To think that inheritance should never be expected.

[YouCantHandleTheRuth]

Having lost both parents, our mother dying almost a year ago, father fourteen years ago, my sister and I have just inherited the proceeds of the sale of their house.

Mother had moved into sheltered accommodation - the sale of her house would have paid for the sheltered accommodation and any care required. She became ill quite suddenly and died before the house was sold. Her pension, saving and investments were covering the housing and care costs.

Consequently, my sister and I inherited 50% each of the investments and subsequently the house sale proceeds. Sister and I both live independently in homes with no mortgages outstanding, so neither expected any inheritance if funds were swallowed up by housing and care costs for our mother.

Our mother’s estate has been shared equally between us, and for both it has provided a welcome but not essential nest-egg as we both approach our own retirements.

Watching the current series Inheritance Wars on Channel 5, I’m baffled by the assumption people have that they have a right to their parents’ estate.

Why do offspring assume that their parents’ estate is automatically theirs? I’ve never expected to profit from my parents demise.

I can understand if there is a historic title involved, but surely people should make provisions for their own futures, not expect to be bailed out or have their nests feathered by receiving an inheritance. The money my sister and I received was not earned by us so therefore not expected by us.

Having just inherited from my mum.id just rather have her back. I'm relatively young to loose both parents but also at age where I have older teens. I'm established in life already. I don't want to touch it and haven't spent one penny of it do far and it's just sat where it is since I got it

That was me for both my parents. Inherited nothing. Debts get paid out of their “estate” so keep in mind no creditor can legally make you pay your deceased parents debts if they have no estate. They will try. They will harass and bully. I paid for a stock solicitors letter that did the trick.

All I had to pay for was the direct cremation and I scattered their ashes.

Well I'm also baffled OP. Baffling all round!

IF (big if) there is any money to leave and IF (again big if) the deceased was on good terms with their family and IF they don't have a worthy cause they are passionate about beyond their own loved ones ... then why wouldn't descendants, family or friends expect to be left some money in a will? Inheritance is perhaps a rather grandiose term for what most average people might get.

I doubt there are many people who bank on an inheritance (except perhaps the aristocracy and people from exceptionally wealthy families) and build it into their life plans.

The story of the woman who was married at 93 was nothing short of fraud and should have been dealt with as such. Nothing to do with inheritance. Elder abuse and fraud against the elderly is rife and very difficult to prevent. My mother was scammed and cheated but I had no power to stop it. In the area I used to work in we used to see it time and time again - elderly people (and those with learning disabilities) being cheated out of their money and their homes.

I’m my mum’s only child and we have a good relationship, there are some small amounts in her will to family and charities but the bulk is left to me. I am not expecting that, there is history of dementia in our family and I’m not in a position to provide care for my mum, if she needs it. I’m working on the worse case scenario that I have to sell her house to fund care home fees and essentially hoping she does before that funding runs out, not so I can inherit some but so I don’t have to try and find those fees.

If my mum doesn’t need a care home, I’m not expecting her pension pots and savings, I hope she spends that. However, I would inherit the house and I would be upset if she left it to some guy she’d just met who’d worked his way into her home when she was vulnerable (which seems to be the issue in the TV programme you watched). I don’t think that is expecting inheritance. Why wouldn’t you be upset if someone took advantage of your vulnerable mother?

You also need to remember OP that for many people, an inheritance isn’t a welcome But not needed nest egg. For many people inheriting a house will make the difference of being able to get a deposit together for a house, or top up their pension pots. It’s easy to say prepare for your own finances and anything is a bonus but life isn’t that easy for many people and you’re showing your privilege there. My mum was a single parent, she worked long hours that she was able to do because my grandparents provided childcare. This meant she was tied to where my grandparents live to continue getting their support. She’s taken low paid jobs and worked her way up, as a result her pension is shocking. She has a small mortgage in her late fifties and a small pension. She can’t afford to retire and inheriting from my grandad (who has reached the stage where he doesn’t want to go out and doesn’t want to spend money) would actually give her a pension pot.

Months before her mother died they consulted solicitors, who said there was nothing to be done. He hadn't broken any laws. (I think they might have asked police advice too?) Joan was definitely suffering from some form of dementia but was able to remain living in her own house with family support, and had some measure of independence.

They also had Google alerts set up, but register office postings don't necessarily appear online.

(I've known her online since before her father died. She occasionally very carefully referred to her mother's "gentleman friend" taking her out for the day.)

I'm an only child and my parents made it explicitly clear that their estate was for me when they passed.

So it sticks in my throat somewhat that nearly all their estate has been swallowed up with care home fees. I'm not bitter about it but I know it's not what they wanted, expected or planned for.

All of my grandparents divorced and remarried when my parents were late teens / early twenties. Neither my mum or dad inherited anything; everything went to second spouses and then their children in turn.

My parents were absolutely not relying on an inheritance, but it was devastating for them that none of the 4 parents bothered to think of them when it came to writing their wills. They weren't left a photo album or book or anything as a memento of their parents.

I don't think it's baffling at all that most loving parents would want to acknowledge their children in their wills, even if you're talking more modest gifts than half shares of houses, or that most children might expect a loving relationship to be symbolised with some sort of bequest.

YABU, at least your sibling didn’t stab you in the back like mine has. How do I know? My dm was singing like a canary to healthcare professionals. It’s not just my back he’s stabbed, he’s stabbed my dds backs too as they were named in the previous Will dm did with df.
Bully for you and your unexpected inheritance maybe you should give it to your sister if you’re not that bothered.

With the incredible inheritance of environmental destruction, species extinction and climate change, yes why indeed should any of expect to inherit more from the boomers. The wealthiest generation in history.

My grandparents died 20 years ago and their children (my relatives) are arguing over the final bit of the estate, which is actually not worth that much, but could make a nice difference to my aunt but because my grandparents children can't get along it's more petty revenge or being difficult with each other which is holding up, and the solicter keeps charging them. I have a colleague that has just inherited some money and it's been shared fairly between herself and siblings - it's a good amount to make a really positive difference to their lives and I am just amazed how smoothly it has all gone with no fights and arguments.

When an inheritance comes along, it's all guns blazing in the majority of families.

My parents did end up using a substantial portion of what they had on care home fees for my father. Money well spent, it was a wonderful specialist dementia care home (they were in the Netherlands) where every single worker was a trained nurse or OT with specialist dementia training. My Dsis and I were ready for my mother to go into a care home when she died very suddenly, so we inherited. Mainly it was from the sale of the house, everything else had gone.

But my parents split things exactly 50/50 between us. I do think that as parents you have an obligation to treat your kids equitably. Unless one of them has done something really dreadful, it's awful to favour one child over another.

My much loved childless aunt always said she’d leave everything equally to her nieces and nephews.

When she died she left a huge share to my cousin , and to my older sister she left her house. To the rest of us, a few thousand pounds.

I have never understood why she left the lions share to the two of them. I loved her very much and it hurts that she thought less of me (and my brothers and other cousin).

As people have said, it’s not always about the money but it’s the sad message left.

But thats not your inheritance they are spending, it's their savings..... so telling them to spend it isn't exactly noble.

I find it odd when people say "I wouldn't be upset I want them to spend my inheritance" when they are still alive, as that is not your money, it is still theirs. That goes without saying. We are talking about what is left over. How would he feel if they decided to skip you and give it all one to one random cousin twice removed..?

Do you have dc OP?
If so do you not intend to will everything to them when you die?
I don’t expect to inherit my parents money but they inherited from my grand parents and I hope to will what we may have to our dc and so on. Why would you not want that for your dc?
Surely if you didn’t expect the money and you somehow think it’s in poor taste why not equal it out to close family members or your favourite charities?

well I'm another not banking on any inheritance as I said above. @MyPurpleHeart - talking about that in front of the relative is just horrid in my opinion. I'm only half joking if it were an Agatha Christie Novel I would be tempted to leave the whole lot elsewhere ( but don't tell them obviously :) @Babyroobs Putting assets in family members names - - need to be careful - that may come under deprivation of assets.Friend of mine's brother has access to their DM's debit card. He withdraws a bit every now and again and tucks it away "to protect their inheritance" He needs to be awfully careful I think because I reckon that could very well be investigated if her care home money runs out. (Friend does not agree with it. )
@WellThisIsFun1 I can understand your parents wanted what they had worked for to go to you and other family but if they need care then it will have to do that first. NHS care home care is scarce and not given out lightly. I can understand your point but who pays for a nice care home if not your parents?

As others & I think I said an LPOA set up in god time is a good thing to have.

I think there’s a big difference between ‘expecting’ something (which is likely to happen) and feeling ‘entitled’ to something. None of us is entitled to our parents money but we probably reasonably expect to receive it (if they gave any).

I always think it’s a terrible idea to rely on it from a financial planning perspective, card costs could gobble up the whole lot of occasionally the last surviving parent could remarry… nothing is guaranteed.

I think it's very easy, from what is clearly a very comfortable position OP to get all judgemental about people who do need an inheritence in order to say get on the housing ladder. Why shouldn't people expect to inherit money from their parents when they die?

Very easy for you tell say when you’ve just inherited 50% of a house and investments!

I expected nothing. My dad remarried a younger woman after divorcing mum. His estate was left to her. My mum left me £200, it was all she had. I felt so deeply honoured to receive it.

As far as I'm concerned, my inheritance is my ability to stand on my own two feet, and my parents have already passed that on early. I'm grateful they taught me to be independent.

I want my parents to stay alive for as long as is possible with a good quality of life. I don't give a shiny shit about them burning through their savings.

I think the older the get, the more you realise time is precious, and money is absolutely worthless in that context.

My kingdom for another five minutes with a loved one.

I find it hugely distasteful for people to plan for how to use a pile of cash they'll only be able to get when a relative is dead.

My DM died very young. I wish she had spent that money living her best life.

That is very distasteful- what does his wife think of him talking like that?

My SIL took all her mothers jewellery whilst she was still in hospital, and is now demanding ridiculous amounts of money from the estate and wants all the house hold contents sold so she can get as much cash as possible . To say she is entitled is an understatement. She sees it all as her right.

I think there is a massive difference between “not expecting an inheritance because there’s nothing to inherit” - totally fine, I’d rather DM spent her money of herself. And “not inheriting anything because your parent, who you thought you had a close and loving relationship with, left it all to your drug addict sibling, or the cat’s home, or some random “friend”, potentially under coercion”.

Obviously the second situation is going to be distressing, and it baffles me when people on here are sanctimonious and sneery about people who are upset by it, implying they are grabby.