PLEASE Stop shaming me for breastfeeding

[thisbetheverse]

15 month old daughter, genuinely get some sort of judgemental comment every week. Why is it like that? It’s literally what breasts are made to do!

today it was from a teenager! A 17 year old. I’ve had family members, mum friends, school friends, complete strangers, people I work with all make the same comments ‘oooo STILL?’ ‘When are you stopping!’ ‘You poor thing’

has anyone got any tips on how to respond? I plan to breastfeed until she’s 2 but have started just saying to people I’m stopping soon just to move the conversation along. But then I’m left feeling like I should be ashamed.

I'm keen to hear from those on the camp of ew it’s gross after 1 year old too - please can you explain why and how it makes you feel? Also is this a British thing?

even partner thinks it’s weird!

I only got to 9 months as must have rubbish supply as they would need to feed for hours and I wanted my life bac not sitting in the sofa every night for months.

Know it’s my problem and would never say anything but also find feeding toddlers who can walk and talk slightly odd.

6 years 10 months. DS decided when he had had enough.

Do you still have cows milk in your food/drink? Eat cheese? Yoghurt?

I have breastfed my children until nearly 4 years old. I think I'm lucky in the sense that most people know I'm a paediatrician - it makes it harder to sort of challenge me that I know about healthy child nutrition and development! I feel supremely confident about it because of my profession I guess and being up to date with the evidence. I am also part of a demographic that is more likely to breastfeed toddlers so it's more normal / accepted.

The best way to deflect or "handle" the comments is to not feel that you have to! You actually don't have to change someone's mind through saying the right thing. You will change people's minds just by being an ordinary mum who is breastfeeding a toddler. People observe it, get used to it and adjust their opinions accordingly. No need for clever words. Just genuinely have the confidence, understand that it's fine, water off a duck's back and just be matter of fact about it. I find people aren't trying to be unkind, they are really just projecting what they know / have been exposed to in our culture. Others are awkwardly expressing curiosity, so if you remain matter of fact and "show not tell" that you're actually pretty sensible, that satisfies their curiosity and they will come away slightly shifted in their view without you having to say anything in particular.

If people are actually being abusive / malicious, disengage from them. There is no point entering into a discussion not had in good faith, in any subject. You have nothing to prove.

If it becomes unhealthy after a certain age, why does the NHS advise to continue to breastfeed for as long as mother and child likes?

Breastfeeding an almost seven year old child? I would call the social services.
It is gross.

The nhs obviously have to advise all women from each socio economic group. If you are struggling to feed your child a healthy diet of course bf is best to continue as long as possible. And that might include some mothers on here.

I eat cheese and yogurt at 42. That’s a ridiculous comparison!

It's not right??!!

I can't actually believe my eyes. How uneducated people are.

If anyone said anything to me I’d tell them to mind their own business. Other peoples hang ups are their own problem.

More about the mothers needs 😂😂😂

Sorry excuse me while I fall over laughing.

Every single mother I know who let their children self wean got completely fed up of nursing far far before the child did. Like to the point advice such as "10 second milk" where you let them nurse for 10 seconds then say no more is common place in groups of natural term breastfeeding mums.

There is nothing unhealthy about natural term child led breastfeeding, you just personally don't like it and are trying to find reasons to justify your opinion but your justifications are not fact based.

If it's not for you then that's fine. But making out it's some kind of unhealthy thing mothers are forcing on their children isn't ok.

I mean, they already have your number, so knock yourself out.

@Lastchancechica

Put simply, you're completely wrong. As people with very strong opinions in subjects for which they have no qualification so often are. I'd recommend this podcast which discusses the evidence around breastfeeding:

soundcloud.com/user-816387779/breastfeeding-part-1

Personally I think it's really sad that something that is completely biologically normal for our species is considered "not right'

Forgot to say that my eldest naturally became interested and maybe a little jealous at his little brother breastfeeding as a baby/toddler and said he wanted to 'feed from Mummy' like that too, to which I did refuse but I expressed a little milk out on to a spoon for him a few times when he asked instead so he didn't feel completely left out and I didn't get the self ick of breastfeeding a 4 year old 😅

It's weird how they don't say that but do make sure to include that breastfeeding to 2 or beyond is ideal.

I feel the same. If you can afford a nutritional diet then your kid really does not need to be scarred by the memory of still breast feeding at school.

Infantilising older children IS very damaging.

How so? You're still breastfeeding off a cow, love. When you've achieved weaning off mammals breast milk, come back to the table.

Please do call the social services, so that they can tell you what an intolerant beast you are @Lastchancechica

I fed mine until 13 months (had to stop to get my periods back to TTC) and 20 months. I stopped at 20 months because he suddenly got more demanding about wanting to feed at random times and I wanted my body back. If he'd left it at a bedtime and morning feed, I'd have lasted longer. It was also a relief when my large breast shrank back to normal and I had a matching pair that fitted in normal bras, normal tops fitted and I wasn't at risk of leaking and smelling of old milk.

By 1 they only really fed at home so it wasn't on anyone else's radar beyond that point so there weren't any commenrs.

From 2+ I do get a bit icked out because it's a bodily autonomy thing for the mother, and having another person deciding to access the services of her body. I wouldn't feed bottles of formula at that stage either.

I will say I find it odd but simply because I found it way too painful to carry on once my DD had teeth top and bottom and seemed to take great glee in properly clamping down... she was about 10 months. Have no actual objection to breastfeeding longer though. How did you avoid this or feed through it? Currently expecting number 2 and would like to go a bit longer this time if possible but I still remember the pain and shudder!

They don’t need to discriminate do they by stating the obvious. It’s implicit to any intelligent parent surely?

Then the social services would laugh heartily at you.

Such prolonged breastfeeding wouldn't have been for me but it's none of my business if someone's still doing it when their children is 17, for all I care!!

@thisbetheverse just tell them you'll stop when you and your child are ready.

Eh, people give too much thought to this. We just aren’t exposed to it as much as times past, when there was probably constant breastfeeding everywhere. As the eldest of a large family my dad didn’t bat an eyelid when I fed my kids. Yet one of my closest friends from a small family seemed to look on it as some sort of voodoo magic 😂

😂 It’s all abit weird. Sorry

17 okay….😳