to find this man creepy on my walk?

[meggy96]

So I'm a 27 year old woman, dp and I moved recently from a city to a very rural hamlet. Opposite our house there is a large field which leads to a rather large, deep forest. Both of these nearly never have any other walkers, I've seen other dog walkers maybe three times since we moved here.

We have a young spaniel who I walk 95% of the time due to dp's working hours. When he and I walk the dog together, we walk through the field and then through the forest so I know the route and am familiar with the area. Neighbours mentioned that this forest does have some dodgy activity (dognapping in particular) so I've been hesitant to go in there on my own, dp has said this is a bit dramatic.

Today, I decide the dog needs a good long walk so I walk her across the field and then decide "be a big girl" ... I'll go into the forest. I'm about three minutes into the forest when up ahead of me, through the forest, I see a man walking towards me, on his own, no one with him and no dog. Highly unusual I think to myself. Then, I notice he stops walking, stays still and observes me, before turning around on himself and walking the way he'd came from (the direction I'm going) which is deeper into the forest. I immediately panicked, turned on my heel and ran with my dog back the way I'd come, through the forest and into the field, all the way home. I got home heart racing. Dp says it was probably nothing, probably it was -- but I just got a bad feeling. Aibu?

Men often dismiss women's fears. But the reality is the number of women who are attacked, raped or murdered is shockingly high.

We have to be cautious and on alert in a way men do not. You absolutely did the right thing

I once read men lock their doors to protect their possessions.
Women lock their doors to protect themselves.

I walk in rural areas and have for years. Generally super rural is fine. I can be on a remote mountain and totally relaxed. Busy areas usually fine as are early mornings. However I’m v cautious about wooded areas close to towns on summer evenings. Former railway lines make me v nervous as often steep sided and hard to see people coming at the sides

particularly when younger but still now, I size up men I see alone in quiet areas. If they don’t have a dog, or running shoes on, or a look of a hiker eg boots, or odd behaviour I’m quick to react. But that I mean a prompt decision to go another way, retreat, walk near someone else or whatever

in your case here, I would have done exactly what you did. Exactly. The man behaved strangely. Men, not for one minute, will not change a route to make a woman feel better. Not a chance. He did perhaps forget something or change his route promptly for a another reason but still, I would have removed myself

the only issue I have had was on a canal path on the edge of a city.

Any time I am walking alone on a country road or a forest area, if I meet a man walking alone, I feel scared. In those situations , we as women are completely vulnerable.

Its sad but if I see a lone man in the distance, what I do now, is type in 999 into my phone and have it ready. So if he attacks me l, I can just hit the call button with one button . And hopefully they'll find my location.

You have to be so careful these days

I carry a mini can of Elnett if I’m going on a long walk.

Do you think it would do much? I suppose if you get it right in the eye.

YANBU for feeling how you feel but YABU for assuming and implying that a man going for a walk is some sort of pervert. The reason he turned around is very likely to be precisely because he didn't want to be in a position where you might be afraid or might want to accuse. (I told my DS to do exactly that or to cross over the road if he finds himself walking behind a woman at some point)

YANBU for not putting yourself in a vulnerable position. So it's a bit of both

My brother is 6’5, and an ex-rugby player. He’s built like a fridge. He’s lovely, and very gentle hearted but is well aware he’s an enormous, muscly guy so he always turns around or crosses the street if he sees a lone woman walking towards or in front of him.

Azandme · 28/09/2023 16:01

Oh, and people walking about rural areas without a dog or other people is not at all unusual.

Many, many people like a good yomp about. It's why the right to roam is so staunchly defended.”

This

That is so sweet.

I used to walk home from work down a long isolated, tree lined path and I was always so appreciative of the men who clearly made efforts to make it obvious they were not following or trying to approach me.

I know it sounds mean to say "assume" but that's not really what anyone who is reasonable is saying.

The point is that as a person unknown to the OP, he could be in the small number (doesn't always feel that small but I digress) of men who pose a risk to women through actually harming them. He could well have turned round because he literally didn't want to cross paths with OP, but so many of us have experiences of these weird encounters, it's completely not an issue for the OP to be wary, and being wary of a stranger is not the same as "assuming" that they are actually bad people, it's simply the pragmatic acknowledgement that they could be.

Going for a walk on your own, with no dog, is not “highly unusual”. That said it’s always sus when a man notices you/watches you in a situation like that. I ignored it a couple of times and on both occasions ended up being followed (though not harmed fortunately). Trust your gut and ignore nothing.

@beeswaxinc He is so huge that he gets actively quite anxious that he might make people feel scared or uncomfortable, bless him!

There’s a reason why we have fight or flight responses and you, quite rightly, listened to your instincts.

Neighbours have already warned you about the forest so tell your husband not to be so bloody dismissive and he wants to walk the dog instead he’s welcome to.

Precisely.

Hi,
I came across your message because of a similar situation myself.
The first time I encountered a man alone in the wooded area of the area by himself, it was out of the blue, I was off path on a bit of a beach area with my dog. I was walking back up to the normal path from the beach, and the man who was there was off path also coming out of the woods (also off path) he made me jump and I felt a surge of panic when we came across each other. It was the look on his face and I just felt immediate danger. Don't get me wrong, it was mid morning and where I was on the beach area was reasonably open, but there's never many people during the day at the reservoir.
I immediately turned round and went back on to the beach bit with my dog, and he stayed up there and walked back towards the main path of the woods.
I decided to wait 5-10 mins on the beach before continuing my walk. I made my way up to the path before the woodland and he was just stood randomly on the path, facing away from my direction, just standing and standing for ages. I had a bad feeling. I waited for someone to come, felt like a life time, eventually people did come and I followed behind them... he was gone.
Didn't see him again that time. But another time, I was on the beach bit (close to the same spot as last time) with my dog, I turned around and noticed the same guy sat on the bench overlooking the beach. He was on his phone and didn't do anything wrong etc. But I recognised him and he seemed to be watching me in the corner of his eye. Again I stayed on the beach, too scared to continue my walk into the woods for fear that he would follow. There was only the two of us.
At one point my dog took his ball up tot he woods in the opposite direction, I followed him as if we were going back the way we came and I noticed this man was paying attention. Still, I was too scared to leave the open part of land on the beach. I waited till a couple were passing and rushed with my dog to walk ahead of them. As I did and left the beach area, this man looked at me. The look was chilling, he looked annoyed.
I know I sound crazy, but I see so many lone walkers- male and female, with and without dogs and I've never had this chilling feeling before.
As the reservoir is a loop, I encountered once more towards the end of the 2nd walk. He was walking straight towards me, me walking straight towards him. This time, there was a couple on a bench by the side of the path eating sandwiches, we weren't on our own. Despite walking on the main path, both of us, he saw me this man and then changed course by walking into the trees and up a off-route path into some fields. Again, his movement and sudden change of course was weird and didn't seem planned.
I'm too scared to return to do this walk by myself with my dog - my dog is so friendly and I doubt he would know to protect me. I've never felt like this, and I just felt like something was off. I'm scared in myself to return alone and it's the worst because I love this walk and have no evidence that this man is someone to fear other than how I have felt in his presence on these 2 occasions (not far apart either). Should I try to override the fear and return or trust my gut instinct?