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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird sex thing with dh

120 replies

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 21:51

We’ve been together 11 years, 2 young kids so things have been rocky past two years but I feel like we are in a better place at the moment. We have struggled in the past to feel close, make time for intimacy, midmatched sex drives etc (him>me)

Its been about 3 weeks since we were last intimate, we’ve had covid and felt shit but I’ve felt horny this week and I think he has. I’ve got my period atm but its almost over so regularly we would do it around this time as its not too messy.

I had a shower after kids were in bed and sent dh a nude bum picture from upstairs as a cheeky hint. He came up to see me and things progressed but not once but THREE times he aimed at the wrong hole and I had to stop him and say “thats my bum! no thanks!” he then rolled over and said “sorry can we just kiss and cuddle for a bit” to which I was a bit miffed. I don’t know if iabu but I wanted kind of a hot steamy quickie… I cba to lay kissing and cuddling. But whatever, thats what we did. After about 5mins I sensed he wasn’t enjoying the kissing as felt like kissing someone with their lips totally closed like I was forcing it on him so I stopped. He tells me “sorry its just gone” and said he’s no longer in the mood. Feels like he is just moody or embarrassed about the bum poking.

He went downstairs and I am left feeling frustrated and a bit embarrassed. Sounds silly but I feel like my confidence has been knocked.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Ihatepickingausername3 · 28/09/2023 00:19

Talk to him OP

HollieHobbie · 28/09/2023 00:21

Mumontherunn · 27/09/2023 22:11

Or maybe he was just embarrassed about getting his aim wrong and took it as a criticism? Is he usually self conscious or an over thinker?

Ha! Ha!

what colour is the sky on your planet?

givemeasunnyday · 28/09/2023 00:28

Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2023 22:04

NEWPERSON4 lots of men would find having sex with someone on there period icky ..sorry but they would

Even when I was a young teen in the 1970s I could never understand why women apparently couldn't have sex when having a period. Still don't understand it - I've never found it an issue for me or a partner.

givemeasunnyday · 28/09/2023 00:30

OP, why can't you just talk to him??

I really don't understand the women who address questions to random strangers on MN instead of talking to the person they should be discussing it with.

Concannon88 · 28/09/2023 01:00

Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2023 22:01

Well no actually never have but then I have never had sex on my period or sent hubby nude pictures either .

And whats that got to do with her situation? News flash -your world isn't The world.

Concannon88 · 28/09/2023 01:06

frivlot · 27/09/2023 22:47

Why are so many people talking about whether or not they like sex during their period?

Because the OP said

"In what world is a woman on her period a turn off? don’t be ridiculous."

It's ridiculous to claim that shes a turn off to her own husband, who has had period sex with her previously, based on their own relationships and turn offs.

oakleaffy · 28/09/2023 01:09

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 22:01

In what world is a woman on her period a turn off? don’t be ridiculous.

Show quote history

There are of men who find periods repellent.

FannyBatterPancake · 28/09/2023 01:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FannyBatterPancake · 28/09/2023 01:12

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 28/09/2023 01:16

He wanted anal you said no so he didn’t want sex anymore not hard to figure

VeryGoodVeryNice · 28/09/2023 02:00

Sorry not really helping your question OP but as a related aside, for those who don’t find period sex a big no no, sponge tampons are a game changer. Unless your flow is super heavy, there’s no leakage at all, and it’s like your period isn’t there. I first used Beppy ones which are good but v expensive, and then tried cheaper brands on Amazon, which work just as well. They can be a bit of a bugger to remove though, and sometimes take a bit of foraging around for. If it’s too high up and you can’t grab it, sitting in the bath helps, it expands with the water. The Bebby ones have a little hole to help grab hold of them which helps.

aurynne · 28/09/2023 03:20

Fallingthroughclouds · 27/09/2023 22:08

This is probably very controversial but I'm quite blood phobic, so sex as either a man with a woman or even a woman with a woman, whilst menstruating would be a massive turn off. Blood squeamish would be a better term. You can put this all down to menstruation disgust etc, but in my eyes it really isn't.

Surely semen is higher in the classification of "icky" if you have to choose? Do all these men who seem to be put off by blood assume women love the smelly stickiness of their fizz?

Begsthequestion · 28/09/2023 03:25

Longsight2019 · 28/09/2023 00:07

I’ll tell you what happened here.

He thinks he deserves anal with you like he watches and wanks to on Xhamster.

he took your flirty pic and immediately developed an expectation that he could have anal.

Due to his desire to carry this out, the usual vaginal offering was not enough. He was miffed. The kissing was him holding out in the hope that his chances were still likely. When he realised that you were on differing wavelengths he threw in the towel.

Maybe make the ass boundary clearer from here on in and get it out in the open so he knows it’s a no go. If it is an no go, that is.

How many times does his wife of 11 years need to say no then, when he tries to use her body in a way she has never agreed to?

Don't you think he might need to ask for a yes instead?

Imagnu1234 · 28/09/2023 03:49

You've been married 11 years. Why not have a conversation along the lines of 'what just happened then'? As that is far more likely to get to the bottom of this (pardon the pun) than the opinions of random strangers who have never met either of you!

fulawitt · 28/09/2023 04:07

sex on period does not exist in my world. Belfie neither. Apart from my face I don't take pictures of my naked anatomy. Anal is just off the books. Like on another planet in another galaxy. With all of this nakedness going on, there is not much talking. How can you have great sex without talking and expressing your expectations, more importantly what is off limits ? After all this time -11 years - your hubby is pouting in bed because he did not have his way ( and what way) ? This is strange to me. I do not believe this post. This is not a grown up man behaviour. And the lack of preparation is just shocking. Old folks don't do certain things, but they are not stupid. How old are you ?

fulawitt · 28/09/2023 04:13

VeryGoodVeryNice · 28/09/2023 02:00

Sorry not really helping your question OP but as a related aside, for those who don’t find period sex a big no no, sponge tampons are a game changer. Unless your flow is super heavy, there’s no leakage at all, and it’s like your period isn’t there. I first used Beppy ones which are good but v expensive, and then tried cheaper brands on Amazon, which work just as well. They can be a bit of a bugger to remove though, and sometimes take a bit of foraging around for. If it’s too high up and you can’t grab it, sitting in the bath helps, it expands with the water. The Bebby ones have a little hole to help grab hold of them which helps.

Is this an infomercial at the end of the day ?

FictionalCharacter · 28/09/2023 04:22

It isn't a guided missile! You could have used your hand to help him find your vagina,

He isn’t a 16 year old virgin, he’s her husband of 11 years, and presumably her vagina is where it’s always been.

Zola1 · 28/09/2023 05:00

FictionalCharacter · 28/09/2023 04:22

It isn't a guided missile! You could have used your hand to help him find your vagina,

He isn’t a 16 year old virgin, he’s her husband of 11 years, and presumably her vagina is where it’s always been.

😂😂😂😂

Yes.

And yes your husband wanted anal, you didn't, he got a cob on about it.

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2023 05:08

Does he usually sulk when you say no to him?

autienotnaughty · 28/09/2023 05:09

I'd say he was hoping for anal. That plus being critiqued (reasonably) so put him off. You didn't do anything wrong and I would be miffed. I'd probably leave it a while before initiating sex again.

Puffinsandcreeks · 28/09/2023 05:14

I find it really strange when people come on mumsnet about this stuff (and usually there's a few comments suggesting the husband is a creepy weirdo) instead of talking to their husbands.
Firstly, so what if he watches anal porn.
Maybe he does want to try anal and is worried about asking.
Maybe he just missed.
You won't know without asking him and it's sad that people feel more comfortable asking strangers (who don't know your husband) than they do their long term partners.

daisychain01 · 28/09/2023 05:27

Jeez, do you always overshare this much in real life.

Goldencup · 28/09/2023 05:41

FictionalCharacter · 28/09/2023 04:22

It isn't a guided missile! You could have used your hand to help him find your vagina,

He isn’t a 16 year old virgin, he’s her husband of 11 years, and presumably her vagina is where it’s always been.

Oh dear I know it's early but this really made me LoL.

It's true in 30 years only one partner has ever " accidentally" got it in the wrong hole. I still think he was probably gay.

Aprilx · 28/09/2023 05:54

ThatsMeTold · 27/09/2023 22:59

Op’s DH clearly doesn’t mind, she says in the op it’s normal for them.

Show quote history

So he might not mind. That still does not validate the OP’s comment which was in what world is a woman on her period a turn off? Don’t be ridiculous. As this would definitely be a big turn off for many men and women, I personally find the idea pretty disgusting as I think some natural bodily functions don’t need to be shared.

Greenberg2 · 28/09/2023 06:03

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 27/09/2023 23:21

This!

Show quote history

This.

For all the people saying that it's okay for him to try his luck? What, three times? And she should be trying to manage his ego about being pushed back?

Erm, no thanks. I don't think anyone should be sulking because they don't get what they want sexually. That's in the foothills of coercion. I'll sulk so you'll do what I want sexually next time.

I don't think anal is something you should just assume someone wants to do. I know there are the dyed in the wool advocates on here, so I don't need your list of reasons why it's amazing and anyone who doesn't want it is a prude. But for me, and I imagine many women, there are potential health risks to it, it can be very painful and personally I think poo is a lot more gross than period blood (I don't care whether you feel differently about it, I'm talking about me). The OP may feel more like me about it.

I can't bear sulkers and that, along with checking before trying something sexually that someone may well not like, are two things you need to talk to your DH about OP. It's not the trying his luck that's the problem, it's the lack of communication and the way he is trying to train you to fall in line, both of which are bad signs in a marriage.