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AIBU?

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Original poster

Age gap argument

158 replies

Queseraseraa · 01/10/2023 18:03

We are a big group of friends ages 22- 27. We are all childless so socialise almost every weekend. We went for drinks last night and I ended up in a disagreement that got a bit heated.

One of the guys (22) said he would like to go to a certain bar as someone he’s been chatting with let him know she was there last night. He then divulged she was 18 and turned 18 just 2 months ago.
I said I thought that was a bit grim if I’m honest and he could not see the issue. I pointed out that it was in my opinion a bit strange to be a 22 year old that has been an adult for 4 years to find someone attractive that only a few months ago was legally a child.

He then got in a bit of a mood and said I made him feel weird about it now and was in a mood with me all night.

WABU? Yes, I know this girl is now legally an adult but she has only a few months ago left sixth form?! We are all working adults with careers and I definitely would have viewed an 18yo as still almost a child in regards to dating when I was 22!

OP posts:
jolies1 · 02/10/2023 13:22

pantypant · 02/10/2023 12:33

Do what about 2118? 20/18?

Or do people have to be exactly the same age for you to feel satisfied?

20 year olds may well have been in the work force for a couple of years. 22 year old May not have left education.

At 18 many girls will have had loads of boyfriends. They may have been locked in a convent or may have travelled the world whilst being home schooled or escaped a war zone. They may be the baby of the family or the responsible carer of their disabled parent.

People have such limited views it's astounding.

Show quote history

I know at 18 I’d done far riskier things than date a 22 year old with a steady job 😂

5128gap · 02/10/2023 13:23

fettuccini · 02/10/2023 13:13

Yea the old biddies couldn't possibly know anything about being teenagers and young adults could they. How dare people over 30 comment on young peoples issues. Silly old women.

Show quote history

Pointing out that norms and ideas of what's acceptable can be different in different age groups isn't ageist and it's certainly not sexist, so leave off with the 'silly old woman' nonsense.
I'm 54 and have no interest in perpetuating that as a trope.
And because I'm 54 I'll freely admit that my experience of being a teen and young person over 3 decades ago probably means I'm not up to speed with the current social norms. The young people I know probably are though, and rightly or wrongly, ime tend to share the OPs views.

Choccybear20 · 02/10/2023 13:27

Yanbu from the perspective that it’ll probably be quite annoying as if you’re in a group of young professionals who all socialise / live together the last thing I imagine you all want is some little 18 year old just out of school tagging along! That’s how I’d have felt in your situation.

However he’s not doing anything wrong. The difference is men are still very immature at 22 (and beyond in some cases) so would see no problem dating an 18 year old.

My dh is about 4 years older than me.

fettuccini · 02/10/2023 16:39

@5128gap there are plenty of people here who are closer in age to the OP than you are, including a good proportion of commenters on this thread. Your comment was certainly quite ageist actually.

5128gap · 02/10/2023 17:10

fettuccini · 02/10/2023 16:39

@5128gap there are plenty of people here who are closer in age to the OP than you are, including a good proportion of commenters on this thread. Your comment was certainly quite ageist actually.

Indeed, there's a great many people everywhere closer in age to the OP than I am, that tends to be the case after a certain age. And it was the views of some of those young people I was talking about, as I quite clearly explained. The people in the OPs age group that I know (who are as close as close could be to her age) would agree with her. Not me, them. No ageism to see there.

UsingChangeofName · 02/10/2023 23:15

Well @5128gap , if we are going anecdotal, my young adults all in this age group) don't think that age different is odd at all.

5128gap · 03/10/2023 06:22

UsingChangeofName · 02/10/2023 23:15

Well @5128gap , if we are going anecdotal, my young adults all in this age group) don't think that age different is odd at all.

Great. So some do, some don't then!

NotAMug · 03/10/2023 06:41

Nothing wrong with 18 and 22, seems quite a normal age gap. I'd have no problem with that for my kids, depend on how mature they are. My 17 yo DS is much more mature than most 17 yos, I could imagine him dating someone older TBH. I would not have entertained someone of 18 when I was 17/18.

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