in, once you get past two years it’s much harder. My inbox is always open though! Promise I’m not your manager lol

Hahah lol, you’re far too nice to be her!

but that’s my thoughts too, and when she took power and took the snr management role. It’s just a shit show

No, they cannot disclose personal stuff . If they do they are breaking the law. It's usually a standard reference nowadays, as companies haven't got the time. Sometimes companies ask for a personal statement or character ref. I do not advise she asks that manager. Believe me I have worked in HR and have gone the to the top due to discrimination! And won!

i would be having a word personally with her whether she likes it or not. tell her her BULLYING tactics are not working on you, and you know exactly what she is doing by trying to get you out. remind her of all the shit things she asked u to do eg grass on colleagues and say if she wants u can have a meeting with managers and a union rep to discuss further exactly what happened. you are in the post now it's yours, right for it girl don't let this bully get the better of you. start writing everything down dates the lot. this is your evidence .

Did you make a formal flexible working request? If so, did the company process your request in line with the ACAS code of practice?
https://www.acas.org.uk/acas-code-of-practice-on-flexible-working-requests/html
Do you have a copy of the policies on flexible working requests and any policies relating to caring responsibilities?

Ask HR to set out in writing clear objective SMART targets for the PIP. Ask them to outline what steps HR are taking to ensure fair treatment and consistency in the process to ensure that you are treated in the same way as other employees.

None of these things will make the job tenable in the long run but what you may be able to do is make HR uncomfortable enough that they agree a sensible settlement. That settlement should include an agreed form of reference.

Gosh she sounds like my old manager.

HR are not there to protect your interests. I left and raised a grievance and they denied it all and tried to turn it on me. She moved onto somewhere else within a few months.

I tried to take it to employment tribunal but it is a very very long and rough journey and in hindsight was not worth it. Part of me wishes I shouldn't have bothered even putting the grievance in - it took away too much of my energy and time, and it was very traumatic reading all they denied and the complete fabrications they made up about me.

My advice me try your best to get another job quickly and move on. This isn't worthwhile your energy and complaining is not going to get you anywhere.

I actually left without having another job to go to. I had a mini breakdown afterwards but within a few months got a job that paid around 4 times more. So stuff then and their lies. But it is taking me years to heal from the horrible bullying.

Also, she shouldn't have shown you confidential docs or given you tips. She is in HR !!

Out of interest why is she progressing in the company and why don’t others above her see it?
Is it because she has friends in management, puts on a strategic false front, management/company ethos is as bad as her, is cut throat and good at her role?
It just always baffles me how people like this progress and how management don’t see it when literally everyone else does.

Sending you solidarity op.

Sadly I agree with this.

I put the complaint in and started the process of taking it to the employment tribunal, all because I didn't want this to happen to anyone else. But she quickly moved on, and I was left with the emotional and physical trauma of re-living it through such a stressful and unsupportive process. Literally no one is on your side, and they turn against you so quickly and will make up complete lies about you and harm your reputation and confidence.

It just isn't worth it. Hand your notice in asap and leave is what I would recommend. And move on.

And ACAS are completely useless btw.

She hasn't won if you leave for a lower paid job. You put your health and wellbeing first, that's what matters ultimately - and that's a sign of you winning!

An employer cant officially give a bad reference BUT ( as im suspicious might have happened in my case ) the ex employer can privately email or speak to the prospective employer.........

Honestly? Forget about her.

Ignore any thoughts focussed on retaliation, bringing her down etc for the sake of it - its not productive. The circumstances of your hiring really aren't that relevant.

Focus on:

• getting another job, fast
• seeing the PIP and your response to it as your defensive arsenal, and using as a tool to put yourself in a position where if they want you gone, they have to pay
• defending your self - paper trail for EVERYTHING.
• Be lilly white in terms of your own behaviour.

Ok so sheis being a nightmare manager who is clearly not remotely good at her job. HOWEVER, you took the interview, she helped you, helpd land you the job which you took with both hands. Now she is nightmsre manager. I don’t think this will go well for you as it looks like spite and retaillation for you to bring this up now well after the fact.

if you want to challenge her management approach, do it. Make it formal but dont go trying to throw her under the bus when she went out of her way to help you get a job you have benifited from just beacuse shes a bad manager-it makes you look spiteful and vindictive. Plus it’s just a dick move, on natter what shes done since.

She sounds exactly like my old boss!!! Even down to rewording things but basically saying the same!
My work would be marked like a child and corrected even though it wasn't wrong. She just preferred it worded her way. It was so degrading.

I agree 100% with this.

That makes her look 100x worse than you. But do you have evidence of this? Did she WhatsApp or email you questions and answers?

I think you need to go to HR now.

Have you considered that it will look like this anyway?

You accepted the help from her, and the confidential documents, and used them in your interview. Most people are not going to believe that you developed a conscience after that. They’re going to believe that you expected an easy ride because she’s your friend, and now you’re on a PIP, you’re trying to get revenge.

She sounds horrific and you need to get away, but you can’t be the whistleblower on how unfair her actions were to get you the job when you were involved too. I’d be very surprised if it wasn’t considered gross misconduct on both sides, to be honest, it’d severely undermine their trust in you to know that you accepted documents and took part in this.

If you are certain your reference will only be dates, you could ignore that and hope for the best, but I’d be stunned if any regulated industry isn’t passing on more information than that even if it’s verbal.

But I suspect you’d be a lot better to leave and hope karma gets her in time. I don’t think you can realistically take her down for breaking the rules to help you get the job when you accepted that help.

Do you not have a whistleblowing line that you can confidentially pass on the information for it to be formally investigated?

Although perhaps you could leave and then anonymously report what she did once you’re gone and settled elsewhere. You’d need to provide evidence and they probably could then track it back to you but they’d be unlikely to do much when they discovered you’d already left, and you’d have a newer reference then from your new job.

if they decide they can’t take action on an anonymous complaint, at least it’ll be on her file.

Yes to both, I can’t do it when I work there, it will look like vengeance for the PIP like another poster said.

i don’t know what to do. I’m a grown up at the end of the day if there was concerns about output or performance I should’ve been told but our dynamic changed overnight. I definitely wasn’t getting an easy ride of it before, but now I’m under ridiculous scrutiny.

if I’m away from my desk for 10 mins I’m pulled up on it, ive developed Ibs since all of this so there have been times when I’ve urgently needed to loo, and I’ve had to explain this to my new line manager and it’s mortifying

So it’s not HR that do the PIP at my company it’s your line manager / snr manager aka her. It’s then run past HR. So I don’t think there is anything in that sadly

I agree on acas, Ive called and they were also incredibly wishy washy (word of the day haha)

i appreciate the sentiment but I need the money from a cost of living point of view, I don’t want to lose my home. My mortgage has just sky rocketed

HR still have to ensure that the process is operated fairly and consistently otherwise it opens up the risk of accusations of bullying and discrimination. You need to make this HR’s problem. They won’t back you against your manager but if they can see the risk of a grievance/ whistleblowing they may be inclined to push for a negotiated exit with an agreed reference. You might be able to get a couple of months gardening leave which will let you look for a new job in peace.

Ask for policies on flexible working and performance management. Document everything and question everything. If you have a diagnosis of IBS consider asking to discuss reasonable adjustments with Occupational Health.

You can’t salvage your job but you can create a situation where it’s in their interests to let you leave on reasonable terms.