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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find this man creepy on my walk?

140 replies

meggy96 · 28/09/2023 15:48

So I'm a 27 year old woman, dp and I moved recently from a city to a very rural hamlet. Opposite our house there is a large field which leads to a rather large, deep forest. Both of these nearly never have any other walkers, I've seen other dog walkers maybe three times since we moved here.

We have a young spaniel who I walk 95% of the time due to dp's working hours. When he and I walk the dog together, we walk through the field and then through the forest so I know the route and am familiar with the area. Neighbours mentioned that this forest does have some dodgy activity (dognapping in particular) so I've been hesitant to go in there on my own, dp has said this is a bit dramatic.

Today, I decide the dog needs a good long walk so I walk her across the field and then decide "be a big girl" ... I'll go into the forest. I'm about three minutes into the forest when up ahead of me, through the forest, I see a man walking towards me, on his own, no one with him and no dog. Highly unusual I think to myself. Then, I notice he stops walking, stays still and observes me, before turning around on himself and walking the way he'd came from (the direction I'm going) which is deeper into the forest. I immediately panicked, turned on my heel and ran with my dog back the way I'd come, through the forest and into the field, all the way home. I got home heart racing. Dp says it was probably nothing, probably it was -- but I just got a bad feeling. Aibu?

OP posts:
Joeylove88 · 28/09/2023 20:04

I would have ran/immediately walked quickly away from that situation too. Unfortunately it's just not worth taking any chances even if there was absolutely no threat. It does sound odd that he changed direction like that despite the fact it could of been for innocent reasons it's enough to cause some alarm. Iv always refused to be alone in a taxi especially on nights out, just in case! Friends thought I was being OTT but I'm not willing to take chances it's just that simple and I don't care how silly I come across to people.

Mooshamoo · 28/09/2023 20:08

Oo I'm remember one creep thing that happened to me on a walk.

I was on holiday in Spain. I love walks. I normally make sure I only walk by myself in the daytime.

However I went out walking on a Spanish country road, and I got a little bit lost, so by the time I got on the correct road back to the city, it started getting dark. All of a sudden it was really dark.

I was walking on this tiny country road that only had room for one car to past. No one else was around. It was quiet so about one car would pass every 20 minutes.

A car drove past me, I saw it was two men, I was in full glare of his headlights. I saw them drive past me a good bit down the road. Them I glanced back, and I saw the headlights coming back towards me.

He had turned the car around and was heading back towards me.

All of a sudden I felt a strong but instinct to hide. And I honestly thought I heard my dead grannya voice saying "Ann you have to hide quickly, he is a bad man".

He was a good bit away from so I could run and hide. I ran further up the road and jumped and hid under a bush in the opposite side of the road, to the one i had been walking on".

The car came back and stopped exactly where he had seen me on the other side of the road. He got out and walked around looking for me for a good ten minutes. It was scary. I was lying under a bush. Then he drove off.

Mooshamoo · 28/09/2023 20:09

*strong gut instinct

GuardiansPlayList · 28/09/2023 20:13

He could have been frightened of the dog. My son (16 and 6ft3) is, after some bad experiences.

Xrays · 28/09/2023 20:21

I live rurally and do not go walking alone in country / rural areas, when I’m alone I stick to our local town. It’s really sad because I love those sorts of walks and it’s one of the reasons we moved out of London. But I’ve been followed / flashed at / mugged too many times to ever feel okay in isolated places. I only go for country / forest walks with dh or as a family.

Xrays · 28/09/2023 20:21

Mooshamoo · 28/09/2023 20:08

Oo I'm remember one creep thing that happened to me on a walk.

I was on holiday in Spain. I love walks. I normally make sure I only walk by myself in the daytime.

However I went out walking on a Spanish country road, and I got a little bit lost, so by the time I got on the correct road back to the city, it started getting dark. All of a sudden it was really dark.

I was walking on this tiny country road that only had room for one car to past. No one else was around. It was quiet so about one car would pass every 20 minutes.

A car drove past me, I saw it was two men, I was in full glare of his headlights. I saw them drive past me a good bit down the road. Them I glanced back, and I saw the headlights coming back towards me.

He had turned the car around and was heading back towards me.

All of a sudden I felt a strong but instinct to hide. And I honestly thought I heard my dead grannya voice saying "Ann you have to hide quickly, he is a bad man".

He was a good bit away from so I could run and hide. I ran further up the road and jumped and hid under a bush in the opposite side of the road, to the one i had been walking on".

The car came back and stopped exactly where he had seen me on the other side of the road. He got out and walked around looking for me for a good ten minutes. It was scary. I was lying under a bush. Then he drove off.

That is horrible. 😔

RandomButtons · 28/09/2023 21:04

FOJN · 28/09/2023 19:43

Men can walk when they like and where they like but they don't get to complete a risk assessment on my behalf and I reserve the right to remove myself from any situation if, for any reason at all, I consider a random man to be dodgy. If random man's feelings are hurt by my walking away then tough shit.

Oh come on. I was replying to the “any man walking without a dog is dangerous”.

I would hope in all aspects of your life that you remove yourself if you feel it’s unsafe.

There are a lot of men who like to go for walks. That does not make them a pervert.

gelatogina · 28/09/2023 21:12

I would have done the same thing but I’m so angry about it. I hate that I have to change what I would love to do, for the fear of male violence.

FOJN · 28/09/2023 21:25

RandomButtons · 28/09/2023 21:04

Oh come on. I was replying to the “any man walking without a dog is dangerous”.

I would hope in all aspects of your life that you remove yourself if you feel it’s unsafe.

There are a lot of men who like to go for walks. That does not make them a pervert.

There are a lot of men who like to go for walks. That does not make them a pervert.

Has anyone here said that's the case? I don't think anyone had said solo men out for a walk are dangerous either, they are just reserving the right to treat any solo man they encounter, in a remote setting, with a degree of caution because in the worst case scenario there would be no one to come to their aid.

The OP described how infrequently she had seen anyone on her usual dog walking route and that all the people she had seen were walking dogs, this man was on his own and OP found his behaviour strange so she left. None of us, including the OP, knows if he was dangerous but she decided not to stick around and find out.

Just as soon as we either solve male violence against women or the dangerous men start wearing some sort of identifying marker we'll dispense with cautious behaviour. God knows it can't come soon enough for women whose lives seem to be a constant risk assessment.

Viewing some men with suspicion helps women take action to protect themselves and I refuse to gaslight them by saying they are paranoid or dramatic by being cautious. Any man jumping in with NAMALT is not a good guy, if you prioritise being seen as a good guy over women's safety then you're (general you rather than personal you) an arsehole.

Lucy1713 · 28/09/2023 21:27

No your not, trust your instincts and stay clear of there

Luana1 · 28/09/2023 21:46

OP I would say always trust your instincts. DH would love for us to move to the country, but this is one of the reasons I don't want to - as a woman we can't just go walking in isolated places without the fear of (usually) a man potentially attacking us. Even if it never happens, there is still the fear. I know we probably have more chance being attacked in a city, but in an isolated forest there would be no-one around to call for help to. But I'm sure women who grew up in rural areas have a different mind set, and would be apprehensive about living in an urban place.

OP, out of interest, why have you moved somewhere so remote?

jolaylasofia · 28/09/2023 22:40

@Sunshinenrain gay sex with strangers in usually wooded remote areas

WandaWonder · 28/09/2023 22:45

He is a man so he has to be up to no good

Katy123456 · 28/09/2023 23:14

If you felt scared you were right to leave. But people do go out walking without dogs, they have just as much right to as dog owners and it isn't weird - when I'm out walking my dog I see just as many people without dogs out for a walk as those with dogs.

CalamityJaney · 28/09/2023 23:35

As previous posters have said, Trust your instincts and YANBU to run away if something doesn’t feel right.
I live in a rural village and our local woods have been subject to a spate of sexual assaults recently and police have advised that we don’t walk in the woods alone. I used to always walk the dog through the woods alone on isolated tracks but sadly I’m not sure how safe I would feel doing this again.

Dunnoburt · 29/09/2023 02:49

I'd have been spooked too so don't think YABU....what is on the other side of the deep forest?.....

Justifiedcheese · 29/09/2023 03:04

bombastix · 28/09/2023 16:59

A reasonable reaction and a sensible action.

Neither. Do what you like OP but quit pretending there was anything objective about your interpretation of a complete stranger's actions.

Sunshinenrain · 29/09/2023 07:04

jolaylasofia · 28/09/2023 22:40

@Sunshinenrain gay sex with strangers in usually wooded remote areas

Thank you!!

howmanyflutes · 29/09/2023 07:35

So a few months ago there was a thread about a strange man having the audacity to walk in a forest and so many people said he should have turned around and gone away from you to prove his lack of evil intent

Or perhaps he doesn't like dogs

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 01/10/2023 18:45

I hear you @meggy96 As many posters have said, trust your instincts. Women are never wrong. Ignore the 'poor menz' naysayers. They are obviously men.

I am experiencing something similar right now. I go for walks every day - 2-3 miles, and most of the time it's around my village. (It's around 1.5 miles square.) I walk through the village, around the village, in the woodlands, near the river, near the canal etc...

For this past 6 months, I keep seeing this man, I'd say 3 in 5 times I go out. I am middle aged and he is about 10 years older. It's becoming really fucking weird now, and too often to be a coincidence. I don't see ANYONE else this often on my walks. Some people I see once or twice a month walking around the village, if that.

It's mostly when I walk down the high street (through the village,) to the horsefields, rather than the opposite way into a little woodland and across a field to another little woodland. OR when I walk out of the village and go towards the river. So it's like he lives in the high street somewhere (or off one of the little 4 or 5 cul de sacs coming off the high street,) and he is spotting me, and grabbing his coat, putting his shoes on, and coming out.

Some days, after 5-10 minutes, I see him a about 300 yards behind me, and sometimes, I have been walking 10 minutes or so, and he appears at the bottom of the road that I am on (but he has gone round the other way in the hope of bumping into me.) He has spoken a number of times and kept me chatting in the lanes, and asked intrusive questions, and now I actively avoid speaking to him because he gets on my nerves.

But yeah, he gives me the collywobbles to be honest. Some may call me paranoid, but as I say (and loads others have) it's an instinct. I see other men on my walks too, some quite often (not as often as him!) and I feel nothing. They just smile, and say 'hello, nice weather for the time of year lalalalala...' I just say hello back and chat for a minute sometimes, and don't feel threatened or bothered. But THIS man creeps me out. I can't articulate it very well, and I don't know why, but he does.

Yesterday I went for a walk around the village, and had been out around 15-18 minutes. I was coming back home up the high street, and he just popped out of a cul de sac road opposite to me. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, knew it was him, and didn't make eye contact. I just got my phone out of my pocket, and pretended to phone someone.

Still on the opposite side of the road, he started walking ahead of me. I went into into the bus stop, and kind of hid away, and came back out 2-3 minutes later, and he had stopped walking and was looking back! So I kept on 'chatting' on the phone, and carried on walking. I stopped again after 100 yards or so, and looked back towards where I had come from and pretended to take a photo. I looked back a minute later - and he had stopped again, and was looking down the road at me! Shock

No-one is going to tell me this is a coincidence. It's weird. HE is weird. He is freaking me out. And I don't like it. As I said, I don't feel like this about any other man, just him. Like a few people have said @meggy96 trust your instincts. If someone gives you the heebee jeebies - there is probably a good reason for it.

I have no idea why this man keeps appearing some 3 in 5 times I go for a walk around my village, why he walks the same way as me, (and trying to accidentally bump into me,) and why he keeps stopping when I stop. But it is grating on me now. Maybe he is just lonely and wants to chat to me. (I have never seen him with anyone else, ever.) Well I don't want to chat to him, so he can fuck off.

Shumpalumpa · 01/10/2023 18:50

YANBU, always trust your instincts.

There’s a lovely canal walk near me, but it’s often deserted. I don’t walk it alone but have done so with others.

meganorks · 01/10/2023 19:05

I've said YANBU - if you feel weird then get out of there! But is it possible he had an off lead dog behind him and decided to turn back? I guess you would expect him to be looking behind him then though I suppose.

napody · 01/10/2023 19:09

Why on earth do you think your DP knows better than you about these things?

CoughingMajoress · 02/10/2023 02:28

Sunshinenrain · 28/09/2023 19:23

What is cottaging?

Cottaging means men having sex with men in public toilets. The poster most likely means either cruising (men going to public places like parks to meet strange men for public sex) or possibly dogging (couples who like watching/being watched having sex, so meet up in public areas to shag).

Catsmere · 02/10/2023 03:45

krustykittens · 28/09/2023 17:14

You were right to trust your instincts OP, and in future, listen to what local have to say about dody areas! They exisit in the pretty countryside too and we have some very nasty people in the sticks as well. And your DP can fuck right off with calling you dramatic. When men start having to view the world and the people they encounter with the same caution women do, then he can call you dramatic.

All of this!