Anyone in HR? I’ve f’d up big time

[Fundamentallyfurked]

So about 2 years ago, my good friend helped me get a job. It was a job that I was qualified for and had the necessary skills and qualifications but she coached me through the interview. She was one of the hiring managers (although she said at decision making she didn’t advocate for me as she didn’t want it to appear dodgy when it clearly was). She didn’t declare conflict of interest and coached me through key skills to hit. she knew it was coming up and was having trouble filling the position so told me to apply.

Prior to this she always moaned about her direct reports, how bad they were, how much she covered for them when they f’d up which apparently was often. They’d complained about her management style, said she was too harsh but she was just trying to help them. Fast forward, I was offered the job and started and things were fine, for a while and then she started to ask me to do things, inform on them, feedback anything they said about her to get them in trouble, disclosing how she was trying to manage someone out, mocking her direct reports mental health, disclosing really personal things about them. I said I didn’t feel comfortable trying to get my colleagues in trouble but glossed over what anyone said about her. Things started to decline from there, just an incremental change. My feedback on my work got harsher but I took it in stride and tried to work harder, even got recognised by the head of department for it. Things got worse in a 360 feedback I gave some, very light constructive feedback and then I started to get shut down in meetings, she started to take credit for my work. But personally things were ok. I then put in a request for my work hrs to be amended due to caring responsibilities that I have (parent with dementia) I discussed it at interview and with her personally and she said it was ok. BUT then things drastically changed. She told me in a meeting she no longer wished to talk to me personally but would be professional.
since then she’s actively tried to ruin my life and is now trying any trick in the book to manage me out. End of year downgraded my rating by force, put me on a PIP, is hyper critical, has been slagging me off left right and centre to any snr management that will listen, fabricated feedback (hidden behind the person being too afraid to say anything about me and the others wanting to remain anonymous. One told me in confidence that she tried to get her to make allegations about me. I’m unequivocally being set up to fail. She has bullied several people out of the team and often reduces people to tears but she has a vendetta against me. When things started to go wrong, I tried to talk to her and smooth things over and find out what I’d done, but frankly it was nonsense, that I didn’t show integrity getting the job, I reminded her it was her idea which she denied. She said my carer responsibility wasn’t her problem and I’m not the only one in the world with problems and to stop being so entitled. I reminded her that in the interview I asked her and the department head about it and they said it was absolutely fine and others do the same thing, she also denied that.

I can’t do anything right now, I had help getting the job. And I know I know never mix business with pleasure, and I shouldn’t have but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would turn to this.

ive even had malicious allegations to social services about my child, it was an anonymous ‘concerned former friend’.

i desperately need another job but when I find one, can I share what she’s done? I’m not the first person she has done this to (perhaps not to this extent) and I won’t be the last. She’s being rewarded with promotions whilst taking the ideas of others and actively punishing them. Can I share she got me the job, and explain the whole situation to the HR partner for our area? If I secure a new job can there possibly be any blow back on me? References just include the time you’ve worked there form HR right? I know for her it would be gross misconduct but what about me if I’ve already handed in my notice?

i apologise this is so long, and if you’ve read to the bottom. Thank you for your time

In what sense?

id only disclose it after having moved on, so her conduct in role would be scrutinised more, and hopefully then more people would come forward.

if i secured another role could never exposing her still blow back on me?

then it would be proving it, and even then it depends on what hr say, yes in print it could be x but then it depends on the company management combined with Hr, and also can you be sure that none of Hr are in the books of management so to speak ? etc,

im guessing it would depend on the industry and if she has contacts in other companies etc

I’ve got print outs on headed paper saved and text messsges of screenshots of the questions again and the things they are looking for and then the other candidates names and stuff. Texts messages from her.

hr is a separate entity and when we were on good terms she made me swear to never say wee know each other before as she was terrified of getting caught

Some but that bothers me less (knowing how she is at work, not pleasant) than if it would be on a reference or something

basically did I commit gross misconduct in getting the job like this? Am I guilty?

fair points, but then could they counter that you faked the documents, screenshots etc ?

Not sure how they could, because I could literally present my phone and they could go through our WhatsApp, see the number, see the screenshots etc

plus then the real personal things about colleagues i wouldn’t know unless she told me too, it adds more weight to it

OP, just work out how important you are at work. Really. Is it worth them taking you seriously? That is what it is likely to boil down to, and also, I'd consider whether people are better off ignoring what you say. If they, you will get nowhere.

When jobs get dysfunctional like this you leave. And the reason to keep it quiet is that workplaces often have people like this and they are not the only one. If you are in a place where cheats prosper, consider who else does well out of it. If it's the management then they won't be pleased whatever procedures exist.

No it is not gross misconduct for you to have been coached for the interview.

My advice is that things seem so bad with this manager that you can undertake a scorched earth strategy, obviously stay in the lines of what is within your company policies. It doesn't seem that there is any disciplinary case that can be upheld against you.

Consider submitting a subject access request, submit this to you hr team or the person responsible for data protection/ information governance. Request any copies of communication or messages referencing you, your first name or any names you would be known by that would be sent by her, include text messages, teams messages, slack or means of work chat. This will help to give you evidence. I appreciate that you think everything she does is verbal but it might surprise you. You have a legal right to see any messages sent about you andreceive this within 30 days. You cannot be negatively affected by exercising your legal rights.
Submit a formal grievance - with grounds of bullying, citing toxic behaviors including disclosing confidential information about the team, mocking peoples mental health and disclosing personal information about them. The allegations that she tried to get the other colleague to make about you. The refusal to support your caring responsibility despite initial agreement (depending on the circumstances this could be breach of implied terms of contract).
From what you have said about your mental health, go to a gp and consider whether getting signed off work could be helpful. Max out your company provided sick pay. You can't be discriminated against for being genuinely unwell and any pip should focus on performance not health and should contain reasonable adjustments to support your well-being. The pip has to be paused during your sickness absence.
Focus on finding another job
Don't submit your notice.
When you are ready to leave, request a without prejudice discussion to try to agree a settlement agreement for a negotiated exit. Make sure you get at least one month pay minimum on top of your pay in lieu of notice but aim for 3 months. The company may be more keen to pay you off rather than deal with the grievance, data subject access request, pip etc.
A reference must be accurate and fair. Most companies only provide factual information due to the legal risk of a negative reference. If they do agree to a settlement agreement then the reference would be agreed and discussed as part of this. There is no harm in requesting a without prejudice discussion once you are ready to leave. The worst they can say is no.
You need to build your case against the company on the basis of how this manager has treated you.

I’m replaceable but we have external regulations in place and integrity should be important but you are right a lot of places are old boys clubs.

ive never encountered a bully like this before- she’s hit me on all fronts and over nothing. She used to call me her sister and now this a vendetta to ruin my life

@Onelastbiscuit is 100% correct. Every single point made (particularly the SAR).

Firstly - I’ve been there for two years? Over two years? In which case you can’t be fired for a wishy washy PIP. HR would know that.

You can be made redundant.

I’ve dealt with something similar before, my boss was quite explicit once about wiping that smile off my face. If you want any advice or someone to talk to let me know

OP my DH has been struggling with crap management for a while (not as bad as yours) and spoke to HR and his union who both agreed he had grounds for a greivance. He didn't want to pursue it because of the stress involved but it gave him a lever to negotiate a settlement with a pay off and left his job as a result. He's also got agreement on what will be said in a reference to future employers.

Sometimes you just need to leave - a friend who was bullied at work did this recently - just resigned after being pushed too far - no settlement but relief from the stress. She's got herself a new job doing something completely different.

The pip sounds like a weakness on their part. They need evidence of underperformance to give you a a first formal warning. You need to get a first and final warning before any dismissal on grounds of performance. They cant include things like your voice being horse from a cold because that is on the grounds of your health and discrimination.

Research disability discrimination and victimisation. Sounds like a clear case of victimisation.

Not quite 2 years, im keeping it vague just in case she’s on here. I can be managed out though, the roles is a wishy washy one, no sales targets or numbers or billable hrs, all of it is heavily subjective, but she has started tearing my work apart, and some of it is synonyms using but instead of however or rephrasing things to say basically the same.

Honestly it's not worth it, you'll just earmark yourself as a troublemaker, too risky and it could backfire on you in that it could be said you would not have been suitable for the role had it not been for your friendship. People like this implode their careers eventually, take the high road and wait it out 🤷‍♀️

I’ve looked on their management plans and there PIP is the start of it, but the snr manager who told me what she tried to get her to do, said to me off the record it sounded like she was hell bent on managing me out.

@Fundamentallyfurked

You are not thinking straight at the moment.

I would go to your GP and get signed off sick. Then when you've had some time off and feel a bit less stressed, you will be in a better place to come back to this thread and start actioning some of the excellent advice that has been posted on here, especially from @Onelastbiscuit

This is phenomenal advice, thank you!

would she get wind of if i did a SAR? I don’t know if I’ve said anything about her in a chat or anything, I had a friend who was a contractor (now left) who is confided in tell me some things to say in my 1:1s, im worried she’d then do the same?

I’ve already been signed off and I can’t take anymore time off because I checked the long term sickness policy and after x amount of days (basically what I already took) the company can reconsider suitability for the role

You could include in the request to ask to keep it confidential from her as you have legitimate concerns of further victimisation and negative repercussions.
However it is possible that she might get wind of it. You should have a right to request knowledge of whether it would be disclosable to her.

You say you’re in a highly regulated industry. If it’s banking or finance, check out their regulator. There are some rules on non-financial misconduct which includes bullying that have been in the news. Follow all that @Onelastbiscuit has said. Forget how you got the job. She’s been a total prick beyond that.

Oh but first speak to your union asap. You can get free legal advice.

Options:

1. invest positive time & energy into finding a new job.

2. invest positive time and energy into the PIP whilst moving on

3. submit a grievance - may well require a significant investment in time & energy, which will probably be negative. And of course, the PIP.

I’d leave. The situation doesn’t sound solvable.

At the mo, I’m doing a hybrid of 1&2. I can’t leave for something worse paid, she’s won then, so I’m doing my best to get off this damn thing just in case I can’t find something. But I’m actively looking.

it’s not solvable, even if it were I can’t stay long term, I can’t see such a righteous bully being rewarded for making others lives a living hell. Seeing her thrive there would eat away at me