Child maintenance - one night stand (back again)

[Roses121]

Not sure if anyone of you remember my post about claiming child maintenance for a one night stand I had. I’ve linked it here in case you are interested in the context.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4851989-child-maintenance-one-night-stand?postsby=Roses121

Just wanted some more advice because I really appreciated the comments (well, most of them) that I got last time. Since making that post my CMS claim was unsuccessful. I am considering hiring a private investigator but this post isn’t about the claim it’s about my sons father.

After I asked him for a financial contribution, after 16 months of nothing, he switched on me a called me a hoe and said he wants a DNA test as he doesn’t think child’s name is his. I told him that’s fine, but I didn’t hear from him again. This was in June/July I think.

Now fast forward to this week, he has messaged me asking ‘when are you ready to do the DNA test, it’s important.’ I responded with ‘happy to do it whenever you want’ since I’d already told him a couple months ago it was fine to do so I’m not sure why he used that word of phrasing as if it was me who was deleting it. Surely if it was that important he would have organised it 2 months ago when he brought it up. Anyway, he then said ‘can you drop me your address or somewhere for us to meet to do it.’ Ironically the whole reason why I couldn’t claim CMS is because I don’t have his address and he refused to give it to me so for that, and safety reasons, since I don’t know this man well enough to trust him, I am absolutely not giving him my address and having him in my home.

Just for context, he only asked for a DNA test after 16 months of contact and never questioned his paternity until I asked him for money. Like I’ve told him, I am happy to do the test but would much prefer if we could do it at some kind of test centre to avoid contact with one another. I’m not sure what his game is tbh. If he didn’t believe he was the father from the start then why not do this when he was born.

I’m confused as to his motivations and really feel uneasy about the prospect of having to meet up with him to do this. I’ve tried googling test centres but can’t find any local. If I meet him how will we do it? At the park?

Oh blimey. He really is an arsehole.

Thank god you didn’t do a home DNA test (as I first advised!) haha.
He must have mates that would actually help him dodge a paternity test- how low is that?!

Well done tracking him down.

As well as not wanting to pay towards his own son, he’s kept you fooled from day one- likely he was still with his ex and didn’t want her to know.

I hope your claim is now successful and you and your lovely boy can move on with your life without him x

You don't have to meet him to do it, you can both do it from your own homes so not sure of the problem 🤷‍♀️ regardless forget the test that's his issue not yours, you need to get the CMS claim approved. Get a private detective, they'll track down his address in no time, get the CMS approved, if he disputes at that point a test will be ordered.
He's just distracting you and dragging it out by confusing the issue with a test now and wanting you involved.

Really, think good and hard about whether you want this person in your life.

So far he has insulted your child, insulted you, acted like a crazy person.

By making him pay you'll give him the rights too and he will be in your life for 18 years. The separation of getting the money, but not letting him see the child doesn't work, he will simply have those rights and might use them just out of spite.

Before you proceed, at least check if he has a criminal record. You don't know anything about him and he might gain access to your child, be able to take him for holidays etc.

No they can't do it separately from home. He could get any one of his mates to take the test it has to be done at an approved centre with both present so op can verify it's him

Do you have any pics of him? Someone will recognise him and know his real name, maybe even his real address possibly if they are comfortable giving it. I'd post a pic on Facebook, a community page for the area he lives in maybe? and just say "I'm trying to find this person, does anyone know them" it may be a long shot, but everything is worth a try

You don't both have to be there at the same time. From personal experience separate appointments werr arranged via CMS - one for mother and child and a second for the child's father. Photo ID was required to confirm identity.