To not give him the money

[Dodobirds]

I run my own business and I have a bit of a long distance thing with a man in the same industry (although entirely different jobs). It’s just a casual, fun thing when we’re in the same country (he lives in Australia).

I do a lot better financially than he does because of the nature of our jobs.

We had been talking about him coming to visit for a couple of weeks and I said I’d pay for his ticket.

He then asked if I’d pay for it at a certain time of year, so he could go on from the U.K. to Paris, to see some friends for their birthdays.

I was ok with that and asked if, in return, he’d help put me in touch with a couple of people that he knew in the industry, which he did, immediately.

I’ve not booked the ticket yet but two things have changed since he asked me:

1. He has now said he’ll only actually come to visit for 2 days and then go straight to meet his friends, which makes me feel like he’s just wanting a free ticket to see his mates, really.

2. I got hit with a huge, unexpected expense related to my house and am worried about my own finances.

I’m unsure what to do now. I have to see him again in a couple of weeks at ann industry event so I can’t really just cut ties with him, but I don’t really want to pay for his ticket now!

I am aware I said I would though and that he helped me out with those contacts.

Can you offer him a percentage as a gesture to cover the introduction..... explaining your financial situation not that he's only spending 2 days with you and it's not that you're miffed in any way.

He must have some awareness that he's taking the mickey a bit.

Well, sorry but it's clear he's just not into you.
If he's travelling halfway round the world to see you and can only give you 2 days, read the room, as they say.

I'd call the whole thing off. You never have to see him again.

Don't pay for his fares and find another FWB closer to home.

Glad you've told him. I was going to suggest offering to buy him a one way ticket. See how he likes them apples. 😂

Pleased to see your update.

He was just using you.

In principle, you shouldn't pay for any man to spend time with you.
Unless they are a paid-for escort and it's a business deal.

The last paragraph is what you need to tell him. "I was willing to pay for your ticket when the plan was for you to spend two weeks here. To pay for your ticket when you only plan to spend two days with me is an insult and I rather you didn't come at all than to come for 2 days."

If he gets angry, so be it. HE changed the plans, so you can also change yours (paying for his ticket).

Bollocks to this. Only women would ever think there was any financial obligation in this case.

OP his passing you on a couple of contacts doesn’t mean you have to fork out half his plane fare now you have financial issues and he is taking the piss.

It was a crazy thing to offer to start with.

Just say no. He would never do it for you. And I’m sure you can furnish him with contacts, work benefits in the future.

You don’t even need to say that. Just say: owing to substantial unexpected expenses you can no longer afford your generous offer.

If you read the thread you’d see I’d already taken it back. Cheers though.

You're right not the fund his flight.
I think he's using you.
Free flights and shags. Nice and snug for him.

I wouldn't give that fucker diddly.

If the contacts were really worth it and you couldn't have got them any other way, I'd be paying for the cheaper route to Paris as a PP has suggested and just bin the two days.

I bet he's furious

No no no NO!
Suck it up what? Honest about his plans? So bloody what! He's taking this piss big time, why should she pay, it's a huge amount of money just for two contact names?

Also she's had an unexpected expense, and probably can't really afford it

And, believe it or not, there is something called changing one's mind. And she has very good reason to.

Just as well its only 'casual' and 'fun', as you say.
He probably has a wife or girlfriend at home.

This is what I’d say

He definitely doesn’t! I’ve been to his house a few times.

I couldn't get passed the two days thing

I'd tell him I'd pay for the ticket when he can come for longer as 2 days its really not worth the ticket price. If he mentions these friends in Paris just say you will pay for his return ticket from Australia to the UK return. He can sort something out with friends in Paris another time when you are not paying.

@Dodobirds

Sad the plans have gone astray but, sometimes, life just does just hit you in the face and you have then to sort out the problem with plan B.

Paying for his flights was a nice thing to offer but essential, major and expensive work on your home is more important to sort out this time.

I hope you can both get past this and it doesn't irretrievably ruin your friendship. 🌹

I definitely don’t want to do this. I feel like he’s shown his true colours and shouldn’t have the benefit of hearing me suggest I want to spend more time with him!

Surely nobody travels from Australia to UK for 2 days just to visit a friend? It's ridiculous for him to suggest it.

I agree with this. I think it’s bizarre that OP offered to pay in the first place.

I feel like he’s shown his true colours and shouldn’t have the benefit of hearing me suggest I want to spend more time with him!

And you're absolutely right, OP

I guess the good news is that you found out about his plans before the trip and while you could still pull back, because otherwise he might well have spent a couple of days with you then announced he was off

A bit ssilly of him to give it away really, but perhaps he feels he's SO amazing that you'd have gladly paid anyway?

Absolutely. I

Don’t pay anyone for visiting you
its not ok
NO No

OP, what was his response when you said you wouldn’t be paying?