To think that inheritance should never be expected.

[YouCantHandleTheRuth]

Having lost both parents, our mother dying almost a year ago, father fourteen years ago, my sister and I have just inherited the proceeds of the sale of their house.

Mother had moved into sheltered accommodation - the sale of her house would have paid for the sheltered accommodation and any care required. She became ill quite suddenly and died before the house was sold. Her pension, saving and investments were covering the housing and care costs.

Consequently, my sister and I inherited 50% each of the investments and subsequently the house sale proceeds. Sister and I both live independently in homes with no mortgages outstanding, so neither expected any inheritance if funds were swallowed up by housing and care costs for our mother.

Our mother’s estate has been shared equally between us, and for both it has provided a welcome but not essential nest-egg as we both approach our own retirements.

Watching the current series Inheritance Wars on Channel 5, I’m baffled by the assumption people have that they have a right to their parents’ estate.

Why do offspring assume that their parents’ estate is automatically theirs? I’ve never expected to profit from my parents demise.

I can understand if there is a historic title involved, but surely people should make provisions for their own futures, not expect to be bailed out or have their nests feathered by receiving an inheritance. The money my sister and I received was not earned by us so therefore not expected by us.

I only thought I might recieve something of my father's considerable estate because when I was very young and my mother died, he told my (much older) brother that he'd always make sure I was taken care of financially.
Unfortunately when he finally passed away years later he left everything to my stepmother who promptly cut all contact with the rest of us.
I know there's no obligation, but it's sad, especially since it emerged that he changed his will four weeks before he was sectioned with dementia. I'll always be left wondering if that was what he genuinely wanted.

People do expect it yes
In my close friendship groups we are the only couple that won't be left anything, possible I may be left a small amount but not expecting anything
As such we try to save as much as possible in order to try and help out our own children with first cars and getting on the property ladder.
My friends are all expecting huge sums from both parents and in laws. They all own expensive properties outright as well as rental properties and vast savings so even if they did have to pay for care there would be plenty left
They all know that this is coming their way at some point and are banking on it to buy their own children properties outright and pay off their mortgages.Because of this they don't worry about saving anything themselves and have gorgeous houses with huge mortgages, nice cars and endless holidays. One of my friends doesn't even bother paying into her company pension as she knows she won't be poor in her old age.
Sad but true

I don't expect anything from my parents necessarily but I do acknowledge that it'll be the only way for me to pay off my house and to maybe afford things like a new car etc. We are in the top 20% of earners for our age group and we still struggle and have to rely on a lot of things for free/hand me downs/ live off budget food/ never go out for meals or cinema etc. DH and I have been together nearly 9 years but have never been on holiday together. If we inherit, it may allow us to.

I don't think people should expect an inheritance but most do . You maybe ambivalent towards it because you own your house mortgage free , someone stuck in a low paid job they hate juggling 3 kids etc may have different views . A lump sum could considerably change their life .

I watched that programme too and it's really not about offspring feeling entitled to an inheritance. The first was about two brothers who were passed over in favour of their 'adopted' brother and the pain it caused them being rejected by their parents in this way. They didn't care about the money, they cared about the message.

The last one was about a woman fighting her mother's 'husband', a strange man who moved himself into her mother's home and secretly married her. Her mother had dementia and had no idea who he was and thought her daughter had sent him to look after her. She had no capacity to marry and her daughter was right to fight.

It's never safe to expect an inheritance.

With the best will in the world, a LOT of elderly parents are going to see their life savings and house equity get spent in care fees.

Even when people really want to leave you money, they may not be able to.

Some people don’t even get inheritance <shock horror>

Depends what you mean by expect.

I'm not basing my financial plans off it and it might be needed for health care or my parent might hopefully spend it all enjoying themselves, but if they were to die with sizeable assets I would expect to receive a good chunk of it and would be fucked off if for some reason a sibling was given the lot or they gave it to the cat sanctuary.

Doesn't mean I'm wishing them dead so I can hit up Vegas but it would definitely hurt if they had a chance to improve their childrens and grandchildrens life to no detriment of their own life(what with being dead and all) and decided not to.

I'm happy to say that I do expect it.

I'm in the will to get 50% and if care is needed I'll provide it.

I'm not sure the OP watched the programme very carefully.

I’m expecting nothing. Have told both of my parents that they have worked hard for their money and now they are both 60 and almost retired it’s time for them to spend and enjoy as much of it as possible.
I cared for an elderly relative until he died and his will has caused nothing but ugly aggro. The behaviour of some of my family over someone else’s money is absolutely disgusting and I’m embarrassed to be related to them.
I don’t want or expect to inherit anything from anyone. IME it’s a horrible minefield.

In reality, if my dp died and I learned they’d left all their money to my brother I’d be really hurt. I don’t live like I’m expecting a windfall. My dm recently inherited from her mum dying age 97 (dm is 70) and dm gifted some money to me and my brother. Neither of us expected it. However, if she’d married in the care home despite mnd and not being able to speak and all her money went to her new dh, I think the family would fight it. Mostly because we’d feel granny has been swindled rather than being grabby.

Fair enough if it goes on a care home or whatever; that's understandable. However if the people who die favour one child over the other with a massive difference between what they bequeath them, then that's often (depending in circumstances) deeply unfair and divisive towards the sons and or daughters inheriting (or not) involved. That's where it gets tricky and horrible for everyone.

A friend of mine has mentally planned how to spend his wife’s inheritance when his MIL dies - she’s not even unwell ffs and yet in his head he’s mortgage free (in a house they bought knowing they would struggle to pay off long term) and and retiring at 50! Baffling and incredibly presumptuous. And fucking distasteful.

I didn't watch the TV show but I think it's fairly normal in loving family where there is some money that parents generally want to leave it to their children/grandchildren and their children expect that to be the case. I think it's unfairness or inequality that upsets people isn't it?
I don't expect anything from my dad because having helped him sort out a short stay at a care home recently and seen the eye watering costs I don't think there will be anything left. So I don't expect an inheritance, however I'd be very upset if there was something remaining and he left it all to my sister. Even though it's his money and his choice it would hurt my feelings.
I know a couple who aren't paying into any private pensions at all they're so confident of a large inheritance, which is just silly.

You didn’t see the program OP is referring to . The woman’s mother had made a will leaving the estate to her and her brother. The will became invalid because her mum who was 93 and suffering from dementia had married a man who had elbowed his way into her home. She is now involved in getting the law changed so the marriage doesn’t automatically invalidate a previous will. It won’t help her but will protect others.

This feels like an MN first to me … an inheritance stealth boast. Okay you neither “need it” not expected it.

Good for you.

@swanteapot I agree with this

Yes, this.

It is very easy for the OP to say what she has said because she is already comfortably off.

Most people would really appreciate an inheritance.

I certainly don't want my money to go on care home fees. I would rather go to Dignitas so that my loved ones could inherit my estate.

If that’s what you want and you’re not currently married, remember to make another will should you get married!

I tell my parents all the time to spend their money, treat themselves to the holidays that they want. They have given my brothers money to help them get back on the property ladder after divorce which I don’t begrudge at all because they could afford it and I love my brothers. If they left everything to charity I would be fine with it or if it wasn’t split equally that would be fine but if it went to George next door, I’d be peeved to say the least.

Totally agree. You have no right to expect to inherit from your parents. In fact I feel so strongly about it that I told my mother to remove me from her will (which she begrudgingly did). Myself and my two siblings constantly tell her to live her life to the fullest, spend her money whilst she is alive but sadly she still hoardes it so she can give to my siblings when she passes :(

That means she is trying to change the current law which is what I was referring to.

I do not for a minute imagine she will be successful. The solution was not to have married or after marriage to have left her estate in trust so that rights to occupation or income are carved out but limited only to his lifetime. That is existing law. The 93 year old should have taken professional advice. Parliament is not keen to change existing law when problems can be solved in other ways - particularly when these come down to personal choices.

Yes. I will not receive penny. My brother will receive house worth around £400k. It is the second house he has been given. My children are disabled & I badly need the money. But much much more, I anm hurt beyond words at the rejection.

It’s totally normal to want to pass on generational wealth to your DC and nothing wrong with it! I’ve only seen it on MN that everyone operates as an individual and should expect nothing, no childcare, money, assistance, care. What’s the point of a family if not to help and bolster each other?