Anyone in HR? I’ve f’d up big time

[Fundamentallyfurked]

So about 2 years ago, my good friend helped me get a job. It was a job that I was qualified for and had the necessary skills and qualifications but she coached me through the interview. She was one of the hiring managers (although she said at decision making she didn’t advocate for me as she didn’t want it to appear dodgy when it clearly was). She didn’t declare conflict of interest and coached me through key skills to hit. she knew it was coming up and was having trouble filling the position so told me to apply.

Prior to this she always moaned about her direct reports, how bad they were, how much she covered for them when they f’d up which apparently was often. They’d complained about her management style, said she was too harsh but she was just trying to help them. Fast forward, I was offered the job and started and things were fine, for a while and then she started to ask me to do things, inform on them, feedback anything they said about her to get them in trouble, disclosing how she was trying to manage someone out, mocking her direct reports mental health, disclosing really personal things about them. I said I didn’t feel comfortable trying to get my colleagues in trouble but glossed over what anyone said about her. Things started to decline from there, just an incremental change. My feedback on my work got harsher but I took it in stride and tried to work harder, even got recognised by the head of department for it. Things got worse in a 360 feedback I gave some, very light constructive feedback and then I started to get shut down in meetings, she started to take credit for my work. But personally things were ok. I then put in a request for my work hrs to be amended due to caring responsibilities that I have (parent with dementia) I discussed it at interview and with her personally and she said it was ok. BUT then things drastically changed. She told me in a meeting she no longer wished to talk to me personally but would be professional.
since then she’s actively tried to ruin my life and is now trying any trick in the book to manage me out. End of year downgraded my rating by force, put me on a PIP, is hyper critical, has been slagging me off left right and centre to any snr management that will listen, fabricated feedback (hidden behind the person being too afraid to say anything about me and the others wanting to remain anonymous. One told me in confidence that she tried to get her to make allegations about me. I’m unequivocally being set up to fail. She has bullied several people out of the team and often reduces people to tears but she has a vendetta against me. When things started to go wrong, I tried to talk to her and smooth things over and find out what I’d done, but frankly it was nonsense, that I didn’t show integrity getting the job, I reminded her it was her idea which she denied. She said my carer responsibility wasn’t her problem and I’m not the only one in the world with problems and to stop being so entitled. I reminded her that in the interview I asked her and the department head about it and they said it was absolutely fine and others do the same thing, she also denied that.

I can’t do anything right now, I had help getting the job. And I know I know never mix business with pleasure, and I shouldn’t have but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would turn to this.

ive even had malicious allegations to social services about my child, it was an anonymous ‘concerned former friend’.

i desperately need another job but when I find one, can I share what she’s done? I’m not the first person she has done this to (perhaps not to this extent) and I won’t be the last. She’s being rewarded with promotions whilst taking the ideas of others and actively punishing them. Can I share she got me the job, and explain the whole situation to the HR partner for our area? If I secure a new job can there possibly be any blow back on me? References just include the time you’ve worked there form HR right? I know for her it would be gross misconduct but what about me if I’ve already handed in my notice?

i apologise this is so long, and if you’ve read to the bottom. Thank you for your time

Allowances have been made on occupational health and it influenced the PIP something she was not happy about.

a Union rep is going to attend my 1:1s with me to ensure I’m not being set up to fail. Thing is the PIP looks above board, you can challenge a rating and a decision for a pip but i think I’ve left it too long, I didn’t have it in me to fight it, I had no evidence and she was fabricating things left right and centre- I thought it would make it worse for myself, which I probably would as she’s definitely punishing me for going against her

You’ve received a lot of good advice here already OP and I agree with a lot of it. I would even say there’s potential that you have a case for constructive dismissal, evidence dependent.

You need to find out what your companies policy is on behaviour and bullying in the workplace. Most now will have one, follow that process.

Gather a record of everything you’ve said said, dates, times, any evidence you currently have. If you do a SAR that may give you more evidence for this. I know you’re wary of speaking to others she has treated this way, but there is honestly power in numbers. Has there been anybody you know who has left the company due to her treatment - if so ask them if they would be willing to stand with you.

I would also say, if we’re talking about a decent sized company here, her gross misconduct really overpowers any on your side. She as a senior member of staff AND a hiring manager has provided you with the questions in advance, and has sat on a panel regarding your employment without declaring a conflict of interest. In your interview/panel interview however it was, were you ever specifically asked if you personally knew either of the interviewers? If not, then you haven’t lied. Whereas I would absolutely say she will have been asked as a senior hiring manager to declare that conflict. She is the one who crossed that line, you accepted help applying for a job from someone who works there. That happens literally ALL of the time, in all jobs. You didn’t skip the application process, you followed it all through correctly, you have the relevant qualifications for the job and it doesn’t sound as if it was solely her who decided to give you the job it was a panel of people.

If you can gather the evidence together, with the evidence you already have of her sharing interview content, plus the knowledge you only have due to her sharing confidential information about colleagues, and you can use your report to show that on x date you told her you do not feel comfortable reporting to her on colleagues, then suddenly on y date you are put on PIP, on x date you receive social services call, on z date you’re told you can no longer have flexible working previously agreed at interview, you are able to show a pattern of behaviour for bullying and arguably harassment in the workplace.

It does sound really tough. You can still challenge her assessment each time and follow it up in writing. So if she says something isn’t satisfactory ask her to give objective criteria as to what satisfactory looks like, ask her what support and training she is going to put in place to assist you in meeting these criteria. Follow up in writing with HR in copy.

If your current manager is not following the Occ Health advice to the letter then remind them in writing with a copy to HR.

The more you look like you are building a case the more HR might just want you to leave quietly.
Nobody will protect your interests apart from you so don’t feel embarrassed about appearing bloody minded.

The point of things like ACAS guidelines/codes of practice is not that ACAS is marvellous but that you can argue your firm is failing to follow best practice and ask HR why that is the case.
eg ACAS code states best practice is for companies to do x. You are failing to do x in my case, which I believe maybe to my detriment, please outline in writing why you are not following best practice.

Flexible working requests have a whole statutory framework around them so have to be responded to in a particular way. You can currently make 1 request a year but I think that is increasing to 2 next year.

It’s a horrible situation to be in and all you can do is your best.

Having survived something similar with a couple of managers for whom behaving with decency & integrity were unheard of.

i desperately need another job but when I find one, can I share what she’s done? With a prospective employer absolutely not. With your current one yes as a grievance. Or see what whistle blowing options there are.

Keep acting with integrity, maybe ask for a HR rep at any pip meetings. One manager I had was ‘ found out’ by another & managed out. Second time round they came as a pack with a lead bully.

How you got the job / her sharing confidential info / you not being up front, doesn't reflect well on either of you. I'd keep quiet about that

Your best option is to leave and put all this behind you

There are other people that have moved to other teams because of her, I know that for a fact and one who left very very abruptly and when we were on good terms she told me she was gunning for (they also had caring responsibilities) I don’t know the specifics there but I’d imagine they were pushed out.

no one ever asked me if I knew her or anyone or anything questions about conflict of interest.

that’s what I was hoping to do, but I don’t think I can do it if I’m still working there, I’d need to do it where I know I can’t be punished.

thank you for your encouragement x

But then as other posters have said, I think it’s more on her than me as she was the person in power and people get help with interviews all the time, there’s even evidence of me saying, no it’s ok, I don’t want to make things difficult for you, (re sharing interview questions) and then her insisting but making me promise not to say

Some companies only confirm dates worked, but that’s not common

It's extremely common, in fact I think it's the norm. It's to keep things simple for everyone.

How could you ever have committed gross misconduct before you were an employee? Surely the only person who could have done that is her.

Referring people for jobs is often encouraged, many places give you a reward if you successfully recommend someone, and I don't think it's expected that you'd ask a friend to apply and not tell them anything about the workplace.

So she didn’t recommend me so didn’t get an incentive or anything but she did feed me the questions and things about the other candidates (didn’t really pay any attention to that but she wasn’t complimentary about them). I don’t know if she could’ve recommended me because of the clear conflict of interest

I still don't see how that can be gross misconduct on anyone's part but hers. She obviously shouldn't have given you confidential information about other candidates but she did that, not you... and you weren't an employee. You weren't contracted to them so how could you have broken any rules?

It's good you're in a union, so I'd ask them for help. Meanwhile, I think all you can do is find another job and then pass these guys all the evidence of her absolute arseholery once you're safely employed elsewhere. What they do with that is up to them.

Sorry I thought you meant what she did was fine as people do it when they recommend someone, but yeah I think you’re right x

The info about the other candidates is potentially a particular problem for the company. Those details could include confidential info about individuals who would expected that the information was only used for the purpose of assessing their suitability for the role. It’s likely to be a data protection breach by the company as well as a breach of her employment contract.

In broad terms the company needs to ensure data is only processed for the purpose it was obtained and they need adequate measures to keep it confidential.
You were not an employee of the company at the time it was given to you so she shared information outside the organisation for a purpose that arguably was in conflict with the actual purpose the data was collected.
You could raise this as a whistleblower as it is a potential breach of Data Protection legislation.

1. Forget any former loyalty to this person. Gloves are off.
2. Go to your union. They are entirely on your side. Be 100% honest. They will be the best people to judge what has gone on
3. Via the union, go to HR and follow whatever grievance process they have in their policies
4. Stop worrying about how you got the job. That is irrelevant now. Everyone fudges interviews and takes help where they can

When does your sick leave end?

Can you use whatever time you have to prioritise updating your cv, LinkedIn etc and throw everything at getting a new role? For your own sanity I'd focus on that and deal with her once you're not under all this pressure? I'm so sorry you're going through this, it sounds horrendous.

Just don't tell them everything. Just like she denies things, you can deny it if she tries to bring it up. Except she won't because she won't want to incriminate herself. You don't need to worry that she didn't declare a conflict of interest, that's her problem. All of it is her problem, only tell them what they need to know without incriminating yourself. But what you do need is other people to grass up on her aswell. That's the ammunition.

It’s already ended :(

I left a toxic workplace a few months ago, earlier this year. My manager was similar, in that they decided they wanted rid of me. We'd had a few run ins over the years, but I'd received excellent performance bonuses every couple of years (you don't get them every year in my sector). I had challenged (I have very specialist knowledge) them a few times, and think they didn't like it.

Anyway, they concocted a PIP for me, with 15 points of improvement. Many of these were issues which had arisen when I was on a period of planned sick leave, for treatment for a serious condition. There were 2 which were found to have any slight partial fact in them. My Union supported me in this. It was almost entirely spurious.
Then, a few months later, they believed someone who said I'd misappropriated data. Which I had not.
I realised at that point, I would never win..... So I found another job, and quit.
The problem is that, no matter what some people do, they are protected by those above them. You need to protect yourself in these cases, and try to get out. You also need to decide what you want to fight whilst doing that. I decided my mental health was more important than 'being right'.

Oh shit. Sorry, thought you were still off sick.

Just be careful posting on here, especially during your working hours. Make sure you don't give them any more ammunition. She might be able to recognise herself if she comes across this thread because there can't be too many managers reporting their ex friend to social services.

I’m on leave today, and I’ve obscured enough details I should be ok. But thank you for your concern :)

Contrary to some here, I do think that if you work in a regulated industry and she gave you interview questions beforehand that you need to tread very carefully indeed. She sounds mad, and I personally wouldn't want to simply trust that she wouldn't reveal this because it was against her own self-interest (if she comes under investigation for grievances she may feel that she will be fired anyway and decide to lash out; or she may simply react irrationally because she is an impulsive and unstable person). I think you should just focus on getting out of this role and moving on.

Or at the very least get advice from a good specialist employment solicitor on your position before acting.

I don’t think she’d ever reveal it because it would make her look awful but I’m thinking of when I leave exposing her as it’s not only a GDPR breach but gross misconduct

If you share the interview stuff, she's in far more trouble than you.

@Fundamentallyfurked but depending on what your profession is, it may also be a breach of your own regulatory standards? What if your employer feels obligated to report you to your regulator? At the very least I'd familiarise yourself with any professional standards handed down by your regulator.