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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird sex thing with dh

120 replies

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 21:51

We’ve been together 11 years, 2 young kids so things have been rocky past two years but I feel like we are in a better place at the moment. We have struggled in the past to feel close, make time for intimacy, midmatched sex drives etc (him>me)

Its been about 3 weeks since we were last intimate, we’ve had covid and felt shit but I’ve felt horny this week and I think he has. I’ve got my period atm but its almost over so regularly we would do it around this time as its not too messy.

I had a shower after kids were in bed and sent dh a nude bum picture from upstairs as a cheeky hint. He came up to see me and things progressed but not once but THREE times he aimed at the wrong hole and I had to stop him and say “thats my bum! no thanks!” he then rolled over and said “sorry can we just kiss and cuddle for a bit” to which I was a bit miffed. I don’t know if iabu but I wanted kind of a hot steamy quickie… I cba to lay kissing and cuddling. But whatever, thats what we did. After about 5mins I sensed he wasn’t enjoying the kissing as felt like kissing someone with their lips totally closed like I was forcing it on him so I stopped. He tells me “sorry its just gone” and said he’s no longer in the mood. Feels like he is just moody or embarrassed about the bum poking.

He went downstairs and I am left feeling frustrated and a bit embarrassed. Sounds silly but I feel like my confidence has been knocked.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2023 21:55

Well you have your period so probably a turn off and you did send a picture of your bum so maybe he thought you fancied that who knows .

VeronicaSawyer89 · 27/09/2023 21:57

Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2023 21:55

Well you have your period so probably a turn off and you did send a picture of your bum so maybe he thought you fancied that who knows .

If I sent DH a picture of my bum there's absolutely no way at all he'd see it as an invitation for anal sex!

Janieforever · 27/09/2023 21:59

Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2023 21:55

Well you have your period so probably a turn off and you did send a picture of your bum so maybe he thought you fancied that who knows .

lol. Is that your relationship/ A bum pic means you want it up yer arse? 😂

Original poster
Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 22:01

Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2023 21:55

Well you have your period so probably a turn off and you did send a picture of your bum so maybe he thought you fancied that who knows .

In what world is a woman on her period a turn off? don’t be ridiculous.

OP posts:
Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2023 22:01

Well no actually never have but then I have never had sex on my period or sent hubby nude pictures either .

Original poster
Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 22:02

I think he was just being clumsy! it def wasn’t on purpose

OP posts:
Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2023 22:04

NEWPERSON4 lots of men would find having sex with someone on there period icky ..sorry but they would

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/09/2023 22:06

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 22:01

In what world is a woman on her period a turn off? don’t be ridiculous.

Show quote history

Sex during my period has never been something I or DH has even wanted to do. It just doesn't appeal to us. I think we did it once maybe on the last day of my period but the lubrication wasn't right and it just wasn't a great experience for either of us. So we never bothered with period sex since. There can be a smell to period blood too. I can understand how some couples (either one or both) don't really like it.

nearlywinteragain · 27/09/2023 22:07

Honestly I would assume he had been watching a load of anal porn and was going there on purpose.

Fallingthroughclouds · 27/09/2023 22:08

This is probably very controversial but I'm quite blood phobic, so sex as either a man with a woman or even a woman with a woman, whilst menstruating would be a massive turn off. Blood squeamish would be a better term. You can put this all down to menstruation disgust etc, but in my eyes it really isn't.

YeahNoYeah · 27/09/2023 22:09

I would find sex on a period a turn off, so would my DH. So have friends when this conversation has cropped up in the past. Probably not as common and liked as you think it is.

Maybe he sensed you cba kissing him, that is also a turn off.

Onceuponaheartache · 27/09/2023 22:11

Sorry but his behaviour days the anal attempts were deliberate and when you rejected that he has sulked.

As for sex on your period, each to their own but it is personally a big no for me and dp.

Mumontherunn · 27/09/2023 22:11

Or maybe he was just embarrassed about getting his aim wrong and took it as a criticism? Is he usually self conscious or an over thinker?

theduchessofspork · 27/09/2023 22:11

Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2023 22:01

Well no actually never have but then I have never had sex on my period or sent hubby nude pictures either .

But surely you are aware that these things are quite normal.. aren’t you?

theduchessofspork · 27/09/2023 22:12

Mumontherunn · 27/09/2023 22:11

Or maybe he was just embarrassed about getting his aim wrong and took it as a criticism? Is he usually self conscious or an over thinker?

No one aims wrong 3 times!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/09/2023 22:13

The OP has said in her first post that sex towards the end of her period is something they do regularly. So presumably her husband is normally fine with this. So not sure how posters saying they wouldn't like it is relevant, unless they are implying that the OPs husband as being doing this under duress for their entire relationship

DixonD · 27/09/2023 22:14

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 22:01

In what world is a woman on her period a turn off? don’t be ridiculous.

Show quote history

It’s hardly ridiculous. Some men don’t like it.

momymu · 27/09/2023 22:15

Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2023 22:01

Well no actually never have but then I have never had sex on my period or sent hubby nude pictures either .

👍👍👍

theduchessofspork · 27/09/2023 22:15

For all the people saying they / their partners’ don’t like period sex, the OP has said they regularly have sex at the end of her period. So that isn’t the problem. (And neither is it all that unusual.)

YeahNoYeah · 27/09/2023 22:15

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/09/2023 22:13

The OP has said in her first post that sex towards the end of her period is something they do regularly. So presumably her husband is normally fine with this. So not sure how posters saying they wouldn't like it is relevant, unless they are implying that the OPs husband as being doing this under duress for their entire relationship

Although I agree with you, the fact that the OP has mentioned it means maybe it's on her mind. If it is totally normal and part of their sex life why did it need mentioning? Because maybe there is a question mark over it being a factor?

TeenLifeMum · 27/09/2023 22:17

@theduchessofspork I’m with @Fedupmumofadultsons not my normal at all. dh and I are fairly adventurous in certain ways but I’m never up for period sex (even the smell of it turns me off) and I’ve never sent a photo to dh - far too much could go wrong there. From drunk conversations with friends, my normal is fairly well supported so no need for your patronising comment.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/09/2023 22:19

If I was being really charitable I would say his aim was wrong because he's tired and getting over Covid. Being realistic he's been watching anal porn and was hoping you'd be up for it and was hoping after 3 times you'd give up and let him. Which one do you think is more likely?

SweetAndSourChick3n · 27/09/2023 22:19

I don't believe any man could aim 'wrong' three times by accident

PermanentTemporary · 27/09/2023 22:23

In an LTR you have bad sex sometimes. I'm not sure he was as horny as you tonight and that's unusual for you so it feels weird. Try not to stress about it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/09/2023 22:23

Sounds very awkward. Was the bum photo something you’ve done before or did he take it as a hint at bum sex but neither of you actually discussed the plan? When he suggested cuddling you could have said can’t we have a quickie then think about bed? I think you both need to talk more. If you can get naked together you can talk about sex.