AIBU to tell family to stop buying things for DD?

[Fabshab]

DH and I have a DD who is currently 8 months old.

Since she was born family on both sides have not been able to contain themselves from buying things for her, which is lovely but it’s getting too much - especially since DH and I get loads for her too - we are weak and waited 10 years for her so can’t help ourselves (last month for example, she got 6 new toys from us and about 20 from family and friends! - it’s a regular issue too, there hasn’t been one month where she hasn’t received at least 10+ toys)

Issue seems to be on both sides we have family with a lot of disposable income, she is the first baby on my side of the family for over 12 years, so I’ve got cousins who have started working full time but are still living at home with money to burn, my brother is for some reason now a baby person and really loves spoiling her (he has ASD and up until now hated kids!) on my DHs side they have other young children in the family but she is the first girl (and for my FIL and MIL the only grand child they see regularly) so gets spoiled from that angle - new clothes mainly but also toys. My father lives abroad and seems to be over compensating from missing out on seeing her as much by sending ‘care packages’ every month too.

I’ve told my family if they have money to burn to start putting that money into her savings account, which most have started doing (my brother has now started putting savings in, but for some reason can’t help himself if he sees something she might like, but he is half way there) however DH doesn’t want to say the same to his family as he thinks it’s rude.

I have said as a compromise we can ask for gifts with receipts so we can just return them secretly. Which he has also vetoed as ‘rude’

Our house is over run with toys, clothes all the way up to 2-3 years, and it’s getting too much. Worst part is it’s not even just family, we get weekly door drops of gifts and toys from old people in the villiage too, who I can’t really ask to put money in savings for her so I’m trying to tackle the people we can be more honest with.

But before I really push for DH to speak to his family, or just do it myself.

Is it rude to ask for people to put the money they’d spend on a toy into her savings?

YABU - it’s rude

YANBU - it’s not rude

I suppose this is what I get for having the ‘boniest baby’ in our county even strangers think she is too cute and give her shit

Ok, I think your thread has jumped the shark now, OP. Yawn.

And it’s ‘bonniest’, not ‘boniest’.

Unless your dd is all bones, poor love. No wonder strangers give her shit, they probably think you’re not feeding her.

@threefiftysix we tend to get her small items or things she actually ‘needs’ for example she has started walking so got her a more stable walker (we had one gifted but it was plastic so not as stable for her to pull up on and use to walk)

Yes. Make it his issue and I'm sure he will realise the extent of the problem

DH worried however with his families gifts they’ll notice if they’re gone when they next visit. Especially as they tend to get large items (play tables, activity cubes, walkers, beanbag chairs, bouncers, door swings etc.)

Is he a bit thick?

Surely that would be the perfect time to say "Yes, we had to donate them to charity because none of you are listening when we say we don't have room"?

Yeah right we 'beleive' you

Did you really mean to write the 'boniest' baby?
Hopefully it's a typo and you meant 'bonniest'.
As it is, everyone thinks their baby is the nicest and you are actually not unique in that lots of relatives and friends want to buy things for your baby. Most sensible adults cut back on the gifts themselves though, if they realise they are getting lots from others! Some folk might say to close relatives about giving cash/pay into savings instead, but not to more distant relatives!
Also, telling people to 'bore off' when you don't like their view is a little rude. Why did you ask?

Agree with you and OPs response to you was rude too.

Also I would keep the play table as they are extremely useful and get rid of the coffee table.

This kid is going to grow into a nightmare if you all don't calm down on buying things on demand.

I'm already thinking the 'puppy eyes' and 'gooey eyes' are code for full on screaming tantrum in a shop.

Is that closer to the truth OP?

At 8 months old they grab anything, everything, doesn’t mean they actually want it. Just say no. And if you have a load of stuff you don’t want, just shove it on Freecycle or something as a bulk collection and someone will take it off your hands, problem sorted. Plus you’ll probably find all the gifts thankfully tail off soon!

@Fabshab
Can you put some of the stuff away for her birthday or for Christmas instead of giving it all to her now.

Not rude to ask that people only buy at Christmas and birthdays but rude to ask for money instead.

It sounds like you need to plan Christmas early. Maybe ask people to buy specific things so that you don't get 10 babies and buggies or whatever everyone decides to buy.

Have you considered telling people to keep the toy at their house so the clutter is not in your home?

You can't ask for money, that's rude!

People see things and think "oh baby Fabshab would love this" and buy it. It's not the same as popping a tenner into a bank account.

Use the items, then either donate them or sell them and pop the money into the savings if savings are that important to you.

At 8 months old she can’t talk. Just because she looks at something it doesn’t mean you have to buy it 😵‍💫 if she looked at a screwdriver would you buy it for her?
Are you scared of her having a tantrum and not being bonny anymore?!

I was more taken aback at the thought of asking for receipts!! So rude.

Guys you don't get it! OPs baby is the most beautiful baby ever, not like your minging babies! And she's walking earlier than your stupid babies too!

You’re going to end up with such a selfish bratty kid if she gets given everything she looks at. She’s only 8 months, teach her now to look at stuff in the shop, then move on to look at something else, as if you were in a museum.
Tell your relatives that you want her to be excited to see THEM, not just the presents that they may have brought her.

My kids didn't inherit the eyes of an animal.

Could this be where it all went wrong?

‘She’s your baby and I’ll get buy her what I want’

thats exactly what your family are saying…. She’s my granddaughter / niece / etc and I’ll buy her what I want.

Also ‘I only buy her what she needs’ babies don’t actually need anything. They don’t need more sturdy walkers. They things you’re buying that you’re for you.

accept you’re part of the problem here and if you’re not willing to change suck it up.

and I’m speaking as someone who didn’t buy her much anticipated first baby anything because of all the stuff we were gifted. I just smiled and said ‘thank you that’s so kind’ and I still have cupboards full of stuff to try to regift. As well as selling and donating lots especially the big stuff. (Little tikes car in our tiny London flat without garden 🙄)

if it’s any consolation my second child got next to nothing because by then there had already been 3 more grandkids and the baby novelty wore off. I was not upset about the lack of gifts but just very glad it’s all calmed down.

m I would say tho you are responsible for teaching your child behaviour and I would nip the consent of her demanding things from you in the bud right now. It’s a grandparents peridotite to spoil their grandkid on days out. It’s yours to teach that begging / pleading / screaming for stuff doesn’t get

Exactly

I'd say just suck it up and be grateful. It won't last. Baby/toddler toys take up lots of space. You've only got a year or two and things will get smaller. Let the family spoil her while she's little. Its not like she realises and is going to be a brat. My DD was similar. Spoiled by everyone, wanted for nothing. She's now the sweetest child and never expects anything, the complete opposite of a spoiled brat. I would however be very happy if all the relatives who spoiled her as a baby, would be as keen to buy 11 year old clothes. As I say, the clothes and toy buying won't last.

I wonder if the 8 month old has said they want to be a model when they are older?

I think asking for money is just rude. Whether or not your family are understanding is besides the point.

Op. You might want to take lessons in manners and how you communicate. You are really rather rude!

My sister said something like that. She started handing back books she opened as birthday presents saying she won't like that, etc.

DN gets next to nothing now.