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Original poster

If someone always tells you they are too busy to reply to your texts, would you give up trying?

142 replies

Nowanextraone · 30/09/2023 15:54

Whenever I text this person, I get quite a long message back telling me why they are too busy to reply or read my messages, with a long spiel about how busy (AKA important) they are at work, how rushed off their feet they are and they will reply later on. They never do reply.

I might message again a few days later and get a similar response, and if I dare question it, I get a shitty message, very patronising. I queried it last week and reminded her that I am also busy, but I value our relationship so would like contact. She was incredible horrible actually, telling me she doesn't have time to respond to my 'great long messages' (they really aren't long). She's got form for being like this, but I was quite taken aback.

I also work full time BTW. My friends often message me when I am with patients. I reply when I am not. It really is that simple. I have friends that work and friends that don't.

This person is my sister. Since her shitty message, she has not made any contact with me.

Would you assume she does not value our relationship as much as I do? 😪

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 30/09/2023 16:08

Yes.

Gingerkittykat · 30/09/2023 16:15

I'm someone who doesn't text much and often don't see texts for a day or two so when I saw the title of your post I was willing to stand up for your sister.

Having said that I've never sent shitty messages to people telling them I am to busy to answer their texts right now and then not bothered to get in contact some other way later.

I would personally leave it for now and wait for her to get in touch with you. Does she ever contact you first or do you spend time together?

wizzywig · 30/09/2023 16:18

Op, why are you bothering with this person?

Ponoka7 · 30/09/2023 16:19

Don't bother making contact again and see what happens. Would you meet up at Christmas, at another relatives etc?

Mary46 · 30/09/2023 16:22

Dont bother any more op... I got one lately she soo busy. I thought yep arent we all. I think you have make time for friends etc

DynamicK · 30/09/2023 16:23

So bizarre that she would send a message to say she can't send a message.

I'd stop contacting her. Just respond when she contacts you. Though it sounds like she doesn't really wee as my to do that much anyway.

WhereIstand · 30/09/2023 16:36

Had a friend like this.

Past tense.

DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy · 30/09/2023 16:36

I honestly believe that the busiest person in the world can find a minute to respond to a text if they want to. Even if it's to say 'let me get back to you later.' I would wait til they message you now. Likelihood is they won't is my guess.

Katrinawaves · 30/09/2023 16:42

She doesn’t like text messaging and she has told you this more than once but you keep trying to force this form of communication on her 🤷‍♀️

If she also doesn’t want to speak to you on the phone, have a FaceTime or meet in person, then you can safely assume she doesn’t value the relationship as much as you do. But if she is up for any of these forms of staying in touch, you just need to work out between the two of you which one will work for you both. Cutting her off just because you like text based comms and she finds them stressful would be ridiculous!

SnowWhite84 · 30/09/2023 16:43

Tricky when it’s actually a blood relative. I feel like some of the responses have maybe missed that.

itsmylife7 · 30/09/2023 16:45

Absolutely yes.
The fact she replies to say how busy she is but can't reply to your actual message...says it all.

Laurama91 · 30/09/2023 16:47

I dont do more than twice. Text once, no reply, text once more then I leave it.
I bumped into someone who I worked with and she said "do you still have the same number ill text you". I honestly told her its fine as she didn't reply before. She asked when it was I last text and realised I'd text her and she never replied quite a while ago.

Life's to short to chase people in my opinion

Fifireee · 30/09/2023 16:50

Yes sorry. I’m just in the process of figuring this out with someone who just isn’t replying to me anymore. Ultimately people don’t owe you anything and you can’t make them feel a certain way about you. My friend had cancer and I would make food for her and her family all the time. I also picked her kids up from school and looked after them a few nights a week for a year when her marriage broke down and she was trying to get back on her feet.
I thought we were friends but she never replies to my messages now so I’ve deleted her number and I’m moving on. I’ve given it three messages in three months and nothing. I’m probably a bit dim to have kept trying but it’s hard.

Original poster
Nowanextraone · 30/09/2023 16:52

Katrinawaves · 30/09/2023 16:42

She doesn’t like text messaging and she has told you this more than once but you keep trying to force this form of communication on her 🤷‍♀️

If she also doesn’t want to speak to you on the phone, have a FaceTime or meet in person, then you can safely assume she doesn’t value the relationship as much as you do. But if she is up for any of these forms of staying in touch, you just need to work out between the two of you which one will work for you both. Cutting her off just because you like text based comms and she finds them stressful would be ridiculous!

Never see her in person and phone calls are a no go too. If I call and she answers she says, 'I literally have 3 minutes' and if she has ever called me (rare) she gives a time limit as soon as I pick up.

I am just trying ton anonymise a text to show you. This is one where she said she was too busy to reply to my text, but then literally wrote an essay to me about a problem she had.... xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Nowanextraone · 30/09/2023 17:00

One example..... says she's too busy to reply to my text but.... look at the length of hers. She never did respond to my message BTW!!

If someone always tells you they are too busy to reply to your texts, would you give up trying?
OP posts:
Sawaranga · 30/09/2023 17:01

She sounds selfish or obsessed with herself? Didn't sound like a two way conversation.

Original poster
Nowanextraone · 30/09/2023 17:05

Next 2 examples

If someone always tells you they are too busy to reply to your texts, would you give up trying?
If someone always tells you they are too busy to reply to your texts, would you give up trying?
OP posts:
Original poster
Nowanextraone · 30/09/2023 17:06

She never does reply after those messages.
I always think she could just use the word count where she's told me how busy she is, just to send a friendly text...
But apparently not

OP posts:
DyslexicPoster · 30/09/2023 17:09

Hard if its your sister. I'd just send a 'I know how busy and stressed you are right now, so I don't want to add to your workload. Just get back when it's best for you and I will wait'.

Sawaranga · 30/09/2023 17:10

I would just leave her be.

It sounds like she's trying to project an image.

BurntOutGirl · 30/09/2023 17:17

No-one is THAT busy that they can't eventually reply.

If you were that important to her then she'd find the time in her oh so busy schedule. The fact she can send long messages of her own choosing shows what she needs you for i.e a sympathetic ear to her issues only

Take the hint and don't bother.

CoughingMajoress · 30/09/2023 17:17

I think the fact it's your sister is really key here. Sibling dynamics aren't like any other dynamic.

She's obviously not that busy since she has time to write long messages about how busy she is.

mathanxiety · 30/09/2023 17:18

Yes - step back.

Sorry you have someone like this in your life.

OhComeOnFFS · 30/09/2023 17:19

Next time she calls you and says "I've only got five minutes" then just say "Oh sorry, I've only got a few seconds so speak quickly." After a minute say "Got to go" and end the call. You need to take the control back from her.

DyslexicPoster · 30/09/2023 17:21

Nowanextraone · 30/09/2023 16:52

Never see her in person and phone calls are a no go too. If I call and she answers she says, 'I literally have 3 minutes' and if she has ever called me (rare) she gives a time limit as soon as I pick up.

I am just trying ton anonymise a text to show you. This is one where she said she was too busy to reply to my text, but then literally wrote an essay to me about a problem she had.... xxx

Show quote history

If she doesn't ever see you in person, doesn't want to talk on the phone, I'd drop contact. Maybe fo a quick 'how are you?' Three word text in six months or 'happy Christmas' then if she rants back, ignore it. Text her happy birthday, happy Christmas and leave her to it.

I had a friend who constantly had drama so bad she could never do more than tell me how stressed out she was. In two years it was never a good time. Highly unlikely so I got the hint and left her to it. Then she had some real drama and I realised she was never there for me and coped with constant stress. She could walk the current drama without me