Bloody Tik Tok and DD

[Pleidiolwyfimgwlad73]

11 year old DD wants TIk Tok and has been relentlessly hasstling for it- giving me the whole ‘all my friends have it’ etc. i have said no and been clear about my reasons which include that I don’t think it’s a particularly safe platform, she’s too young etc etc.

She thinks I am being super strict. My compromise was that I would set up an account on my phone that she could use when I was also able to monitor it - was with her when she’s looking at it.

Aibu and very strict? I don’t bloody want her in some Tik Tok rabbit hole at 11 years old in her room on her own- I feel like there’s then no control. She thinks I am being ridiculous!

Am i being ridiculously over strict?

My 13 year old has instagram but isn’t allowed Tik Tok.

I started typing before your posts were on my screen obviously.

That's because you're a middle aged woman. You are not the target audience of the frightening/dangerous content. Tik tok will not show you the same things it shows your DC. Just because you don't know about the dodgy content, does not mean it is not out there, sadly.

11yo almost 12yo son here
No tik tok
I often wonder if its any worse than the total shit he watches on YouTube but not wanting to find out

Op parents really need to stand their ground.
My 12 year old told me i was strict and mean fir saying no to tik tok
So i messaged all his friends parents and guess what...none of them are allowed it either

Who gives a shit whether she thinks you are mean.

This is a line to hold not just for her but...we parents all need to say no collectively to this shit

Btw there is an excellent parent monitoring app called qustudio. If you have the paid version you can even see their YouTube searches

Thank you for this. I've been looking for something similar.

I'm splitting hairs here but I'm not middle aged.

My dtds are year 8 so 12 years old and don’t have tik tok. I’ve explained why - not good for their mental health, addictive etc. I’m happy to acknowledge I’m stricter than other friends parents and I’m cool with that - we all raise our dc to the best of our knowledge and ability. In my previous role I was responsible for social media and so I come at this with experience and my dc have accepted it.

that said, I let them have Pinterest… which now has TikTok videos on!!! So I don’t really have the moral high ground however they seem to appreciate the compromise and aren’t addicted. Phones are only used downstairs in our house, unless they ask for permission eg want to speak to a friend on the phone. All phones go on the docking station over night. Dd1 does use her phone upstairs (she’s 15) but at bedtime it still comes downstairs.

Monitoring wise, we’ve done it with them, openly. I dislike spy apps as I don’t think they build trust. They are also not allowed to delete anything on WhatsApp.

Oh gosh, not at all. It’s bloody dangerous for children. I would be wary even of letting teens have it unsupervised.

I think it’s one of those things where you just have to say to her you know she thinks you’re strict, you know she thinks it’s unfair, but you can’t allow this because it just isn’t safe and your primary job is protecting her. She will grumble and probably think furious thoughts about you but she would be grateful if she could understand just what it might be exposing her to.

Stay strong! I work in a primary school and it is frightening the stuff some of our year 4/5/6 kids have been exposed to through tiktok. Also had several huge blow ups through messaging on Roblox and WhatsApp, one child threatening another during the night, girls creating a WhatsApp group with the sole purpose of bitching about someone they excluded from the group, all sorts. I have an 8 year old myself and tbh I have been dreading the curiosity about social media starting up. I am actually relieved to see the comments on this thread and know it will not just be me saying NO to this until my child has the maturity to handle it!

Me neither but unfortunately I'm closer to middle age than I am to a teenage years 😅. I just think it's been proven over and over how dangerous it is for teens so I'd rather err on the side of cautions with my teens., despite my only knowledge of TikTok being cat videos, if i'm honest.

Sorry I posted before I read whole thread! While I make different choices for my crew - I respect that you’re thinking through a system that works for yours.

DH allowed DSS to have one if he was ‘friends’ with us (made an account specifically for this) thinking it would be ok. Logged into his account one day and the private messages were horrendous.

I totally understand that and I understand I'm in the minority with the way I've decided to introduce them to it.

Hard No here 12 year old, tbh none of her friends have it so that makes it easier for me.

but I’ve talked through the dangers of it as her cousins have it.

Social media is destructive to little minds. I don't have many of the actual ones my eldest turns 13 in December I still won't be letting her have them

I agree with you on this OP and I'm very lenient about screen time and apps normally.

I do enjoy the odd scroll on TikTok, however the videos that come up are totally random and there's some really inappropriate content on there for kids.

I've seen entire accounts dedicated to 'the sesh life' (i.e. cocaine and alcohol consumption), the true crime 'community' whose videos are graphic deep dives into serial killers, murderers, cults and autopsies, posters talking in depth about their MH struggles/suicide attempts/addictions (one video of a lady taking her daily methadone therapy), explicit pictures, clips from 15 and 18 rated films. I can literally go on and on.

There's no way to control what content comes up on For You Page and some of it (especially the true crime/horror stuff) has put the shits up me or made me feel really uncomfortable, so god knows how an 11 year old would feel.

Obviously it completely depends on your child but if they're sensitive or anxious some of the content could really frighten them.

Stick to your guns on this one! Tell her that the minimum age to have a TikTok account is 13 (with parent's permission) so she's got 2 years until she's old enough and you'll reassess then.

I let my DS12 have it and regretting it. I did the ‘paired’ parent account where he is linked to my account and I can monitor. He’s limited to 15 minutes per day but I still feel like I’m constantly blocking certain content, there is so much crap on there. I wouldn’t do it!

Im trying to cut down on my own time, it’s seriously addictive and I seriously believe it’s messed up my attention span, I’m struggling to watch films and normal television.!

Forgot to add, with her being an impressionable young girl the teens on there aren't what you want her looking up to.

I know they're just joining in the trends but the filters that make them look wayyyy too grown up, the over-sexualised dances to inappropriate songs, the body checking.. it's totally damaging.

There's a young woman on there called Eugenia Cooney, who is sadly suffering from anorexia and is painfully, sickly thin. You can see every bone, there's no fat on her whatsoever, she can barely walk because she's so frail. Just one look in the comments of her videos shows lots of older women telling her to try and seek help, that she deserves to get better etc and lots of young girls saying 'body goals, I'm not eating till I look like you' - it's genuinely scary. Every time one of her videos pops up I report it but nothing comes of it.

There's so many kids on there who are clearly allowed unfettered, independent access to their account and you can tell by the comments they write (using awful slurs, calling people every swear word under the sun, telling posters to kill themselves, name calling..) on the videos they consume. That's just in the public comments so god knows what the private messages are like.

@Msblueskies I found the same with my attention span! I ended up cutting my phone usage right down when I realised I wasn't even managing a 30 minute episode without wanting to pick up my phone. It's genuinely worrying.

My neighbour is a high school teacher and she was telling me that she finds it so difficult to hold the attention of her classes now, keeping them on task is almost impossible and she's having to break her lessons down into 10 minute chunks to keep the kids engaged.

She's also finding that lessons the kids used to find fun 10 years ago (getting craft stuff out and making posters, designing a 'utopia', fun projects, film reviews, writing stories, planning presentations for lower years...) are just not interesting to them anymore. It's so sad.

The worst thing about TikTok is that it destroys your attention Span. This is especially bad for developing brains.
Even if you were watching good wholesome videos, the nature of these quick, short videos over a prolonged time means that we start to find it difficult to concentrate.
Who knows what the effects will be on our kids abilities to work, learn skills and hold down jobs. Some kids can barely sit through a film now, let alone anything else that requires concentration.

This is also a thing in my house that is not allowed along with Snapchat. I feel battered as frankly the 11 year old wants both.

Look up articles on TikTok brain (it's a thing) and share them with your kids. Show them that you're restricting TikTok because you're on their side, not against them.