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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this neglect?

263 replies

Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:19

So DD has been attending this nursery for well over a year and we have never had a problem till last night. She is 2 years old.

I picked her up from nursery as usual (Thursday 5.45pm), and run her bath, take off her clothes and get her to sit on her potty. Before she sits on her potty she touches her thigh and says “ouchie” and “help me” so I have a look and I notice a red mark on her inner thigh! (Photo one) I was a bit shocked, but told her it was okay, and decided not to give her a bath but just a quick shower down instead. She then tells me “itchy” she’s got very limited words, so when she tells me itchy I was a bit confused as well, still not too sure what to make of it but I dress her and email nursery about my concerns. (6.30pm)
Husband gets back, and he looks, sends over a very strong email to nursery. By 7.30pm her mark is looking 100% like a burn mark from friction and it’s weeping hard, we just clean it a bit and pop aloe Vera on it, DD is super upset with lots tears and telling us “pain”
We have woken up to (photo 2) this morning to darken area of the weeping area. Nursery has replied this morning with an email saying they will investigate and give them day to get back to us.
No courtesy call nothing not even an apology or sorry to hear that this has happened, just they will investigate. Nursery closes at 6 pm.
I’ve managed to book our DD in with the doctors and they have confirmed with a written document, confirming it is a friction burn. I’ve given them till 530Pm and have tried calling them three times and no one has picked up and the voice message box is also full. I feel like my daughter has been at the hands of neglect now, and it is now a Friday evening, so this will be left till Monday morning at least. Am I being unreasonable or am I just asking for too much? This is a private nursery and we pay £94 a day for childcare.

OP posts:
Mumof2teens79 · 29/09/2023 21:28

If it was a "friction burn" it wouldn't get worse unless something was still rubbing.
The fact it got worse means it happened while she was with you.

autumnmakesmehappy · 29/09/2023 21:32

It is hard, without more information, to determine if this is neglect. However, the fact that your nursery failed to contact you to discuss this injury and your concerns is unacceptable. Request an urgent meeting with management on Monday.

RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 21:35

Catsafterme · 29/09/2023 21:18

The only conclusions I can come up with:

A full nappy being left on too long, if it starts to leak the nappy starts to rub with the moisture. I won't go into detail but I've seen similar marks on mine. Not to this extent but similar location.

The only other thing I can think of is if someone has been changing the nappy but has held her leg down and causes a friction burn with their hand.

Edited

You can’t cause a friction burn with your hand surely? As kids in the 90’s the boys all used to give us “Chinese burns” where they’d grab your arm and twist separate ways, hurt like hell, never actually damaged the skin.

much more likely to be from overfull nappy.

RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 21:37

Mumof2teens79 · 29/09/2023 21:28

If it was a "friction burn" it wouldn't get worse unless something was still rubbing.
The fact it got worse means it happened while she was with you.

No, chemical burns worsen over many hours. DH had creosote burn and it was 24 hours before it showed properly. Nappy contents could surely do the same.

Catsafterme · 29/09/2023 21:37

RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 21:35

You can’t cause a friction burn with your hand surely? As kids in the 90’s the boys all used to give us “Chinese burns” where they’d grab your arm and twist separate ways, hurt like hell, never actually damaged the skin.

much more likely to be from overfull nappy.

Show quote history

I dunno, was just an idea considering the location although la bruise more likely I guess. I would say nappy rubbing myself and if the crystals leaked, they may, combined with wee cause irritation but not entirely sure whether would. Definitely seen those kind of marks from a nappy though just not weeping.

Shadow1986 · 29/09/2023 21:41

It looks like a friction burn from a soggy nappy, possibly rubbing while she was on her walk. I’m sure I saw something very similar on here recently from the exact same thing.

SamPoodle123 · 29/09/2023 21:43

This summer my dd on two separate occasions got a friction burn. One on her leg and I could not quite figure out what happened...but guessed it must have happened on the trampoline. She could not quite tell me and I was around plus family the entire time....there was no obvious incident (but we had a trampoline where we were staying at the time). Anyway, my point is, I can imagine how if there were a class of a few kids they might not have been able to notice. My dd did not say anything (age 3) and I only noticed it and questioned what happened, but she was not able to really tell me. My only guess was it must have happened on the trampoline....and I was always around, but for example she could be playing and I would be a few feet away hanging laundry or helping my older dc with math etc. So I was not able to actually see or know when the friction burn happened because she did not cry when it happened. I only discovered it later.

SAme thing when she got it at a funfair bouncy slide type thing. It suddenly appeared and I noticed and questioned her, but she never alerted me to it...but I knew it happened at the funfair bc it was not on her arm at the start...but then appeared. And she had been on these bouncy castle type thing.

Knifeandforkwhocares · 29/09/2023 21:47

Some sort of allergy to a plant? There’s one that can cause burns.

quite frankly I think you are being a bit OTT.

Mumof2teens79 · 29/09/2023 21:50

RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 21:37

No, chemical burns worsen over many hours. DH had creosote burn and it was 24 hours before it showed properly. Nappy contents could surely do the same.

Show quote history

Should only really do that if still in contact with whatever caused it. If she was washed it would have helped. Maybe a bath would have been better than the quick shower.

But if that's the case, then the nursery would have had no idea it was even happening.

TheLightProgramme · 29/09/2023 21:51

Im confused about the order of the photos.

The first looks mild - i could imagine it being caused by a full nappy rubbing on chubby thighs. Not ideal but it happens - a big wee fills a nappy fast.

The second looks like its bleeding/open. Unless there had been urine/faeces sitting on the skin between photos 1 & 2 im not clear as to how it gets so much worse

Clarich007 · 29/09/2023 21:52

Looks very sore OP.
I hope you can sort it out soon.
Sounds very strange but something similar happened to me a few years ago.We were eating lunch in a restaurant.I suddenly felt faint and passed out banging my head hard on a wall.
An ambulance came and checked me over.I was mortified to find out I had wet myself and had to travel home 2 hours in wet trousers.I couldn't believe the burns next day on my thighs.

Ghostytoasty · 29/09/2023 21:59

Mumof2teens79 · 29/09/2023 21:28

If it was a "friction burn" it wouldn't get worse unless something was still rubbing.
The fact it got worse means it happened while she was with you.

I had friction burn a while ago. It started white then over time reddened and darkened as it scabbed, I wonder if that’s similar here? It because of the depth the burn went down to, if that makes sense.

TheMagicDeckchair · 29/09/2023 22:02

I had a sore just like this under one of my breasts about 18m ago. It started off blister like, I guess like your first photo and looked exactly like the second photo shortly afterwards. It was very painful, and sort of achy? Eventually the skin recovered by applying a plaster over the wound daily for a few days, it took a while to heal given its location, and my bra rubbing against it.

I think it was caused by not having time to dry myself off properly after showering (thanks baby twins!) and the damp skin rubbing underneath. So it wouldn't surprise me if something damp had been rubbing against her leg, possibly a wet nappy.

Hope she recovers soon and you get a satisfactory response from nursery. Mine are the same age and I would definitely be seeking answers from them if they came home with a wound like that without explanation.

PinkMoscatoLover · 29/09/2023 22:05

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Wtf. My DD is 2 and non verbal. She goes to nursery but by your logic she shouldn’t go at all? Weird!

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 29/09/2023 22:06

If it is a friction burn the most simple explanation is a way over full nappy anything else the trackies would have protected from/ or show signs of damage. What kind of heating system do they have ? Could there definitely be no other allergies?. To me it either looks like a regular burn or a reaction to something however if it is a friction burn the only 'reasonable' a nappy that would be neglectful. I don't like the location of it and definitely would not be sending my kids back

Ilovebudgies · 29/09/2023 22:08

I'm sorry but I really think this is a friction burn from a wet sagging nappy and it's got worse over a period of time. I've seen another example of this before. It doesn't take much once the skin is irritated for it to worsen and break as children aren't really aware of it so don't adjust their movements like adults do.

SmileyClare · 29/09/2023 22:08

Ghostytoasty · 29/09/2023 21:59

I had friction burn a while ago. It started white then over time reddened and darkened as it scabbed, I wonder if that’s similar here? It because of the depth the burn went down to, if that makes sense.

Show quote history

I agree. Any burn/sore/graze looks worse over 24 hours before it gets better. It’s the body’s way of trying to heal- producing pus, forming a scab which darkens.

it entirely possible the initial mark wasn’t noticed during her nappy change- you say she returned with a dry nappy? And that it wasn’t causing her discomfort at nursery.

There are three main concerns:

Is her nappy changed regularly enough and being fastened properly? Can the nursery evidence this?

Is there play equipment that could potentially cause a fiction burn?

And the last concern is the way you’ve been dealt with.
You were informed you’d be given a reply within 24 hours and this didn’t happen.
There appears a lack of interest or concern from the nursery.

Sunnyeggyp · 29/09/2023 22:11

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What on earth do speech development problems have to do with going to nursery till 5.45pm ? You seem confused.

Boredatwork1234 · 29/09/2023 22:14

If you have seen the GP and they think any foul play is happening they will do a safe guarding referral and your HV will be informed. This could trigger some inspections etc.

Hopefully your nursery will come back soon, it’s an odd place for an injury. Hope she feels better soon. Don’t listen to PP lots of working parents use childcare and it’s not an odd time for pick up at all!

Museya15 · 29/09/2023 22:15

Gosh be very careful that doesn't go septic, probably needed antibiotic cover.x

Ilovebudgies · 29/09/2023 22:23

I also think the nursery know exactly what causes this (a wet nappy) and are trying to think what to say.

Ghostytoasty · 29/09/2023 22:25

Ilovebudgies · 29/09/2023 22:23

I also think the nursery know exactly what causes this (a wet nappy) and are trying to think what to say.

I agree, the fact they haven’t gotten back to you suggests a guilty conscience and an attempt to cover up to me…

I would be moving my child elsewhere too but maybe wait for their response. Hope she recovers soon, frictions burns are very unpleasant.

Findingmyway38 · 29/09/2023 22:28

Our toddler had this but not quite so bad at nursery (and also only 3 mins from our home). This was the final straw for us after he moved up a room and had been coming home with nappy rash that worsened during the week and then healed over the weekend and would then start again from Monday. It was definitely him running in a full nappy and chafing, but there was a bigger issue of poor attention being paid to nappy changing. We took a few pics, husband immediately went back to the nursery to speak to the manager (we had raised the rashes with the room lead twice and so this was our plan to escalate before this had happened anyways) and followed up in writing. Happy to say it is all resolved, more care has been taken and the trust we originally had with the nursery is restored by how they handled it, owned it, and fixed it. I think these things can happen sometimes if they don't realise, but for us this was the final straw in a series of worsening nappy issues. Hope your daughter makes a speedy recovery and your nursery provides you with the right resolution!

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 29/09/2023 22:33

I know I've been banging on about it must have happened shortly before you saw it OP, but now that you've said her nappy was absolutely fresh at bathtime and she was wearing trackies I'm convinced it has happened at the end of the nursery day, they've changed her (overfull or badly fitting) nappy just before you arrived, and the mark wasn't noticeable to them at that point. But her skin has been wet from wee, and then either a saggy nappy or the elastic leg cuff has been rubbing the wet skin and the irritation and burn has then developed between nappy change and bed time to become more and more visible.

Do her trousers smell of wee?

Tireddoggy · 29/09/2023 22:35

Impetigo?

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