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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask if you have an inner life?

234 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 28/09/2023 11:46

Really interesting conversation at work this morning - I was saying that I often walk around a bit oblivious whilst in town/ walking somewhere etc as I am thinking of all of my inner life things- things like bits of films I've seen, ideas for stories, lots of 'imagine if' scenarios. Other colleagues were split half and half between being the same and not having a clue what we were talking about - so for fun: have you got an inner life and what is it?

OP posts:
Californiabound · 29/09/2023 00:50

Whenever I do the washing up, don't cry for me Argentina plays in my head

Californiabound · 29/09/2023 00:51

No idea why haha

Gillstuck · 29/09/2023 00:56

I thought this thread was about spirituality and inner peace, so I left it till a quiet time to read. I see it's about day dreaming. I still enjoyed reading it and wonder if one day we'll be able to tap into each others heads to join the worlds created there? But that's me just day dreaming!

PandaExpress · 29/09/2023 01:10

@Gillstuck That would be awesome!

CallieQ · 29/09/2023 01:12

Genuinely, people being bored is something that has always baffled me!

Me too

changeme4this · 29/09/2023 01:42

Interesting post!

For those with ''inner voices'' is that like talking in your head, but with no sound?

''inner life'' for me is happy places to mentally escape to. Not sure if its a type of meditation or not, but if I am having trouble sleeping or upset for instance, in my head I put myself in places where I'm not, whether it be a snowed in log cabin (warm inside) or a spot on our last holiday away...

I can look at a room or house and see it painted differently for instance and if that will work or not. DH can't and I don't think the offspring can either. But then they think differently to me too and all are right handers whereas I'm a leftie (Im told this makes a difference to how the brain functions).

LunaTheCat · 29/09/2023 02:52

“ I build capsule wardrobes in my head” … my god, I thought that I was the only one!

Maatandosiris · 29/09/2023 07:42

changeme4this · 29/09/2023 01:42

Interesting post!

For those with ''inner voices'' is that like talking in your head, but with no sound?

''inner life'' for me is happy places to mentally escape to. Not sure if its a type of meditation or not, but if I am having trouble sleeping or upset for instance, in my head I put myself in places where I'm not, whether it be a snowed in log cabin (warm inside) or a spot on our last holiday away...

I can look at a room or house and see it painted differently for instance and if that will work or not. DH can't and I don't think the offspring can either. But then they think differently to me too and all are right handers whereas I'm a leftie (Im told this makes a difference to how the brain functions).

I effectively have a film running in my head. The best way I can describe it is it has all the end brain function of the senses without going through the sense organs. J

SoundTheSirens · 29/09/2023 10:00

For those with ''inner voices'' is that like talking in your head, but with no sound?

It can be many things, including that; sometimes it's my own voice, planning out conversations (or replaying ones I wish had gone better 🙄), or just saying words to myself that are pleasing to say, like 'serendipitous'. Often it's random song lyrics as if it were the band/artist themselves singing it - I currently have Simon Le Bon and backing singers singing the intro to The Reflex 😄 It might be snatches of dialogue from a film, or my own film-like scenes I dream about.

StrongandNorthern · 29/09/2023 10:03

Isn't this just called 'thinking'?

Maatandosiris · 29/09/2023 12:06

StrongandNorthern · 29/09/2023 10:03

Isn't this just called 'thinking'?

No

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 29/09/2023 13:27

spookehtooth · 28/09/2023 22:53

'm sure there's worse than that, like some Bon Jovi, meatloaf, Coldplay or Gary glitter song shudder

I watch quite a lot of Bollywood films (which tend to have a lot of catchy songs). I don't speak Hindi. The combination of these 2 things means I often have a loop of song running for which I know the approximate shape of the words, and maybe an occasional exact syllable, but not the actual words. And it's usually only a line or 2 of tune.

That can get very annoying.

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 29/09/2023 13:55

Verv · 28/09/2023 14:45

No, but humanity is split between people who have inner dialog and people who dont.
I dont so my brain isnt up to anything while im wandering about.

I find this absolutely fascinating. Is it that you are only thinking about the task you're doing at the time, or not thinking at all? And if it's the latter, can you describe it?

My brain is constantly up to stuff - minimum of 3 or 4 things at a time. For example on a short walk yesterday I had the following strands running around each other:

Immediate practical - need to be back by 2.30, so monitoring time, when to turn back from the walk, factoring in time to stop and buy bread.

Future concrete - there's a lot of seaweed washed up, so must remember to come back tomorrow with a bag to gather some for the compost heap.

Future speculative-practical - rather than buying bread I could start making sourdough again. Planning which culture to use, how to schedule it, recipe ideas, working culture feeding around holidays....

Observational - there's a big flock of finches. Are they linnets or have the winter twites come back? Oh look, there are some housemartins so maybe it isn't winter yet. They'll be migrating soon (bit of brain wanders off over their migration route, flying along with them, checking what countries they go over, trying to remember the flags of those countries. Another bit of brain then hops back to my childhood bedroom where I had a poster of world flags on the wall. The wall had woodchip wallpaper. Who invented that?)

Location memory - on a previous walk through the area a very chatty man told me the life history of a family who lived in one of the houses. So when I walk past the house I remember that conversation as a conversation. But also run through the story itself as a separate line of imagination - following the various people around the world.

Speculative-historical - how old are those houses, what would the town have been like when they were built, who would have lived in them? What would my life have been like as one of those people?

Nosy - can I see the decor of these houses through the windows? What's the rest of the house layout like, and how would I change it if I lived there?

Fantasy alternate reality - what if I bought a house in Greece? How would I make a living? What would I grow in the garden? If I had a pool with a biological filter system that meant I couldn't wear sunscreen to swim, would I only swim after dark or could I rig up a sunshade? But that would mean losing solar heat input into the pool. But you can get semi-transparent solar panels, so if you used those as a shade, and ran the power through a heat pump, how big would the canopy have to be for the electrical heat to get the same water temperature (run calculations assumimg 20% panel efficiency and 3:1 ratio from the heat pump).

Sensory-musical - weaving rhythms round the beat of my footsteps. And counting them.

Earworm - Magic Roundabout theme tune.

Verbal - constructing an email argument with our HR department.

Verv · 29/09/2023 15:01

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 29/09/2023 13:55

I find this absolutely fascinating. Is it that you are only thinking about the task you're doing at the time, or not thinking at all? And if it's the latter, can you describe it?

My brain is constantly up to stuff - minimum of 3 or 4 things at a time. For example on a short walk yesterday I had the following strands running around each other:

Immediate practical - need to be back by 2.30, so monitoring time, when to turn back from the walk, factoring in time to stop and buy bread.

Future concrete - there's a lot of seaweed washed up, so must remember to come back tomorrow with a bag to gather some for the compost heap.

Future speculative-practical - rather than buying bread I could start making sourdough again. Planning which culture to use, how to schedule it, recipe ideas, working culture feeding around holidays....

Observational - there's a big flock of finches. Are they linnets or have the winter twites come back? Oh look, there are some housemartins so maybe it isn't winter yet. They'll be migrating soon (bit of brain wanders off over their migration route, flying along with them, checking what countries they go over, trying to remember the flags of those countries. Another bit of brain then hops back to my childhood bedroom where I had a poster of world flags on the wall. The wall had woodchip wallpaper. Who invented that?)

Location memory - on a previous walk through the area a very chatty man told me the life history of a family who lived in one of the houses. So when I walk past the house I remember that conversation as a conversation. But also run through the story itself as a separate line of imagination - following the various people around the world.

Speculative-historical - how old are those houses, what would the town have been like when they were built, who would have lived in them? What would my life have been like as one of those people?

Nosy - can I see the decor of these houses through the windows? What's the rest of the house layout like, and how would I change it if I lived there?

Fantasy alternate reality - what if I bought a house in Greece? How would I make a living? What would I grow in the garden? If I had a pool with a biological filter system that meant I couldn't wear sunscreen to swim, would I only swim after dark or could I rig up a sunshade? But that would mean losing solar heat input into the pool. But you can get semi-transparent solar panels, so if you used those as a shade, and ran the power through a heat pump, how big would the canopy have to be for the electrical heat to get the same water temperature (run calculations assumimg 20% panel efficiency and 3:1 ratio from the heat pump).

Sensory-musical - weaving rhythms round the beat of my footsteps. And counting them.

Earworm - Magic Roundabout theme tune.

Verbal - constructing an email argument with our HR department.

I can try and describe it!

Mostly my brain is quiet, unless I'm deliberately thinking about something or formulating a response, but its like I need to summon brain out of standby mode and into action, which it does automatically when required.

If nothing is required, then it's silent or just processing information quietly.

There is absolutely no voice, and if something comes into my head that I need to do, it almost flashes like a notification "order dog food" and is gone.

I can think and think things through, but I have to consciously do it like taking a file out of a filing cabinet to read, they arent scattered everywhere calling for attention randomly.

Never any music in my head, unless I catch an ear worm which is really REALLY annoying because its the only thing in my head until I can get rid of it, which usually means listening to the song or waiting it out.

It's a bit like my eyes and ears are constantly scanning but the space behind them is a space until I need to use it.

I have difficulty imagining things, like when people say they have fantasies or daydreams or even memories where they watch things like a film in their head, I cant, but I can summon up a series of still images flashcards.
Memories are like snapshots but no dialogue.

Window snooping, I'll look, brain will flash "dont like that wallpaper" and its out again as I carry on walking.

Thoughts are like the things that interrupt the peace, rather than peace interrupting constant thoughts like you seem to have, if that makes sense.

I think id go round the bend if there was a voice in my head chatting to me all the time.

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 29/09/2023 15:26

That's really interesting, thanks for explaining.

Earworms must be awful in that context. I almost always have one; if I don't, my brain is usually making up a tune or creating one from ambient noise (electric fans always become chamber music). But I can generaly tuck it away behind the general chatter, so it's a distant radio rather than being blared into my ear without any buffer.

pompomdaisy · 29/09/2023 15:30

Is this related to 'how many times a week do you think about the Romans?' Got asked that by my teens a few weeks ago. Doesn't everyone have thoughts as they go through the day? You would have to be pretty empty headed not to. Surely!

DangerousAlchemy · 29/09/2023 18:18

This is a fascinating thread! though now I feel a bit sad that I don't have this inner life. I also have a rubbish memory too 😪 my thoughts often seem negative - rerunning arguments in my head or thinking of something I should have said to the driver who nearly ran me over etc. I admire people's gardens & think of what flowers I could try growing as i go for daily walks. I worry about the future etc or wish i had a better social life. Wish I had a lovely imaginary world I could retreat into! I feel really dull & boring now after reading all of these great posts!

crochetmonkey74 · 29/09/2023 19:01

I'm in a bit of a flirtation with a guy at work. I'm enjoying daydreaming how we will get together (will never happen ) but I'm looking forward to the time spent imagining it!

OP posts:
Bored1000 · 29/09/2023 19:24

Yes, absolutely, I can live in a dream world at times and sometimes I find myself smiling away to myself whilst think of funny scenarios, I think it’s a way for my brain to de stress and take my mind off more serious issues

LennyBalls · 29/09/2023 19:28

I really wish I did but I don't. However I think it is because I have terrible anxiety and I'm always worrying about something.
I would absolutely love to be able to have what you describe.

Caledoniablue · 29/09/2023 19:35

Your post has really made me think OP.

I used to have an inner life. Definitely still have an inner voice but I'm in such a state of constant stress and chaos that all it does is repeat the same problems over and over and all I think about is what I've got to do to get to the end of the day.

It's made me really sad tbh.

PandaExpress · 29/09/2023 19:43

Caledoniablue · 29/09/2023 19:35

Your post has really made me think OP.

I used to have an inner life. Definitely still have an inner voice but I'm in such a state of constant stress and chaos that all it does is repeat the same problems over and over and all I think about is what I've got to do to get to the end of the day.

It's made me really sad tbh.

Plan to have a good old think. That's what I do. Get yourself to bed tonight, create a lovely world in your head and live in it until you get to sleep!

Myfavouritepenguin · 29/09/2023 19:57

StrongandNorthern · 29/09/2023 10:03

Isn't this just called 'thinking'?

I do sort of agree with this assessment! There has been such a huge variety of mental activity described on this thread that I think it’s best described as all sorts of varied ways of thinking. I definitely don’t think we can separate it out into ‘some people have an inner life and some don’t’. Lots of people who are enthusiastically saying ‘yes, me too’ go into describe very different things from the OP and from each other.

It seems likely that some people are more imaginative than others, and some spend more time conjuring up imaginary scenarios than others, I agree. But everyone thinks! And everyone thinks ‘what if’ about things. They would hardly be human otherwise!

RomeoRivers · 29/09/2023 20:10

@Verv + @BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn thank you so much for your descriptions! I thoroughly enjoyed reading them and they gave real insight to the two different ways of thinking.

I am the first example. Constant inner dialogue; deliberately didn’t use monologue because I frequently role play scenarios in which I am every character.

I wouldn’t say mine is maladaptive daydreaming.

In my head I am living out a novel or film in which I am the main character. I like to think about future chapters and plan or rehearse them. I also find that after planning/ rehearsing these things, often, they come true (manifesting?). It gives me the illusion of power 😂

Now that I’m a SAHM I don’t get to converse with people as much and there’s less outside input (previously I was very sociable and extrovert) so I find I overthink more. It means that when I do have someone to talk to, all of my thoughts just tend to spill out. I never understood people who just sit there quietly without offering much input or opinion. It makes me wonder if their mind is blank. I try really hard not to overshare or be so forthcoming with my opinions, but it feels impossible and unsustainable, like holding my breath indefinitely. I think, therefore I have something to say 🙈😂