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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to share what the first 6 weeks of being a new mum looked like for you?

153 replies

limegreenwellies · 02/10/2023 17:28

Just trying to set my expectations of what being a new parent is like.... my mum says she went out for lunch when I was one day old and played badminton the following week and that I'm 'being pessimistic about how difficult it will be'.... I know it 100% depends on what your baby is like and how the birth goes and what support you have, but just curious to know what it was like for others!

OP posts:
Binningtonianrose · 02/10/2023 17:56

First baby HEAVEN, second baby HELL.
All depends what you get, and what birth injuries you have.

EmmaPaella · 02/10/2023 17:56

Aquamarine1029 · 02/10/2023 17:50

I was very, very fortunate. I had a easy birth and breastfeeding went well, even with two bouts of mastitis. There was the lack of sleep which is to be expected, but overall it was lovely. It was one of the best times of my life.

I've often thought about how our attitudes can impact our experiences as new mums. I never had a feeling of dread before my first was born, and I never had anyone filling my head with tales of their nightmarish experiences. I didn't ever think, "Oh god, this is going to be awful." I think having a lot of negative preconceived notions about the newborn stage can be very detrimental. Quite recently, I was in a group of women, one of whom was expecting her first, and several of these women were just bombarding her with loads of dreadful stories about how miserable they were, how awful the newborn stage is, etc, etc. I was mortified, honestly. Why would you say those things to a woman about to have her first baby?

I found this interesting because I deliberately found out precisely nothing about having a newborn so was filled with blind optimism, and think someone telling me how bad things might actually be might have prepared me better to seek better support mechanisms (eg finding out about postnatal groups etc) in advance of the birth.

TheKeatingFive · 02/10/2023 17:57

Shellshock. Quite a lot of tears. The 'oh fuck what have I done' feeling. Engorged breasts and cabbage leaves poking out of my bra. No sleep.

It very quickly got better though 😆

Original poster
limegreenwellies · 02/10/2023 17:59

@Aquamarine1029 I totally agree about expectations! It's all the 'oh if you're tired now you wait's etc that really pile on the angst!

I'm trying to be positive, but also I don't want to be too positive because readjusting my pregnancy expectations has been a rollercoaster 🙈

OP posts:
Timmytap18 · 02/10/2023 17:59

OK so maybe not typical but it was lovely. Lots of sleepy snuggles and long walks. Yes I went for lunch with baba after a few days.

For me the newborn stage was pretty easy.

She's a toddler now and that's well...different 🤣

Original poster
limegreenwellies · 02/10/2023 18:00

@NotSayingImBatman oh, sorry to hear about your experience, I hope things are better for you now? Agree, it's important to share all kinds of stories!

OP posts:
Orangewall · 02/10/2023 18:07

The variety is endless!

DD1 was a dream pregnancy followed by a long labour (2 weeks late!!), episiotomy, placenta didn’t drop out naturally…I was a total mess for months afterwards, it took me ages to get over it and adapt to being a mum, I think I was still in shock about the new tiny human for a good long while.

DD2 was a good pregnancy followed by EMCS and DD in the NNU for a week and whilst this should have been the more traumatic birth, I recovered extremely quickly and was back to it very rapidly. We moved house when she was four weeks old.

It’s really impossible to know how you’re going to feel, best plans laid and all that. Only you will know what you’re capable of when you’re in the thick of it but it’s ok to want to hide in a baby bubble for a while or equally fine to want to be out and about.

NotSayingImBatman · 02/10/2023 18:09

@limegreenwellies youngest is 9 now, it got better! Quickly! I can’t imagine life without them, they’re wonderful humans and I’m so happy I stuck around to love them and see them flourish. I think the thing is, we just don’t know what sort of new baby experience we’ll get, so it’s best to just take every day as it comes, enjoy it if it’s going well and reach out for help if it’s not.

Good luck, and fingers crossed for an easy birth.

SallyWD · 02/10/2023 18:10

We actually did a lot - went for a day out 2 days after the birth (despite forceps delivery) and went for walks shopping etc that week. Didn't actually occur to me that I should rest!
However, I did feel quite anxious and a little depressed in the first 6 weeks. I was adjusting to a whole new life, very sleep deprived and hormonal. I started feeling better as the months passed.

Hollybelle83 · 02/10/2023 18:12

I had two c-sections, first emergency, second planned. With DD1 physically recovered well but was emotionally all over the place. Feeding was hard to establish. With DD2, was emotionally fine but really struggled with my physical recovery, got an infection, mastitis. Hormones and birth injuries aside, newborns sleep a lot so it's easy to do fun lunches and pub visits. A lot of it is luck of the draw!

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 02/10/2023 18:14

We were kept in hospital for the first day and a half, I felt ok and was mostly determined to get home. DD would actually sleep in the bassinet for the first few days and we could put her down. On day 3 the midwives weren’t happy with her weight loss so we got sent back to the hospital and that with the baby blues, I was desperate to get back out of hospital as quick as possible. Feeding really went to shit after being admitted to hospital and I tried to get it established for 5 weeks before giving up and saying I couldn’t do it anymore. By week 4 DD’s reflux started really kicking in and she wouldn’t settle if she wasn’t sleeping on me or DH. She wouldn’t go down in an “evening” until 2am. It was a very long witching “hour”. After DH went back to work, it was very lonely.

There were nice bits though. We went out for a meal when she was a week old, would have been sooner if we hadn’t been readmitted to hospital. Baby sleeping on your chest and just watching rubbish TV while cuddling them. People were really nice when I had a newborn, as we went back into hospital someone waiting for the lift offered to wait for the next one (during covid). The lady at the library just let me stay there for hours and kept me company, she saved my sanity. Everyone will tell you how gorgeous your baby is and whilst that’s obvious to you, it’s nice to be told.

I had a vaginal birth and I was fine moving around but didn’t find I got tired a lot more quickly, similar to when you’ve had a bad cold. It didn’t really shift because sleep deprivation set in and it was quite surprising how quickly my energy would disappear and how long that lasted.

motherofawhirlwind · 02/10/2023 18:15

My expectations were it would be hell and it was. Never went longer than 2 hours between feeds (still doesn't at 16y!), didn't sleep, was lactose intolerant so vommed all the time, needed holding 24/7. I was a wreck. Thank goodness OH took 8 weeks off.

89redballoons · 02/10/2023 18:15

I felt highly emotional and vulnerable for most of those first six weeks. That's not to say I felt bad all the time, I was absolutely in love with my little baby and spent hours and hours staring at him and cuddling and smelling his lovely little head. However I was also very tearful, anxious and tired for a lot of it.

Breastfeeding got off to a slightly rocky start, my son had prolonged jaundice and also would only sleep on my or my husband's chest for ages. I am much more experienced with babies now and looking back I'd have done various things like combi feeding from the start, swaddling, putting an extra blanket on a tiny chilly baby, etc but I was a brand new mum and really wanted to do things completely by the book.

My son was born in the early hours of a Friday and my milk only came in on the Monday evening. That Monday was one of the worst I have ever felt in my life. My anxiety felt off the scale and I have never felt more useless. It felt like the worst PMT ever. I actually threw myself on the bed screaming and crying at one point. My husband was very alarmed and called a midwife to check on me. When my milk did come in the awful feeling vanished like magic - like PMT does for me as well.

I also broke down in tears at a breastfeeding support group the first day my husband went back to work and I was alone with my 2 week old baby. The peer support lady was very lovely and a group of more experienced mums actually came over and asked me to join them for lunch in the pub afterwards Smile

So, yes - ups and downs and lots of emotions. It's different for everyone but I'd advise a new first time mum to plan those first six weeks on the basis that she'll at least need to be kind and gentle to herself, take things slowly and have as much support as she can on hand.

Goldencup · 02/10/2023 18:15

Honestly ? piece of cake, before going on maternity leave I was doing 13( usually 14) hour night shifts in intensive care.

Having just one tiny baby to care for was like a holiday. I went to baby yoga at 2 weeks and was back swimming and cycling by 6 weeks. DS was born in April and that Summer was a endless round of coffees and picnics in the park with other Mums, interspersed with yoga and swimming classes. I also took him to Spain aged 9 weeks which was lovely, by then he was going 7 hours at night.

I don't often relate this IRL becuase I know it is not an average experience. He was EBF until weaning ( 4 months in those days).

Throughabushbackwards · 02/10/2023 18:16

First baby - struggled with almost everything, let myself be dragged out of the house, let visitors intrude whenever they wanted. Ended up with severe post natal anxiety.

Second baby - bumped DH out into the spare bedroom, set myself up properly for co-sleeping with an iPad and a little bean bag to prop it up on (for Netflix etc. at any comfortable angle) and effectively told everyone to FOTTFSOF so I could cocoon and feed and survive as I needed to. It was wonderful.

Goldencup · 02/10/2023 18:20

Goldencup · 02/10/2023 18:15

Honestly ? piece of cake, before going on maternity leave I was doing 13( usually 14) hour night shifts in intensive care.

Having just one tiny baby to care for was like a holiday. I went to baby yoga at 2 weeks and was back swimming and cycling by 6 weeks. DS was born in April and that Summer was a endless round of coffees and picnics in the park with other Mums, interspersed with yoga and swimming classes. I also took him to Spain aged 9 weeks which was lovely, by then he was going 7 hours at night.

I don't often relate this IRL becuase I know it is not an average experience. He was EBF until weaning ( 4 months in those days).

Things which may have helped ( or not) were I stopped work 4 weeks before and "praticed" sleeping in the day, so found it easy to nap with the baby. I did yoga and swam throughout pregnancy incliding the wednesday before he was born on the saturday, so was relatively easy to get back into.

Original poster
limegreenwellies · 02/10/2023 18:21

Goldencup · 02/10/2023 18:15

Honestly ? piece of cake, before going on maternity leave I was doing 13( usually 14) hour night shifts in intensive care.

Having just one tiny baby to care for was like a holiday. I went to baby yoga at 2 weeks and was back swimming and cycling by 6 weeks. DS was born in April and that Summer was a endless round of coffees and picnics in the park with other Mums, interspersed with yoga and swimming classes. I also took him to Spain aged 9 weeks which was lovely, by then he was going 7 hours at night.

I don't often relate this IRL becuase I know it is not an average experience. He was EBF until weaning ( 4 months in those days).

I don't think there is such a thing as an 'average' experience! Thank you for sharing.. 'should I cancel my swimming membership for a few months' is actually one of the questions I have on my list to work through 😅

OP posts:
Goldencup · 02/10/2023 18:25

Full disclaimer I was just 28 when I gave birth. It was a relatively uncomplicated vaginal delivery. Breastfeeding established quickly and I had sh#t loads of milk.

donkra · 02/10/2023 18:26

With my first? After a textbook labour and birth...

I cried a lot and slept very little. I fed the baby a lot. I got out and about but I felt like a weird automaton. I was lonely and disxonnected. I felt like a life I enjoyed had been snatched away from me overnight and the future looked grey and endless. I spent a lot of time pacing the floor in the middle of the night. I hated the baby in the middle of the night. I hated DH for most of the day. I wished someone would take the baby away so I could just sleep and sleep and sleep.

It did get better.

serialbunburyist · 02/10/2023 18:33

My memories are mainly: Netflix, constantly trying to stay hydrated, constantly breastfeeding, pub lunches, one handed eating, walks with the sling on, fuck all sleep. It depends on your birth but with both of mine being out and about was totally fine as long as constant physical contact with the baby was part of the equation.

elm26 · 02/10/2023 18:36

It was a lovely experience for me. We waited 9 years for our baby and had 13 miscarriages so we were just in absolute disbelief mixed with bliss.

I had a vaginal birth and only one stitch, DD was easy, always slept, never cried except when hungry and I was in the pub garden 2 days after she was born having lunch out with DH and meeting up with our friends at BBQs etc.

PlantDoctor · 02/10/2023 18:36

Midwife appointments every other day for the first 3 weeks as baby wasn't gaining enough weight. Jaundice worries. Struggling to get her to stay awake long enough to eat enough. Worrying about a possible set of surgeries she didn't end up needing. Exhaustion, stress, snuggles, joy, PND. It was a lot!

Flipflopflopflip · 02/10/2023 18:38

Bloody awful.
Had a C section, got severe mastitis, turned into sepsis and a week in hospital. The very next day after I came out my daughter had an issue with her eye which required a visit to the eye clinic every day for 10 days and eventually resulted in surgery. Breastfeeding was awful. Sleep was awful. Just awful
Sorry!

YouJustDoYou · 02/10/2023 18:39

Absolutely fucking horrific. Traumatic birth, emergency c-section. Newborn was NOTHING like everyone said having a baby was - never slept. Wouldn't breastfeed. Screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed. Wouldn't let me sit down. I didn;t bond with him as a result for years. 2nd and 3rd elected c section births would;ve been a bliss, but sadly first born was still hellspawn until he got older (he;s 10 now and just the best kid ever. Baby him though wasn't fun). Had severe PND. Not fun.

Bertiesmum3 · 02/10/2023 18:43

With first child I had to stay in hospital as she was very poorly, came home day 14 and was carrying on like normal!
child 2 came home same day and got up the next morning to take other child to school, straight back into the normal routine!
child 3 arrived just after childs 2 first birthday, home the same day and collected child 1 from school and next morning took child 1 to school and back in to the normal routine 🤣
none of my children were sleepers!!