AIBU to tell family to stop buying things for DD?

[Fabshab]

DH and I have a DD who is currently 8 months old.

Since she was born family on both sides have not been able to contain themselves from buying things for her, which is lovely but it’s getting too much - especially since DH and I get loads for her too - we are weak and waited 10 years for her so can’t help ourselves (last month for example, she got 6 new toys from us and about 20 from family and friends! - it’s a regular issue too, there hasn’t been one month where she hasn’t received at least 10+ toys)

Issue seems to be on both sides we have family with a lot of disposable income, she is the first baby on my side of the family for over 12 years, so I’ve got cousins who have started working full time but are still living at home with money to burn, my brother is for some reason now a baby person and really loves spoiling her (he has ASD and up until now hated kids!) on my DHs side they have other young children in the family but she is the first girl (and for my FIL and MIL the only grand child they see regularly) so gets spoiled from that angle - new clothes mainly but also toys. My father lives abroad and seems to be over compensating from missing out on seeing her as much by sending ‘care packages’ every month too.

I’ve told my family if they have money to burn to start putting that money into her savings account, which most have started doing (my brother has now started putting savings in, but for some reason can’t help himself if he sees something she might like, but he is half way there) however DH doesn’t want to say the same to his family as he thinks it’s rude.

I have said as a compromise we can ask for gifts with receipts so we can just return them secretly. Which he has also vetoed as ‘rude’

Our house is over run with toys, clothes all the way up to 2-3 years, and it’s getting too much. Worst part is it’s not even just family, we get weekly door drops of gifts and toys from old people in the villiage too, who I can’t really ask to put money in savings for her so I’m trying to tackle the people we can be more honest with.

But before I really push for DH to speak to his family, or just do it myself.

Is it rude to ask for people to put the money they’d spend on a toy into her savings?

YABU - it’s rude

YANBU - it’s not rude

We've had this as our LO is the first grandchild on both sides.

I stopped buying for LO early, just let others get clothes and toys. When it got a bit much, I joked to my MIL that LO had over 30 pairs of trousers aged 9-12m. She seemed to get the hint and started buying slightly less!

You can't ask for money but you can resolve not to add to it yourself! I just buy basics like vests and sleep suits, and let them get other stuff.

With toys, if it's too much, say this can stay at Nanny's/aunties/whoever for you to play with there! I use space as the reason.

Also donatr unwanted or unsuitable (summer clothes when they'll be that age in winter etc) to childrens centre or wherever

Donate anything she’s not shown interest in, as she outgrows them

I was really with you and posted in solidarity.

But my goodness you seem unpleasant.

I am pretty sure they will all tire of your attitude and stop buying soon enough.

Hi.Dont know if anyones suggested it but if you can't fit the play table in a car to get rid of it could you advertise it on freecycle?just put in the advert that they will need a van etc to take it away. I've got rid of loads of unwanted stuff this way.I feel your pain re the unwanted stuff cluttering up the house.A certain family member is always off loading "useful"stuff on me!!!

So rude to ask for money. By all means tell them to stop buying stuff but asking for money instead is off the scale rude.

That's a silly post

She pointed to a drill at Costco last week and shouted Mama, we didn’t get that.

Yes, we get it, your baby walks and talks at 8 months, she’s so ADVANCED for her age 😂

Print off this charmingly expressed thread x 30

Post or give one copy to each person who buys your bony baby a gift

Jobs a goodun

HTH

Give some away and put the rest on Vinted. No way can you ask for money instead. People get pleasure from choosing gifts and giving them. It's a way of connecting with the child and showing they care.

We had similar with my ILs, who would just buy mountains of cheap tat all the time. We didn't have room for half of it, and some just went straight in the bin (because it was such poor quality that we couldn't pass it on).

It was ok when the kids were too small to understand, because we could just hide it and then bin/pass on as appropriate, but once they got old enough to remember they'd been given it, that was much harder to do.

It was frustrating because there was lots of stuff but very little play value, and the sheer amount was leaving the kids overwhelmed. It also meant that presents didn't mean as much to them as they were used to getting things all the time.

We started leaving some of it at PILs house, and that seemed to help. We also made an effort to steer them towards things like Lego, which is good as it comes in a decent-sized box, but can be added to the existing collection (or can be regifted as they're not going to be able to keep track).

I share your frustration, OP, because a lot of people think you're lucky to have so many people giving your child presents, when in reality it's quite annoying and not especially good for the kids (or the planet).

she will spot something she likes, if taken away she will give the gooey eyes.
She's 8 months old!!!
OP you are being ridiculous, a baby doesn't do gooey eyes ffs

a planet where 8 month olds don't talk in full and grammatically correct sentences?
i.e. not planet bullshit where I assume you reside?

Tbf my lad walked at 8 months and could say mama. It

It he certainly wasn't the savant OPs child is.in that be could not connect wanting an items now and in the future, an adult saying 'no' and then using his ability to convince the adult to reconsider via the mens iof non-verbal eye contact.

How wonderful to have all that nice new stuff to pass on to charities for people who have very little instead of them always having used things. Or just sell the stuff.

I think asking for receipts is rude. Not as rude suggesting money for savings but I would only do that with someone I am very close to. There are a lot of babies out there with not much and a lot of parents struggling, why not drop the unwanted gifts at a charity such as a women's refuge or a baby bank. You could also sell them and put that money into a savings account.