To think that inheritance should never be expected.

[YouCantHandleTheRuth]

Having lost both parents, our mother dying almost a year ago, father fourteen years ago, my sister and I have just inherited the proceeds of the sale of their house.

Mother had moved into sheltered accommodation - the sale of her house would have paid for the sheltered accommodation and any care required. She became ill quite suddenly and died before the house was sold. Her pension, saving and investments were covering the housing and care costs.

Consequently, my sister and I inherited 50% each of the investments and subsequently the house sale proceeds. Sister and I both live independently in homes with no mortgages outstanding, so neither expected any inheritance if funds were swallowed up by housing and care costs for our mother.

Our mother’s estate has been shared equally between us, and for both it has provided a welcome but not essential nest-egg as we both approach our own retirements.

Watching the current series Inheritance Wars on Channel 5, I’m baffled by the assumption people have that they have a right to their parents’ estate.

Why do offspring assume that their parents’ estate is automatically theirs? I’ve never expected to profit from my parents demise.

I can understand if there is a historic title involved, but surely people should make provisions for their own futures, not expect to be bailed out or have their nests feathered by receiving an inheritance. The money my sister and I received was not earned by us so therefore not expected by us.

I don’t expect anything. I hope my parents spend and enjoy the money they worked hard for. They set me up well in life by brining me up well, the rest is up to me. I will do the same for my kids, but fully intend to spend the money I worked hard for. Why shouldn’t I?!

Would you expect to be invited to your daughter's wedding, or meet your grandchildren, or be invited to a best friend's big birthday party? Of course you would. Would you be surprised or at least a bit miffed if a friend ignored you in the street, if your colleagues didn't sign a card or say good bye when you left your job or of no-one acknowledged the birth of your new baby? Of course you would. Because it's not what you'd expect. Same with inheritance. You might not be banking on it, you'd obviously prefer your parent to enjoy the money and live as long as possible but you wouldn't expect them to leave their money to a stranger
Exactly!

It would be illegal to disinherit your child in my country - Scotland.

She was suffering from dementia so would not have been able to do any of those things. Neither could she have been given advice by a solicitor or even a friend because the marriage was kept secret from everyone

I'm in Scotland, so yes, I do expect it

In theory, I agree, but there are definite grey areas.
For example when one parent dies and leaves all to their spouse, who then remarries and leaves it all to their new spouse, who in turn leaves it to their own children and not the children of the people who actually earned and invested the money. This is why I'll never marry. I want my kids to have every penny I leave behind

I am not relying on anything from my parents at all. I fully expect it to be spent on care homes etc when the time comes ( Parents are OK but not hugely well off )

I did not see the TV programme but a friend of mine , her mother got married , very elderly & as soon as this happened new DH took out a lifetime mortgage on the house - nothing left.

And this is why my parents have taken out a LPOA so that if they are deemed to have lost the ability to look after their money - I can do it on their behalf. DH and I have also taken one out for DS.

Interesting Scotland seems like it has a better system ( I live in England )

Well that is a most unusual situation. A woman of sound mind gets married but does not tell anyone. Even then, she does not get professional advice because she does not even want a solicitor - who holds client confidentiality - to know she is married. The default therefore is intestacy which is not ideal but it means the children inherit something. Intestacy is also a choice.

Good luck to the daughter, but I do not suspect her to be successful in changing the law.

The people who have my fullest sympathy are those that organise their affairs in good order, but are nevertheless subject to fraud and the burden of proof to overturn it. That does not sound like the case here.

I have two family members openly discussing how they are going to spend my grandmothers estate. She's alive and well. It's horrifying to listen to. People are rotten when money is involved

They even talk about it TO HER. To the point where they are refusing to arrange paid for care for her because it will eat into their inheritance. Disgusting

Completely agree.

I'd say it's reasonable to expect that your mother with Alzheimer's won't be conned into marriage and fleeced as there should be safeguards in place for the kind of thing.

I think it's in pretty poor taste for a person who HAS inherited to start a thread slagging off other people who either haven't/won't, or simply expect to at some point in the future.

I say that as someone who has inherited myself.

Yes it is called a Lasting Power of Attorney.

YABU. I expect my parents' estate to be divided between me and my sibling, simply because I know that is what they intend to do. They talk openly about it and it wouldn't occur to them not to bequeath it to us. Obviously we have no idea whether some or all of it could be eaten up by expenses such as care in their later years, and it wouldn't occur to me to think they shouldn't spend it on whatever the hell they like in the meantime. I woupd not plan my life or basing any financial decisions on the basis of inheriting. I find MN threads about inheritance... very odd.

That's easy to say when you've just got half a house as a "nest egg" and your mother's care was paid for = and not done by you for the past five or ten years.

I agree with this - and the fact there are certain familial expectations. My grandparents have cut off a sister (my aunt) in their will and the repercussions it has had will
affect our family for generations with the bitterness and anger it has caused.

We are wired for fairness - so I think it is linked to that. And its nice to not need the money, but plenty of people are struggling through no fault of their own and an inheritance would make all the difference.

Sister and I both live independently in homes with no mortgages outstanding, so neither expected any inheritance if funds were swallowed up by housing and care costs for our mother.

I think you and sister would feel differently if you were not already comfortably well off and needed a bit of inheritance for financial security.

You two are in a very privileged position. It’s easy to not expect an inheritance when you have no pressing need for money.

Well, in many countries, children do have a 'right' to at least part of their deceased parents' estate, after taxes, etc. It is considered normal that at least a part of accumulated family assets should pass to the next generation. That seems to me reasonable. Obviously, there may be circumstances - estrangement, financial vulnerability, addiction - where an inheritance needs to be 'supervised' via a trust. So the MN view, oft expressed, that no-one should expect anything is an outlier globally really.

I'm baffled at the how people put half their houses in their kids names thinking that it won't go on care fees. Don't they realis that they might need that money and that it will buy them better care.

I agree. I am unlikely to inherit as I think my mum will need to do equity release for living costs. Would life transforming and allow me to retire a little earlier but can't expect it

Hard agree. I thought this was going to be a thread about someone like me who stands to inherit my mum's funeral bill and unpaid debts. Unless she wins the lottery of course.

It's a form of Darwinism.

Why do you think the rich stay rich, through the generations?

The stupid ones didn't pass wealth down the family line. The clever ones make sure the money stays in the family.

You stick with your poor person rule that noone should expect an inheritance.

Edited: oh of course! You did inherit. You are just here to enforce the poor person rule on others. Typical rich person. One rule for you ....

I already know I will inherit nothing as my parents survive on benefits and don’t own a house or drive.

But I have worked exceptionally hard, saved up, set up trust funds etc. precisely so that my children WILL inherit and will benefit because I want to ensure they are looked after when I am no longer here to do so.

I'm sorry, but it's utterly ridiculous to say that you're baffled. You're clearly not, especially if you are watching the rubbish that Inheritance Wars probably is. You sound smug to me. Well done you, with your inheritance that you don't need.

I sat there watching that in absolute horror. I can't understand why the family didn't throw him out of the house. The poor old lady didn't even know who he was!!. My mother suffered dementia and while she was still in her own home, if some random bloke had moved in, he would have been out on his arse the very next day. It was blatantly obvious this lady did not have capacity, I can't believe nobody actually took any action!!