To think that inheritance should never be expected.

[YouCantHandleTheRuth]

Having lost both parents, our mother dying almost a year ago, father fourteen years ago, my sister and I have just inherited the proceeds of the sale of their house.

Mother had moved into sheltered accommodation - the sale of her house would have paid for the sheltered accommodation and any care required. She became ill quite suddenly and died before the house was sold. Her pension, saving and investments were covering the housing and care costs.

Consequently, my sister and I inherited 50% each of the investments and subsequently the house sale proceeds. Sister and I both live independently in homes with no mortgages outstanding, so neither expected any inheritance if funds were swallowed up by housing and care costs for our mother.

Our mother’s estate has been shared equally between us, and for both it has provided a welcome but not essential nest-egg as we both approach our own retirements.

Watching the current series Inheritance Wars on Channel 5, I’m baffled by the assumption people have that they have a right to their parents’ estate.

Why do offspring assume that their parents’ estate is automatically theirs? I’ve never expected to profit from my parents demise.

I can understand if there is a historic title involved, but surely people should make provisions for their own futures, not expect to be bailed out or have their nests feathered by receiving an inheritance. The money my sister and I received was not earned by us so therefore not expected by us.

I agrée @LakeTiticaca - i couldn't understand why the family hadn't thrown him out when the mother said she didn't know who he was!

In general op I agree with you but I think this episode is about an old lady being taken advantage of by a scammer.

I never wanted, or expected or needed anything. I just didn’t want my siblings to get anything either…

@AnneElliott she sort of rolls her eyes in a embarrassed way. I just read that back and saw I referred to him as my friend, I’m actually friends with his wife and just know him by default! He’s always struck me as a bit of an unpleasant bully and things like this don’t help.

A very smug post.
We don't need any inheritance as we've retired early from our investments. We're giving our DC money in useful chunks and treating them whilst we're still alive because we don't want them to have to wait until their 60's and 70's when they have paid off their mortgages to enjoy it.
We've still plenty left for ourselves.

I'm sure this OP would have been different if OP hadn't inherited

Yabu of course as a parent I expect to pass on whatever I can to my child. It's awful that most families who live in London can't pass on their houses due to inheritance tax.

The average house price in London is £713,000 (Source - Zoopla).

The IHT exempt band is £325,000 per person and is transferable to the surviving spouse or civil partner. Add to that the transferable Main Residence allowance of £175,000 per person for estates worth below £2.7m means the total exemption for a family from IHT is £1m. (Source - Deloitte).

If IHT is 40% above £1m, this means an estate worth £2m pays £400,000. After tax the estate is £1.6m. If there are two children who inherit that is £800,000 each which is enough to buy the average house outright.

I agree with OP but for different reasons. When I finally go no one will give a stuff about what car I drove or what holiday I took or what clothes I wore, least of all me as I will be dead.

In fact the only testament to the usefulness of my life (in the absence of discovering the next "penicillin" or whatever) is that my children will have a better life than I did and their children and so on. The only way to achieve this is to give my children the best possible start in life through education, love, reading to them at an early age, encouragement etc.

If they were to inherit from me I'm guessing they would be around 50 and quite frankly if they haven't had a better life by the age of 50 then they never will. For sake of clarity in my mind "better" can mean in health, happiness, career, finances, success in whatever area etc etc.

If you do wish to leave an inheritance then leave it to your grandchildren as it will do far more good at the start of their lives than when they are in their 50s.

It’s always people who inherit (and don’t provide or need to think about their parents’ care needs) that say this.

I would be very hurt if my parents died and deliberately cut me out of their will. I would think that if they had a problem with me they could've talked to me about that before they died.

My children would be very hurt if I cut them out of my will. Again, they would wonder why I had acted like I loved them, but then cut them out, especially at a time when they were very upset.

@PosterBoy

"It's a form of Darwinism.

Why do you think the rich stay rich, through the generations?

The stupid ones didn't pass wealth down the family line. The clever ones make sure the money stays in the family."

++++

I agree that the rich stay rich through inheritance which is why for social mobility reasons inheritance tax should be on all estates with no threshold.

I don't understand your point about it's stupid to pass money down the family line but clever to pass it to family- surely the same thing?

But I am a firm believer in "rags to rags in three generations "

https://www.englishclub.com/ref/esl/Sayings/Quizzes/Mixed2/Ragsstoragssinthreeegenerations585.php

I absolutely do expect an inheritance, because thats how i was brought up. My parents are renovating their holiday home atm asking me and my siblings how we want it to be because according to them it will be ours eventually. They also gave us early inheritance to buy houses. They are writing everything down to know exactly how much we each got already. Everytime they talk about it they make it clear its gonna be ours and i also know exactly how much etc. My family is very open with that.

In this modern age, I’ve assumed that savings and property get swallowed up by care needs in many cases if po stents life to a ripe old age.

We lost my Mum at 90, but didn’t pay many costs because she was deemed palliative care for 70% of her time in care/nursing home. My father is a bit older but only just coming towards a time he may need care outside his home. He’s budgeted a very long retirement well, but I’d still say that my main aim for him would be comfortable late life not inheritance.

Conversely, mother in law did up her house and blew her funds on Equity Release. It has made managing later life same - aka in her home - and yet not because of debt etc. and not being able to downsize in the way that would have been simplest for her.

Well its easy for you to say as you got half of everything?

if your mum had left it all to someone else you would soon change your tune.

It depends on circumstances. My exh doesn't expect anything from his dad because his dad has remarried. My dad is terminally ill, no partner or close family (except me), we're on good terms, I see him regularly and I'm an only child. He's shown me his will. Therefore, I do expect to inherit his full estate because that's what I've been told will happen.

I think it's easy to be on your high horse when you have financial security. At the moment, people are even saying they'll never own a house or retire unless they get an inheritance. It's a sad situation.

I also think most people don't 'expect' but hope there will be some inheritance, some day. I don't expect anything from either my parents or FIL. My family are long living, traditionally. FIL isn't so well off. I'm happy if they can look after themselves and we don't have to support them.

But I do acknowledge that inheritance is still something I expect to be equal between siblings, even though both DH and I have done & will continue to do the loins share of care. It's not about money, it's about the acknowledgement of equality in your parent's eyes. Plus both mine & DH's parents have mentioned it constantly.

Building generational wealth should be the goal of each family. It’s historically the path to security for your future offspring. I’m absolutely baffled by people who don’t set this up for their kids and grand kids, and by people who think not expecting it is somehow moral or “naice”. Maybe it’s my third generation immigrant insecurity talking, but life is expensive and money is power.

You must invest this money for your children. I totally understand you wish for your mother back but I'm guessing she worked hard for that money so you could have it. Do the same for your children.

A work colleague is relying on inheriting from her dad for her pension . Hes 89 and still going strong as she approaches retirement age..,

Honestly they should teach asset management in schools. We both have clauses in our wills that if the one partner is widowed and remarries all the assets acquired in the first marriage go to the kids and 50% of what’s acquired in second marriage. The real villains are those second wives/husbands who swoop into a marriage late life and take the inheritance away from the children and grand children.

No, disagree.
Easy to say with no mortgage and your retirement already covered.
My parents have made a significant amount of money on their house over the decades and both retired on final salary pensions which re just not available now.
They have more disposable income than I do at this point...yes they worked hard but not harder than I do.
They also received part of their "nest egg" in inheritance from my grandparents.

Where there is no disagreement or falling out why would you not expect to receive the inheritance?
They would give it me now if they were't worried about making sure they have enough to cover care expenses etc.

Obviously it can be split more ways, if there is a lot then they may think no-one needs that much. But the sale of an average house honestly I am counting on that for my retirement because despite paying into a pension for 20 years already, I still have a mortgage and two kids (expecting to go to uni) my pension is not going to be enough later on.

A friend of mine inherited very well from mum. Retired early, is spending well and enjoying it with plans to not leave anything to her two children saying they need to make their own way in life. Maybe you shouldn't expect but I find it odd she's done well out of inheritance and won't allow her children the same enjoyment.

But that's very different to either

Then leaving you nothing but a sibling everything

Or leaving it all to the cats home

My parents will leave a fair whack when they go. So I expect to get something and will be equal with my sister.

But I am in no way anticipating the actual money -I'm 50, have my own house and savings abs money won't make any difference (and sane for sibling to lesser extent as she has kids)

I still will be extremely hurt if money is left unequally or one of them marries someone else at last second and fails to update will to reflect that. The actual amount of money doesn't matter.

Unless there’s been a massive falling-out/estrangement, then I don’t think dcs are at all unreasonable to expect to inherit at least part - assuming everything hasn’t been eaten up by care home fees.

Personally I wouldn’t dream of disinheriting our dds, now in their 40s, and I doubt that any friends or family would, either.

Of course anyone is free, legally speaking, to leave their money/assets however the hell they like, but to me that is hardly the point. Unless adult dcs are very comfortably off, a legacy is usually very welcome, however much they may mourn the loss of a parent.

Of course but at what point does the money actually get spent