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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird sex thing with dh

120 replies

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 21:51

We’ve been together 11 years, 2 young kids so things have been rocky past two years but I feel like we are in a better place at the moment. We have struggled in the past to feel close, make time for intimacy, midmatched sex drives etc (him>me)

Its been about 3 weeks since we were last intimate, we’ve had covid and felt shit but I’ve felt horny this week and I think he has. I’ve got my period atm but its almost over so regularly we would do it around this time as its not too messy.

I had a shower after kids were in bed and sent dh a nude bum picture from upstairs as a cheeky hint. He came up to see me and things progressed but not once but THREE times he aimed at the wrong hole and I had to stop him and say “thats my bum! no thanks!” he then rolled over and said “sorry can we just kiss and cuddle for a bit” to which I was a bit miffed. I don’t know if iabu but I wanted kind of a hot steamy quickie… I cba to lay kissing and cuddling. But whatever, thats what we did. After about 5mins I sensed he wasn’t enjoying the kissing as felt like kissing someone with their lips totally closed like I was forcing it on him so I stopped. He tells me “sorry its just gone” and said he’s no longer in the mood. Feels like he is just moody or embarrassed about the bum poking.

He went downstairs and I am left feeling frustrated and a bit embarrassed. Sounds silly but I feel like my confidence has been knocked.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 27/09/2023 23:03

nearlywinteragain · 27/09/2023 22:07

Honestly I would assume he had been watching a load of anal porn and was going there on purpose.

⬆️

NumberTheory · 27/09/2023 23:05

If you think it definitely wasn't on purpose I think you're just overthinking it a bit. 3 weeks off when you've both been sick and you're used to more regular shenanigans could just have left him a bit insecure too, so when it goes a little wrong not once but three times, he ends up feeling like he's lost his edge and that knocks his confidence. Don't let it knock yours too. Try again in a couple of days (or less!) and once you're back in the swing of it you'll forget all about this teeny tiny blip.

S910441 · 27/09/2023 23:06

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 22:02

I think he was just being clumsy! it def wasn’t on purpose

But you titled your thread, "weird sex thing". So which is it?

outerlope · 27/09/2023 23:14

Just for balance, every partner I've been with has been fine with period sex so I would never assume that the default position is to find it a turn off. I would understand if it was but I wouldn't automatically assume. But I think it's irrelevant as we know OPs partner doesn't find it a turn off as they've done it before.

I'm very surprised by the suggestion that a picture or a bum could mean an invitation for bum sex!! Bums are sexual things that both men like. It doesn't mean "put it in here!" You're not providing them with a map!

Unfortunately though I do agree that three times is unlikely an accident. I assume he felt like trying anal, assumed that you'd be so aroused by being poked clumsily in the arse that you'd say "oh well go on then", he'd pop it in without the need for any lubricant or even conversation and you would proceed to have the best orgasms of your life. In the end you'd probably thank him for opening your eyes to the joys of anal sex.

PurpleRadish · 27/09/2023 23:15

Could you talk to him?

YoureALizardHarry11 · 27/09/2023 23:16

Seems pretty obvious to me he wanted anal but didn’t want to say it out loud. Three times to get your aim wrong is a lot. It’s not difficult to find the right place. When you rejected him, he decides he doesn’t want sex at all 🤔 he’s watching too much porn and getting a preference for anal I’d say.

Does he often get his aim wrong? The fact you’ve posted on here this time suggests it’s unusual so I’d say it was deliberate.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 27/09/2023 23:21

whatchulookinatwillis · 27/09/2023 22:36

If he was happy to put his penis up her arse, he really can't be bothered about a bit of period blood, surely??

And there is zero chance that three times was an accident.

He's been watching anal porn, the OP sent a pic of your bum and he put 2 + 2 together and thought "bumsex is on the cards tonight" then got the hump when it wasn't.

This!

MoonShinesBright · 27/09/2023 23:23

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girljulian · 27/09/2023 23:30

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Unfortunately I agree this is probably it

Frogger8395 · 27/09/2023 23:32

“Wrong hole”.

Grim description.

fuckssaaaaake · 27/09/2023 23:37

I love how it's immediately anal porn. Even if he did this purpose why are so many saying it has to be porn? Like men can't choose to want a bit of bum fun without it.

outerlope · 27/09/2023 23:38

Isn't the point of a bum pic just to be arousing? If you send a picture of your boobs you're not inviting a titwank are you? This would imply the only sexy picture you can reasonably send is a close up of your fanny in the interests of being clear about exactly where you're asking him to put it!

toadasoda · 27/09/2023 23:41

outerlope · 27/09/2023 23:38

Isn't the point of a bum pic just to be arousing? If you send a picture of your boobs you're not inviting a titwank are you? This would imply the only sexy picture you can reasonably send is a close up of your fanny in the interests of being clear about exactly where you're asking him to put it!

This made me laugh out loud 🤣 , yet its spot on.

Finlesswonder · 27/09/2023 23:44

I mean it's not 2010 when we all have to pretend we're so insanely sex crazed we just can't bear not having sex on the 4 days a month we are shedding dead cells out our vagina.

Anyway this dude sounds grim

WalkingThroughTreacle · 27/09/2023 23:52

SweetAndSourChick3n · 27/09/2023 22:19

I don't believe any man could aim 'wrong' three times by accident

I've never made that mistake even once over the course of being sexually active for 40 years. I don't believe he did it by accident, especially as he clearly wasn't interested in vaginal sex under the circumstances. He new exactly what he was doing.

BirdsCustardPowder · 27/09/2023 23:52

Why didn't you just help him a bit after the first or second time if you thought it wasn't on purpose?

It isn't a guided missile!

You could have used your hand to help him find your vagina, then you'd have had sex and both been happy. Instead he lost the mood (and probably his erection, which wouldn't have helped).

Stravaig · 27/09/2023 23:55

I think you need to be more explicit. If what you want is a just out of the shower penis in vagina quickie right now please, then sending a coy picture of your naked bum is not at all clear communication.

As pps say, repeated attempts at anal penetration is not a clumsy mistake.

TheNestedIf · 28/09/2023 00:00

Hmm. An ex of mine who was a virgin when we got together did the bum poking thing on a frequent basis. At the time, I thought it was an accident and that he just had a bad aim due to inexperience. Wrong. Back before last Christmas, whilst drunk, he confessed he did it on purpose because he hoped I'd just give in and let him do anal. From the start, I had been crystal clear that was a hard "no". Every time I flinched and told him "not there".

Not long after, I dropped contact with him. Ostensibly for another reason, but that was a very strong influence in my decision.

Longsight2019 · 28/09/2023 00:07

I’ll tell you what happened here.

He thinks he deserves anal with you like he watches and wanks to on Xhamster.

he took your flirty pic and immediately developed an expectation that he could have anal.

Due to his desire to carry this out, the usual vaginal offering was not enough. He was miffed. The kissing was him holding out in the hope that his chances were still likely. When he realised that you were on differing wavelengths he threw in the towel.

Maybe make the ass boundary clearer from here on in and get it out in the open so he knows it’s a no go. If it is an no go, that is.

JudgeRudy · 28/09/2023 00:08

Newperson4 · 27/09/2023 22:01

In what world is a woman on her period a turn off? don’t be ridiculous.

Show quote history

I think plenty of people don't like sex during a period, men and women. I'd say in a settled relationship no one generally cares but a few do. It's by no means odd or rare.

Toseland · 28/09/2023 00:10

He watches too much porn and is acting like a creep rather than a loving partner.

thistooshallpassffs · 28/09/2023 00:12

Firstly I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex when you're having a period of both are comfortable with it.

Secondly, sometimes it happens and they do misdirect , however with his reaction I might be inclined to ask (at some other point in time) if he's interested in anal. Then you'll know if it was a mistake or not. Obv then you can decide whether you want to go down road or not

Dropthedonkey · 28/09/2023 00:14

Stravaig · 27/09/2023 23:55

I think you need to be more explicit. If what you want is a just out of the shower penis in vagina quickie right now please, then sending a coy picture of your naked bum is not at all clear communication.

As pps say, repeated attempts at anal penetration is not a clumsy mistake.

What is a "coy picture of your naked bum"??

JudgeRudy · 28/09/2023 00:17

I think you're reading far too much into it. You gave him a pretty strong come on which if that's a bit unusual could be exciting and frightening in equal measure! He got caught up in the passion and was a tad clumpsy. Maybe A did cross his mind but equally it probably didn't. Perhaps a 'chastising' from you just spoilt the moment and try as he might he wasn't feeling it.
If it had been the other way round and he had texted you a saucy message offering say an erotic massage, then your belly gurgled or you farted, perhaps you might struggle to get back into the zone. Men are more than cocks on legs.

RandomForest · 28/09/2023 00:18

This thread is batshit.

Op if you were fresh out of the shower and still slightly menstruating the viscosity of the combined fluid in that area may have made it especially slippery, as they say slippery when wet.
This in turn could have led to his penis unintentionally moving to that area.

As another poster said why didn't you help guide it in ?, as for the period question, it's irrelavant, personally I never cared and neither did my h, I probably would have felt offended if I were with a man who were.
So what, we pick the partner who is compatible with our wants.

Op, you said you felt your relationship has been under strain, from your post I gather the problem is that he lost interest whilst being intimate, that is upsetting especially has he just left you hanging there.

Are you asking if you have a right to be upset, has this session got you thinking about something, you clearly felt disconected, you need to ask him, it could be many reasons, you both being ill, you being the instigator could this have made him feel less manly on this particular day, we don't know, your mind is doing overtime on this, what do you feel op ?

Hopefully, you'll just get back on the horse and it will be A ok next time.
Tell him you are upset.

But the question I'd like to ask is...

I mean it's not 2010 when we all have to pretend we're so insanely sex
crazed we just can't bear not having sex on the 4 days a month we are
shedding dead cells out our vagina.

What the hell happened in 2010, some sexual revolution and I missed out on it. 😳

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