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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask if you have an inner life?

234 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 28/09/2023 11:46

Really interesting conversation at work this morning - I was saying that I often walk around a bit oblivious whilst in town/ walking somewhere etc as I am thinking of all of my inner life things- things like bits of films I've seen, ideas for stories, lots of 'imagine if' scenarios. Other colleagues were split half and half between being the same and not having a clue what we were talking about - so for fun: have you got an inner life and what is it?

OP posts:
UnctuousUnicorns · 28/09/2023 14:47

I'm a major overthinker, usually imagining the worst. In March I travelled to attend a gig by my favourite singer. It was in a small, linear village, which to me as a city suburb dweller, felt like it was in the middle of nowhere. I travelled alone, taking public transport and taxi (I don't drive).

I remember the taxi taking me to the village, looking out into the darkness, and wondering what the fuck I, a 50 something 5 foot nothing woman, on my own, in a remote village, hundreds of miles from home, was doing, and wishing I could go home. Then walking, alone, into the solitary pub (the "venue" i.e, the village hall!) wasn't open yet), ordering a cup of tea, and sitting drinking it, feeling so alone.

After, I remember standing outside the hall waiting for the doors to open, and thinking, what if I've somehow been transported to an alternative universe, and this isn't the linear village where the singer I've come to see is playing, but a different one? When you've spent hours and hours on your own, your thoughts tend to wander like that, well, mine do, anyway.

I was only fully reassured when I overheard someone mention one of the songs in conversation, then I could relax, confident that I was actually in the right place. That and when the singer walked on stage and remarked what a job he'd had finding the place (he travels solo, no band members or roadies or anything).

Then afterwards I couldn't even get a bloody signal to phone a taxi back to my hotel, so I asked if I could use the landline, but instead was very kindly given a lift by a member of staff, who refused by offer of petrol money. A great gig, and lovely hospitable people. 🙂

Ilovenicnacs · 28/09/2023 14:49

When I read stories in the news, I compose my responses to them as if I had been asked by Good Morning Britain or This Morning to talk about my expert opinion. This is all in my head, usually when walking/driving.

cassiatwenty · 28/09/2023 15:00

I have a rich inner life when I dream, such beautiful and unusual worlds full of colour and vivid happenings.

The trouble is, I can't seem to get out of bed and face my mundane, sad life 😿

rubydoobydoo · 28/09/2023 15:00

Is daydreaming or having another life in your head always "maladaptive" though?

That implies it's a problem - I love mine! I have a whole other world in here, in which the main character is a much better and more attractive and successful version of me- and has a vast network of friends/family/acquaintances all of whom may be the focus of my particular daydream at any given moment! I still manage to have a real life and a job at the same time, it's just a added bonus and I never get bored!

I like to immerse myself in my fantasy life when I'm walking or running or listening to music. Sometimes films or books or real life events inspire storylines, and I frequently revisit some of the better or more exciting plots!

HideousKinky · 28/09/2023 15:03

dancingorange hence why I worry about it! I am interested to hear on this thread that it might be connected to autism as I have begun to wonder about this in relation to myself.

I do spend time with people - I have my husband, daughters, a grandchild, friends etc but I love my own company and never feel much drive to be sociable. I think it would be overstating it to say the inner life "stops me from doing things in the real world"

wannabetraveler · 28/09/2023 15:34

Gerrataere · 28/09/2023 13:33

Yes, that’s maladaptive daydreaming. It’s often a trauma response or symptomatic of adhd/ASD. A full escapism into a life you’re in control of to block out everything that’s out of your control in the real world.

That makes sense to me. My maladaptive daydreaming started when I was a child at a time when I was experiencing terrible abuse. Thinking back, I can see that my daydreaming is more frequent during times of unhappiness.

BRBInMyInnerWorld · 28/09/2023 16:43

The maladaptive thing rings true for me too.

A lot of my daydreams kind of revolve around me being important somehow - giving podcast interviews about various things (😳), talking to people who are actually interested in me/what I have to say/find me funny and amusing and want to be around me.

My childhood was quite lonely and I grew up with emotionally absent parents, so I wonder if it stems from that (for me, at least)?

BRBInMyInnerWorld · 28/09/2023 16:45

That said, I do enjoy the daydreams and don’t particularly want to stop. I don’t know if it’s maladaptive in the sense that it negatively impacts my real life. It’s just something I’ve always done, kind of a comfort thing maybe.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/09/2023 16:59

Totally have one!

I thought everyone did tbh

Carouselfish · 28/09/2023 16:59

Yes, but in addition to usual things like plans, memories, list of things I'd like to buy or do I try to plan perfect crimes and apocalyptic/dangerous scenarios and how I'd deal with them if they happened. Sounds a bit dark compared to a lot of these...

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/09/2023 17:01

I don’t have maladaptive daydreaming though- is it a nice thing or is it a bit scary to come in and out of reality in that way?

What everyone is describing as their inner life I would just have called “thinking about things” but inner life does describe it better.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 28/09/2023 17:15

I've read that the inner life thing is an introvert thing. I have a whole separate existence inside my head.

2023usernameNew · 28/09/2023 17:49

I totally do, I have to be careful though because this weird thing has happened that I’m sitting at a traffic light and I get so caught up in whatever distant thing I’m imagining that for one split second I find myself in the car not knowing where I am, it’s a bit unsettling.

I also have scenarios in my head that will 100% never happen which I find them very comforting and getting lost in them helps me fall asleep.

DiDonk · 28/09/2023 18:07

This is a great thread - in addition to daytime daydream thoughts I keep a set of thoughts to think about if I can't sleep, usually something to do with history, they do change over time but slowly and are quite different to my daytime ones

fevertotell · 28/09/2023 18:10

I regularly have inner thoughts and other inner life's...not just what if scenarios regarding real life stuff but also ones where I'm in a band or travelling the world etc

I'm quite an artistic type-dunno if this has anything to do with it 🤣

spookehtooth · 28/09/2023 18:20

Can I just clarify something, by internal monologue do you mean literally hearing your thoughts similarly to hearing a real person? I'm a bit confused, from what I've been reading

starfish4517 · 28/09/2023 18:28

Snittler · 28/09/2023 12:00

I literally have no idea what you’re talking about. Although I can’t “picture” or “see” things in my head either.

I make plans (like what’s for dinner or what’s happening later) but they’re achievable, realistic, likely plans.

Edited

Same!

Poppysmom22 · 28/09/2023 18:34

Absolutely I have some fantastic times I'm my own head it's great in there. I am a massive introvert and am happiest alone.

Poppysmom22 · 28/09/2023 18:35

I also have the maladaptive day dreams

ShutTheDoorBabe · 28/09/2023 18:36

I have an ongoing story in my mind, a romantic love story based on the characters of a book I read recently, that I replay to myself whenever I get a quiet minute.

Strangely though, I don't see pictures in my mind, even of the faces of the people I see most often, so I tell myself this story instead and "hear" the characters' voices as they converse.

I'm not lacking romance or love in my real life, by the way.

PurpleChrayne · 28/09/2023 18:39

Absolutely!

I've always been a bit of a dreamer - a Walter Mitty.

I'm usually thinking about whatever my pet topic is at any time (right now, the Challenger disaster), replaying scenarios in my head, thinking about books I've read.

I was an only child growing up. Not sure if that's why.

Poppysmom22 · 28/09/2023 18:44

I also have some rather spectacular arguments with people in my head but the emotions can carry over into my real life even though it's all just in my head. I once lost half a day at work daydreaming my boss into the role of William Wallace at the end of brave heart my colleague sat across from me told me afterwards that my lips were moving and I was talking without sound and my face was scarily angry looking. She thought I was working on Something difficult so didn't disturb me all morning and I just sat there being wierd

genesis92 · 28/09/2023 18:45

Surely everyone this does? Otherwise what are people thinking about??

Poppysmom22 · 28/09/2023 18:46

I get the 'fixation' thing too mine is currently the man who murdered his wife and kids in Colorado. I've already done the challenger disaster.

ZellyFitzgerald · 28/09/2023 18:48

I have maladaptive daydreams and have a full other life completely in my mind.

They are stronger and more frequent during times of unhappiness so it's fairly obvious that my brain uses it as a way to get something I'm in need of but not currently getting.

Sometimes a 'storyline' is triggered by a movie, book or TV show.

I enjoy them very much.

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