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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody Tik Tok and DD

105 replies

Pleidiolwyfimgwlad73 · 01/10/2023 20:27

11 year old DD wants TIk Tok and has been relentlessly hasstling for it- giving me the whole ‘all my friends have it’ etc. i have said no and been clear about my reasons which include that I don’t think it’s a particularly safe platform, she’s too young etc etc.

She thinks I am being super strict. My compromise was that I would set up an account on my phone that she could use when I was also able to monitor it - was with her when she’s looking at it.

Aibu and very strict? I don’t bloody want her in some Tik Tok rabbit hole at 11 years old in her room on her own- I feel like there’s then no control. She thinks I am being ridiculous!

Am i being ridiculously over strict?

OP posts:
MariePaperRoses · 01/10/2023 20:30

She is far too young.

Stay strong.

ZenNudist · 01/10/2023 20:33

No to tik tok. Very bad idea. My 13yo ds isn't allowed it. There's a lot of sexual content and the algorithm will feed you whatever claptrap you show an interest in. It's not all funny cat videos and dances. It's completely irresponsible feeding self harm and suicidal ideation, eating disorders, or just some fucked ideas . Better to wait until she is older and develops critical thinking skills.

11 is very young for tik tok.

Blueeyedmale · 01/10/2023 20:34

YANBA there is a reason its 13+ even at 13 or 14 I still think its too young,just my opinion no way should an 11 year old have access to it

twoastars · 01/10/2023 20:38

Completely agree with you - not to mention the amount of time wasted down the rabbit hole of content. Don't give in. Your compromise seems very fair.

Pugfin · 01/10/2023 20:40

She won't see it now, but you're doing absolutely the right thing, there's a lot of toxic content on there. Of course she might go and watch it with friends etc, but I think having boundaries at home and being clear on your stance is decent parenting.

CowboyJoanna · 01/10/2023 20:44

YANBU YANBU YANBU!!

TikTok is a horrible horrible platform. Lots of peer pressure to take part in dangerous challenges, sexual content, TRA propaganda, misinformation...dont get me started on the kids getting tics from it

Scylax · 01/10/2023 20:44

No you’re definitely not unreasonable- she’s far too young! Does TikTok state a minimum age? If so, she simply isn’t allowed to by them! Regardless, I think you’re 100 percent right.

MayThe4th · 01/10/2023 20:45

You’re unreasonable to let her have any access to tiktok.

Personally I think that tiktok should be 18 plus. But as it isn’t, she’s not even 13 yet

dayofcheese · 01/10/2023 20:47

I absolutely hate that my stepdaughter has been allowed access to tik tok. It really is mind numbing not to mention the potentially harmful stuff.

VivienneDelacroix · 01/10/2023 20:48

Absolutely don't let her have it. My 13 and 14 year olds aren't allowed it.

Guiltridden12345 · 01/10/2023 20:48

Pleidiolwyfimgwlad73 · 01/10/2023 20:27

11 year old DD wants TIk Tok and has been relentlessly hasstling for it- giving me the whole ‘all my friends have it’ etc. i have said no and been clear about my reasons which include that I don’t think it’s a particularly safe platform, she’s too young etc etc.

She thinks I am being super strict. My compromise was that I would set up an account on my phone that she could use when I was also able to monitor it - was with her when she’s looking at it.

Aibu and very strict? I don’t bloody want her in some Tik Tok rabbit hole at 11 years old in her room on her own- I feel like there’s then no control. She thinks I am being ridiculous!

Am i being ridiculously over strict?

I gave it to my now 13 year old in lockdown as a means to contact/share time with all her friends when they literally did all have it. She was 10. I regret it now and at 13 she is app-limited to 15 mins per day on it and her 12 yr old sister is not allowed it. The content is unscreenable and full of inappropriate, sexualised, swearing, adult and genuinely unpleasant content. The videos they copy are invariably highly sexualised, filtered, think an 11 year old lip syncing cardi b sex lyrics. It’s also a platform for total shite masquerading as information - it’s a dangerous receptacle of ‘knowledge’ for teens and preteens who don't yet know how to discern fact from bollocks. Our 13 going on 14 year old will come out with some old shite as fact and it’s always come from bloody tiktok. Thick people spreading nonsense and being gobbled up as fact. It’s frightening.

there is no upside to tiktok. I can’t see any reason to allow an 11 yr old access , I won’t allow my 12 year old access (and will hold off as long as possible) and I wish I had the balls to remove it completely from my teenager’s life. Say no op, trust your gut, I really wish I had.

Safxxx · 01/10/2023 20:49

Please stay firm in your decision...don't allow it...

Original poster
Pleidiolwyfimgwlad73 · 01/10/2023 20:49

Thanks everyone. It’s exhausting going over and over it with her on what seems like every other day at the moment. She says she doesn’t want my compromise so I have said that the Hard No remains then!

OP posts:
Guiltridden12345 · 01/10/2023 20:54

Pleidiolwyfimgwlad73 · 01/10/2023 20:49

Thanks everyone. It’s exhausting going over and over it with her on what seems like every other day at the moment. She says she doesn’t want my compromise so I have said that the Hard No remains then!

Well done op!! I think your compromise is great and once she realises you aren’t budging I’m sure she’ll take you up on it.

DontGiveMeThatOldCrap · 01/10/2023 20:56

Bloody TikTok is crap. My GC look at it (12 and 8), and it drives me mad. Their mother allows it (dad doesn't live with them and doesn't allow it when he's got them)

twistyizzy · 01/10/2023 20:57

DD is nearly 12 and I won't allow TikTok. Not sure if I ever will to be honest

Secondaryschoolstress · 01/10/2023 20:57

You are doing the right thing. DD11 wouldn’t even bother asking.
I say this as an adult who loves tiktok but have a times seen some upsetting things on there.

Dramatic · 01/10/2023 20:58

My 11yo and 13yos have it, I don't think it's as much of an issue as a lot of people seem to think it is. I've been on tiktok for 3 years and never seen anything I wouldn't want my kids seeing

Guiltridden12345 · 01/10/2023 20:58

With my kids, they nag when they know I’m wavering - as you are. Once she knows the firm no is a real no, she’ll stop asking.

in this situation, and others where I’ve already answered and the issue is they don’t like the answer I’ve given, I say something like ‘I’ve given my answer, it’s not changing, I’m not going to respond anymore’. And then I literally ignore. There is an initial fury, but keep your cool as it really works. Because it contrasts quite sharply with all the other stuff that is up for debate: when to do homework, whether you can go to elle’s house, what to have for dinner.

Guiltridden12345 · 01/10/2023 20:58

Dramatic · 01/10/2023 20:58

My 11yo and 13yos have it, I don't think it's as much of an issue as a lot of people seem to think it is. I've been on tiktok for 3 years and never seen anything I wouldn't want my kids seeing

Then your standards are frighteningly low.

Charles11 · 01/10/2023 21:00

I just made my teen delete it. He has GCSEs this year and it's too much of a waste of time.
He thinks I'm being overly strict too but it's a pile of crap that reduces focus.

Cowlover89 · 01/10/2023 21:00

YANBU

TheMurderousGoose · 01/10/2023 21:01

Aside from issues about content TikTok is ridiculously addictive. So easy to lose an hour scrolling on it. 11 year old brains don't need that.

MariePaperRoses · 01/10/2023 21:01

Even The Guardian doesn't recommend it!

amp.theguardian.com/technology/2023/apr/04/how-tiktoks-algorithm-exploits-the-vulnerability-of-children

Smartiepants79 · 01/10/2023 21:01

I’d be telling her that if she mentions it one more time then the phone would be being removed.
No means No.