PLEASE Stop shaming me for breastfeeding

[thisbetheverse]

15 month old daughter, genuinely get some sort of judgemental comment every week. Why is it like that? It’s literally what breasts are made to do!

today it was from a teenager! A 17 year old. I’ve had family members, mum friends, school friends, complete strangers, people I work with all make the same comments ‘oooo STILL?’ ‘When are you stopping!’ ‘You poor thing’

has anyone got any tips on how to respond? I plan to breastfeed until she’s 2 but have started just saying to people I’m stopping soon just to move the conversation along. But then I’m left feeling like I should be ashamed.

I'm keen to hear from those on the camp of ew it’s gross after 1 year old too - please can you explain why and how it makes you feel? Also is this a British thing?

even partner thinks it’s weird!

Still breastfeeding my preschooler and the comments are ridiculous especially from other mums. All the comments about ‘can’t he wait’ when he breastfeeds get answered with a pointed glance at the snack box they produce for their kids and ‘can’t your kid wait for dinner’. I get some mums never want to breastfeed or have problems with it - fair enough - but to make comments on someone who is doing it is horrible.

Err - because it’s feeding?!!!
I bottle fed mine but I’d be giving your DH a stern talking to. Comparing breastfeeding to using the toilet is very strange.

Agree …I just think that a child of that age really needs to be allowed to grow up .

Nutrition isn't even mentioned at all, just that the benefits of breastfeeding continue. I'm assuming if it was just nutrition, that is what they would actually say but they clearly say benefitS, multiple.

The NHS seems to disagree with you.

Fascinating thread. My son self weaned at 18 months (was a bit gutted but accepted it) but my daughter is still going at 4.5 (mostly only at bedtime though - even though she does ask sometimes in the day)
I used to say breastfeeding past 2 would feel weird but honestly the time just flies by. And it feels natural because it’s just part of your relationship with them.

Cant remember many negative comments but if I ever did I would feel the full force of ‘up yours’ fire in me. I was always respectful with it. However, I have only ever felt pride!

It is absolutely true that many people feel freaked out because we live in a very sexualised culture. My husbands family couldn’t even handle me BF them when newborns. I never cringed at or criticised their choices of bottle feeding so why do they have the right to critique mine/ours?

The DH who said no child should ever be able to remember being breastfed - why? What’s the big deal. My daughter told me the other day that one day she hopes to breastfeed her own children and what a lovely experience it has been!

I do hope she stops soon because it’s starting to get to me now but I absolutely don’t regret going this long - I have only fond memories!

A child can achieve a fully balanced diet by 2 if not much earlier so what on earth is the point of continuing?

Social services view breastfeeding extremely positively.

I have been published on the benefits of breast milk but in pre-term neonates (including long term benefits). The difficulty is there are not really the studies on feeding beyond 12 months as highlighted in this recent review (https://www.annualreviews.org/doi/full/10.1146/annurev-nutr-043020-011242). The evidence certainly points to breastfeeding and breast milk improving health outcomes for all babies in the first 12 months (the evidence on it raising iq is a bit weak) and also improving health outcomes for mothers (breastfeeding reduces the risk of breast cancer). The evidence is strongest the earlier in a babies life you go, with even feeding for a very short time providing a tangible benefit.

From a purely ‘benefit to the child’ perspective, for malnourished children there seems to be a clear benefit for feeding beyond 12 months although this finding could be confounded. There is some indication that gut biome may be a bit more diverse in weaned children but it doesn’t appear to be significant from the limited evidence that is out there. There does not appear to be any harms from continuing breastfeeding beyond 12 months - although again the studies are not really there to say either way.

So in summary, the available scientific evidence would say if you are feeding past 12 months great and don’t let anyone tell you that it will be bad for the baby. If you stop before 12 months then be assured that whatever you managed to do will have benefited your child.

If you hate breastfeeding and are thinking of continuing past 12 months because the WHO says so and that must mean there must be benefit. You are facing a choice of being miserable breastfeeding or miserable with guilt for not doing what is best for your baby. Don’t worry. The WHO has to make recommendations for mothers globally, and the limited evidence points to encouraging mothers to breastfeed where food supply might be problematic. And so they say ‘as long as possible’ because they cannot say ‘for rich westerners you can stop at 12 months but you poor people in the developing world need to do different’ (and rightly so that they don’t say this). So if you do decide to stop at 12 months there is zero basis to feel that your child will have a worse outcome because you stop.

My son has never had d&v or noro. This means he’s much taller and healthier than any other child in our family. I guess it’s probably why the dutch are so tall - they are encouraged to breastfeed and growth in the first 5 years sets kids up to reach their maximum genetic potential in terms of height and weight

Breastfeeding isn't just about nutrition. It largely is also about comfort and security.

Children are not being scarred by remembering being breastfed. There are lots of account of people remembering nursing and noone talks about being scarred from it. If anything would cause that to happen it is attitudes like the ones being displayed here as it creates a narrative of there being something wrong with it, which there isn't. If you care about children not being bothered by remembering breastfeeding stop talking as if there's something wrong with it.

The comments about being allowed to grow up are rediculous and show a serious lack of understanding about how self weaning often occurs. Children naturally ask for less and less until gradually it just dwindles and disappears. Noone is holding them back from growing up.

The comment about social services is rediculous and tbh it would shameful to waste social services resources pulling them away from actually abused children.

I fed my three in private too, but only because I didn't have the confidence to ever do it in public. I wish I had though. I love to see mums breastfeeding when out and about.

Breastfeeding isn't even remotely comparable to pooing, fgs!! It is just you I guess.

Here is a tip on how to respond: ‘fuck off’. It’s nothing to do with anyone else. There’s nothing wrong with bf until 2.

Because the NHS says that there's multiple benefits, it isn't just nutritional.

For example, a breastfeeding mother has a lower risk of breast cancer and a breastfed child has reduced risks of infections. The longer breastfeeding continues, the longer the protection lasts and the greater the benefits.

Oh god.

Seriously no kid ever as they get older wants to remember being latched onto your boob. It’s seriously icky for older kids. Once you have older children you will understand that they become really quite repulsed by it all. You are making your child bf now by actively not encouraging other comforters.

They don’t need the nutrition and they should become independently capable of comforting themselves at a normal developmental stage.

That’s for your benefit then - not your child’s.

It's for both. The NHS clearly says it benefits both.

That is a ridiculous comment! He might not grow again for another five years and end up well below average.

DH was breastfed until 4.5. His earliest childhood memories are of him being held and of comfort like almost all adults who were breastfed until 5-6. It’s only the kids who aren’t extended bf who have difficult memories / are repulsed by it all. The developmentally normal thing to do for all humans is for children to be breastfed until all their milk teeth fall out. This is why in prehistoric times women only had one child.

When mine did that, I would withdraw my breast, tap them gently on the nose and say "no" firmly. After a few false alarms when I thought I might have to withdraw my severed nipple from their fangs, it mostly worked!!

Professor Last Chance has spoken...

I would be interested in his/her reading lists backing up these sweeping assertions about child health, psychological development, maternal health, mammalian socialisation, social policy etc etc.

Is dairy part of that balanced diet...... 🤔

How embarrassing to be you, arguing a point that is just plain wrong. But freedom if speech hey, go you 💪

viva.org.uk/health/a-comparison-between-human-milk-and-cows-milk/

What are you even talking about?

I have older children. Most of my friends do. None of the kids I know are repulsed by breastfeeding because they have all grown up around it. If your kids are repulsed by breastfeeding perhaps you should teach your children better.

Also breastfed preschoolers are offered other comforters. Often mum will say no not right now if the time isn't convenient.

You are so ignorant about this subject but so adamant you are right even though you don't know anything about it.

Not at seven years old 🥴

I used to hook a finger into his mouth or hold his nose gently. He’d delatch instantly

lastchancechica fortunately people don’t need to rely on your personal understanding of the physical or emotional benefits of breastfeeding nor are they likely to be over thrilled with your sociological contextualisation of our feeding habits. They can just use reliable sources like the NHS and WHO. Breast milk remains our most well digested species specific milk, continues to have immunological factors and whether delivered direct from the breast or in a bottle is not associated with immaturity. Feeds can absolutely be comforting and it is usual for the adults who thrive emotionally to have received plenty of comfort throughout childhood. That they do not need breastfeeding for this does not invalidate it as it is a biological norm for our species.

OP meet some mums who make the same choice and in this as in all the other parenting choices do what is best for you and yours. The people who can’t see past their own views are never going to be much help.