To ask you to share what the first 6 weeks of being a new mum looked like for you?

[limegreenwellies]

Just trying to set my expectations of what being a new parent is like.... my mum says she went out for lunch when I was one day old and played badminton the following week and that I'm 'being pessimistic about how difficult it will be'.... I know it 100% depends on what your baby is like and how the birth goes and what support you have, but just curious to know what it was like for others!

The good - zero pain post birth even with 2nd degree tear. Truly no pain at all once labour was over, not a twinge. Couldn't believe it.

The bad - horrendous first month until baby's feeding issues was resolved. Feeding was constant (a 'quick' feed was 8 hours plus). By second week I had slept for only 30 mins per 24 hours for several days. I felt like I was going to die I was so exhausted. Baby didn't sleep (due to constant feeding). We were house bound (more accurately bed/sofa bound). No napping when baby napped for me. When I did manage to get out once feeding improved at week 5, baby hated pram. This continued until they were 6 months. They would scream the entire time they were in pram, never once slept. Would also only contact nap until 6 months.

My relative had twins which I regularly looked after (before having my own child). They were relatively easy, could feed them and put them down for a nap, take them out in pram etc. I was totally unprepared for how the first month with my baby panned out.

Fully agree except breastfeeding.

First pregnancy, emergency section after a long induced labour. Went out for dinner on day 5, walked the dog within a week. Baby was difficult (colic and allergies) but I had a lot of help from my partner and other family. Baby slept through from 4 weeks. My main issue was being overstimulated from the constant crying, and mild PND which resolved after a few months. That being said, I did find bonding with baby difficult, possibly because of the fact we had recurrent miscarriages beforehand.

Second pregnancy, elective section. Recovery was even easier, popped to shops on way home from hospital and took eldest child to a party as a family the following day. The bond came easier the second time, but I think that’s because I knew what I was doing, and also because I knew it was my last pregnancy.

The newborn stage is the easiest for me. I find 6 months through to 2 years far, far harder.

Loved it! Husband was straight back to work and we were living in a new country where we knew practically no one, so as a normally fairly lazy person I was more than happy to spend the first couple of weeks topless on the sofa watching Brooklyn 99 and eating snacks.

I'd say just don't put too much pressure on yourself OP, you might be fine to be out and about one day but then need to take it easy another. There's no right way to do it!

DD was born Friday morning, by Friday evening they picked up she had an infection and she went to NICU for a few days. I stayed in a side room on the postnatal ward. She was on antibiotics and oxygen, although the oxygen was only a day or two.

I remember just barely getting to sleep and a very apologetic nurse waking me up because DD wanted feeding. I remember the walk to NICU at something like 4 am feeling like the walking dead and trying not to fall asleep while DD had a massive feed.

I was initially glad we were in hospital with the professionals etc, because I didn't know wtf I was doing. By Wednesday I was climbing the walls with wanting to get out. I was outside a nurses station so every time someone buzzed I knew about it.

I remember the baby blues, and crying buckets at seeing DH singing to her in bed. Always feeling on edge, alert, like I just couldn't relax anymore. And so, so tired. It was like wading through treacle. Wanting a break, but also so guilty if I left her for even 5 minutes, although DH was with her. Feeling like I needed to do it all otherwise people would think I was a crap mum (which is of course complete bollocks but that's where my head was)

Having proper tears at her being 2 weeks old and it all going by so fast and "she'll never be 2 weeks old agaaaaaaiiinnnn! 😭"

Sleeping on the sofa while she slept in her pram because like hell would she sleep in the sodding next2me we forked out on. Then getting up for a feed and DH taking the whole pram up the stairs for us to settle for the second stretch of the night.

Basically a blur of unrelenting tiredness and guilt that I wasn't 'taking it all in' or feeling happier.

She's 5 and a half now. I can't really pin point when the treacle wading slog of tiredness ended, but it did, and the love I have for her is just immense. She is my favourite person in the world.

Totally totally depends on the birth. Emergency C section would be a longer recovery meaning the first 6 weeks are less enjoyable due to pain and discomfort.

DS1- Horrendous care by consultants due to being coerced into an induction I didn’t need and should have never had in the first place ending in a much needed emer-cs and a blue baby. Did whatever necessary to gtfo of there after it all so I can go home (only stayed overnight).

Was happier when I was at home, but in-laws decided to come down and stay with us instead of a hotel so that didn’t help matters (4 adults, one bathroom, two adults with IBS and a heavily bleeding new mum recovering from a traumatic birth and an em-cs). I did not feel comfortable in my own home and when they left, I sobbed in a mix of relief and happiness to be finally left alone with baby. It was February so the weather wasn’t the best. It was pretty much calm, clockwork and DS1 settled in easily. Nursing got off to a bit of a rocky start, no one explained that milk might take a bit longer after an emer-cs and I spend the first five days worrying he wasn’t getting enough but was assured at the five day check, he was doing well. Nursed him for over two years.

DS2 - Better care but wasn’t told I was given an episiotomy until the midwife asked about it on the postnatal ward. Stitches kept rubbing against maternity pads so had to switch to large incontinence ones. Couldn’t walk or sit properly the first seven days and was carrying around a doughnut to sit on. Needed iron transfusions so spent the first three weeks after giving birth going to the hospital for the usual check-ups for the baby and iron transfusions and when not at the hospital at home. DS2 nursed seconds after he was born (had stopped nursing DS1 a few months before) so nursing was established right away. He took us by surprise by sleeping 5 hrs straight where DS1 was 2-3 hrs as a newborn. We were hovering over him making sure he was breathing to be sure because we expected him to sleep less. He slotted right in with his brother. By week 3, my mum had arrived and we were touring museums in London with him strapped to my chest and a backpack. I was still a bit sore but didn’t need the doughnut and bleeding had lighten up. Saying that, I didn’t stop fully bleeding until about week 10 when with DS1, it was round 6 weeks or so.

Both were born in the mornings before visiting hours which was unfortunate. 12 hours of constant chatter that could be heard even through my earphones was exhausting.

I had a c section but my recovery was very quick and easy, no pain at all. When my DH was on 2 weeks paternity it wonderful, I got the best sleep I'd had in 9 months. No PND or baby blues but I did have a few weird episodes where I questioned whether I was in a dream and it kind of freaked me out, I cant really articulate it that well but when I explained the 'episodes' to my sister she finished the sentence for me, so either it's just us or this is common!

I'd been very anxious about the early days too, I'm not massively maternal and wasn't sure whether I'd enjoy it but I loved it from the start.

When DH went back to work I was very tired, DD didn't sleep much for the first year but she was an easy going baby in other ways and I had a lot of family around me so I got the days in OK and I caught up with sleep when DH came home.

I got myself out of the house every day as soon as I was able (about a week after giving birth). This made it easier to deal with the tiredness, it would have been hard just sitting around, I'd have felt more tired.

I'm currently pregnant with DD2 and I'm anxious now about how it'll look parenting two little ones!

Good luck with your pregnancy!

Stayed overnight i hospital as I was on a drip. Ikea trip and supermarket he next day. Went on a weeks holiday in the UK the following week as a planned trip to Europe a couple of weeks earlier had not happened as DC1 was very overdue. Went back at work when DC1 was 3 weeks old. Similar pattern with subsequent DCs but they were born at home which was much easier and I took slightly longer (closer to 6 weeks) before returning to work.

Went home same day as birth (v straight forward). Stayed at home, lots of visitors for the first couple of week (too many should’ve spread them out). Husband and I watching bixsets for first few days (baby was born in a heatwave - trying to stay indoors and keep cool). Baby slept a loooot for the first couple of weeks. Went out for big family lunch when baby was a few days old. Walk around supermarket at a few days old where I felt like my insides were dropping out (v- birth) and couldn’t make a decision on shampoo as baby brain kicked in. Baby blues from say day 4 for a couple of days. Back to sport after about 6 weeks- this was like running through mud (not sure how your mum did it after a week but hats off to her- hoenslty I felt like my insides were falling out when I walked for the first couple of weeks).

O and people went on and on about the first poo post birth- I had this built up in my head but na wasn’t a big deal tbh.

good luck x x

I've always pretty much hibernated for the first few weeks after giving birth.

Probably 2-3 weeks completely indoors with baby, visitors coming and going. Then maybe a very short stroll in a park every couple of days (with baby) for the next few weeks. Then gradually back to 'normal' by about 6-8 weeks where I'd go to meet friends, go shopping, cafe etc (buy with baby). Dh picked up everything else like school runs with older dc and shopping etc.

I didn't even entertain trying to do 'normal' things like going out for lunch or whatever within the first couple of months. I had absolutely no desire to leave the baby or get back to everyday life straight away and I was happy at home in my pj's.

With first DC I took it really easy (had a long, long labour so there was no going out for lunch the next day for me!!)

I actually loved being at home, nesting, cuddling, being cosy, taking afternoon naps with my first child. It helped he was a November baby and it was a cold winter. We had regular visitors to the house and went to see grandparents but we stayed in a lot in the first few weeks. I think the weather dictated this more than anything.

Quite truthfully though you don't get a chance to truly savour things with subsequent DC.

With DC2 I was out at the shops the next day (Daddy had the baby and I decided to get some fresh air!) and DC3 was in Neonatal so I spent my time divided between hospital and at home for older two kids.

Different each time:

Baby number 1 - winter baby. Lots of time indoors snuggling, feeding, watching him sleep and chilling/watching TV. Honestly, some of the happiest days of my life.

Baby number 2 - postnatal depression. I looked at the pink bunting and thought to myself I have never, ever felt as miserable as this in my whole entire existence. Dark days. Another winter baby and lots of time indoors.

Baby number 3 - overjoyed. Life looked no different. Same routine, went on a beach holiday when he was 2 weeks old and I didn’t even feel like I had just had a baby. It was mid Summer.

I remember the first couple of months as being the loneliest of my life. My dh couldn’t take time off work, my parented visited on just one morning and I vividly remember trying to engage shop assistants in conversation because I knew it was the only adult conversation Id have all day. There were no mother baby groups available unless I was breast feeding which I wasn’t. My second was much easier as I was busy with my first and that filled the time.

When are you due @limegreenwellies

Taking aside how you give birth / your physical recovery / whether you have a crier or not and how you choose to feed... I think the weather plays a massive part in how active you are / how much you go out in the early days.

January. So my dreams scenario is for cosy newborn cuddles in hibernation season and walks outside in the crisp air if all goes well!

And for those mentioning my mum's comments - oh don't worry I always take them with a giant spoon of salt!!

@limegreenwellies I had a January baby. It was great. Just hibernated until the end of winter with zero guilt.

Oh lovely. I have 2 January borns too and it is a good month as you have absolutely no reason you need to leave the house.

With both of mine, I recovered physically in no time at all. Within a few days, I felt better than I had when I was pregnant, that's for sure. I couldn't understand why people were shocked that I was out and about.

I felt very happy and relaxed when my first child was born, but didn't bond properly for many months; it felt like I was looking after someone else's (perfectly lovely) child. That's more common than you'd think, even in people like me who don't have PND.

One of my kids was seriously ill as a newborn, and I couldn't think of anything other than whether she would survive, and what the consequences were of her diagnosis.

In both cases, the early months were overshadowed with serious breastfeeding challenges which dominated our days.

My babies were up ultra-frequently - one never slept more than 2 hours at a stretch, and that was only once a day! - but I napped often and was actually LESS tired than friends whose babies only woke two or three times a night.

I hardly remember it and my baby is only 4 months now. I also had an awful pregnancy but my expectations of a newborn were way off. Feeding was a huge struggle, I’m so glad I persevered with breastfeeding as I love it but god was it hard in those early days. We kept having to go back to hospital for various things which was exhausting when all I wanted to do was sit inside and recover. I had a c section which went well but given it’s major surgery you do need to be easy on yourself. I cried a lot. My baby cried a lot. Ultimately the newborn stage was the hardest thing I’ve even done and I felt so incredibly useless. I love her to bits and it has gotten easier but I think you’re being sensible considering that you might not have the experience your mum had.

I hope everything goes well for you and if you do have a tough time know that it does get better (ignore the “just wait” brigade who say having a newborn is the easiest stage)

It’s so important to remember that everyone is different! Personally my advice is to have no expectations about what your recovery will look like. I had a scheduled c-section and expected to be laid up for ages. I made no commitments and told everyone I’d let them know when I was up for visitors. Pleasantly surprised, doctor wanted to discharge me less than 24 hours later, I stayed in an extra day for strong pain relief, but within 6 days of birth I was dressed up and at the pub having a meal with my husband, parents and new baby to celebrate my birthday. I actually loved feeling more like me with hair and make up done and was very surprised I wanted to go out! I remember the “baby bubble” so well and just felt so content with no worries except baby. I mainly relaxed and got to grips with caring for my baby - lots of snuggles! I kept expecting it to get hard as I’d been told the horror stories of the newborn days, but honestly I absolutely loved it. Yes, it was challenging, but not unbearable and definitely easier than I thought. My DH was off for 6 weeks and I really valued that time for both he and I to get to know baby and it meant we could introduce family to him at our own pace.

Don’t worry my mum is the same. “I didn’t need any painkillers to deliver any of you”. Congratulations mum, it’s a shame they don’t give medals out for that 🙄 Do it at your pace. Might be easy, might be hard but you’ve got this! 😘

I spent the first two weeks in hospital with my baby after an awful birth and then she was diagnosed with an illness and we were stuck in hospital for a while. Once we were home I did go out and about most days but usually only to the local cafe and shops etc. loads of time on the sofa holding sleepy baby. Also sleeping when I could too.

ultimately people respond to birth differently and babies all have different temperaments. Do what feels right for you and don’t rush yourself, especially if you have a birth where you need some time to physically recover.

I loved it tbh
i felt great and was out and about in a day or so, I was absolutely elated. I felt so happy not to be working and to be able to spend all of my time at home with my baby.
I was bracing myself as everyone told me horror stories if how hard and awful it was, especially as I was a young mum with no family support at all as we’d moved away. They were done if the best days I’ve ever had tbh

In hospital for 5 days after cs. Couldn't really drive for a few weeks and stuck in a tiny village when we came out. Then we had to move house 3 weeks later. Through the generosity of friends we managed it just. Depends on how well baby sleeps etc, but I wouldn't put pressure on yourself to do too much for at least a couple of month's.

Just wanted to come back on and say make sure you put yourself first before visitors. Be aware that on day 5 after birth your hormones go crazy with the milk productions and you'll probably be crying all of a sudden!

I found other people annoying 🤣 I feel like all my parenting life I've heard things like - oh you think this is bad, wait til they crawl...! Then that happens and if course its fine and it's a joy to watch these things as a parent. Then it's wait til they walk, wait til this that and you won't be able to cope type thing. The latest one for us is wait til secondary school...none of it helpful or even kind. Be prepared for a lot of ignoring people 🤣